"That you wanted her brother and not her?" Severus asked, once again in that completely non-judgmental tone.
"No. I made it general. Told her that I had feelings for other men. She didn't take it well, but Ron . . . he, well, you saw how he was. Ginny was married to Dean Thomas less than a year after I broke it off, but . . . the family's never forgiven me," Harry said. "Hermione has tried to stay friends with me, but it's hard with her being married to Ron and all."
Harry looked at Severus, wondering what he thought of the melodramatic mess.
That strong featured face was remarkably undisturbed. "It often seems that to be true to our nature, we must sacrifice those things that matter the most to us."
"Did you have to sacrifice your friends when you . . . figured out that you liked men?" Belatedly realizing that just because he felt compelled to spill his guts didn't necessarily mean that Severus was similarly inclined, Harry quickly said, "Sorry. You don't have to answer that. It's really none of my business."
Severus expression was uncharacteristically tender as he replied, "If not yours, then whose is it? The answer is no, Potter. Until quite recently, I never had anything to lose. That is, I regret, the story of my life."
Unravelling what that 'until quite recently' really meant, tonight's scene suddenly didn't seem that important. Harry was stunned that Severus would admit such a thing to him, but as was usual between them, Severus had told him without really saying anything.
Drawn like metal filings to a magnet, Harry shifted closer. As Severus' arms came around him, Harry rested his cheek against Severus' black robes, taking a deep, shuddery breath.
"Was," Harry whispered, clutching Severus tight.
"What?" Severus asked, his hand slipping on to Harry's back and rubbing in comforting circles.
"Was the story of your life," Harry whispered, hoping he wasn't about to blow things. Even after all these weeks, he still wasn't certain how Severus felt about openly addressing what was between them. "We both have something to lose now."
Severus' arms tightened almost painfully around him.
Generally, the mood would alter about now, they'd end up kissing, and then naked. But for once, Harry wasn't in any rush to take things further. Right now, he was content to simply hold Severus and be held. The truly incredible thing was, Severus seemed to feel exactly the same.
*~*~*
"I thought we might do something different tonight," Harry said as they lingered over their espressos in Alfonso's the following Friday night.
"Oh?" Severus enquired. "What did you have in mind?"
"I thought we might go to Whispers," Harry suggested.
To his confusion, Severus' entire body seemed to turn to stone across from him, his face actually blanching of colour.
"What's wrong?" Harry whispered, reaching out to grip Severus' forearm.
Severus pulled his arm away. Hissing like a snake, he quietly demanded, "You wish to see other men?"
"What?" Harry wasn't sure how they'd gone from stopping into someplace together to seeing other men. He supposed that the subject of whether or not they were an exclusive relationship should have come up long before now, but, like many important things, it never had.
"What other reason would a gay wizard visit Whispers?" Severus asked, still stiff with anger.
"Well, for starters, I could kiss you there without creating a riot," Harry said, holding those doubtful eyes.
Severus stared at him for a long moment. Slowly, the pique left his expression and his long body seemed to unfurl from its tense set.
"Kiss me?" Severus whispered.
"Among other things. What do you think?" Realizing that Severus might have no desire to visit a meat market now that they were together, Harry added, "If you'd rather not, we could – "
"No." Severus seemed much more himself, if slightly more self-conscious than normal. "There's no reason why we shouldn't."
Accepting Severus' decision, Harry signalled Maria for the bill.
Ten minutes later, they'd Apparated to the front of the familiar bar.
Severus appeared to brace himself beside him as they moved towards the entrance.
For a moment, Harry debated giving in to his impulse. Thinking that Severus would let him know if he were displeased or uncomfortable, Harry silently hooked his arm through his lover's. Taking Severus' hand would have probably been a clearer statement of their status, but Harry really didn't think that Severus would be comfortable with that.
As it was, Severus seemed to momentarily freeze in shock.
Harry caught his eye, gave a smile, and pushed open the inner door.
The heat and smoke of the dimly lit bar assaulted their senses as harshly as the loud music. Despite the din, Harry could still hear the usual murmuring as he was recognized. A darker, unusual element was added to it as his companion was also identified.
Without pausing, Harry led Severus over to one of the tables beside the dance floor.
No sooner were they seated than an attractive waiter in tight fitting trousers and no robes came to take their order.
"Two firewhiskeys, please," Harry ordered, paying the handsome youth.
Their drinks arrived on their table a moment later, and the waiter moved on to serve another customer.
Severus appeared to be growing tenser by the second as he stared around the bar filled with young wizards on the make. Harry could almost feel how difficult it was for Severus to refrain from questioning his motives for coming here again.
When he felt Severus' gaze settle questioningly upon his face, Harry met those dark, worried eyes, held out his right hand, and asked, "Dance with me?"
He watched Severus try to conceal his shock. "You wish to . . . ?"
"To dance with you." Lowering his voice, Harry leaned in close and whispered, "We don't have to watch from the sidelines alone anymore. What do you say?"
"How did you know?" Severus wasn't even attempting to hide his shock.
Harry shrugged. He'd been considering this for some time, but had only gotten up the nerve to ask Severus tonight. "I remember you were sitting here watching the dancers the first night we met here. I thought you might be like me, watching because you wished you had someone of your own to be out there with."
Even though the lights were dim, Harry could see the colour that tinted Severus' normally sallow cheeks. "You wished . . . ?"
"All my life," Harry answered in what he knew to be his bedroom voice.
Even though he knew the effect he could have on Severus, Harry was still surprised when Severus' hand settled in his open palm.
Standing up, they moved hand in hand to the dance floor. The susurration of whispers that moved through the bar as they did so was almost a visible wave.
Harry laid his hand lightly on Severus' waist, and moved closer. "Do you want to lead?"
Severus gave him an incredulous look. "You can't imagine that I've done this before?"
"I take it that's a no, then?" At Severus' nod, Harry admitted. "I haven't done this since the Yule Ball in fourth year."
"Well, that's once more than I have. This may have been a mistake," Severus said, clearly just the right side of panic.
Harry rubbed his left hand over that tense, slender back. "Nah. We'll do fine. Just close your eyes, lean into me, and don't think about anything but me. Do you think you can do that?"
Severus gave a snort. "I spend most of my days doing just that."
"Stars, you must be nervous to admit something like that," Harry said with a chuckle, drawing Severus' head down so that their cheeks rested together. Thinking that they could use some privacy, Harry flicked the leather string binding Severus' hair away, and all that warm, black silk cascaded down, shielding their faces from the rest of the world.
The music started up behind them. Thank god, it was a slow number, Harry thought as the other couples started to move with practiced grace.
Severus was a 6'4" pile of nervous tension in his arms as Harry stumbled into motion. He realized that his companion was literally scared stiff in his arms. Debating the wisdom of his bright idea, Harry attempted to shuffle them along with the others. It was like trying to move a cliff.
Realizing that extreme measures were called for, Harry stepped in indecently close, pressing his pelvis up against Severus' front, he nuzzled Severus' nearby ear and whispered, "It's just you and me. Don't think about anything else. Feel me."
To Harry's astonishment, Severus seemed to relax a bit. Rubbing his palm over Severus' back in a motion that was equal measures of comfort and arousal, Harry used his body to court Severus into motion.
Closing his own eyes, Harry swayed his hips as he breathed against Severus' neck, letting the music lead them. Before long, the tension left Severus completely and he was moving as easily in his arms as he would have at home if they had attempted such a thing.
Finding a natural rhythm, they slow-danced their way across the floor.
Once the strangeness of it left him, Harry felt a wonderful warmth spark through him. Being with Severus, holding him this way, was just so right. His awareness of the other dancers and the people watching them faded. All that existed was Severus.
It took them both a moment to realize that the music had stopped. The other men around them were separating and choosing new partners.
Harry felt like he'd been awoken from a dream. He looked up at Severus.
Those dark eyes were fixed on him, intense and unblinking. Harry could see himself reflected in their depths. Nearly hypnotized, Harry watched those tiny images of his face draw closer and closer until they blurred, then Severus' mouth was locked on his, and then all awareness of everything but Severus faded away.
Vaguely, he heard the music start again. The tempo had changed. This piece was nearly hard rock, all driving beat of drum and battering guitar riffs, no melody, just gritty sexual tension.
Severus' hips pressed closer.
Harry had the horrible feeling that they were about to make a spectacle of themselves, but then the world was falling away in the familiar sensation of Apparating. When Harry drew back for air, they were home in Severus' sitting room.
At first, he worried that their abrupt return might be a bad thing, but then Severus' mouth devoured his and Harry couldn't spare the energy for worrying.
His hands frantically pushed Severus' robes off his slender shoulders, and then went to work on the buttons of the jacket. Severus was likewise occupied, pulling Harry's black jumper up and off him once his robes had hit the floor.
They'd gotten disrobing down to an art form over the last few months. Naked in minutes, Harry pressed himself up against Severus' smooth, exquisite body.
Hands and mouths roamed freely. The territory might be familiar by now, but the physical reaction to those kisses and touches would never get old.
Severus' groan filled the room as Harry's mouth latched onto his left nipple. Harry could almost feel the pleasure sparking through his lover as he teased his tongue over that tight pink bud.
He wasn't even surprised when the little brown jar of cream nudged his bare shoulder a short time later. Harry fetched the lube out of the air and hurriedly opened the jar.
Severus staggered over to the nearby couch and leaned over its back, spreading his legs wide.
As ever, Harry shook as his eyes took in that lean form. He'd never had a relationship where the feelings grew stronger the more they were together. If Harry didn't know better, he'd almost swear they were under an enchantment. That would explain Severus' completely uncharacteristic indulgence and kindness.
Harry knew the thought of magical compulsion should have troubled him, but if an enchantment existed, it had given him exactly what he'd always hungered for. He wasn't going to mess with that. All he was going to do was enjoy it, for as long and as often as he could.
He held the cool, white cream in his fingers until it warmed. Moving carefully, Harry slipped his hand between Severus' slender cheeks and worked his finger up inside that tight channel. Slowly, the snugness gave way to acceptance.
Harry positioned himself and pushed home. This was where he lived these days. His entire life revolved around these few precious moments when he and Severus were no longer separate entities, when their bodies and souls melted into this perfect unity.
Fully encased in that living heat, Harry leaned down and slipped his arms around Severus' thin chest. Hugging tight, he stood back up, drawing Severus with him.
From the shocked cry Severus gave, it was clear Harry's cock was trying to meld with that organic pleasure button hidden deep inside Severus.
They'd never done it standing straight up before. Harry was going deeper than he'd ever gone as Severus eased back against him. The difference in their heights made the position a little challenging, but Harry had never felt anything so hot.
Severus' back arched, his head settling on Harry's right shoulder. Harry reached down to collect that straining cock and give it the worship it deserved, his other hand stroking appreciatively up and down that silken chest.
He buried his face in Severus' neck, nosing through the soft, long hair until his lips touched warm skin, then he started sucking. His fisted hand and hips moving in unison, Harry gave himself over to Severus.
There was nothing like this. Sometimes Harry tried to describe to himself what it was he experienced when he was inside Severus. It was more than the sensual rush of heated need that claimed his every cell. While it was incontestably true that Severus set him on fire, moving inside Severus this way, feeling that hot body squeezing and burning him with its passion, somehow nourished him even as it consumed him. It was drowning; it was burning; it was need; it was . . . it was love.
Recognition of that emotion was an epiphany in its own right. Love. How long had he hungered for this? After a lifetime of waiting without hope, it was finally his.
That incredible warmth overwhelming him, Harry came with a resounding moan, and a heartbeat later, Severus' warm seed was spilling over his hand.
