Severus wasn't even conscious of moving. One minute, he was kneeling there, frozen in place. The next, he was straddling Harry's knees, his hands clutching Harry's arms like talons as he covered that willing mouth, pressing Harry back into the pillows and the headboard.
Severus couldn't remember ever devouring someone the way he was kissing Harry tonight. It was like that powerhouse of magic pulsing around him had awoken a matching level of desire inside him. Primal and wild, he kissed and kissed, until kissing wasn't enough.
A breathy scramble followed in which Severus tugged his own nightshirt up and fumbled Harry's pyjama jacket and pants open and far enough off him that bare flesh could press against bare flesh. There was some more shifting, before they were flat on the bed. Harry was beneath him. Those strong hands were stroking everywhere they could reach on Severus' back and flanks, while Severus lost himself in the sweet depths of that mouth and pressed their hungry erections together.
The magic vibrating through the room felt powerful enough to shake the castle foundations, but it didn't. All it shook was Severus' world.
His hips found a rhythm. Harry matched him, thrust for frantic thrust. Severus' mind had checked out of the proceedings, taking his terror with it. His body remembered how much it loved this man. As had happened every single time they were intimate before Burke destroyed their happiness, their bodies moved as one. There was no inhibition, no shame, only blessed delight.
Severus pumped his hips down, Harry humped up, and between them, they discovered the true meaning of ecstasy.
Harry came with a sharp and piercing cry, his magic peaking to unbearable potential around them. The power melted Severus. He exploded, adding his own sticky offering to the mess between their bellies as his consciousness shattered into a million pieces of condensed joy.
When reality reformed around him, Severus found himself shuddering, sobbing uncontrollably into the hollow between Harry's neck and shoulder.
"Severus? Severus? Please, I'm sorry. Severus?" Harry sounded frantic.
With just cause, Severus realized as he took stock of himself. Raising his head, he stared through tear-blurred eyes at Harry's anxious, guilt-ridden face.
That last was unacceptable. He fumbled his hand free from beneath Harry and gently cupped his cheek. "That was . . . I'm – I'm not dead."
Though hardly coherent, his stumbling words seemed to reassure Harry. A slow smile spilled across Harry's face as he replied, "Not even broken."
"I didn't think I could," Severus said, his voice still embarrassingly hoarse and raspy.
Harry's wasn't quite steady either as he murmured, "I know."
"How did you know how to . . . ?"
Uneasiness passed through Harry's eyes. "I didn't. Not for sure. I just thought . . . well, you've always liked my power. It was the one thing we hadn't tried."
"It was me, wasn't it?" Severus questioned, sudden doubt eating through him. "You didn't . . . .?"
"It was all you, love. All I did was grab your attention. You're not angry with me, are you?"
"For?" Severus couldn't even comprehend the question.
"Well, I didn't tell you what I intended. Didn't really give you the chance to say no. I just -"
"Put my shattered soul back together?" Severus softly suggested.
He heard Harry gulp, before giving a nervous, "I don't think it's a complete cure, Severus."
"I know, but . . . it's a start, isn't it?" Severus was shocked by the burst of optimism that shot through him.
"It's a hell of a lot more than a start," Harry said, all the tension leaving his face. "God, it felt wonderful, didn't it?"
"I didn't think I'd ever feel like that again. It was . . . sublime." His unusual declaration was followed by a jaw-cracking yawn.
Harry chuckled. "Yeah, you sure were." Harry shifted them around until they were both beneath the duvet.
Severus wanted to answer, but the steady rise and fall of the chest beneath his cheek had put him under a sleeping spell. His eyes sank shut and refused to open before he could respond to Harry's absurd claim.
*~*~*
It was amazing the difference a few days could make, Harry Potter thought as he descended the endless sets of stairs from Gryffindor Tower down to the Slytherin dungeons after an evening of paper grading and chatting with Hermione and Ron. He still felt like he was walking on clouds.
He and Severus had made love four nights in a row now. They weren't doing anything other than some lovely frottage, but the fact that they were doing anything at all felt miraculous.
The effect that lovemaking had had on him was amazing. Harry felt as if his entire world had turned around overnight on Friday. It must be showing all over him, he realized, his cheeks warming as he remembered some of the teasing comments Ron had made over the last few days. Even Hermione had had something to say about the light in his eyes. His only hope was that his students hadn't sussed the cause of his good mood. That would be too embarrassing for words.
There were certainly enough of them on the stairs, Harry thought as he paused to answer yet another greeting. Didn't Hogwarts have curfews anymore?
Harry chuckled to himself as he realized that it was barely eight, earning an odd glance from a group of Hufflepuffs heading up the stairs. The smile dropped from his lips as he realized it would be at least another half hour before Severus finished overseeing detentions. It had felt much later when he'd left the Weasleys'.
"Hi, Professor Potter," Maggie Adair greeted him as she passed by him with two of her friends, who chorused her words.
"Good evening, girls," Harry was about to continue on his way, when he realized something was off. "Maggie?"
The small-boned brunette stopped on the stairs beside him. Looking at her, Harry could see that she had grass scattered over her robes, as did her two giggling friends. He could never understand why the young girls giggled so much in his presence. But it was the grass that had caught his attention. Maggie Adair and Adam Viers had received a year's detention from Severus last October. She should still be down in the Potion lab, not running about outside with her friends.
"Yes?"
"Aren't you supposed to be serving detention right now?" Harry asked. There was a time those words would have come out hesitantly, but four years of teaching had given him an authoritative streak that even Severus would be proud of.
Maggie's friends were no longer giggling.
"Professor Snape excused Adam and me for the rest of term last month," Maggie said.
"Last month?" Harry stupidly parroted. Severus hadn't returned to their quarters until after eight-thirty once in all the time he'd been living down there with him. His lover had certainly not mentioned releasing the students to whom he'd given long-term detentions. In fact, he was certain that Severus had mentioned having to wait until after detention when Harry had asked him to go out to the Three Broomsticks last Tuesday for drinks.
"Yes. He, er, didn't say why. We didn't ask; we just left," Maggie quickly explained.
"Of course," Harry said, trying to hide his confusion. "Sorry to have questioned you."
"It's okay. See you tomorrow, Professor," Maggie said, hurrying away up the stairs with her friends.
Harry's bubble of happiness abruptly shattered. If Severus wasn't administering detentions anymore, then what the hell was he doing every night after dinner for almost two hours?
Harry hated the doubt and fear that shot through him. But he couldn't help it. He'd been down this road once or twice before, and he knew the signs when someone was cheating.
But . . . it made absolutely no sense. How could Severus be cheating on him when the man had been incapable of making love until last Friday?
Telling himself that there had to be another explanation, Harry hurried down the stairs to Slytherin territory, barely acknowledging any further greetings.
It was possible that Severus might be working on something in the lab, Harry realized. He knew how their relationship had impacted Severus' research time. Perhaps Severus had cancelled the detentions to get more time in the lab, and hadn't wanted to tell him for fear of hurting his feelings. Yes, that had to be it. He just couldn't see Severus cheating on him, but, then, he hadn't seen it the two other times it had happened in those admittedly short-lived relationships.
Calmed a bit by the explanation, Harry hurried to Severus' private lab. The wards were up. Muttering the password, Harry hurriedly entered. The place was pitch black. There wasn't even a flame under the cauldron on the centre worktable.
That still didn't mean anything, Harry told himself as he closed the door and erected the wards behind him. Perhaps Severus had simply excused Maggie and Adam, but still had other students serving detention.
Clinging to that hope, Harry quickly moved down the hall to the Potions classroom and silently eased open the door. The classroom was just as dark and deserted as Severus' private lab.
A huge maw opening in the pit of his stomach as that hope was dashed, Harry turned towards Severus' quarters, the only place left.
He supposed it was possible that Severus had simply wanted some time to himself, but that didn't feel right. Why would Severus have lied about detentions last Tuesday if he were just sitting alone in his quarters? Which Severus hadn't been, Harry reminded himself, remembering how he himself had returned to Severus' empty quarters to grade some tests before they'd gone out.
The sitting room was depressingly dark and empty when Harry entered. He lit the hearth fire and wall sconces with a thought.
Everything in him was screaming that Severus wouldn't cheat on him. Even if Burke had never happened, Severus just wasn't the cheating type.
Or so Harry believed. Well, hoped. He honestly couldn't come up with another reason why Severus would have lied to him about his whereabouts if it were something innocent.
His whole world crumbling around him, Harry took a seat on the couch and settled in to wait.
*~*~*
"Every relationship comes a point where honesty comes into play," John Penbroke spoke into the dreadful silence that followed Severus' disclosure of some of the things he'd been a part of during his days with Voldemort. "If you cannot trust Harry to know who you truly are, can you ever really be certain of the relationship?"
As with almost every discussion they had, this one came back to trust. Penbroke harped on about it so often that Severus was beginning to hate the very word. Taking a deep breath, he shifted his position on the noisy leather couch and offered in as calm a voice as he could, "If Harry knew, he would be gone."
"You can't know that," Penbroke insisted.
"The man is the epitome of all things good and noble. Do you think he'd want to be with someone who'd done the things we just discussed?" Severus hated how shaky his voice sounded.
"What makes you think he doesn't already know?" Penbroke questioned.
"What?" Severus snapped.
"Your status as a former Death Eater is common knowledge. Do you truly believe that Harry Potter doesn't know what that means? Remember, he was Voldemort's guest on more than one occasion. I've known him for nearly six years now. Harry is many things, but oblivious is not one of them."
"Perhaps you're right. Perhaps he does suspect the truth, but . . . suspecting is quite a different thing from hearing these depravities from your lover's mouth. Our current status affords me the illusion of ignorance, without it . . . . "
"You would know for a fact that he loves you for who and what you are now. Your past would be where it belongs, in the past. As things stand, you are perpetually anticipating abandonment. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life?" Penbroke challenged.
"It's the only chance I have of keeping him," Severus answered. "If he knew half of what I've done, he'd leave . . . ."
"I think you're wrong about that," Penbroke insisted. "I think you owe it to yourself and Harry to let him prove that to you. You need to be honest with him; that's the only way you're ever going to work through this."
"Work through it? How do you work through having been an accomplice to torture and murder?" Severus demanded. Horrified, he realized he was shaking, and that the humiliating tears he'd thought he'd kept at bay were streaming down his cheeks as they did almost every time he talked to this man.
"You repent those acts, which I believe you have already done to a sufficient degree to satisfy even a Gryffindor like Harry."
"Acts such as those . . . they don't ever go away," Severus said, doing his best to keep his voice level.
"Maybe not, but time does help. Sometimes it heals. Was what you told me the truth?" Penbroke asked.
Severus nodded.
"From your description of the events, it didn't seem as if you had any choice but to comply with the Death Eaters' demands. The moment you were able to, you contacted Professor Dumbledore and offered him your allegiance."
"Not soon enough. People still died," Severus reminded him.
"But more lived because of your decision. I think Harry will understand that," Penbroke said.
"And if you're wrong?" Severus didn't understand why his emotions were always so close to the surface when he talked with Penbroke.
"Then at least you will no longer be living in fear. One way or another, you'll know."
"I already know," Severus protested.
"No, you fear the worst, and that is different than knowing. Give Harry the chance to prove you wrong."
Heavy silence fell over the room. After a time, Penbroke gently asked, "Are you all right?"
John Penbroke's soft voice intruded into Severus' mind, which was lost in a place so dark he never allowed himself to revisit it. His days with the Death Eaters were the stuff of nightmares, but, then, so much of his life had been like that. He couldn't imagine sharing this type of depravity with Harry.
