"You can't be serious," Severus said after a long pause.
"I'm entirely serious. The only other person who knows what Burke said to me is Hermione, and you told her yourself. If you ask her not to speak of it, I'll never find out. Please fix this so that we can be together again?" Harry didn't quite beg.
"You are seriously suggesting that I . . . ?"
"I want you back. I don't care what it takes; I'll do it. I don’t know why it took me so long to come up with this idea. It's brilliant," Harry said, feeling so happy as the heavy weight lifted off his heart that he feared he might break into hysterical laugher at any moment.
"It's insane."
"Maybe, but it works for me," Harry said. "What about you? Can you deal with it?"
Severus gave a slow nod.
"Okay, go ahead," Harry said, stepping back into Severus' personal space.
"What? You want me to do this here . . . now?" Severus said in a near-stammer.
"Why not?" Harry said. "Go on, fix me."
"Let me understand. You wish me to erase anything from your memory that . . . ."
"Makes you uncomfortable," Harry said.
"Anything that makes me uncomfortable?" Severus checked.
Harry didn't know what it was in Severus' tone that sent the shiver down his spine, but the hair on the nape of his neck was standing up straight as he affirmed, "Anything. I love you and I want us to be together."
The pause that followed seemed to last a century.
"As you wish," Severus finally conceded.
Harry stepped even closer. His heart was pounding; he was so excited that things were finally going to go right for them.
Severus reached out his newly regrown right hand, resting his chilly fingertips against the equally cool skin on Harry's temple.
Those fingers stroked into his hair for a moment. Harry didn't understand the intense sadness he caught in Severus' expression in a fleeting instance of openness.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked.
"I have never said it to you before, Harry Potter, but I love you as I have loved no other person or thing in my life," Severus said in a strangely choked whisper.
Finally! Harry's heart gave a jubilant shout. "I love you, too."
He watched Severus lower his head. As those cold, thin lips touched his, he hungrily returned the kiss.
When he felt Severus' mind brush questioningly against his own, he opened himself fully and joyfully to his lover's mind-touch.
*~*~*
Harry never even saw it coming, Severus thought, shaken by his own temerity. He still couldn't believe what he'd just done.
Wondering if perhaps they were all wrong and he really was insane, he stared down at the handsome man lying unconscious at his feet. He knew he had to be completely mental to have done what he'd just done. No sane person would violate another's mind and trust as he'd just done to Harry.
Harry had offered him everything he'd ever wanted, had trusted him enough to allow him to manipulate his very memories. He could have had it all; instead, he'd left himself with nothing.
But . . . he hadn't lied to Harry. He loved him more than he loved anything. It wasn't right that Harry be so . . . desperate for company that he'd be willing to let someone adjust his memories.
Severus knew that he was broken beyond repair. Even if Harry weren't aware of his awful past, there was no way he'd ever be able to be what he'd once been to him, and Harry deserved to have everything that was good and wonderful in this world.
And now he would.
Severus schooled his face as a groan sounded from near his feet. Holding his breath, he watched as Harry rolled over onto his back and blinked up at him in confusion.
"Severus?"
"Are you all right?" Severus asked in as normal a tone as he could manage. He'd seen what Harry's mage fire could do to human flesh. He didn't want to end up on the wrong end of that elemental force, which could well happen if he'd made a single mistake, besides, of course, the original mistake of betraying Harry. Even now, mere moments after he'd acted, he knew how wrong he'd been.
"Er, yeah, I think so." Harry's confused gaze moved from him to the nearby spectator bleachers. "Did I really hit the wall?"
Taking a deep breath as he took the next step down this path of deception, Severus said, "So it would seem. Are you injured?"
Harry shook his head. "No. But I should be dead. You stopped me from hitting the stand full force, didn't you?"
There was little difference between impacting with the wall or the frozen ground, Severus told himself as he gave yet another nod.
"Thanks," Harry said, giving his arm a friendly pat and gifting him with a grin the likes of which Severus hadn't seen since before his abduction.
Maybe the decision hadn't been so wrong, after all.
Already feeling better about his choice, Severus solemnly answered, "No thanks are necessary."
"It's weird. I've never hit a wall before," Harry said, picking up his broom.
"Well, the winds are high tonight," Severus said.
"Yes, they are. Good thing for me you were up and about. I don't even know what made me think flying at this hour in these winds was such a bright idea. I usually only fly at night when I'm upset about something," Harry said.
Severus tensed, waiting to see if his handiwork would hold. He was so exhausted from the effort it had taken to rework Harry's memories that he could barely stay vertical.
"Whoa, there," Harry said, grabbing onto him as he swayed. "Are you all right?"
"Merely tired," Severus lied around the pounding in his head.
"Right. That's why you're turning green. Do you need Poppy?" Harry asked, adjusting the broom in his right hand so it wasn't digging into Severus' forearm.
"No. I merely need some sleep," Severus denied.
"All right. Let's get in out of this wind," Harry said, keeping hold of his arm as he guided him back towards the castle.
Rather than make a fuss, Severus allowed Harry to accompany him straight to his door, which would have been out of the question this morning. It was strange to see Harry's eyes look at him with simply the fondness of a friend. For so many months now, this man had seemed able to read his very soul with a glance, but there was nothing other than surface concern in Harry's gaze now. It didn't seem to hurt Harry to look at him anymore, which was what Severus had intended.
"Thank you, Potter," Severus acknowledged when they reached the door to his quarters. He hadn't expected it to hurt so much to see Harry so changed towards him, but, as with most of the impulsive decisions he'd made in his life, he hadn't thought this one through.
"No problem," Harry dismissed. Giving him a sudden grin, Harry said, "Hey, do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks for drinks Friday night? Ron and Hermione are going. I know things have been hard for you lately, but it might help to get out."
This was where his deception was going to get difficult. He hadn't been able to completely erase Harry's memory of their relationship. Too many people knew that Harry had rescued him from Burke, and their immediate friends knew Harry had healed him. Harry had to retain knowledge of these events for daily interaction. There was no way he could return Potter to a state prior to their détente without leaving Harry questioning why he would have worked so hard to heal someone he disliked intensely. So, Severus had been forced to return Harry to the state their relationship had been at in mid-October before they'd become lovers. Détente, drinks out several nights a week. It was more contact than Severus was ready for, but it had been his only choice.
Well, not his only choice. He could have simply done what Harry had asked him to do and removed the conversation with Burke, instead of walling off the memory of their entire affair, but that would have tied Harry to him indefinitely. It was time for Harry to be moving on.
"Severus?"
"Er, what?" he snapped to attention.
"Did you want to go for drinks at the Three Broomsticks Friday night?" Harry asked again, worry beginning to enter his attitude.
"Yes, that would be fine."
"Great. I'll see you at breakfast, then. Make sure you take some of that headache draught before you go to bed. You look rough," Harry said.
"I will. Good night, Harry," Severus absently said as he took his leave.
Harry had turned to go, but he froze suddenly to look back at him.
"What?" Severus asked, for Harry's shock was plain.
Had his work toppled so soon, Severus fretted, realizing that couldn't be the cause of Harry's reaction. Harry simply appeared surprised. No, once Harry realized what he'd done to him, Harry would be after his blood, not merely looking confused.
"You just called me Harry. You never call me by my first name," Harry said,
Cursing himself an idiot, Severus tried to cover with, "Forgive me . . . ."
"Nothing to forgive. I like it. See you tomorrow, Severus."
Venting a relieved breath, Severus watched the light-footed young man who had once shared his bed and life hurry up the dungeon stairs, as carefree as a first year. Seeing the bounce that was back in Harry's step, Severus tried to tell himself that he'd made the right decision.
*~*~*
"You seem very happy this morning," Hermione Weasley commented as a whistling Harry sat down beside her at the teachers' table at breakfast.
For the first time since Severus had broken it off with Harry, there weren't dark circles under his eyes. She couldn't recall the last time she'd seen him so rested and animated. He'd been exhausted during Severus' prolonged healing, which had been pretty bad in itself; but since Severus had called things off, Harry had been like the walking dead. The only time he displayed any life at all was when he was in front of a class. The moment the students were out the door, he'd wilt like May daffodils.
"Yeah, I feel great," Harry said.
"What's got you so cheerful, then?" Ron asked Harry from her other side as he buttered a slice of toast.
Severus wasn't at the table yet, she worriedly realized. Normally, he was the first one down to breakfast. Well, him or Harry. They were running neck and neck for the finish line when it came to the most-tormented award.
"Severus said he'd go to the Three Broomsticks with me tomorrow," Harry said as he reached for the bacon. He gave a startled "Ummph!" as she flung her arms around him and hugged him.
"That's great, Harry! I'm so happy for you," Hermione enthused.
Ron reached across her to pat Harry on the back. "I'm glad for you, mate, for you both, truth be told."
Harry was giving them both the strangest look as she released him.
"It's just drinks at the Three Broomsticks," Harry said.
"Yes, well. It's a start, isn't it?" she said.
"A start?" Harry echoed, seeming oddly confused.
"I know Severus isn't ready for much, but at least he's willing to try. It's a breakthrough, isn't it?" Already her day was looking much brighter. She could hardly wait till she got Severus alone during their free period.
The confusion seemed to clear from Harry's face. "Yeah. I guess I just wasn't thinking about it that way. It's got to be a good sign that he's willing to socialize again."
"That's right," she agreed.
"Put a sock in it, the both of you," Ron warned from Hermione's far side. "Himself's just entered the Great Hall."
"Good morning," Severus greeted as he took the empty chair on Ron's far side.
"You must be feeling better," Harry said to Severus. "You've actually joined us."
Severus didn't look as though he were feeling better. To the contrary, he paled at Harry's words as if he'd made some kind of major social gaffe.
For her part, Hermione couldn't understand Harry's comment. Severus had been sitting with them since Ron had blundered in on Harry and him months ago.
Severus' next words cleared her confusion.
"Yes, my headache is much improved," Severus said.
Realizing that that must be what Harry had been referring to, she turned to Severus. "You have a headache?"
Now that she looked at him closely, she realized he looked very much as he would on those mornings after he'd rewritten one of Harry's night terrors.
"Had," Severus corrected, although she suspected from the tension around his purple-bagged eyes that he was lying to her. "I'm afraid lack of sleep is taking its toll. I might have to beg off on our outing tomorrow night, Potter."
To her absolute bewilderment, Harry gave what appeared to be an understanding nod. "No problem. We can go some day next week if you're up to it."
If Severus were up to it? Harry had been pining for weeks for Severus to spend a little time with him. How could he be so blasé about Severus cancelling on him like this?
Ron and she exchanged a mutually confused look as a seemingly unperturbed Harry attacked his breakfast with the gusto of a man who hadn't eaten in weeks, which was almost literally the truth. It was obvious from Ron's face that he'd expected Harry to be devastated by Severus' cancellation the same as she had.
A glance Severus' way showed him watching them all as though he'd been thrown into a den of man-eating lions.
Her stomach tensed into a tight knot. She didn't know what the hell was going on, but she was sure she wasn't going to like it. Her happiness a thing of the past, she poked at her now-cold porridge and tried to be surreptitious about watching Harry and Severus, which wasn't exactly easy as they were on opposite sides of her. Wondering how she was going to approach Severus on this subject, she took a deep breath and practiced patience.
*~*~*
The Three Broomsticks was at its usual level of Friday night, ear-splitting din.
Harry leaned his chair into the corner, trying to relax. There'd been something wrong with Ron and Hermione for the past two days. He couldn't put his finger on it, but they'd been acting weird as hell. Severus, as well, for that matter. But Severus, at least, had an excuse for his strange behaviour. After all he'd suffered, Harry didn't know how Severus had come through it as normal as he was. Well, normal for Severus, anyway.
