Mr. Waltham: All right, I'll tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.
Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window!
[Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in first class, depressed.]
Monica: Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again.
Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realizes something) Y'know, technically we still are over international waters.
Monica: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a bit?
Chandler: 'Kay!
(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monica's seat.)
Joey: Can I ask you something?
Chandler: Uhh, no.
Joey: Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "I'm never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I'm just wasting my life with this acting thing?
Chandler: No.
Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you think I'll ever get there?
Chandler: Yes.
Joey: Thanks man.
Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.)
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
(Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.)
Joey: I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man?
(Monica returns.)
Joey: Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.
Monica: I know!
Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hi!
(They all hug.)
Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had sex! (They're shocked.)
Chandler: No we didn't!
Phoebe: I know you didn't, I was talking about Monica.
Monica: Phoebe, I did not have sex.
Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.
Joey: All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.
Phoebe: Oh, me too!
Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for four days?
Phoebe: Oh right, maybe I'll just go home.
(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)
Monica: Well, we certainly are alone.
Chandler: Yes! Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule.
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother...
Chandler: Right.
Monica: Well, an-anyway, I just-that night meant a lot to me, I guess I'm just trying to say thanks.
Chandler: Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me 'cause, you're really hot! Is that okay?
Monica: (laughs) That's okay.
Chandler: And I'm cute too.
Monica: And you're cute too.
Chandler: Thank you! (They hug.) All right, I gotta go unpack.
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: Bye.
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Chandler: (entering) I'm still on London time, does that count?
Monica: That counts!
Chandler: Oh, good! (They start kissing.)
[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
Ross: Rach! Rach!
Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi!
Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?
Rachel: Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours.
Ross: Oh.
Rachel: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?
Ross: Not yet.
Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.
Ross: Pretty soon I guess.
Rachel: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Ross: I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y'know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually show up?
Rachel: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.
Ross: Same difference.
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.
Ross: I get it! Well, that's that.
Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it'd be really good.
Ross: Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know...
Rachel: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you!
Ross: I could, yeah, I can do that.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: I can't, I can't even believe her! No, y'know what, I am, I am gonna go!
Rachel: Good!
Ross: I know, why not?
Rachel: Right!
Ross: Right?
Rachel: Right!
Ross: Y'know-thanks! (They hug)
Rachel: Okay, I'll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.
Ross: Yeah, well...nah.
Rachel: What? Wait, what?
Ross: Why don't you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?
Rachel: Well-well, I don't know Ross-really?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, it'll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Ross: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.
Rachel: Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that!
Ross: Okay!
Rachel: Okay!
Ross: Cool!
Rachel: All right!
Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here.
Rachel: Oh, okay, we're going. Yeah.
Ross: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!
Rachel: Oh, wait-wait-wait...
Ross: You tell them to wait!
Rachel: Okay. Wait! Wait!
(Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.)
Ross: Emily.
(She stares at him and Ross realizes what she's thinking.)
Ross: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! (Emily starts to run out and Ross chases her.) No! No! Emily!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.]
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Ross's seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airport's moving. (Realizes that that's not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that we're moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.
End
502 The One With All The Kissing
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
Monica: You look cute in bubbles.
Chandler: Ehh, you're just liquored up.
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
Joey: Okay.
(Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
Joey: You sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?
Chandler: For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!
Joey: All right!
(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in
pain as Monica grabs him underwater)-Diet Coke.
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!
Joey: Mornin' Pheebs!
Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver...
Joey: (interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Oh, he was this cab driver we had in London.
Phoebe: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway...
Monica: Wait, what that place, that pub he took us too?
Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.
Joey: Yeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh...
Monica: Bodington's!
All: Bodington's! Woohoo! (And they all high-five each other.)
Chandler: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.
Phoebe: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hat-I don't want to talk about it.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
All: Hey!
Joey: Hey, Ross, Bodington's!
Ross: Yeah! (They high-five.)
Joey: That was good beer.
Ross: Ohh...
Joey: Y'know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys.
Ross: Y'know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center.
Joey: Later! (Exits.)
Ross: Isn't Rachel supposed to be back by now?
Monica: Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch) she should be here by now.
Ross: Oh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?
Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'know-Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
Phoebe: So you still hadn't heard from Emily?
Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.
Chandler: I can't believe she can out run you man!
Ross: HEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross's outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let's go! Outside!!
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
All: Hey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)
Ross: Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do.
Ross: That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.
Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
Ross: So, what? That's it?
Rachel: Well, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool.
Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)
Rachel: Oh no, you're the best.
Ross: (breaking the hug) Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! (Runs to the door.) Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to Emily's parent's house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That oughta get her talking to me again.
Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
(Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season. Read about it here.)
Monica: Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!
Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
Chandler: Oh that's not true.
Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!
Rachel: Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.
Phoebe: Oh... No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.
Monica: I'll do it!
Rachel: That's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.
Chandler: Okay, I gotta go to work.
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
Chandler: And uh, Rachel, glad to have you back.
(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.]
Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.
Rachel: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't-I still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
Rachel: I mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of the pictures)...
Monica: Ohh. (Monica covers her eyes in horror.)
Rachel: ...I mean it's my fault.
Monica: Sweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!
Rachel: Oh my God! (She licks the top picture and hands them back.)
Monica: Okay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn't about me.
Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
Monica: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.
Rachel: Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda...
Monica: (Interrupting) Oh, what about that guy over there? (She points at another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.
