Rachel: Oh, terrific! That'll be $2,000.
Woman No. 2: What?!
Rachel: Okay, a thousand.
Woman No. 2: I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.
Rachel: Well, I do, but you're just gonna have to actually look at this as more of an investment than a cat.
Woman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled) Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Ross: I'm starving!
Monica: Come on guys! Suck it up! We're closing in on ten hours! It's gut-check time!
Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!
Monica: Please! I made this game what it is.
Chandler: Not fun anymore?
Ross: I'm still hungry!
Monica: All right, there's some pizza at my place, we can all eat with one hand right? Are you with me?
Ross: I am!
Monica: All right! Let's go! (Runs to the door.) Let's go Team Monica! (The guys all stop and stare at her) All right, we can work out the name later.
[Cut to her apartment where Rachel is sitting at the table.]
Monica: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!
Rachel: It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. (Pause) Oh, I uh sold Mrs. Whiskerson.
Ross: Oh, thank God!
Joey: Did you get your money back?
Rachel: Yeah, 15 hundred dollars.
Monica: Wow! You made a profit!
Gunther: (entering with the cat) I just came for the red-velvet pillow.
Rachel: Oh yeah, there you go. (Hands over the pillow.)
Gunther: Thanks Rachel. And-and don't forget you-you can come visit her anytime you want.
Rachel: Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind. (Turns and walks away.)
Gunther: (To Ross) Hey! So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?
[Scene: Gary and Phoebe's apartment, it's morning and they're both waking up in bed.]
Gary: I really like waking up with you.
Phoebe: I like waking up with you too. (Looks out the window) Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. (Some birds are singing outside the window) Oh, I can stay here all day.
Gary: That would be great!
Phoebe: We could have breakfast in bed...
Gary: Wait, just a second.
Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Monica: All right! Come on Monica! Look alive! Come on, look alive!
Phoebe: (entering) Oh good, you're all up.
Rachel: Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, that's over.
All: What?!
Chandler: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!
Phoebe: He shot a bird!
Chandler: Oh that is over!
All: That's terrible! I'm sorry!
Rachel: Phoebe, are you okay?
Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah, I'll be alright.
Joey: Oh hey, here Pheebs. (He throws her the ball.)
Phoebe: (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on the table and everyone gasps.)
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!
All: All right. Okay. I'm starving! (They all get up, thus officially ending the game.)
Rachel: Phoebe, honey, wanna get some breakfast?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Monica: Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha! (Runs out the door and everyone watches her leave.)
(Pause)
Chandler: You guys wanna eat here?
All: Yeah! As long as we're here!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: Man that was great! Huh? Can you believe how long we threw that ball around?
Rachel: Yeah, it is amazing it lasted that long.
Ross: I know. My arm is killing me.
Rachel: No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)
Chandler: Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper. (We see various scenes of him dropping a football, a mug of coffee, the phone, an apple, a Frisbee, a record, and the final scene has a ball bouncing off of his chest. I'm not going to describe them, you'll have to see them.)
End
522 The One With Joey's Big Break
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Ross: What's going on?
Rachel: Well, my eye is a little itchy.
(Ross turns to look at Joey.)
Joey: Uhhh, mine too! Yeah.
Monica: (To Rachel) Wow! It's really red! You should go see my eye doctor.
Rachel: Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend!
Chandler: Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard!
Monica: Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice!
Chandler: Okay, so Richard, Richard!
Monica: It's not Richard! Okay? It's this new guy and he's really good.
Rachel: Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to an eye doctor!
Ross: Oh God, here we go!
Chandler: What?
Ross: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch! (He takes his finger and moves it towards his eye.)
Rachel: (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?
All: All right, fine.
Monica: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? (And on the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.)
Rachel: (flinches again) Monica! Come on!
Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye)
Rachel: (freaks) Ross! Stop it! Come on!
Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.)
Rachel: Chandler!
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Rachel: Just stop it! Come on!
(Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.)
Chandler: You okay there man?
Joey: Yeah, I got too excited!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Ross: All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.
Phoebe: Ohh, give him a kiss for me!
Ross: All right, bye!
Monica: Bye!
Phoebe: Bye!
Ross: Later! (Exits.)
Phoebe: (after he's gone) I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him!
Chandler: Wow umm, calm down.
Phoebe: I'm trying, but man that guy can push my buttons!
Monica: Why are so mad at him?
Phoebe: Look, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay?
Monica: Well, it just seems that...
Phoebe: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way?
Chandler: Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like?
Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears... But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Phoebe: Ohh-oh, chilling!
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Chandler: Yeah, I know that means buddy!
Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
Phoebe: Oh wait, my grandmother's dead.
Chandler: Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs.
Phoebe: No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas.
Joey: All right! Thanks Pheebs!
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job?
Joey: Oh umm, not go.
Chandler: All right, great, road trip baby! (To Monica) This okay with you?
Monica: Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. (Quietly) You can go.
Chandler: Thank you.
Monica: Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Monica: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Oh hey Joey! What's up?
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Phoebe: Yeah, I've been around.
Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?
Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}
Joey: Great! Problem solved!
Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Joey: Well, back to square one.
Phoebe: Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can.
Joey: (quickly) Yes!
Phoebe: Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. (Quickly) Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites?
Joey: Peanut butter!
Phoebe: Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer?
Joey: A swimmer!
Phoebe: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Joey: Monica. Oh... huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.
Phoebe: No thinking! No thinking! Tie or ascot?
Joey: Ascot!
Phoebe: North route or south route?
Joey: North route!
Phoebe: Bamn! There you go! Huh?
Joey: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Oh, this guy again. (She ignores him.)
Joey: Hey man, what's up?
Ross: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?
Joey: Sure, what do you want to see?
Ross: I don't know, umm...
Joey: Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game!
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
Ross: What's with her?
Joey: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay?
Ross: Okay.
Joey: What do you like better action or comedy?
Ross: Action.
Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
(Ross pauses and looks at him, Joey motions for him to hurry up.)
Ross: Dude, you are sick.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
Rachel: Oh my God! What does that thing do?
Monica: (looks at it more closely) Oh that's an eye removal machine.
Rachel: All right, I'm outta here!
Monica: I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
(Rachel heads for the door but is intercepted by the doctor.)
The Doctor: Hi Rachel!
Rachel: Hey!
The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.
Rachel: So were done then!
Dr. Miller: Almost! But first, we gotta start.
Rachel: Okay.
Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Dr. Miller: Sit down.
Rachel: Okay.
Dr. Miller: But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Rachel: (jerks back from the tester) What?!
Monica: A small puff of air, now come on!
Dr. Miller: Here we go.
Rachel: All right.
Dr. Miller: 1...2...3! (Rachel jerks back on 3.)
Rachel: I'm sorry. All right, I'll just stay in here this time. (Puts her head back.) Okay.
Dr. Miller: Ready?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Dr. Miller: 1...2... (She flinches on 2 this time.)
Monica: Y'know what, I'm gonna hold her head.
Rachel: Okay.
Dr. Miller: That's okay.
Monica: Okay. (Monica backs off.)
Rachel: Okay. Okay!
Dr. Miller: 1...2! (She flinches again.) (Gives up.) Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma.
Rachel: (really excited) Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir--Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy! (He took out that thing they use to look at people's retinas and looked at Rachel's when she was shaking his hand causing her to flinch and scream at him.)
