Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Rachel: Yeah, no, I don't-I don't put things in my eye.
Dr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Rachel: Great!
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops! (Grabs them and storms out.)
Monica: Dr. Miller? (She covers her right eye and reads from the chart) P E C F D.
Dr. Miller: Very good Monica! You know where they are.
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, and Joey are there.]
Rachel: Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better.
Monica: They're still in my coat.
Rachel: Damn!
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey! You ready to go?
Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)
(Monica stares at him.)
Chandler: What?
Monica: I love you.
{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}
Joey: Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!
Phoebe: Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind!
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Chandler: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15.
Joey: You got it!
Ross: All right!
(Joey nods to Chandler, no way!)
Chandler: All right, bye-bye now!
Phoebe: Bye!
Rachel: Bye you guys!
Joey: Bye-bye!
Monica: I wanna say good-bye at the car!
Chandler: Okay!
Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?
Rachel: Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss.
(Pause.)
Joey: See ya! (Walks out.)
Rachel: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs after him.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.
Ross: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!
Phoebe: Well, if you don't know I can't help you.
Ross: Well, I don't know.
Phoebe: Well, I can't help you.
Ross: Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?
Phoebe: Apology accepted.
Ross: Okay. So we're, we're good?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Ross: All right. (Gets up.) I'll uh, I'll see you later, okay?
Phoebe: (quietly) Bye, fat ass.
Ross: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!
Phoebe: I don't know! I don't remember!
Ross: Well if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?
Phoebe: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.
(Ross isn't sure what to do with that comment.)
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
Joey: Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You're might have to take over soon.
Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
Joey: Don't worry, it's out there! (Just then a horn honks and Joey quickly looks at the road.) I think I just need lunch.
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: You wanna eat? (Pulls out the twenty) My treat!
Chandler: Isn't that Ross's money?
Joey: Yeah. Okay. Ross's treat! Where do you wanna eat?
Chandler: I don't know.
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Chandler: Okay!
Joey: Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?
Chandler: Too dry.
Joey: Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?
Chandler: No!
Joey: Is this movie gonna be my big break?
Chandler: No!
Joey: (shocked) What?!
Chandler: Yes.
Joey: Dude you said, "No!"
Chandler: I also said, "Yes!"
Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Chandler: No! (Realizes) Ahhh!!!
Joey: I don't believe this!
Chandler: Look Joe, I just, I just don't want to get your hopes up real high.
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Chandler: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!
Joey: Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.
Chandler: Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Chandler: Oh, you don't want me on the trip?
Joey: Not if you're gonna be like this!
Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Joey: Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!
Chandler: All right, fine! Fine! Why don't you pull over? I'll get out right now!
Joey: Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound of numerous car horns.) Get out!
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
Joey: Get out!!
Chandler: All right!! (Gets out and Joey speeds away.) Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there. Ross is trying to figure out why Phoebe's mad at him.]
Ross: Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?
Phoebe: No.
Ross: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
Phoebe: No that made me feel precious.
Monica: Oh, I know! Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? Whom! Whom! Sometimes it's who!
Ross: Yeah? Sometimes it's... (Does the fist thing.)
Rachel: Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.
Ross: Okay, I'm the baby. (Points at his eye.)
Rachel: Eh! Stop it!
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Chandler! What are you doing here?
Ross: Hey!
Chandler: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!
All: Why?!
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
Phoebe: That game should not be played without my supervision.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Phoebe: What's in the bag?
Chandler: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
Phoebe: I do!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to apply her eye drops while Monica looks on.]
Rachel: Okay. (She tilts her head back and squeezes the eyedropper. The only problem is, it's not over her eye.)
Monica: Not even close.
Rachel: Okay, then y'know what? Help me! I need help! I can't do this!
Monica: Okay! All right! Let's do it!
Rachel: All right!
Monica: Sit down. (They sit down on the couch.)
Rachel: All right.
Monica: Put your head back.
Rachel: Yes!
Monica: All right.
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: Now, open your eyes.
Rachel: Okay, they are. (No they're not.)
Monica: How many fingers am I holding up? (She's not holding any up.)
Rachel: (thinks) Four.
Monica: Oh my God, I was thinking four.
Rachel: Really?!
Monica: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?
Rachel: Okay!
Monica: No drops!
Rachel: Great!
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: On three, 1...2...3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)
Rachel: Well, well, you said it was practice!
Monica: Then why did you move?!
Rachel: Because I knew you were lying!
Monica: All right, come here! (She gets up and drags Rachel off of the couch by her legs.)
Rachel: (as she's being dragged) What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it! (Monica drags her totally onto the floor and on her back.)
Monica: I am going... I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm... I am going to get these drops in your eyes. (She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.)
Rachel: Oh my God! You really are freakishly strong!
(Monica starts biting on the eyedropper, spraying the fluid all over. But Rachel keeps turning her head back and forth and Monica keeps missing.)
Rachel: Monica! Stop it!
Monica: (spitting out the eyedropper) Damn! It's empty!
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqué pose, at least for primetime TV.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse, Phoebe and Monica are playing cards as the phone rings.]
Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
Monica: What did you do to his sweater vests?
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Hey, dude!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Phoebe: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering... (We hear the dial tone as Joey hangs up.) Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
Chandler: Y'know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him if he won't even talk to me?
Monica: Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Las Vegas he'll know that you're sorry.
Chandler: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could (Pause) get a basket of porn...
Phoebe: No, don't-don't say I'm sorry with porn!
Chandler: Really?
Phoebe: Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.
Ross: (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Phoebe: Uh-hmm.
Ross: What do you like better flora or fauna?
Phoebe: Fauna.
Ross: Who would you rather be Simon or Garfunkle?
Phoebe: Garfunkle.
Ross: Why are you mad at me?
Phoebe: You said I was boring--Ohh!
Ross: When did I say you were boring?!
Phoebe: Oh my God, I remember now! We were playing chess!
Ross: Phoebe! You and I have never played chess!
Phoebe: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! (Realizes) Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La...la...la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Joey: Hey-hey! Stanley! Hey-hey! You're leading man is here! Let's get to work.
Stanley: Umm, slight change of plans. We've shut down.
Joey: Wh-what?! Why?!
Stanley: It's a money thing, we don't have any.
Joey: (laughs) You're kidding right?
