Jared answered his own question. “The difference is, if Jeb kills it, at least it dies cleanly.”
“Hah!” Jared snorted. “I don’t see much progress being made, Doc.”
Jared will protect us,Melanie thought faintly.
It was hard to concentrate enough to form words.Not us, just your body.
Close enough…Her voice seemed to come from some distance, from outside my pounding head.
Sharon took a step forward so that she stood half in front of the doctor. It was a strangely protective
stance.
“There’s no point in wasting an opportunity,” she said fiercely. “We all realize that this is hard for you,
Jared, but in the end it’s not your decision to make. We have to consider what’s best for the majority.”
Jared glowered at her. “No.” The word was a snarl.
I could tell he had not whispered the word, yet it was very quiet in my ears. In fact, everything was
suddenly quiet. Sharon’s lips moved, her finger jabbed at Jared viciously, but all I heard was a soft
hissing. Neither one of them took a step, but they seemed to be drifting away from me.
I saw the dark-haired brothers step toward Jared with angry faces. I felt my hand try to rise in protest,
but it only twitched limply. Jared’s face turned red when his lips parted, and the tendons in his neck
strained like he was shouting, but I heard nothing. Jeb let go of my arm, and I saw the dull gray of the
rifle’s barrel swing up beside me. I cringed away from the weapon, though it was not pointed in my
direction. This upset my balance, and I watched the room tip very slowly to one side.
“Jamie,” I sighed as the light swirled away from my eyes.
Jared’s face was suddenly very close, leaning over me with a fierce expression.
“Jamie?” I breathed again, this time a question. “Jamie?”
Jeb’s gruff voice answered from somewhere far away.
“The kid is fine. Jared brought him here.”
I looked at Jared’s tormented face, fast disappearing into the dark mist that covered my eyes.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
And then I was lost in the darkness.
CHAPTER 15
Guarded
When I came to, there was no disorientation. I knew exactly where I was, roughly speaking, and I kept
my eyes closed and my breathing even. I tried to learn as much as I could about my exact situation
I was hungry. My stomach knotted and clenched and made angry noises. I doubted these noises would
betray me—I was sure it had gurgled and complained as I slept.
My head ached fiercely. It was impossible to know how much of this was from fatigue and how much
was from the knocks I’d taken.
I was lying on a hard surface. It was rough and… pocked. It was not flat, but oddly curved, as though I
was lying in a shallow bowl. It was not comfortable. My back and hips throbbed from being curled into
this position. That pain was probably what had woken me; I felt far from rested.
It was dark—I could tell that without opening my eyes. Not pitch-black, but very dark.
The air was even mustier than before—humid and corroded, with a peculiar acrid bite that seemed to
cling to the back of my throat. The temperature was cooler than it had been in the desert, but the
incongruous moisture made it almost as uncomfortable. I was sweating again, the water Jeb had given me
finding its way out through my pores.
I could hear my breathing echo back to me from a few feet away. It could be that I was only close to
one wall, but I guessed that I was in a very small space. I listened as hard as I could, and it sounded like
my breathing echoed back from the other side as well.
Knowing that I was probably still somewhere in the cavern system Jeb had brought me to, I was fairly
sure what I would see when I opened my eyes. I must be in some small hole in the rock, dark purple
brown and riddled with holes like cheese.
It was silent except for the sounds my body made. Afraid to open my eyes, I relied on my ears, straining
harder and harder against the silence. I couldn’t hear anyone else, and this made no sense. They wouldn’t
have left me without a warden, would they? Uncle Jeb and his omnipresent rifle, or someone less
sympathetic. To leave me alone… that wouldn’t be in character with their brutality, their natural fear and
hatred of what I was.
Unless…
I tried to swallow, but terror closed my throat. They wouldn’t leave me alone. Not unless they thought I
was dead, or had made sure that Iwould be. Not unless there were places in these caves that no one
came back from.
The picture I’d been forming of my surroundings shifted dizzyingly in my head. I saw myself now at the
bottom of a deep shaft or walled into a cramped tomb. My breathing sped up, tasting the air for
staleness, for some sign that my oxygen was running low. The muscles around my lungs pulled outward,
filling with air for the scream that was on the way. I clenched my teeth to keep it from escaping.
Sharp and close, something grated across the ground beside my head.
I shrieked, and the sound of it was piercing in the small space. My eyes flew open. I jerked away from
the sinister noise, throwing myself against a jagged rock wall. My hands swung up to protect my face as
my headthunk ed painfully against the low ceiling.
A dim light illuminated the perfectly round exit to the tiny bubble of a cave I was curled in. Jared’s face
He didn’t move; he just stared furiously while my heart restarted and my breathing evened out. I met his
glare, remembering how quiet he had always been—like a wraith when he wanted. No wonder I hadn’t
heard him sitting guard outside my cell.
But I had heardsomething. As I remembered that, Jared shoved his extended arm closer, and the
grating noise repeated. I looked down. At my feet was a broken sheet of plastic serving as a tray. And
on it…
I lunged for the open bottle of water. I was barely aware that Jared’s mouth twisted with disgust as I
jerked the bottle to my lips. I was sure that would bother me later, but all I cared about now was the
water. I wondered if ever in my life I would take the liquid for granted again. Given that my life was not
likely to be prolonged here, the answer was probably no.
Jared had disappeared, back through the circular entry. I could see a piece of his sleeve and nothing
more. The dull light came from somewhere beside him. It was an artificial bluish color.
I’d gulped half the water down when a new scent caught my attention, informing me that water was not
the only gift. I looked down at the tray again.
Food. They were feeding me?
It was the bread—a dark, unevenly shaped roll—that I smelled first, but there was also a bowl of some
clear liquid with the tang of onions. As I leaned closer, I could see darker chunks on the bottom. Beside
this were three stubby white tubes. I guessed they were vegetables, but I didn’t recognize the variety.
It took only seconds for me to make these discoveries, but even in that short time, my stomach nearly
jumped through my mouth trying to reach the food.
I ripped into the bread. It was very dense, studded with whole-grain kernels that caught in my teeth. The
texture was gritty, but the flavor was wonderfully rich. I couldn’t remember anything tasting more
delicious to me, not even my mushed-up Twinkies. My jaw worked as fast as it could, but I swallowed
most of the mouthfuls of tough bread half-chewed. I could hear each mouthful hit my stomach with a
gurgle. It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. Too long empty, my stomach reacted to the food with
discomfort.
I ignored that and moved on to the liquid—it was soup. This went down easier. Aside from the onions
I’d smelled, the taste was mild. The green chunks were soft and spongy. I drank it straight from the bowl
and wished the bowl were deeper. I tipped it back to make sure I’d gotten every drop.
The white vegetables were crunchy in texture, woody in taste. Some kind of root. They weren’t as
satisfying as the soup or as tasty as the bread, but I was grateful for their bulk. I wasn’t full—not
close—and I probably would have started on the tray next if I thought I’d be able to chew through it.
It didn’t occur to me until I was finished that they shouldn’t be feeding me. Not unless Jared had lost the
confrontation with the doctor. Though why would Jared be my guard if that were the case?
I slid the tray away when it was empty, cringing at the noise it made. I stayed pressed against the back
wall of my bubble as Jared reached in to retrieve it. This time he didn’t look at me.
I can’t believe he hit me,Melanie mused, her thought incredulous rather than resentful. She was not
over the surprise of it yet. I hadn’t been surprised in the first place. Of course he had hit me.
I wondered where you were,I answered.It would be poor manners to get me into this mess and
then abandon me.
She ignored my sour tone.I wouldn’t have thought he’d be able to do it, no matter what. I don’t
think I could hit him.
Sure you could. If he’d come at you with reflective eyes, you’d have done the same. You’re
naturally violent.I remembered her daydreams of strangling the Seeker. That seemed like months ago,
though I knew it was only days. It would make sense if it had been longer. It ought to take time to get
oneself stuck in such a disastrous mire as the one I was in now.
Melanie tried to consider it impartially.I don’t thinkso. Not Jared… and Jamie, there’s no way I could
hurt Jamie, even if he was… She trailed off, hating that line of thought.
I considered this and found it true. Even if the child had become something or someone else, neither she
nor I could ever raise a hand to him.
That’s different. You’re like… a mother. Mothers are irrational here. Too many emotions
involved.
Motherhood is always emotional—even for you souls.
I didn’t answer that.
What do you think is going to happen now?
You’re the expert on humans,I reminded her.It’s probably not a good thing that they’re giving me
food. I can think of only one reason they’d want me strong.
The few specifics I remembered of historical human brutalities tangled in my head with the stories in the
old newspaper we’d read the other day. Fire—that was a bad one. Melanie had burned all the
fingerprints off her right hand once in a stupid accident, grabbing a pan she hadn’t realized was hot. I
remembered how the pain had shocked her—it was so unexpectedly sharp and demanding.
It was just an accident, though. Quickly treated with ice, salves, medicine. No one had done it on
purpose, continued on from the first sickening pain, drawing it out longer and longer…
I’d never lived on a planet where such atrocities could happen, even before the souls came. This place
was truly the highest and the lowest of all worlds—the most beautiful senses, the most exquisite
emotions… the most malevolent desires, the darkest deeds. Perhaps it was meant to be so. Perhaps
without the lows, the highs could not be reached. Were the souls the exception to that rule? Could they
have the light without the darkness of this world?
I… felt something when he hit you,Melanie interrupted. The words came slowly, one by one, as if she
I felt something, too.It was amazing how natural it was to use sarcasm now, after spending so much
time with Melanie.He’s got quite a backhand, doesn’t he?
That’s not what I meant. I mean…She hesitated for a long moment, and then the rest of the words
came in a rush.I thought it was all me—the way we feel about him. I thought I was… in control of
that.
The thoughts behind her words were clearer than the words themselves.
You thought you were able to bring me here becauseyouwanted it so much. That you were
controlling me instead of the other way around. I tried not to be annoyed.You thought you were
manipulating me.
Yes.The chagrin in her tone was not because I was upset, but because she did not like being wrong.
But…
I waited.
It came in a rush once more.You’re in love with him, too, separately from me. It feels different from
the way I feel. Other. I didn’t see that until he was there with us, until you saw him for the first
time. How did that happen? How does a three-inch-long worm fall in love with a human being?
Worm?
Sorry. I guess you sort of have… limbs.
Not really. They’re more like antennae. And I’m quite a bit longer than three inches when they’re
extended.
My point is, he’s not your species.
My body is human,I told her.While I’m attached to it, I’m human, too. And the way you see Jared
in your memories… Well, it’s all your fault.
She considered that for a moment. She didn’t like it much.
So if you had gone to Tucson and gotten a new body, you wouldn’t love him anymore now?
I really, really hope that’s true.
Neither of us was happy with my answer. I leaned my head against the top of my knees. Melanie
changed the subject.
At least Jamie is safe. I knew Jared would take care of him. If I had to leave him, I couldn’t have
left him in better hands.… I wish I could see him.
I’m not asking that!I cringed at the thought of the responsethat request would receive.
At the same time, I yearned to see the boy’s face for myself. I wanted to be sure that he was really here,
Do you think they will tell him that I’m here?Melanie asked.
Would that help or hurt him?I asked back.
Her thought was a whisper.I don’t know.… I wish I could tell him that I kept my promise.
You certainly did.I shook my head, amazed.No one can say that you didn’t come back, just like
always.
Thanks for that.Her voice was faint. I couldn’t tell if she meant for my words now, or if she meant the
bigger picture, bringing her here.
I was suddenly exhausted, and I could feel that she was, too. Now that my stomach had settled a bit and
felt almost halfway full, the rest of my pains were not sharp enough to keep me awake. I hesitated before
moving, afraid to make any noise, but my body wanted to uncurl and stretch out. I did so as silently as I
could, trying to find a piece of the bubble long enough for me. Finally, I had to stick my feet almost out
the round opening. I didn’t like doing it, worried that Jared would hear the movement close to him and
think I was trying to escape, but he didn’t react in any way. I pillowed the good side of my face against
my arm, tried to ignore the way the curve of the floor cramped my spine, and closed my eyes.
