silence. After all, I had my secrets, too, didn’t I? “Don’t be upset, Jamie. Whatever it is, it will all work
out for the best. You’re going to be fine.” As I said the words, I willed them to be true.
“I don’t know what to hope for,” he whispered.
As I stared into the dark at nothing in particular, trying to understand what he wouldn’t say, a faint glow
caught my eye at the far end of the hallway—dim but conspicuous in the black cave.
“Shhh,” I breathed. “Someone is coming. Quick, hide behind the boxes.”
Jamie’s head snapped up, toward the yellow light that was getting brighter by the second. I listened for
the accompanying footsteps but heard nothing.
“I’m not going to hide,” he breathed. “Get behind me, Wanda.”
“No!”
“Jamie!” Jared shouted. “I know you’re back here!”
The yellow light sped up and turned into a circle on the far wall.
Jared stalked around the corner, the flashlight in his hand sweeping back and forth across the rock floor.
He was clean again, wearing a faded red shirt I recognized—it had hung in the room where I’d lived for
weeks and so was a familiar sight. His face was also familiar—it wore exactly the same expression it had
since the first moment I’d shown up here.
The beam of the flashlight hit my face and blinded me; I knew the light reflected brilliantly off the silver
behind my eyes, because I felt Jamie jump—just a little start, and then he set himself more firmly than
before.
“Get away from it!” Jared roared.
“Shut up!” Jamie yelled back. “You don’t know her! Leave her alone!”
He clung to me while I tried to unlock his hands.
Jared came on like a charging bull. He grabbed the back of Jamie’s shirt with one hand and yanked him
away from me. He held on to his handful of fabric, shaking the boy while he yelled.
“You’re being an idiot! Can’t you see how it’s using you?”
Instinctively, I shoved myself into the tight space between them. As I’d intended, my advance made him
drop Jamie. I didn’t want or need what else happened—the way his familiar smell assaulted my senses,
the way the contours of his chest felt under my hands.
“Leave Jamie alone,” I said, wishing for once that I could be more like Melanie wanted me to be—that
my hands could be hard now, that my voice could be strong.
He snatched my wrists in one hand and used this leverage to hurl me away from him, into the wall. The
impact caught me by surprise, knocked the breath out of me. I rebounded off the stone wall to the floor,
landing in the boxes again, making another crinkly crash as I shredded through more cellophane.
The pulse thudded in my head as I lay awkwardly bent over the boxes, and for a moment, I saw strange
lights pass in front of my eyes.
“Coward!” Jamie screamed at Jared. “She wouldn’t hurt you to save her own life! Why can’t you leave
her alone?”
I heard the boxes shifting and felt Jamie’s hands on my arm. “Wanda? Are you okay, Wanda?”
“Fine,” I huffed, ignoring the throbbing in my head. I could see his anxious face hovering over me in the
glow of the flashlight, which Jared must have dropped. “You should go now, Jamie,” I whispered. “Run.”
Jamie shook his head fiercely.
I watched as Jared grabbed Jamie’s shoulders and yanked the boy up from his crouch. The boxes this
displaced fell on me like a small avalanche. I rolled away, covering my head with my arms. A heavy one
caught me right between the shoulder blades, and I cried out in pain.
“Stop hurting her!” Jamie howled.
There was a sharp crack, and someone gasped.
I struggled to pull myself out from under the heavy carton, rising up on my elbows dizzily.
Jared had one hand over his nose, and something dark was oozing down over his lips. His eyes were
wide with surprise. Jamie stood in front of him with both hands clenched into fists, a furious scowl on his
face.
Jamie’s scowl melted slowly while Jared stared at him in shock. Hurt took its place—hurt and a betrayal
so deep that it rivaled Jared’s expression in the kitchen.
“You aren’t the man I thought you were,” Jamie whispered. He looked at Jared as though Jared were
very far away, as if there were a wall between them and Jamie was utterly isolated on his side.
Jamie’s eyes started to swim, and he turned his head, ashamed of showing weakness in front of Jared.
He walked away with quick, jerky movements.
We tried,Melanie thought sadly. Her heart ached after the child, even as she longed for me to return my
eyes to the man. I gave her what she wanted.
Jared wasn’t looking at me. He was staring at the blackness into which Jamie had disappeared, his hand
still covering his nose.
“Aw,damn it! ” he suddenly shouted. “Jamie! Get back here!”
There was no answer.
Jared threw one bleak glance in my direction—I cringed away, though his fury seemed to have
faded—then scooped up the flashlight and stomped after Jamie, kicking a box out of his way.
“I’m sorry, okay? Don’t cry, kid!” He called out more angry apologies as he turned the corner and left
me lying in the darkness.
For a long moment, it was all I could do to breathe. I concentrated on the air flowing in, then out, then
in. After I felt I had that part mastered, I worked on getting up off the floor. It took a few seconds to
remember how to move my legs, and even then they were shaky and threatened to collapse under me, so
I sat against the wall again, sliding over till I found my rice-filled pillow. I slumped there and took stock of
my condition.
Nothing was broken—except maybe Jared’s nose. I shook my head slowly. Jamie and Jared should not
be fighting. I was causing them so much turmoil and unhappiness. I sighed and went back to my
assessment. There was a vast sore spot in the center of my back, and the side of my face felt raw and
As I realized that, I was unexpectedly overwhelmed by relief.
I was alive. Jared had had his chance to kill me and he had not used it. He’d gone after Jamie instead, to
make things right between them. So whatever damage I was doing to their relationship, it was probably
not irreparable.
It had been a long day—the day had already been long even before Jared and the others had shown up,
and that seemed like eons ago. I closed my eyes where I was and fell asleep on the rice.
CHAPTER 28
Unenlightened
It was disorienting to wake in the absolute dark. In the past months, I’d gotten used to having the sun tell
me it was morning. At first I thought it must still be night, but then, feeling the sting of my face and the
ache of my back, I remembered where I was.
Beside me, I could hear the sound of quiet, even breathing; it did not frighten me, because it was the
most familiar of sounds here. I was not surprised that Jamie had crept back and slept beside me last
night.
Maybe it was the change in my breathing that woke him; maybe it was just that our schedules had
become synchronized. But seconds after I was conscious, he gave a little gasp.
“Wanda?” he whispered.
“I’m right here.”
He sighed in relief.
“It’s really dark here,” he said.
“Yes.”
“You think it’s breakfast time yet?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m hungry. Let’s go see.”
I didn’t answer him.
He interpreted my silence correctly, as the balk it was. “You don’t have to hide out here, Wanda,” he
said earnestly, after waiting a moment for me to speak. “I talked to Jared last night. He’s going to stop
picking on you—he promised.”
I almost smiled. Picking on me.
Mel? Is this best?
I don’t know.She was torn. She knew she couldn’t be objective; she wanted to see Jared.
That’s crazy, you know.
Not as crazy as the fact that you want to see him, too.
“Fine, Jamie,” I agreed. “But don’t get upset when it’s not the same as before, okay? If things get ugly…
Well, just don’t be surprised.”
“It’ll be okay. You’ll see.”
I let him lead the way out of the dark, towing me by the hand he still held. I braced myself as we entered
the big garden cavern; I couldn’t be sure of anyone’s reaction to me today. Who knew what had been
said as I slept?
But the garden was empty, though the sun was bright in the morning sky. It reflected off the hundreds of
mirrors, momentarily blinding me.
Jamie was not interested in the vacant cave. His eyes were on my face, and he sucked in a sharp breath
through his teeth as the light touched my cheek.
“Oh,” he gasped. “Are you okay? Does that hurt bad?”
I touched my face lightly. The skin felt rough—grit crusted in the blood. It throbbed where my fingers
brushed.
“It’s fine,” I whispered; the empty cavern made me wary—I didn’t want to speak too loudly. “Where is
everybody?”
Jamie shrugged, his eyes still tight as they surveyed my face. “Busy, I guess.” He didn’t lower his voice.
This reminded me of last night, of the secret he wouldn’t tell me. My eyebrows pulled together.
What do you think he’s not telling us?
You know what I know, Wanda.
You’re human. Aren’t you supposed to have intuition or something?
Intuition? My intuition tells me that we don’t know this place as well as we thought we did,
Melanie said.
We pondered the ominous sound of that.
The kitchen was not even half full—an oddity for this time of the morning. But I barely noticed that,
because the smell coming from the banked stone oven overruled every other thought.
“Oooh,” Jamie moaned. “Eggs!”
Jamie pulled me faster now, and I had no reluctance to keep pace with him. We hurried, stomachs
growling, to the counter by the oven where Lucina, the mother, stood with a plastic ladle in her hand.
Breakfast was usually serve-yourself, but then breakfast was also usually tough bread rolls.
She looked only at the boy as she spoke. “They tasted better an hour ago.”
“They’ll taste just fine now,” Jamie countered enthusiastically. “Has everyone eaten?”
“Pretty much. I think they took a tray down to Doc and the rest.…” Lucina trailed off, and her eyes
flickered to me for the first time; Jamie’s eyes did the same. I didn’t understand the expression that
crossed Lucina’s features—it disappeared too quickly, replaced by something else as she appraised the
new marks on my face.
“How much is left?” Jamie asked. His eagerness sounded a trifle forced now.
Lucina turned and bent, tugging a metal pan off the hot stones in the bottom of the oven with the bowl of
the ladle. “How much do you want, Jamie? There’s plenty,” she told him without turning.
“Pretend I’m Kyle,” he said with a laugh.
“A Kyle-sized portion it is,” Lucina said, but when she smiled, her eyes were unhappy.
She filled one of the soup bowls to overflowing with slightly rubbery scrambled eggs, stood up, and
handed it to Jamie.
She eyed me again, and I understood whatthis look was for.
“Let’s sit over there, Jamie,” I said, nudging him away from the counter.
He stared in amazement. “Don’t you want any?”
“No, I’m —” I was about to say “fine” again, when my stomach gurgled disobediently.
“Wanda?” He looked at me, then back at Lucina, who had her arms folded across her chest.
“I’ll just have bread,” I muttered, trying to shove him away.
“No. Lucina, what’s the problem?” He looked at her expectantly. She didn’t move. “If you’re done
here, I’ll take over,” he suggested, his eyes narrowing and his mouth setting in a stubborn line.
Lucina shrugged and set the ladle on the stone counter. She walked away slowly, not looking at me
“Jamie,” I muttered urgently under my breath. “This food isn’t meant for me. Jared and the others
weren’t risking their lives so that I could have eggs for breakfast. Bread is fine.”
“Don’t be stupid, Wanda,” Jamie said. “You live here now, just like the rest of us. Nobody minds it
when you wash their clothes or bake their bread. Besides, these eggs aren’t going to last much longer. If
you don’t eat them, they’ll get thrown out.”
I felt all the eyes in the room boring into my back.
“That might be preferable to some,” I said even more quietly. No one but Jamie could possibly hear.
“Forget that,” Jamie growled. He hopped over the counter and filled another bowl with eggs, which he
then shoved at me. “You’re going to eat every bite,” he told me resolutely.
I looked at the bowl. My mouth watered. I pushed the eggs a few inches away from me and then folded
my arms.
Jamie frowned. “Fine,” he said, and shoved his own bowl across the counter. “You don’t eat, I don’t
eat.” His stomach grumbled audibly. He folded his arms across his chest.
We stared at each other for two long minutes, both our stomachs rumbling as we inhaled the smell of the
eggs. Every now and then, he would peek down at the food out of the corner of his eye. That’s what
beat me—the longing look in his eyes.
“Fine,” I huffed. I slid his bowl back to him and then retrieved my own. He waited until I took the first
bite to touch his. I stifled a moan as the taste registered on my tongue. I knew the cooled, rubbery eggs
weren’t the best thing I’d ever tasted, but that’s how it felt. This body lived for the present.
Jamie had a similar reaction. And then he started shoveling the food into his mouth so fast it seemed he
didn’t have time to breathe. I watched him to make sure he didn’t choke.
I ate more slowly, hoping that I’d be able to convince him to eat some of mine when he was done.
That was when, with our minor standoff over and my stomach satisfied, I finally noticed the atmosphere
in the kitchen.
I would have expected, with the excitement of eggs for breakfast after months of monotony, more of a
feeling of celebration. But the air was somber, the conversations all whispered. Was this a reaction to the
scene last night? I scanned the room, trying to understand.
Peoplewere looking at me, a few here and there, but they weren’t the only ones talking in serious
whispers, and the others paid me no mind at all. Besides, none of them seemed angry or guilty or tense or
any of the other emotions I was expecting.
No, they weresad. Despair was etched on every face in the room.
Sharon was the last person I noticed, eating in a distant corner, keeping to herself as usual. She was so
composed as she mechanically ate her breakfast that at first I didn’t notice the tears dripping in streaks
down her face. They fell into her food, but she ate as if she were beyond noticing.
