had to. I would be wrong to sneak out in the night like a thief and leave all my goodbyes to Melanie.
Ian, tired of waiting, grabbed my arm and hauled me up from the floor. When Sunny seemed like she
was coming along, too, still joined to my side, Ian shook me until she fell off.
“What iswith you?” Kyle demanded.
Ian hauled his knee back and smashed his foot hard into Kyle’s face.
“Ian!” I protested.
Sunny threw herself in front of Kyle—who was holding his hand to his nose and struggling to get to his
feet—and tried to shield him with her tiny body. This knocked him off balance, back to the floor, and he
groaned.
“C’mon,” Ian snarled, dragging me away from them without a backward glance.
“Ian —”
He wrenched me roughly along, making it impossible for me to speak. That was fine. I had no idea what
to say.
I saw everyone’s startled face flash by in a blur. I was worried he was going to upset the unnamed
woman. She wasn’t used to anger and violence.
And then we jerked to a stop. Jared was blocking the exit.
“Have you lost your mind, Ian?” he asked, shocked and outraged. “What are you doing to her?”
That was answer enough for Ian.
Ian’s fist struck Jared so fast that I missed the blow—I just felt the lurch in his body and saw Jared reel
back into the dark hall.
“Ian, stop,” I begged.
“Youstop,” he growled back at me.
He yanked me through the arch into the tunnel, then pulled me north. I had to almost run to keep up with
his longer stride.
“O’Shea!” Jared shouted after us.
“I’mgoing to hurt her?” Ian roared back over his shoulder, not breaking pace. “Iam?You hypocritical
swine! ”
There was nothing but silence and blackness behind us now. I stumbled in the dark, trying to keep up.
It was then that I began to feel the throbbing from Ian’s grip. His hand was tight as a tourniquet around
my upper arm, his long fingers making the circle easily and then overlapping. My hand was going numb.
He jerked me along faster, and my breath caught in a moan, almost a cry of pain.
The sound made Ian stumble to a stop. His breathing was hoarse in the darkness.
“Ian, Ian, I…” I choked, unable to finish. I didn’t know what to say, picturing his furious face.
His arms caught me up abruptly, yanking my feet out from under me and then catching my shoulders
before I could fall. He started running forward again, carrying me now. His hands were not rough and
angry like before; he cradled me against his chest.
He ran right through the big plaza, ignoring the surprised and even suspicious faces. There was too much
that was unfamiliar and uncomfortable going on in the caves right now. The humans here—Violetta,
Geoffrey, Andy, Paige, Aaron, Brandt, and more I couldn’t see well as we jolted past—were skittish. It
disturbed them to see Ian running headlong through them, face twisted with rage, with me in his arms.
And then they were behind us. He didn’t pause until we reached the doors leaning against his and Kyle’s
room. He kicked the red one out of the way—it hit the stone floor with an echoing boom—and dropped
me onto the mattress on the floor.
Ian stood above me, his chest heaving with exertion and fury. For a second he turned away and put the
I took a deep breath and rolled up onto my knees, holding my hands out, palms up, wishing that some
magic would appear in them. Something I could give him, something I could say. But my hands were
empty.
“You. Are. Not. Leaving. Me.” His eyes blazed—burning brighter than I had ever seen them, blue
flames.
“Ian,” I whispered. “You have to see that… that I can’t stay. Youmust see that.”
“No!”he shouted at me.
I cringed back, and, abruptly, Ian crumpled forward, falling to his knees, falling into me. He buried his
head in my stomach, and his arms locked around my waist. He was shaking, shaking hard, and loud,
desperate sobs were breaking out of his chest.
“No, Ian, no,” I begged. This was so much worse than his anger. “Don’t, please. Please, don’t.”
“Wanda,” he moaned.
“Ian, please. Don’t feel this way. Don’t. I’m so sorry. Please.”
I was crying, too, shaking, too, though that might have been him shaking me.
“You can’t leave.”
“I have to, I have to,” I sobbed.
And then we cried wordlessly for a long time.
His tears dried before mine. Eventually, he straightened up and pulled me into his arms again. He waited
until I was able to speak.
“Sorry,” he whispered. “I was mean.”
“No, no.I’m sorry. I should have told you, when you didn’t guess. I just… I couldn’t. I didn’t want to
tell you—to hurt you—to hurt me. It was selfish.”
“We need to talk about this, Wanda. It’s not a done deal. It can’t be.”
“It is.”
He shook his head, clenching his teeth. “How long? How long have you been planning this?”
“Since the Seeker,” I whispered.
He nodded, seeming to expect this answer. “And you thought that you had to give up your secret to
save her. I can understand that. But that doesn’t mean you have to go anywhere. Just because Doc
knows now… that doesn’tmean anything. If I’d thought for one minute that it did, that one action
equaled the other, I wouldn’t have stood there and let you show him. No one is going to force you to lie
“Ian, please.”
“They can’t make you, Wanda! Do you hear me?” He was shouting again.
“No one is making me. I didn’t show Doc how to do the separation so that I could save the Seeker,” I
whispered. “The Seeker’s being here just made me have to decide… faster. I did it to save Mel, Ian.”
His nostrils flared, and he said nothing.
“She’s trapped in here, Ian. It’s like a prison—worse than that; I can’t even describe it. She’s like a
ghost. And I can free her. I can give her herself back.”
“You deserve a life, too, Wanda. You deserve to stay.”
“But Ilove her, Ian.”
He closed his eyes, and his pale lips went dead white.
“But I loveyou, ” he whispered. “Doesn’t that matter?”
“Of course it matters. So much. Can’t you see? That only makes it more… necessary.”
His eyes flashed open. “Is it so unbearable to have me love you? Is that it? I can keep my mouth shut,
Wanda. I won’t say it again. You can be with Jared, if that’s what you want. Just stay.”
“No, Ian!” I took his face between my hands—his skin felt hard, strained tight over the bones. “No.
I—I love you, too. Me, the little silver worm in the back of her head. But my body doesn’t love you. It
can’t love you. I can never love you in this body, Ian. It pulls me in two. It’s unbearable.”
I could have borne it. But watchinghim suffer because of my body’s limitations? Not that.
He closed his eyes again. His thick black lashes were wet with tears. I could see them glisten.
Oh, go ahead,Mel sighed.Do whatever you need to. I’ll… step into the other room, she added
dryly.
Thanks.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him until my lips touched his.
He curled his arms around me, pulling me tighter against his chest. Our lips moved together, fusing as if
they would never divide, as if separation was not the inevitable thing it was, and I could taste the salt of
our tears. His and mine.
Something began to change.
When Melanie’s body touched Jared’s body, it was like a wildfire—a fast burn that raced across the
surface of the desert and consumed everything in its path.
My unwilling body was a fog between us—a thick curtain, but gauzy enough that I could see through it,
could see what was happening.
It changedme, not her. It was almost a metallurgical process deep inside the core of who I was,
something that had already begun, was already nearly forged. But this long, unbroken kiss finished it,
searing and sharp edged—it shoved this new creation, all hissing, into the cold water that made it hard
and final. Unbreakable.
And I started to cry again, realizing that it must be changing him, too, this man who was kind enough to
be a soul but strong as only a human could be.
He moved his lips to my eyes, but it was too late. It was done. “Don’t cry, Wanda. Don’t cry. You’re
staying with me.”
“Eight full lives,” I whispered against his jaw, my voice breaking. “Eight full lives and I never found
anyone I would stay on a planet for, anyone I would follow when they left. I never found a partner. Why
now? Why you? You’re not of my species. How can you be my partner?”
“It’s a strange universe,” he murmured.
“It’s not fair,” I complained, echoing Sunny’s words. It wasn’t fair. How could I find this, find
love—now, in this eleventh hour—and have to leave it? Was it fair that my soul and body couldn’t
reconcile? Was it fair that I had to love Melanie, too?
Was it fair that Ian would suffer? He deserved happiness if anyone did. Itwasn’t fair or right or even…
sane. How could I do this to him?
“I love you,” I whispered.
“Don’t say that like you’re saying goodbye.”
But I had to. “I, the soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And that will never change, no matter
what I might become.” I worded it carefully, so that there would be no lie in my voice. “If I were a
Dolphin or a Bear or a Flower, it wouldn’t matter. I would always love you, always remember you. You
will be my only partner.”
His arms stiffened, then constricted tighter around me, and I could feel the anger in them again. It was
hard to breathe.
“You’re not wandering off anywhere. You’re staying here.”
“Ian —”
But his voice was brusque now—angry, but also businesslike. “This isn’t just for me. You’re a part of
this community, and you aren’t getting kicked out without discussion. You are far too important to us
all—even to the ones who would never admit it. We need you.”
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
”
“No. Not even you yourself, Wanderer.”
He kissed me again, his mouth rougher with the return of the anger. His hand curled into a fist around my
hair, and he pulled my face an inch away from his.
“Good or bad?” he demanded.
“Good.”
“That’s what I thought.” And his voice was a growl.
He kissed me again. His arms were so tight around my ribs, his mouth so fierce against mine, that I was
soon dizzy and gasping for air. He loosened his arms a little then and let his lips slide to my ear.
“Let’s go.”
“Where? Where are we going?” I wasn’t going anywhere, I knew that. And yet how my heart pounded
when I thought of going away, somewhere, anywhere, with Ian. My Ian. He was mine, the way Jared
never would be. The way this body could never be his.
“Don’t give me any trouble about this, Wanderer. I’m half out of my mind.” He pulled us both to our
feet.
“Where?” I insisted.
“You’re going down the eastern tunnel, past the field, to the end.”
“The game room?”
“Yes. And then you are going to wait there until I get the rest of them.”
“Why?” His words sounded crazy to me. Did he want to play a game? To ease the tension again?
“Because thiswill be discussed. I’m calling a tribunal, Wanderer, and you are going to abide by our
decision.”
CHAPTER 57
Completed
It was a small tribunal this time, not like the trial for Kyle’s life. Ian brought only Jeb, Doc, and Jared. He
knew without having to be told that Jamie must not be allowed anywhere near these proceedings.
Melanie would have to give that goodbye for me. I couldn’t face that, not with Jamie. I didn’t care if it
was cowardly of me. I wouldn’t do it.
Just one blue lamp, one dim circle of light on the stone floor. We sat on the edge of the ring of light; I
was alone, the four men facing me. Jeb had even brought his gun—as if it were a gavel and would make
waste of my small store of time. I was worried about more important things.
“Which one?” he responded in a weary voice.
I stared at him for a few seconds, and then my eyes grew wide. “Sunny’s gone? Already?”
“Kyle thought it was cruel to make her suffer longer. She was… unhappy.”
“I wish I could have said goodbye,” I murmured to myself. “And good luck. How is Jodi?”
“No response yet.”
“The Healer’s body?”
“Trudy took her away. I think they went to get her something to eat. They’re working on finding a
temporary name she likes, so we can call her something besidesthe body. ” He smiled wryly.
“She’ll be fine. I’m sure she will,” I said, trying to believe the words. “And Jodi, too. It will all work
out.”
No one called me on my lies. They knew I was saying this for myself.
Doc sighed. “I don’t want to be away from Jodi long. She might need something.”
“Right,” I agreed. “Let’s get this over with.” The quicker the better. Because it didn’t matter what was
said here; Doc had agreed to my terms. And yet there was some stupid part of me that hoped… hoped
that there was a solution that would make everything perfect and let me stay with Ian and Mel with Jared
in a way that absolutely no one would suffer for. Best to crush that impossible hope quickly.
“Okay,” Jeb said. “Wanda, what’s your side?”
“I’m giving Melanie back.” Firm, short—no reasons to argue against.
“Ian, what’s yours?”
“We need Wanda here.”
Firm, short—he was copying me.
Jeb nodded to himself. “That’s a tricky one. Wanda, why should I agree with you?”
“If it were you, you’d want your body back. You can’t deny Melanie that.”
“Ian?” Jeb asked.
He’s right.
Nobody asked you.
Jared spoke up. “Wanda, what does Mel say?”
Ha,Mel said.
I stared into Jared’s eyes, and the strangest thing happened. All the melting and melding I had just been
through was shoved aside, into the smallest part of my body, the little corner that I took up physically.
The rest of me yearned toward Jared with the same desperate, half-crazed hunger I’d felt since the first
time I’d seen him here. This body barely belonged to me or to Melanie—it belonged to him.
There really wasn’t room enough for the two of us in here.
“Melanie wants her body back. She wants her life back.”
Liar. Tell them the truth.
No.
“Liar,” Ian said. “I can see you arguing with her. I’ll bet she agrees with me. She’s a good person. She
knows how much we need you.”
“Mel knows everything I know. She’ll be able to help you. And the Healer’s host. She knows more than
I ever did. You’ll be fine. You were fine before I was here. You’ll survive, just like before.”
