meaning.
"Who is the boy?" asked the nun. "Must you go on keeping secrets
from me even now?"
The girl looked out through the blind. It was the brother who had
<P 1087 >
been especially on her mind that last terrible night at Uji. She had always
thought him an impudent, arrogant, and generally unpleasant little urchin,
but he had been a favorite of their mother's whom she had occasionally
brought with her to Uji. Yes, they had been fond of each other in their
childish way; but the memory was like a dream. She longed for news of
her mother. She had in the course of events had word of others, but none
at all of her mother. At the sight of the boy all the old sadness came back.
Tears were streaming from her eyes.
<N 9>
He was a very attractive boy indeed. The nun thought she detected
a family resemblance. "Your brother, I am sure of it. Suppose we ask him
in. He will want to talk to you."
But he would long ago have sent her off in his thoughts to another
world, and she was ashamed to have him catch even a glimpse of her nun's
habit." I am sorry that you think me furtive," she answered after some
hesitation. "I am very sorry indeed. But I have nothing to say. You must
have had any number of questions when you found me. I was out of my
mind then, of course, and even now I cannot remember a thing. Possibly
I have given away my own soul, if that is what you wish to call it, and
borrowed someone else's. The other day when I heard what your nephew
the governor had to say, I had a vague feeling that it was about a place
<P 1088>
I once knew. I have thought and thought, but nothing really comes back.
There was a lady who worried about me and wanted to make me happy,
and that is all I know. I keep wondering how she is, but somehow it makes
me very sad to think of her. I may have known this boy when we were
small--but please, I can't make myself try to remember. If you don't
mind, I would rather let him go on thinking I am dead. I do not know whe-
ther my mother is still alive. If she is I might want to see her--but no
one else. The gentleman the bishop speaks of: I would rather he too
went on thinking I am dead. Please tell the boy that there has been a
mistake."
"That will not be easy. Even as people of saintly honesty go, my
brother is not a man to hold things back. He will have revealed every last
detail. The truth will not consent, I fear, to go back into hiding again, and
the fact that the general is a man who must be reckoned with does not
make matters less complicated."
She was not prepared to accept evasions this time, and she had the
support of the other nuns. "The most obstinate little creature," they said,
"the world ever saw."
A curtain was hung near the veranda of the main hall and the boy
invited inside the blinds. Though he knew that he was in his sister's
presence, he was still a child, and shy about speaking without adequate
preliminaries.
Eyes on the floor, he presently essayed: "There is another letter I'd like
to give her. What the bishop said is true, I'm sure. But she seems so
unfriendly."
"She is indeed. What a handsome lad you are. Yes, here she is, the
person the letter is for. We outsiders are somewhat puzzled by it all. Have
a talk with her yourself. You do seem terribly young, but he must have
had good reasons for choosing you."
"What can I say when she won't answer? She is treating me like a
stranger. No, I have nothing more to say. But he told me I had to put the
letter in her hands and no one else's, and so I have to."
"You do indeed." The nun pushed the girl towards the curtain. "Be
civil to him, please do. You really are very stubborn."
The boy was certain, from the dumbness as of one in a trance, that
the object of these remarks would be his sister. He edged closer and pushed
the letter towards her.
"As soon as you can let me have your answer I will be off." Hurt by
her aloofness, he had no wish to dawdle.
The nun opened the letter and handed it to the girl.
It was in the familiar hand. Sending forth the extraordinary fragrance,
it quite dizzied the more forward of the nuns, who made sure that they
had a glimpse of it.
"Out of deference to the bishop, I shall excuse the rash step you have
taken. Of that I shall speak no further. For my own part, I am seized with
<P 1089 >
so intense a longing to speak to you of those nightmarish events that I can
scarcely myself accept it as real. I cannot imagine how it might seem to
others."
As if unable to find adequate words, he continued with a poem:
"I lost my way in the hills, having taken a road
That would lead, I hope, to a teacher of the Law.
"Have you forgotten this boy? I keep him here beside me in memory
of one who disappeared."
It was friendly, even ardent. She could not pretend, such was the
clarity of the detail, that it was meant for someone else. She dreaded a visit,
perhaps unannounced. She did not want him to see her drab robes and her
cropped hair. The uncertainty too much for her, she collapsed in tears. The
nun gazed at her helplessly. What a silly child she was!
"And may I have your answer?"
"Let me collect myself just a little, please, if you don't mind. I try to
remember but I cannot. It is all like a strange, frightening dream. I think
possibly I may be able to understand when I have calmed myself a little.
<P 1090>
Send it back, please, today at least. There may have been a mistake." Not
even refolding the letter, she pushed it towards the nun.
"You are being rude, my dear, nothing else, and if you persist in your
rudeness we too will be held responsible."
The girl was trembling violently and wished to hear no more. She lay
with her face buried in her sleeves.
The nun came forward to converse briefly with the boy. "Some evil
powers may be at her again. She is seldom herself and she goes on feeling
unwell, and so she has taken vows. I have feared all along that if someone
were to come looking for her we would be in trouble, and here we are. It
is all very sad and very disturbing. I must apologize for what has happened
and admit that it is a great waste. She has never been strong. Today she
is less in control of herself than usual, and I fear we cannot expect even
the sort of inadequate response we usually get."
A most elegant lunch of mountain delicacies was brought in; but the
boy's young thoughts were elsewhere. "My lord sent me all this way," he
said, "and what am I to take back? Let me have a word from her, please,
just a word."
"What you say is entirely reasonable." The nun relayed the appeal,
but Ukifune was silent.
"All I can suggest," said the nun, coming forward again, "is that you
remind him of our vulnerability. The mountain winds may blow, but we
are not separated from the city by so fearfully many banks of clouds, and
I am sure that you will find occasion to visit again."
Nothing more was to be done, clearly, and the boy feared that he was
beginning to look ridiculous. Saddened and chagrined at his failure to
exchange even a word with his so grievously lamented sister, he started
for the city.
Kaoru waited with much anticipation, which the boy's report was
quick to dispel. He might better have done nothing at all.
It would seem that, as he examined the several possibilities, a suspi-
cion crossed his mind: the memory of how he himself had behaved in
earlier days made him ask whether someone might be hiding her from the
world.
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