move on his own.
Hands grabbed me, trying futilely to pull me away. "Rose—Rose! Stop. Stop this."
I ignored the voice, ignored the hands. I was all anger and power, wanting—no, needing—Victor to face me once and for all.
Suddenly, a strange sensation crept along me, like fingertips across my skin. Let him go. I didn't want to, but for half a second, it
seemed like a reasonable idea. I loosened my hold slightly, just enough for those hands to jerk me away. Like that, I snapped out of the
haze and realized what had happened. The person who'd pulled me was Sonya, and she'd used a tiny bit of compulsion to get me
away and let go of Victor. She was strong enough in her power that she didn't even need eye contact. She held onto me, even though
she had to know it was wasted effort.
"I have to stop him," I said, wriggling from her grasp. "He has to pay." I reached for him again.
Sonya gave up on physical restraint, appealing to words instead. "Rose, he has! He's dead. Can't you see that? Dead. Victor's
dead!"
No, I didn't see that—not at first. All I saw was my blind obsession, my need to get to Victor. But then, her words broke through to
me. As I gripped Victor, I felt the limpness in his body. I saw the eyes that looked blankly at . . . nothing. That crazy, churning emotion in
me faded, transforming into shock. My grip slackened as I stared at him and truly understood what she had said.
Understood what I had done.
Then, I heard a terrible sound. A low wailing broke through the frozen horror in my mind. I glanced back in alarm and saw Dimitri
standing with Robert. Robert's arms were pinned behind his back as Dimitri effortlessly held him, but the Moroi was doing everything
in his power—and failing—to break free. Jill stood nearby, looking uneasily at all of us, confused and afraid.
"Victor! Victor!"
Robert's pleas were muffled by sobs and as useless as my own efforts to get Victor up. I dragged my gaze back down to the body
before me, barely believing what I had just done. I'd thought the guardians had been crazy in their reaction to Eddie killing a Moroi, but
now, I was starting to understand. A monster like a Strigoi was one thing. But the life of a person, even a person who—
"Get him out of here!"
Sonya was so near me that the unexpected exclamation made me wince. She'd been kneeling too but now jumped to her feet,
turning toward Dimitri.
"Get him out of here! As far as you can!"
Dimitri looked surprised, but the powerful command in her voice drove him to instant action. He began dragging Robert away. After
a few moments, Dimitri simply opted to toss the man over his shoulder and cart him off. I would have expected cries of protest, but
Robert had fallen silent. His eyes were on Victor's body—their gaze so sharp, so focused that they seemed like they could burn a hole
through someone. Sonya, not having my fanciful impression, thrust herself between the brothers and dropped to the ground again,
covering Victor's body with her own.
"Get him out of here!" she called again. "He's trying to bring Victor back! He'll be shadow-kissed!"
I was still confused and upset, still appalled at what I'd done, but the danger of what she said hit me hard. Robert couldn't be allowed
to bring back Victor back. The brothers were dangerous enough without being bonded. Victor couldn't be allowed to summon ghosts
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the way I could. Victor had to stay dead.
"Doesn't he have to touch the body?" I asked.
"To finish the bond, yes. But he was wielding tons of spirit just now, calling Victor's soul back and keeping it around," she explained.
When Dimitri and Robert were gone, Sonya told me to help her move the body. We'd made too much noise, and it was a wonder no
one had come out yet. Jill joined us, and I moved without really being aware of what I was doing. Sonya found the keys to the CR-V on
Victor and flattened the backseats to increase the rear cargo space. We crawled into it, the three of us having to hunch down to stay
out of sight. We soon heard voices, people coming to see what had happened. I don't know long they were in the parking lot, only that
they mercifully didn't search cars. Honestly? I had few coherent thoughts at all. That rage was gone, but my mind was a mess. I couldn't
seem to get a hold of anything concrete. I felt sick and just followed Sonya's orders, staying low as I tried not to look at Victor's body.
Even after the voices were gone, she kept us in the car. At last, she exhaled a deep breath and focused on me. "Rose?" I didn't
answer right away. "Rose?"
"Yeah?" I asked, voice cracking.
Her voice was soothing and cajoling. I felt that crawling on my skin again and a need to please her. "I need you to look at the dead.
Open your eyes to them."
The dead? No. My mind felt out of control, and I had enough sense to know bringing ghosts here would be a bad idea. "I can't."
"You can," she said. "I'll help you. Please."
I couldn't refuse her compulsion. Expanding my senses, I let down the walls I kept around me. They were the walls that blocked me
from the world of the dead and the ghosts that followed me around. Within moments, translucent faces appeared before me, some like
normal people and others terrible and ghastly. Their mouths opened, wanting to speak but unable to.
"What do you see?" asked Sonya.
"Spirits," I whispered.
"Do you see Victor?"
I peered into the swarm of faces, seeking anyone familiar. "No."
"Push them back," she said. "Put your walls back up."
I tried to do as she said, but it was hard. I didn't have the will. I felt outside encouragement and realized Sonya was still compelling
me. She couldn't make the ghosts disappear, but feelings of support and determination strengthened me. I shut out the restless dead.
"He's gone then," Sonya said. "He's either completely consumed by the world of the dead or is wandering as a restless spirit.
Regardless, any lingering threads to life are gone. He can't come back to life." She turned to Jill. "Go get Dimitri."
"I don't know where he is," said Jill, startled.
Sonya smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Close, I'm sure. And watching. Go walk around the motel, the block, whatever. He'll find
you."
Jill left, needing no compulsion. When she was gone, I buried my face in my hands. "Oh God. Oh God. All this time, I denied it, but
it's true: I am a murderer."
"Don't think about that yet," said Sonya. Her take-charge attitude was almost comforting. Almost. It was easier to take orders than
fend for yourself. "Deal with your guilt later. For now, we have to get rid of the body."
I uncovered my eyes and forced myself to look at Victor. Nausea welled up within me, and those crazy feelings spun even more out
of control. I gave a harsh laugh. "Yes. The body. I wish Sydney was here. But we don't have any magic potions. The sun won't destroy
him. Weird, isn't it? Strigoi are harder to kill . . . harder to kill, easier to clean up." I laughed again because there was something
familiar about my rambling . . . it was like Adrian in one of his weird moments. Or Lissa when spirit had pushed her to the edge. "This
is it, isn't it?" I asked Sonya. "The flood . . . the flood you warned me about. Lissa escaped spirit, but it finally defeated me . . . just like
Anna . . . just like the dream . . . oh God. This is the dream, isn't it? But I won't wake up . . ."
Sonya was staring at me, her blue eyes wide with . . . fear? Mockery? Alarm? She reached out and took my hand. "Stay with me,
Rose. We'll push it back."
A knock at the window startled us both, and Sonya let Jill and Dimitri in.
"Where's Robert?" asked Sonya.
Dimitri glanced down at Victor and then promptly looked away. "Unconscious, hidden in some bushes around the corner."
"Charming," said Sonya. "Do you think that's smart? Leaving him?"
He shrugged. "I figured I shouldn't be seen carrying an unconscious guy in my arms. In fact . . . yes, I think we should just leave him
there. He'll wake up. He's not a fugitive. And without Victor, he's . . . well, not harmless. But less harmful. We can't keep dragging him
with us anyway."
I laughed again, that laugh that seemed unhinged and hysterical even to me. "He's unconscious. Of course. Of course. You can do
I laughed again, that laugh that seemed unhinged and hysterical even to me. "He's unconscious. Of course. Of course. You can do
that. You can do the right thing. Not me." I looked down at Victor. "‘An animal,' he said. He was right. No higher reasoning . . ." I
wrapped my arms around myself, my fingernails digging into my skin so hard they drew blood. Physical pain to make the mental pain
go away. Wasn't that what Lissa had always said?
Dimitri stared at me and then turned to Sonya. "What's wrong?" he demanded. I'd seen him risk his life over and over, but never,
until now, had he truly looked afraid.
"Spirit," said Sonya. "She's pulled and pulled for so long . . . and managed to hold it back. It's been waiting, though. Always waiting .
. ." She frowned slightly, maybe realizing she was starting to sound like me. She turned to Jill. "Is that silver?"
Jill looked down at the heart-shaped locket around her neck. "I think so."
"Can I have it?"
Jill undid the clasp and passed it over. Sonya held it between her palms and closed her eyes a moment, pursing her lips. A few
seconds later, her eyes opened, and she handed me the locket. "Put it on."
Just touching it gave me a strange tingling in my skin. "The heart . . ." I looked at Dimitri as I fastened the clasp. "Do you remember
that? ‘Where's the heart?' you asked. And here it is. Here it . . ."
I stopped. The world suddenly became crisper. My jumbled thoughts slowly began to move back together, forming some semblance
of rationality. I stared at my companions—the living ones—truly seeing them now. I touched the locket.
"This is a healing charm."
Sonya nodded. "I didn't know if it'd work on the mind. I don't think it's a permanent fix . . . but between it and your own will, you'll be
okay for a while."
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I tried not to focus on those last words. For a while. Instead, I tried to make sense of the world around me. Of the body in front of me.
"What have I done?" I whispered.
Jill put her arm around me, but it was Dimitri who spoke.
"What you had to."
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TWENTY-TWENTY-NINENINE
TWENTYTWENTY --NINENINE
THE EVENTS THAT FOLLOWED were a blur. Sonya might have kept spirit's touch at bay, but it didn't matter. I was still in shock, still
unable to think. They put me in the front seat, as far from Victor as possible. Dimitri drove us somewhere—I didn't pay much attention
—where he and Sonya disposed of the body. They didn't say what they did, only that it was "taken care of." I didn't ask for details.
After that, we were back and headed toward Court. Sonya and Dimitri tossed around options on what to do when we got there.
Seeing as no one had yet cleared my name, the current plan was that Sonya would have to escort Jill into Court. Jill asked if she could
call her parents to let them know she was okay, but Dimitri felt that was a security risk. Sonya said she'd try to reach Emily in a dream,
which made Jill feel a little better.
I coped during the drive by checking in on Lissa. Focusing on her took me away from the horrible guilt and emptiness I felt, the
horror at what I'd done to Victor. When I was with Lissa, I wasn't me, and just then, that was my greatest desire. I didn't want to be me.
But things weren't perfect for her either. Like always, a number of issues were weighing her down. She felt close—so, so close—to
unraveling who had killed Tatiana. The answer seemed within her grasp, if only she could reach just a little farther. The guardians had
dragged Joe the janitor in, and after a fair amount of coercion—they had methods that didn't require magical compulsion—he'd
admitted to having seen the twisted-handed Moroi in my building on the night of the murder. No amount of pushing would get Joe to
admit he had been paid off—by either the man or Daniella. The most he'd admit was that he might have been "a little off" in his times
that night. It was by no means hard evidence to save me.
Lissa had Ambrose's letter too, which had subtly threatened Tatiana. The writer had opposed the age law for being soft,
disapproved of Tatiana's endorsement of spirit, and resented the secret training sessions. The letter might have been perfectly polite,
but whoever penned it had had a serious grudge against the queen. That supported the political motive theories.
Of course, there were still lots of personal motives for the murder too. The sordid mess with Ambrose, Blake, and the women
involved pegged any of them as the murderer. Daniella Ivashkov being on that list was a constant point of stress for Lissa, and she
dared not breathe a word to Adrian. The saving grace there was that Daniella's bribery had been to get Adrian out of trouble—not
solidify my guilt. The unknown Moroi had funded that bribe. Surely, if she had killed Tatiana, Daniella would have paid for both of Joe's
lies.
And of course, there was the last test pressing against Lissa's mind. The riddle. The riddle that seemed to have so many answers
—and yet, none at all. What must a queen possess in order to truly rule her people? In some ways, it was more difficult than the