Next day I waked in the dawn-dark. All Arbela was astir, the garrison were busy about the horse-lines. At sunup, the walls were full of people gazing north, though there was nothing to see.
I met Boubakes again, visiting the women's quarters, and guessed he was telling their eunuchs to look alive. Harem duties make such people fat and lazy. Still, these were faithful to their trust, as we were soon to learn.
Taking Tiger for his canter, I felt him on edge; he'd caught it from the other horses, who'd caught it from the men. Coming back I said to Neshi, "Keep a watch on the stable. See no one breaks in." He asked no questions, but was as twitchy as the horses. In war many chances can happen to a slave, both good and bad.
At noon came a King's Messenger. The battle had begun soon after sunup. Our army had stood by all night, the King thinking that Alexander, being outnumbered, might try for a surprise; but he had waited till the sky was bright, before engaging. The messenger was the sixth of the relay; he knew no more.
Night came. The soldiers lit watch-fires all along the walls.
Towards midnight, I stood up there near the north gatehouse. It had been hot all day, but the night wind blew cool, and I went back to get my coat. As I returned, suddenly Northgate Street was filled with clamor; men heaving and crushing back from the road, the halting drumbeat of half-foundered horses, the crack of whips. The riders drove on like drunken men who have forgotten where they are going. These were not messengers; they were soldiers.
As they began to come to themselves and slow down a little, people came up with torches. I saw the men white with caked dust, streaked with dark blood; the horses' nostrils flaring scarlet as they fought for breath, their mouths all bloody foam. The men's first word was "Water!" Some soldiers dipped their helmets in a nearby fountain and brought them dripping. As if the mere sight had given him strength, one of the riders croaked, "All's lost... The King is coming."
I shoved forward and shouted, "When?" One who had had a gulp to drink said, "Now." Their horses, maddened by the smell of water, were dragging them on, trying to get to the fountain.
The crowd engulfed me. Wailing began, and rose to the night sky. It crawled and surged in my blood like fever. I raised a voice which I hardly knew for mine, a shrill crying like a girl's; it flowed from me, without my will, without shame. I was a part of lamentation, as a raindrop is part of rain. Yet as I cried, I was fighting to get out through the press. I freed myself, and made for the King's house.
Boubakes had only just come out upon the threshold, and was calling a slave to go and learn the news. My wailing ceased. I told him.
Our eyes spoke without more words. Mine, I suppose, said, "Again the first to run. But who am I to say so? I shed no blood for him, and he has given me all I have." And his answered, "Yes, keep your thoughts to yourself. He is our master. That is the beginning and the end." Then he cried out, "Alas! Alas!" and beat his breast in duty. But next moment he was calling all the servants to make ready for the King.
I said, "Shall I see the women put in the wagons?"
The wailing was washing all over the city, like a river risen in flood.
"Ride round to tell the wardens, but do not stay. Our duty is with the King." He might not approve of his master keeping a boy; but he would look after all his property and have it ready. "Have you your horse?"
"I hope so, if I can get to him fast enough."
Neshi was watching the stable door, without making a show of it. He had always had good sense.
I said, "The King's coming. I shall have to go with him. It looks like a hard journey, and worse for foot-followers. I don't know where he means to go. The Macedonians will soon be here. The gates will all be open; they might kill you, or you might get away, even to Egypt. Will you run with us, or take your freedom? Make your own choice."
He said he would take his freedom, and if they killed him he would still die blessing my name. He prostrated himself, though he was nearly trampled doing it, before he ran off.
(He did get back to Egypt. I found him quite lately, the letter-writer in a good village not far from Memphis. He almost knew me; I have good bones, and have looked after my figure. But he could not place me, and I kept quiet. I said to myself it would not be proper, now where he was respected, to remind him of his slavery. But the truth is, too, that though the wise man knows all beauty is born to perish, one does not care to be reminded of that either. So I thanked him for pointing me out my road, and went my way.)
As I took Tiger out from his stall, a man ran up, and offered to buy him for twice what he was worth. I had been just in time; soon horses would be fought over. I was glad my dagger was in my sash.
At all the harem houses, there was a great packing and harnessing up; you could hear from outside a chittering like a bird-seller's shop, and smell great drifts of scent from the stirred-up clothes. Each eunuch asked me where the King was going. I wished I knew, to set them on their way before their mules were stolen. I knew that some would be caught by the Macedonians, and hated leaving them to their fate; I was less needed where I was going, and my heart was not in it. But Boubakes had been right. Faithfulness in disaster, as my father would have told me, is the only guide.
As I turned back into Northgate Street, my errand done, there was a pause in the wailing, like a storm-wind dropping to silence, and a sound of dead-beat horses. Through the stillness drove the King.
He was still in his chariot, with his armor on. A handful of cavalry came behind him. His face was empty, like a blind man's whose eyes can open.
There was dust on him, but no wound. I saw his escort, with faces slashed, or a limp arm, or a leg half blackened with clotted blood, gasping with thirst from their bleeding. These men had covered his flight.
On my fresh horse, in my clean clothes, with my whole skin, I had not the face to join this company. I made for the house by side-streets. This was the man who came forward to fight the Kadousian giant, when no other would. How long ago? Ten years—fifteen?
I thought of what he had come from now; the din, the dust-cloud; hurling of man on man and mass on mass; the heaving tide of battle; the sense of some plan reaching out for him, which was the mask for another plan; then the mask whipped off, the trap sprung; finding himself no more than a king of chaos. And then, the presence nearing him that he had seen and fled at Issos, that had haunted him all the way. Should I judge? I thought. On my own face there is not even dust.
It was the last time I could say so for many days. Within an hour, we were off towards the Armenian passes, making for Media.
6
FROM THE hills we climbed to the mountains. We were on the road to Ekbatana. There was no pursuit.
By troops and single stragglers, the remnant of the army caught us up. Soon, if you had not seen what had taken the field, you could have called us a great force. Bessos' Baktrians were all there but for the dead. Being headed for their homeland, of course they had kept together. They were still nearly thirty thousand. The Immortals, and Royal Kin, and all the remnant of the Medes and Persians, both horse and foot, were now led by Nabarzanes.
We had, also, all the Greek mercenaries, about two thousand. It amazed me that, fighting only for hire, not one of them had deserted.
The most grievous loss was Mazaios, satrap of Babylon, and all his men. They had held their line, long after the center had broken with the flight of the King, whose life they may well have saved; Alexander hot in chase of him, had had to turn back and deal with them. Not one of these brave warriors was with us now; they must all have perished.
Only about a third of the women's wagons had escaped from Arbela; two of the King's; the rest, the harems of lords who had stayed themselves to rescue them. But not one of the eunuchs had run off without his charges. What their fate was, I have never heard.
All the treasure was lost. But there were vaults of it at Ekbatana; the stewards had wisely loaded up with stores for the march, which we would need much more. Boubakes, I found, had had the King's baggage wagon all packed since morning. In his wisdom he had loaded a second tent, with a few small comforts for the royal eunuchs.
Even so, it was a hard rough journey. It was early autumn by now; still hot in the plains, but cool in the hills, and already cold in the mountains.
Boubakes and I had horses; three eunuchs rode in the baggage wagon. No more of us were left, except those of the women.
Each pass wound up higher and steeper; we looked down great clefts into stony gorges; wild goats gazed at us from the crags, and were shot for food by the Baktrian archers. At night, short of blankets in our little tent, the five of us huddled like birds for warmth. Boubakes, who had taken me into his grace and behaved to me as a father, shared blankets with me so that we had them double. He favored some scent with musk, but I was grateful. We were lucky to have a tent at all; nearly all the soldiers, their baggage lost, were sleeping under the sky.
From them, I pieced together the battle as best I could. Later on, I was to hear it gone over by men who knew; tactic by tactic, order by order, blow by blow. I have it by heart; I can't bring myself to go over it all again. To cut it short, our men all started tired, having stood to all night because the King expected surprise. Alexander, hoping for that very thing, gave his own men a good night's rest, and, when he'd finished his battle plan, turned in himself. He slept like a log; at sunrise they had to shake him. He told them it was because his mind had been at ease.
Darius leading the center, Alexander the right, he was expected to sweep centerwards at the onset. Instead, he wheeled round to outflank our left. The King sent troops to prevent this; Alexander lured more and more of them to the left, thinning out our center. Then he formed up the royal squadron, set himself at its head, gave the note for a deafening war-yell, and came thundering straight for the King.
Darius had fled early, but not, after all, the first. His charioteer had been shot with a flying javelin; when he fell, he had been taken for the King. The first flight began from this.
Perhaps he would have stood in a single fight, as long ago in Kadousia. If he had only seized the chariot reins, and given his war-cry, and dashed in among the enemy! It would have been quick, his name would have lived in honor. How often, before the end, he must have wished it too. But, caught in the panic like a leaf in storm, seeing Alexander on his black horse loom up through the dust towards him, he wheeled the chariot and joined the rout. From that, the plain of Gaugamela became a slaughterhouse.
One more thing I learned from the soldiers. Darius had detailed a troop to sortie behind the Macedonian lines, and rescue his captive family. They had reached the base-camp, shielded by the confusion; freed some captive Persians, and, getting to the ladies, called on them to fly. All had started up, except Sisygambis the Queen Mother. She neither rose, nor spoke, nor made any sign to the rescuers. They rescued no one; the Macedonians drove them off; but the last they saw of her, she was still sitting upright in her chair, her hands laid in her lap, looking before her.
I asked one captain why we were going to Ekbatana, instead of holding out in Babylon. "That whore of cities?" he said. "She'll open-her legs to Alexander the moment he comes in sight. And hand the King over, if she had him there." Another said sourly, "When wolves are after your chariot, you either stay and fight them, or throw them something out, to keep them busy. The King's thrown Babylon. And with Babylon goes Susa."
I fell back to ride beside Boubakes, who did not think it proper I should talk too long with the men. As if he had read my thoughts, he said, "Did you say, once, you had never seen Persepolis?"
"The King never went there since I joined the Household. Is it better than Susa?"
He sighed and said, "There is no king's house more beautiful . . . Once Susa is gone, I doubt they can hold Persepolis."
We went on through the passes. The road was clear behind us. Alexander had chosen Babylon and Susa. When the column's pace grew tedious, I practiced archery. Some time before, I had picked up the bow of a dead Scythian, who had fled to the hills and then died of his wounds. He had been a smallish man and I could pull it easily. The first game I got was a sitting hare; but the King was pleased to have it for supper, as a change from goat.
He was quiet of an evening, and for some nights slept alone, till the air grew sharp, when he had a girl from the Harem. He never sent for me. Perhaps he remembered the song of my father's warriors, that I used to sing him. I do not know.
The high peaks were touched with white, when from the head of the last pass we saw Ekbatana.
It is, if you like, a palace and walled city. But it seemed more like some splendid sculpture wrought from the mountainside. The westering sun warmed the rich faded colors that crested its sevenfold walls, rising in tiers with the slope; the white, the black, the scarlet and blue and orange. The inmost two, which enclose the Palace and treasuries, had a fiery gleam. The outer was sheathed with silver, the innermost with gold.
To me, bred in the hills, it was lovelier than Susa a thousand times. I almost shed tears beholding it. I saw that Boubakes too seemed near to weeping. But what grieved him, he said, was that the King should be driven to his summer palace with winter coming on, and no other left for him.
We entered the city gate, and went up through the sevenfold walls to the Palace above the golden battlements. It was all airy balconies, looking to the mountains. The soldiers, overflowing the town, built themselves huts of timber roofed with brush. Winter came on.
The snow that had tipped the mountains crept lower and filled their clefts. My room (there were rooms to spare, for so small a Household) was high in one of the towers. Each day I could see the white descending; till one morning, as in my childhood, I opened my eyes to the snow-light. Snow lay on the city, on the thatched huts of the soldiers, on the sevenfold walls. A raven lighted on the nearest, loosing a little slide, and there showed under his claws a patch of gold. I could have gazed forever, except that I was freezing. I had to break the ice in my water-ewer; and winter was only starting.
