without a knife, without even a chance.
I want to believe they survived. I try to picture it—the two of them rolling out onto the
mossy forest floor amid indignant curses. Why, at this very moment, Walter is probably
going for help. He has made Camel comfortable in some sheltered spot and is going for
help.
Okay. Okay. It's not as bad as I thought. I'll go back for them. In the morning, I'll grab
Marlena and we'll go back to the nearest town and ask at the hospital. Maybe even the
jail, in case the town decided they were vagrants. It should be easy enough to figure out
which town is closest. I can locate it by proximity to the
They didn't. They couldn't have. Nobody could have redlighted a crippled old man and a
dwarf over a trestle. Not even August. Not even Uncle Al.
I spend the rest of the night planning all the ways I can kill them, rolling the ideas around
in my head and savoring them, as though I were fingering smooth stones.
THE SCREECH OF THE air brakes snaps me out of my trance.
Before the train has even stopped, I drop to the gravel and stride toward 2-99
S a r a G r u en
the sleepers. I climb the iron stairs to the first one shabby enough to house working men
and slide the door open so violently it bounces closed again. I reopen it and march
through.
"Earl! Earl! Where are you?" My voice is guttural with hate and rage. "Earl!"
I stalk down the aisle, peering into bunks. None of the surprised faces I encounter is
Earl's.
Onto the next car. "Earl! You in here?"
I pause and turn to a bewildered man in a bunk. "Where the hell is he? Is he in here?"
"You mean Earl from security?" "Yeah. That's who I mean, all right."
He jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "Two cars thataway."
I pass through another car, trying to avoid the limbs that stick out from under bunks, the
arms that spill over their edges.
I slide the door open with a crash. "Earl! Where the hell are you? I know you're in here!"
There's an astonished pause, with men on both sides of the car shifting
in their bunks to get a look at this loud intruder. Three-quarters of the way down I see
Earl. I charge him.
"You son of a bitch!" I say, reaching down to grab him by the neck. "How could you do
it? How could you?"
Earl leaps from his bunk, holding my arms out to the side. "Whoahang on, Jacob. Calm
down. What's going on?"
"You know fucking well wha.t I'm talking about!" I shriek, twisting my forearms around
and out, breaking his grasp. I hurl myself at him, but before I make contact he once again
has me. at arm's length.
"How could you do it?" Tears are running down my face. "How could you? You were
supposed to be Camel's friend! And what the hell did Walter ever do to you?"
Earl goes pale. He freezes with his hands still closed around my wrists. The shock on his
face is so genuine I stop struggling.
W a t e r for E l e p h a n ts
We blink at each other in horror. Seconds pass. A panicked buzz ripples through the rest
of the car.
Earl releases me and says, "Follow me."
We step down from the train, and once we are a good dozen yards away, he turns to me.
"They're gone?"
I stare at him, seeking answers in his face. There aren't any. "Yeah."
Earl sucks in his breath. His eyes close. For a moment I think he might cry. "Are you
telling me you didn't know anything?" I say.
"Hell no! What do you think I am? I'd never do something like that.
Aw shit. Aw hell. The poor old fella. Wait a minute—" he says, training
his eyes on me suddenly. "Where were you?" "Somewhere else," I say.
Earl stares for a moment and then drops his gaze to the ground. He
puts his hands on his waist and sighs, bobbing his head and thinking.
"Okay," he says. "I'm going to find out how many other poor bastards got tossed, but let
me tell you something—kinkers don't get tossed, even lowly ones. If Walter got it, they
were after you. And if I were you, I'd start walking right now and never look back."
"And if I can't do that?"
He looks up sharply. His jaw moves from side to side. He regards me for
a very long time. "You'll be safe on the lot, in daylight," he says finally. "If you get back
on the train tonight, don't go anywhere near that stock car. Move around the flats and rest
under wagons. Don't get caught, and don't let your guard down. And blow the show as
soon as you can."
"I will. Believe me. But I've got a couple of loose ends to wrap up first."
Earl gives me a long last look. "I'll try to catch up with you later," he
says. Then he strides off toward the cookhouse where the men from the Flying Squadron
are congregating in small groups, their eyes darting, their faces fearful.
S a r a G r u en
IN ADDITION TO Camel and Walter, eight other men are missing, three from the main
train and the rest from the Flying Squadron, which means that Blackie and his group
broke up into squads, riding different sections of the train. With the show on the brink of
collapse, the working men probably would have been redlighted anyway, but not over a
trestle. That was meant for me.
It occurs to me that my conscience stopped me from killing August at the very moment
someone was attempting to carry out his orders to kill me.
I wonder how he felt waking up beside that knife. I hope he understands that while it
started out as a threat, it's since transformed into a
promise. I owe it to each and every one of the men who got tossed. I SKULK AROUND
all morning, searching desperately for Marlena. She is nowhere to be seen.
Uncle Al strides around in his black and white checked pants and scarlet waistcoat,
slapping the head of anyone who isn't quick enough to jump out of his way. At one point
he catches sight of me and stops cold. We face each other, eighty yards apart. I stare and
stare, trying to focus all my hatred through my eyes. After a few seconds, his lips form a
cold smile. Then he makes a sharp right turn and continues on his way, his grovelers
straggling behind.
I watch from a distance when the flag goes up over the cookhouse at lunchtime. Marlena
is there, dressed in street clothes and lined up for food. Her eyes scan the crowd; I know
she's looking for me, and I hope
she knows I'm okay. Almost as soon as she sits down, August comes out of
nowhere and sits opposite. He has no food. He says something and then reaches across
and grabs her wrist. She pulls backward, spilling her coffee. The people around them turn
to watch. He lets go and rises so quickly the bench falls backward onto the grass. Then he
storms out. As soon as he's gone, I sprint to the cookhouse.
Marlena looks up, sees me, and goes pale. "Jacob!" she gasps.
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I set the bench upright and sit on its edge. "Did he hurt you? Are you okay?" I say.
"I'm fine. But what about you? I heard—" Her words catch in her throat, and she covers
her mouth with her hand.
"We're getting out today. I'll watch you. Just leave the lot when you can and I'll follow."
She stares at me, pale. "What about Walter and Camel?" "We'll go back and see what we
can find out."
"I need a couple of hours." "What for?"
Uncle Al stands at the perimeter of the cookhouse, snapping his fingers in the air. From
across the tent, Earl approaches.
"There's some money in our room. I'll go in when he's not there," she says.
"No. It's not worth the risk," I say. "I'll be careful."
"No!"
"Come on, Jacob," says Earl, taking hold of my upper arm. "The boss wants you to move
along."
"Give me just a second, Earl," I say.
He sighs deeply. "Fine. Struggle a bit. But only for a couple of seconds, and then I gotta
take you out of here."
"Marlena," I say desperately, "promise me you won't go in there."
"I have to. The money's half mine, and if I don't get it we won't have a cent to our
names."
I break free of Earl's grasp and stand facing him. Or his chest, anyway.
"Tell me where it is and I'll get it," I growl, poking my finger into Earl's chest.
"Under the window seat," Marlena whispers urgently. She rises and comes around the
table so that she's beside me. "The bench opens. It's in a coffee can. But it's probably
easier for me—"
"Okay, I gotta take you out now," says Earl. He turns me around and 303
Sara Gruen
bends my arm behind my back. He pushes me forward so I'm bent in the middle.
I turn my head to Marlena. "I'll get it. You stay away from that train car. Promise me!"
I wriggle a bit, and Earl lets me. "I said promise me!" I hiss.
"I promise," Marlena says. "Be careful!"
"Let me go, you son of a bitch!" I shout at Earl. For effect, of course. He and I make a
great spectacle of leaving the tent. I wonder if anyone can tell that he's not bending my
arm far enough for it to hurt. But he makes up for that detail by chucking me a good ten
feet across the grass. I SPEND THE ENTIRE afternoon peering around corners, slipping
behind tent flaps, and ducking under wagons. But not once can I
get near car 48 without being seen—and besides, I haven't laid eyes on August since
lunchtime, so it's entirely possible that he's in there. So I bide my time.
There is no matinee. At about three in the afternoon, Uncle Al stands on a box in the
middle of the lot and informs everyone that the evening show better be the best of their
lives. He doesn't say what will happen if it isn't, and no one asks.
And so an impromptu parade is thrown together, after which the animals are led to the
menagerie and the candy butchers and other concessionaires set up their wares. The
crowd that followed the parade back from
town gathers in the midway, and before long Cecil is working the suckers in front of the
sideshow.
I'M PRESSED UP AGAINST the outside of the menagerie tent, pulling the laced seam
open so I can peek through.
I see August inside, bringing in Rosie. He swings the silver-tipped cane under her belly
and behind her front legs, essentially threatening her with it. She follows obediently, but
her eyes are glazed with hostility. He leads W a t e r for E l e p h a n ts
her to her usual spot and chains her foot to a stake. She gazes upon his
bent back with flattened ears and then seems to adjust her attitude, swinging her trunk
and investigating the ground in front of her. She finds some
tidbit on the ground and picks it up. She curls her trunk inward and rubs the object on it,
testing it for texture. Then she pops it in her mouth. Marlena's horses are already lined up,
but she's not there yet. Most of
the rubes have already filed through on their way to the big top. She ought to be here by
now. Come on, come on, where are you
It occurs to me that despite her promise, she's probably gone to their stateroom. Damn it,
damn it, damn it. August is still fussing with Rosie's chain, but it won't be long before he
notices Marlena's absence and investigates.
There's a tug on my sleeve. I spin around with fists clenched.
Grady raises both hands in a gesture of surrender. "Whoa there, fella. Take it easy."
I drop my fists. "I'm a bit jittery. That's all."
"Yeah, well. You got reason," he says, glancing around. "Say, you eaten
yet? I saw you get tossed from the cookhouse." "No," I say.
"Come on. We'll go around to the grease joint."
"No. I can't. I'm flat broke," I say, desperate for him to leave. I turn back to the seam and
pry its edges apart. Marlena's still not there.
"I'll spot you," says Grady.
"I'm okay, really." I keep my back to him, hoping he'll take the hint and leave.
"Listen, we gotta talk," he says quietly. "It's safer on the midway." I turn my head and
lock eyes with him.
I follow him through to the midway. From inside the big top, the band launches into the
music for the Spec.
We join the lineup in front of the grease joint. The man behind the counter flips and
assembles burgers at lightning speed, catering to the few but anxious stragglers.
30s
Sara Gruen
Grady and I work our way to the front of the line. He holds up two fingers. "A couple of
burgers, Sammy. No rush."
Within seconds, the man behind the counter holds out two tin plates. I take one, and
Grady takes the other. He also extends a rolled bill. "Get outta here," says the cook,
waving his hand. "Your money's no good here."
"Thanks, Sammy," says Grady, pocketing the bill. "Sure do appreciate it."
He goes to a battered wooden table and swings his leg over the bench. I go around to the
other side.
"So, what's up?" I say, fingering a burl in the wood.
Grady looks around furtively. "A few of the guys that got done last
night caught up again," he says. He lifts his burger and waits as three drops of grease fall
onto his plate.
"What, they're here now?" I say, straightening up and scanning the midway. With the
exception of a handful of men in front of the sideshowprobably waiting to be led to
Barbara—all the rubes are in the
big top.
"Keep it down," says Grady. "Yeah, five of em."
"Is Walter... ?" My heart is beating fast. No sooner do I get his name out than Grady's
