Now it happens that this higher order of mortals is not to be
seen, like all the rest of the human species, for nothing, in the
streets, shops, and coffee-house; nor are they shown, like the upper
rank of animals, for so much a-piece. In short, this is a sight to
which no persons are admitted without one or other of these
qualifications, viz., either birth or fortune, or, what is
equivalent to both, the honourable profession of a gamester. And, very
unluckily x , for the world, persons so qualified very seldom care
to take upon themselves the bad trade of writing; which is generally
entered upon by the lower and poorer sort, as it is a trade which many
think requires no kind of stock to set up with.
Hence those strange monsters in lace and embroidery, in silks and
brocades, with vast wigs and hoops; which, under the name of lords and
ladies, strut the stage, to the great delight of attorneys and their
clerks in the pit, and of the citizens and their apprentices in the
galleries; and which are no more to be found in real life, than the
centaur, the chimera, or any other creature of mere fiction. But to
let my reader into a secret, this knowledge of upper life, though very
necessary for preventing mistakes, is no very great resource to a
writer whose province is comedy, or that kind of novels, which, like
this I am writing, is of the comic class.
What Mr. Pope says of women is very applicable to most in this
station, who are, indeed, so entirely made up of form and affectation,
that they have no character at all, at least, none which appears. I
will venture to say the highest life is much the dullest, and
affords very little humour or entertainment. The various callings in
lower spheres produce the great variety of humorous characters;
whereas here, except among the few who are engaged in the pursuit of
ambition, and the fewer still who have a relish for pleasure, all is
vanity and servile imitation. Dressing and cards, eating and drinking,
bowing and courtesying, make up the business of their lives.
Some there are, however, of this rank, upon whom passion exercises
its tryanny, and hurries them far beyond the bounds which decorum
prescribes; of these, the ladies are as much distinguished by their
noble intrepidity, and a certain superior contempt of reputation, from
the frail ones of meaner degree, as a virtuous woman of quality is
by the elegance and delicacy of her sentiments from the honest wife of
a yeoman or shopkeeper. Lady Bellaston was of this intrepid character;
but let not my country readers conclude from her, that this is the
general conduct of women of fashion, or that we mean to represent them
as such. They might as well suppose that every clergyman was
represented by Thwackum, or every soldier by ensign Northerton.
There is not, indeed, a greater error than that which universally
prevails among the vulgar, who, borrowing their opinion from some
ignorant satirists, have affixed the character of lewdness to these
times. On the contrary, I am convinced there never was less of love
intrigue carried on among persons of condition, than now. Our
present women have been taught by their mothers to fix their
thoughts only on ambition and vanity, and to despise the pleasures
of love as unworthy their regard; and being afterwards, by the care of
such mothers, married without having husbands, they seem pretty well
confirmed in the justness of those sentiments; whence they content
themselves, for the dull remainder of life, with the pursuit of more
innocent, but I am afraid more childish amusements, the bare mention
of which would ill suit with the dignity of this history. In my humble
opinion, the true characteristic of the present beau monde is rather
folly than vice, and the only epithet which it deserves is that of
frivolous.
Chapter 2
Containing letters and other matters which attend amours
Jones had not been long at home, before he received the following
letter:-
I was never more surprized than when I found you was gone. When
you left the room, I little imagined you intended to have left the
house without seeing me again. Your behaviour is all of a piece, and
convinces me how much I ought to despise a heart which can doat upon
an idiot; though I know not whether I should not admire her cunning
more than her simplicity: wonderful both! For though she understood
not a word of what passed between us, yet she had the skill, the
assurance, the-- what shall I call it? to deny to my face that she
knows you, or ever saw you before.-- Was this a scheme laid between
you, and have you been base enough to betray me?-- O how I despise
her, you, and all the world, but chiefly myself! for-- I dare not
write what I should afterwards run mad to read; but remember, I can
detest as violently as I have loved.
Jones had but little time given him to reflect on this letter,
before a second was brought him from the same hand; and this,
likewise, we shall set down in the precise words.
When you consider the hurry of spirits in which I must have writ,
you cannot be surprized at any expressions in my former note.- Yet,
perhaps, on reflection, they were rather too warm. At least I would,
if possible, think all owing to the odious playhouse, and to the
impertinence of a fool, which detained me beyond my appointment.-- How
easy is it to think in k well of those we love!-- Perhaps you desire I
should think so. I have resolved to see you to-night; so come to me
immediately.
P.S.- I have ordered to be at home to none but yourself.
P.S.- Mr. Jones will imagine I shall assist him in his defence; for
I believe he cannot desire to impose on me more than I desire to
impose on myself.
P.S.- Come immediately.
To the men of intrigue I refer the determination, whether the
angry or the tender letter gave the greatest uneasiness to Jones.
Certain it is, he had no violent inclination to pay any more visits
that evening, unless to one single person. However, he thought his
honour engaged, and had not this been motive sufficient, he would
not have ventured to blow the temper of Lady Bellaston into that flame
of which he had reason to think it susceptible, and of which he feared
the consequence might be a discovery to Sophia, which he dreaded.
After some discontented walks, therefore, about the room, he was
preparing to depart, when the lady kindly prevented him, not by
another letter, but by her own presence. She entered the room very
disordered in her dress, and very discomposed in her looks, and
threw herself into a chair, where, having recovered her breath, she
said- "You see, sir, when women have gone one length too far, they
will stop at none. If any person would have sworn this to me a week
ago, I would not have believed it of myself." "I hope, madam," said
Jones, "my charming Lady Bellaston will be as difficult to believe
anything against one who is so sensible of the many obligations she
hath conferred upon him." "Indeed!" says she, "sensible of
obligations! Did I expect to hear such cold language from Mr.
Jones?" "Pardon me, my dear angel," said he, "if, after the letters
I have received, the terrors of your anger, though I know not how I
have deserved it"-- "And have I then," says she, with a smile, "so
angry a countenance?- Have I really brought a chiding face with me?"-
"If there be honour in man," said he, "I have done nothing to merit
your anger.- You remember the appointment you sent me; I went in
pursuance"- "I beseech you," cried she, "do not run through the
odious recital.- Answer me but one question, and I shall be easy.
Have you not betrayed my honour to her?"- Jones fell upon his knees,
and began to utter the most violent protestations, when Partridge came
dancing and capering into the room, like one drunk with joy, crying
out, "She's found! she's found!- Here, sir, here, she's here- Mrs.
Honour is upon the stairs." "Stop her a moment," cries Jones- "Here,
madam, step behind the bed, I have no other room nor closet, nor place
on earth to hide you in; sure never so damned an accident."- "D--n'd
indeed!" said the lady, as she went to her place of concealment; and
presently afterwards in came Mrs. Honour. "Hey-day!" says she, "Mr.
Jones, what's the matter?- That impudent rascal your servant would
scarce let me come upstairs. I hope he hath not the same reason to
keep me from you as he had at Upton.- I suppose you hardly expected
to see me; but you have certainly bewitched my lady. Poor dear young
lady! To be sure, I loves her as tenderly as if she was my own sister.
Lord have mercy upon you, if you don't make her a good husband! and to
be sure, if you do not, nothing can be bad enough for you." Jones
begged her only to whisper, for that there was a lady dying in the
next room. "A lady!" cries she; ay, I suppose one of your ladies.- O
Mr. Jones, there are too many of them in the world; I believe we are
got into the house of one, for my Lady Bellaston, I darst to say, is
no better than she should be."- "Hush! hush!" cries Jones, every word
is overheard in the next room."- "I don't care a farthing," cries
Honour, "I speaks no scandal of any one; but to be sure the servants
make no scruple of saying as how her ladyship meets men at another
place- where the house goes under the name of a poor gentlewoman; but
her ladyship pays the rent, and many's the good thing besides, they
say, she hath of her."- Here Jones, after expressing the utmost
uneasiness, offered to stop her mouth:- "Hey-day! why sure, Mr.
Jones, you will let me speak; I speaks no scandal, for I only says
what I heard from others- and thinks I to myself, much good may it do
the gentlewoman with her riches, if she comes by it in such a wicked
manner. To be sure it is better to be poor and honest." "The
servants are villains," cries Jones, "and abuse their lady
unjustly."- "Ay, to be sure, servants are always villains, and so my
lady says, and won't hear a word of it."- "No, I am convinced," says
Jones, "my Sophia is above listening to such base scandal."- "Nay, I
believe it is no scandal, neither," cries Honour, "for why should
she meet men at another house?- It can never be for any good: for if
she had a lawful design of being courted, as to be sure any lady may
lawfully give her company to men upon that account: why, where can
be the sense?"- "I protest," cries Jones, "I can't hear all this of a
lady of such honour, and a relation of Sophia; besides, you will
distract the poor lady in the next room.- Let me entreat you to walk
with me down stairs."- "Nay, sir, if you won't let me speak, I have
done.- Here, sir, is a letter from my young lady- what would some men
give to have this? But, Mr. Jones, I think you are not over and
above generous, and yet I have heard some servants say-- but I am sure
you will do me the justice to own I never saw the colour of your
money." Here Jones hastily took the letter, and presently after
slipped five pieces into her hand. He then returned a thousand
thanks to his dear Sophia in a whisper, and begged her to leave him to
read her letter: she presently departed, not without expressing much
grateful sense of his generosity.
Lady Bellaston now came from behind the curtain. How shall I
describe her rage? Her tongue was at first incapable of utterance; but
streams of fire darted from her eyes, and well indeed they might,
for her heart was all in a flame. And now, as soon as her voice
found way, instead of expressing any indignation against Honour or her
own servants, she began to attack poor Jones. "You see," said she,
"what I have sacrificed to you; my reputation, my honour- gone for
ever! And what return have I found? Neglected, slighted for a
country girl, for an idiot."- "What neglect, madam, or what slight,"
cries Jones, "have I been guilty of?"- "Mr. Jones," said she, "it is
in vain to dissemble; if you will make me easy, you must entirely give
her up; and as a proof of your intention, show me the letter."- "What
letter, madam?" said Jones. "Nay, surely," said she, "you cannot
have the confidence to deny your having received a letter by the hands
of that trollop."-"And can your ladyship," cries he, "ask of me what I
must part with my honour before I grant? Have I acted in such a manner
by your ladyship? Could I be guilty of betraying this poor innocent
girl to you, what security could you have that I should not act the
same part by yourself? A moment's reflection will, I am sure, convince
you, that a man with whom the secrets of a lady are not safe must be
the most contemptible of wretches."-"Very well," said she- "I need
not insist on your becoming this contemptible wretch in your own
opinion; for the inside of the letter could inform me of nothing
more than I know already. I see the footing you are upon."- Here
ensued a long conversation, which the reader, who is not too curious,
will thank me for not inserting at length. It shall suffice,
therefore, to inform him, that Lady Bellaston grew more and more
pacified, and at length believed, or affected to believe, his
protestations, that his meeting with Sophia that evening was merely
accidental, and every other matter which the reader already knows, and
which as Jones set before her in the strongest light, it is plain that
she had in reality no reason to be angry with him.
She was not, however, in her heart perfectly satisfied with his
refusal to show her the letter; so deaf are we to the clearest reason,
when it argues against our prevailing passions. She was, indeed,
well convinced that Sophia possessed the first place in Jones's
