affections; and yet, haughty and amorous as this lady was, she
submitted at last to bear the second place; or, to express it more
properly in a legal phrase, was contented with the possession of
that of which another woman had the reversion.
It was at length agreed that Jones should for the future visit at
the house: for that Sophia, her maid, and all the servants, would
place these visits to the account of Sophia; and that she herself
would be considered as the person imposed upon.
This scheme was contrived by the lady, and highly relished by Jones,
who was indeed glad to have a prospect of seeing his Sophia at any
rate; and the lady herself was not a little pleased with the
imposition on Sophia, which Jones, she thought, could not possibly
discover to her for his own sake.
The next day was appointed for the first visit, and then, after
proper ceremonials, the Lady Bellaston returned home.
Chapter 3
Containing various matters
Jones was no sooner alone, than he eagerly broke open his letter,
and read as follows:-
Sir, it is impossible to express what I have suffered since you left
this house; and as I have reason to think you intend coming here
again, I have sent Honour, though so late at night, as she tells me
she knows your lodgings, to prevent you. I charge you, by all the
regard you have for me, not to think of visiting here; for it will
certainly be discovered; nay, I almost doubt, from some things which
have dropt from her ladyship, that she is not already without some
suspicion. Something favourable, perhaps, may happen; we must wait
with patience; but I once more entreat you, if you have any concern
for my ease, do not think of returning hither.
This letter administered the same kind of consolation to poor Jones,
which job formerly received from his friends. Besides disappointing
all the hopes which he promised to himself from seeing Sophia, he
was reduced to an unhappy dilemma, with regard to Lady Bellaston;
for there are some certain engagements, which, as he well knew, do
very difficultly admit of any excuse for the failure; and to go, after
the strict prohibition from Sophia, he was not to be forced by any
human power. At length, after much deliberation, which during that
night supplied the place of sleep, he determined to feign himself
sick: for this suggested itself as the only means of failing the
appointed visit, without incensing Lady Bellaston, which he had more
than one reason of desiring to avoid.
The first thing, however, which he did in the morning, was, to write
an answer to Sophia, which he inclosed in one to Honour. He then
despatched another to Lady Bellaston, containing the above-mentioned
excuse; and to this he soon received the following answer:-
I am vexed that I cannot see you here this afternoon, but more
concerned for the occasion; take great care of yourself, and have
the best advice, and I hope there will be no danger.- I am so
tormented all this morning with that I have scarce a moment's time to
write to you. Adieu.
P.S.- I will endeavour to call on you this evening, at nine.- Be
sure to be alone.
Mr. Jones now received a visit from Mrs. Miller, who, after some
formal introduction, began the following speech:- "I am very sorry,
sir, to wait upon you on such an occasion; but I hope you will
consider the ill consequence which it must be to the reputation of
my poor girls, if my house should once be talked of as a house of
ill-fame. I hope you won't think me, therefore, guilty of
impertinence, if I beg you not to bring any more ladies in at that
time of night. The clock had struck two before one of them went
away."- "I do assure you, madam," said Jones, "the lady who was here
last night, and who staid the latest (for the other only brought me a
letter), is a woman of very great fashion, and my near relation."- "I
don't know what fashion she is of," answered Mrs. Miller; "but I am
sure no woman of virtue, unless a very near relation indeed, would
visit a young gentleman at ten at night, and stay four hours in his
room with him alone; besides, sir, the behaviour of her chairmen shows
what she was; for they did nothing but make jests all the evening in
the entry, and asked Mr. Partridge, in the hearing of my own maid, if
madam intended to stay with his master all night; with a great deal of
stuff not proper to be repeated. I have really a great respect for
you, Mr. Jones, upon your own account; nay, I have a very high
obligation to you for your generosity to my cousin. Indeed, I did not
know how very good you had been till lately. Little did I imagine to
what dreadful courses the poor man's distress had driven him. Little
did I think, when you gave me the ten guineas, that you had given them
to a highwayman! O heavens! what goodness have you shown! How have you
preserved this family!- The character which Mr. Allworthy hath
formerly given me of you was, I find, strictly true.- And indeed, if I
had no obligation to you, my obligations to him are such, that, on his
account, I should show you the utmost respect in my power.- Nay,
believe me, dear Mr. Jones, if my daughters' and my own reputation
were out of the case, I should, for your own sake, be sorry that so
pretty a young gentleman should converse with these women; but if
you are resolved to do it, I must beg you to take another lodging; for
I do not myself like to have such things carried on under my roof; but
more especially upon the account of my girls, who have little,
heaven knows, besides their characters, to recommend them." Jones
started and changed colour at the name of Allworthy. "Indeed, Mrs.
Miller," answered he, a little warmly, "I do not take this at all
kind. I will never bring any slander on your house; but I must
insist on seeing what company I please in my own room; and if that
gives you any offence, I shall, as soon as I am able, look for another
lodging."- "I am sorry we must part then, sir," said she; "but I am
convinced Mr. Allworthy himself would never come within my doors, if
he had the least suspicion of my keeping an ill house."- "Very well,
madam," said Jones.- "I hope, sir," said she, "you are not angry; for
I would not for the world offend any of Mr. Allworthy's family. I have
not slept a wink all night about this matter."- "I am sorry I have
disturbed your rest, madam," said Jones, "but I beg you will send
Partridge up to me immediately"; which she promised to do, and then
with a very low courtesy retired.
As soon as Partridge arrived, Jones fell upon him in the most
outrageous manner. "How often," said he, "am I to suffer for your
folly, or rather for my own in keeping you? is that tongue of yours
resolved upon my destruction?" "What have I done, sir?" answered
affrighted Partridge. "Who was it gave you authority to mention the
story of the robbery, or that the man you saw here was the person?"
"I, sir?" cries Partridge. "Now don't be guilty of a falsehood in
denying it," said Jones. "If I did mention such a matter," answers
Partridge, "I am sure I thought no harm; for I should not have
opened my lips, if it had not been to his own friends and relations,
who, I imagined, would have let it go no farther." "But I have a
much heavier charge against you," cries Jones, "than this. How durst
you, after all the precautions I gave you, mention the name of Mr.
Allworthy in this house?" Partridge denied that he ever had, with many
oaths. "How else," said Jones, "should Mrs. Miller be acquainted
that there was any connexion between him and me? And it is but this
moment she told me she respected me on his account." "O Lord, sir,"
said Partridge, "I desire only to be heard out; and to be sure,
never was anything so unfortunate: hear me but out, and you will own
how wrong. fully you have accused me. When Mrs. Honour came downstairs
last night, she met me in the entry, and asked me when my master had
heard from Mr. Allworthy; and to be sure Mrs. Miller heard the very
words; and the moment Madam Honour was gone, she called me into the
parlour to her. 'Mr. Partridge,' says she, 'what Mr. Allworthy is it
that the gentlewoman mentioned? is it the great Mr. Allworthy of
Somersetshire?' 'Upon my word, madam,' says I, 'I know nothing of
the matter.' 'Sure,' says she, 'your master is not the Mr. Jones I
have heard Mr. Allworthy talk of?' 'Upon my word, madam,' says I, 'I
know nothing of the matter.' 'Then,' says she, turning to her daughter
Nancy, says she, 'as sure as tenpence this is the very young
gentleman, and he agrees exactly with the squire's description.' The
Lord above knows who it was told her: for I am the arrantest villain
that ever walked upon two legs if ever it came out of my mouth. I
promise you, sir, I can keep a secret when I am desired. Nay, sir,
so far was I from telling her anything about Mr. Allworthy, that I
told her the very direct contrary; for, though I did not contradict it
at that moment, yet, as second thoughts, they say, are best, so when I
came to consider that somebody must have informed her, thinks I to
myself, I will put an end to the story; and so I went back again
into the parlour some time afterwards, and says I, upon my word,
says I, whoever, says I, told you that this gentleman was Mr. Jones;
that is, says I, that this Mr. Jones was that Mr. Jones, told you a
confounded lie: and I beg, says I, you will never mention any such
matter, says I; for my master, says I, will think I must have told you
so; and I defy anybody in the house ever to say I mentioned any such
word. To be certain, sir, it is a wonderful thing, and I have been
thinking with myself ever since, how it was she came to know it; not
but I saw an old woman here t'other day a begging at the door, who
looked as like her we saw in Warwickshire, that caused all that
mischief to us. To be sure it is never good to pass by an old woman
without giving her something, especially if she looks at you; for
all the world shall never persuade me but that they have a great power
to do mischief, and to be sure I shall never see an old woman again,
but I shall think to myself, Infandum, regina, jubes renovare
dolorem."
The simplicity of Partridge set Jones a laughing, and put a final
end to his anger, which had indeed seldom any long duration in his
mind; and, instead of commenting on his defence, he told him he
intended presently to leave those lodgings, and ordered him to go
and endeavour to get him others.
Chapter 4
Which we hope will be very attentively perused by young people of
both sexes
Partridge had no sooner left Mr. Jones, than Mr. Nightingale, with
whom he had now contracted a great intimacy, came to him, and, after a
short salutation, said, "So, Tom, I hear you had company very late
last night. Upon my soul you are a happy fellow, who have not been
in town above a fortnight, and can keep chairs waiting at your door
till two in the morning." He then ran on with much commonplace
raillery of the same kind, till Jones at last interrupted him, saying,
"I suppose you have received all this information from Mrs. Miller,
who hath been up here a little while ago to give me warning. The
good woman is afraid, it seems, of the reputation of her daughters."
"Oh! she is wonderfully nice," says Nightingale, "upon that account;
if you remember, she would not let Nancy go with us to the
masquerade." "Nay, upon my honour, I think she's in the right of
it," says Jones: "however, I have taken her at her word, and have sent
Partridge to look for another lodging." "If you will," says
Nightingale, "we may, I believe, be again together; for, to tell you a
secret, which I desire you won't mention in the family, I intend to
quit the house to-day." "What, hath Mrs. Miller given you warning too,
my friend?" cries Jones. "No," answered the other; "but the rooms
are not convenient enough. Besides, I am grown weary of this part of
the town. I want to be nearer the places of diversion; so I am going
to Pall-mall." "And do you intend to make a secret of your going
away?" said Jones. "I promise you," answered Nightingale, "I don't
intend to bilk my lodgings; but I have a private reason for not taking
a formal leave." "Not so private," answered Jones; "I promise you, I
have seen it ever since the second day of my coming to the house. Here
will be some wet eyes on your departure. Poor Nancy, I pity her,
faith! Indeed, Jack, you have played the fool with that girl. You have
given her a longing, which I am afraid nothing will ever cure her of."
Nightingale answered, "What the devil would you have me do? would
you have me marry her to cure her?" "No," answered Jones, "I would not
have had you make love to her, as you have often done in my
presence. I have been astonished at the blindness of her mother in
never seeing it." "Pugh, see it!" cries Nightingale. "What the devil
should she see?" "Why, see," said Jones, "that you have made her
daughter distractedly in love with you. The poor girl cannot conceal
it a moment; her eyes are never off from you, and she always colours
every time you come into the room. Indeed, I pity her heartily; for
she seems to be one of the best-natured and honestest of human
creatures." "And so," answered Nightingale, "according to your
doctrine, one must not amuse oneself by any common gallantries with
women, for fear they should fall in love with us." "Indeed, Jack,"
said Jones, "you wilfully misunderstand me; I do not fancy women are
