have conveyed a heroe from one country to another, nay from one
world to another, and have brought him back again, than a poor
circumscribed modern can deliver him from a jail.
The Arabians and Persians had an equal advantage in writing their
tales from the genii and fairies, which they believe in as an
article of their faith, upon the authority of the Koran itself. But we
have none of these helps. To natural means alone we are confined;
let us try therefore what, by these means, may be done for poor Jones;
though, to confess the truth, something whispers me in the ear, that
he doth not yet know the worst of his fortune; and that a more
shocking piece of news than any he hath yet heard remains for him in
the unopened leaves of fate.
Chapter 2
The generous and grateful behaviour of Mrs. Miller
Mr. Allworthy and Mrs. Miller were just sat down to breakfast,
when Blifil, who had gone out very early that morning, returned to
make one of the company.
He had not been long seated before he began as follows: "Good
Lord! my dear uncle, what do you think hath happened? I vow I am
afraid of telling it you, for fear of shocking you with the
remembrance of ever having shewn any kindness to such a villain."
"What is the matter, child?" said the uncle. "I fear I have shown
kindness in my life to the unworthy more than once. But charity doth
not adopt the vices of its objects." "O, sir! " returned Blifil, "it
is not without the secret direction of Providence that you mention the
word adoption. Your adopted son, sir, that Jones, that wretch whom you
nourished in your bosom, hath proved one of the greatest villains upon
earth." "By all that's sacred, 'tis false," cries Mrs. Miller. "Mr.
Jones is no villain. He is one of the worthiest creatures breathing;
and if any other person had called him villain, I would have thrown
all this boiling water in his face." Mr. Allworthy looked very much
amazed at this behaviour. But she did not give him leave to speak,
before, turning to him, she cried, "I hope you will not be angry
with me; I would not offend you, sir, for the world; but, indeed, I
could not bear to hear him called so." "I must own, madam," said
Allworthy, very gravely, "I am a little surprized to hear you so
warmly defend a fellow you do not know." "O! I do know him, Mr.
Allworthy," said she, "indeed I do; I should be the most ungrateful of
all wretches if I denied it. O! he hath preserved me and my little
family; we have all reason to bless him while we live.- And I pray
Heaven to bless him, and turn the hearts of his malicious enemies. I
know, I find, I see, he hath such." "You surprize me, madam, still
more," said Allworthy; "sure you must mean some other. It is
impossible you should have any such obligations to the man my nephew
mentions." "Too surely," answered she, "I have obligations to him of
the greatest and tenderest kind. He hath been the preserver of me
and mine. Believe me, sir, he hath been abused, grossly abused to you;
I know he hath, or you, whom I know to be all goodness and honour,
would not, after the many kind and tender things I have heard you
say of this poor helpless child, have so disdainfully called him
fellow.- Indeed, my best of friends, he deserves a kinder appellation
from you, had you heard the good, the kind, the grateful things
which I have heard him utter of you. He never mentions your name but
with a sort of adoration. In this very room I have seen him on his
knees, imploring all the blessings of heaven upon your head. I do
not love that child there better than he loves you."
"I see, sir, now," said Blifil, with one of those grinning sneers
with which the devil marks his best beloved, "Mrs. Miller really
doth know him. I suppose you will find she is not the only one of your
acquaintance to whom he hath exposed you. As for my character, I
perceive, by some hints she hath thrown out, he hath been very free
with it, but I forgive him." "And the Lord forgive you, sir!" said
Mrs. Miller; "we have all sins enough to stand in need of his
forgiveness."
"Upon my word, Mrs. Miller," said Allworthy, "I do not take this
behaviour of yours to my nephew kindly; and I do assure you, as any
reflections which you cast upon him must come only from that wickedest
of men, they would only serve, if that were possible, to heighten my
resentment against him: for I must tell you, Mrs. Miller, the young
man who now stands before you hath ever been the warmest advocate
for the ungrateful wretch whose cause you espouse. This, I think, when
you hear it from my own mouth, will make you wonder at so much
baseness and ingratitude."
"You are deceived, sir," answered Mrs. Miller; "if they were the
last words which were to issue from my lips, I would say you were
deceived; and I once more repeat it, the Lord forgive those who have
deceived you! I do not pretend to say the young man is without faults;
but they are all the faults of wildness and of youth; faults which
he may, nay, which I am certain he will, relinquish, and, if he should
not, they are vastly overbalanced by one of the most humane, tender,
honest hearts that ever man was blest with."
"Indeed, Mrs. Miller," said Allworthy, "had this been related of
you, I should not have believed it." "Indeed, sir," answered she, "you
will believe everything I have said, I am sure you will: and when
you have heard the story which I shall tell you (for I will tell you
all), you will be so far from being offended, that you will own (I
know your justice so well), that I must have been the most
despicable and most ungrateful of wretches if I had acted any other
part than I have."
"Well, madam," said Allworthy, "I shall be very glad to hear any
good excuse for a behaviour which, I must confess, I think wants an
excuse. And now, madam, will you be pleased to let my nephew proceed
in his story without interruption. He would not have introduced a
matter of slight consequence with such a preface. Perhaps even this
story will cure you of your mistake."
Mrs. Miller gave tokens of submission, and then Mr. Blifil began
thus: "I am sure, sir, if you don't think proper to resent the
ill-usage of Mrs. Miller, I shall easily forgive what affects me only.
I think your goodness hath not deserved this indignity at her
hands." "Well, child," said Allworthy, "but what is this new instance?
What hath he done of late?" "What," cries Blifil, "notwithstanding all
Mrs. Miller hath said, I am very sorry to relate, and what you
should never have heard from me, had it not been a matter impossible
to conceal from the whole world. In short, he hath killed a man; I
will not say murdered- for perhaps it may not be so construed in law,
and I hope the best for his sake."
Allworthy looked shocked, and blessed himself; and then, turning
to Mrs. Miller, he cried, "Well, madam, what say you now?"
"Why, I say, sir," answered she, "that never was more concerned at
anything in my life; but, if the fact be true, I am convinced the man,
whoever he is, was in fault. Heaven knows there are many villains in
this town who make it their business to provoke young gentlemen.
Nothing but the greatest provocation could have tempted him; for of
all the gentlemen I ever had in my house, I never saw one so gentle or
so sweet-tempered. He was beloved by everyone in the house, and
every one who came near it."
While she was thus running on, a violent knocking at the door
interrupted their conversation, and prevented her from proceeding
further, or from receiving any answer; for, as she concluded this
was a visitor to Mr. Allworthy, she hastily retired, taking with her
her little girl, whose eyes were all over blubbered at the
melancholy news she heard of Jones, who used to call her his little
wife, and not only gave her many playthings, but spent whole hours
in playing with her himself.
Some readers may, perhaps, be pleased with these minute
circumstances, in relating of which we follow the example of Plutarch,
one of the best of our brother historians; and others, to whom they
may appear trivial, will, we hope, at least pardon them, as we are
never prolix on such occasions.
Chapter 3
The arrival of Mr. Western, with some matters concerning the
paternal authority
Mrs. Miller had not long left the room when Mr. Western entered; but
not before a small wrangling bout had passed between him and his
chairmen; for the fellows, who had taken up their burden at the
Hercules Pillars, had conceived no hopes of having any future good
customer in the squire; and they were moreover farther encouraged by
his generosity (for he had given them of his own accord sixpence
more than their fare); they therefore very boldly demanded another
shilling, which so provoked the squire, that he not only bestowed many
hearty curses on them at the door, but retained his anger after he
came into the room; swearing that all the Londoners were like the
court, and thought of nothing but plundering country gentlemen. "D--n
me," says he, "if I won't walk in the rain rather than get into one of
their hand-barrows again. They have jolted me more in a mile than
Brown Bess would in a long fox-chase."
When his wrath on this occasion was a little appeased, he resumed
the same passionate tone on another. "There," says he, "there is
fine business forwards now. The hounds have changed at last; and
when we imagined we had a fox to deal with, od-rat it, it turns out to
be a badger at last!
"Pray, my good neighbour," said Allworthy, "drop your metaphors, and
speak a little plainer." "Why, then," says the squire, "to tell you
plainly, we have been all this time afraid of a son of a whore of a
bastard of somebody's, I don't know whose, not I. And now here's a
confounded son of a whore of a lord, who may be a bastard too for what
I know or care, for he shall never have a daughter of mine by my
consent. They have beggared the nation, but they shall never beggar
me. My land shall never be sent over to Hanover."
"You surprize me much, my good friend," said Allworthy. "Why,
zounds! I am surprized myself," answered the squire. "I went to zee
sister Western last night, according to her own appointment, and there
I was had into a whole room full of women. There was my lady cousin
Bellaston, and my Lady Betty, and my Lady Catherine, and my lady I
don't know who; d--n me, if ever you catch me among such a kennel of
hoop-petticoat b-s! D--n me, I'd rather be run by my own dogs, as one
Acton was, that the story-book says was turned into a hare, and his
own dogs killed un and eat un. Odrabbit it, no mortal was ever run
in such a manner; if I dodged one way, one had me; if I offered to
clap back, another snapped me. 'O! certainly one of the greatest
matches in England,' says one cousin (here he attempted to mimic
them); 'A very advantageous offer indeed,' cries another cousin (for
you must know they be all my cousins, thof I never zeed half o' um
before). 'Surely,' says that fat a-se b--, my Lady Bellaston,
'cousin, you must be out of your wits to think of refusing such an
offer.'"
"Now I begin to understand," says Allworthy; "some person hath
made proposals to Miss Western, which the ladies of the family
approve, but is not to your liking."
"My liking!" said Western, "how the devil should it? I tell you it
is a lord, and those are always volks whom you know I always
resolved to have nothing to do with. Did unt I refuse a matter of
vorty years' purchase now for a bit of land, which one o' um had a
mind to put into a park, only because I would have no dealings with
lords, and dost think I would marry my daughter zu? Besides, ben't I
engaged to you, and did I ever go off any bargain when I had
promised?"
"As to that point, neighbour," said Allworthy, "I entirely release
you from any engagement. No contract can be binding between parties
who have not a full power to make it at the time, nor ever
afterwards acquire the power of fulfilling it."
"Slud! then," answered Western, "I tell you I have power, and I will
fulfil it. Come along with me directly to Doctors' Commons, I will get
a licence; and I will go to sister and take away the wench by force,
and she shall ha un, or I will lock her up, and keep her upon bread
and water as long as she lives."
"Mr. Western," said Allworthy, "shall I beg you will hear my full
sentiments on this matter?"- "Hear thee; ay, to be sure I will,"
answered he. "Why, then, sir," cries Allworthy, "I can truly say,
without a compliment either to you or the young lady, that when this
match was proposed, I embraced it very readily and heartily, from my
regard to you both. An alliance between two families so nearly
neighbours, and between whom there had always existed so mutual an
intercourse and good harmony, I thought a most desirable event; and
with regard to the young lady, not only the concurrent opinion of
all who knew her, but my own observation assured me that she would
be an inestimable treasure to a good husband. I shall say nothing of
her personal qualifications, which certainly are admirable; her good
nature, her charitable disposition, her modesty, are too well known to
need any panegyric: but she hath one quality which existed in a high
degree in that best of women, who is now one of the first of angels,
which, as it is not of a glaring kind, more commonly escapes
