separation of the united fraternities, so much to the prejudice of
both bodies, as all separations must be, according to the old adage,
Vis unita fortior*(2); which to be sure there are not wanting some of
one or of the other fraternity who are able to construe. What a blow
was this to me, who unite both in my own person!" "Well, by whatever
name you please to be called," continued Jones, "you certainly are one
of the oddest, most comical fellows I ever met with, and must have
something very surprizing in your story, which you must confess I have
a right to hear."- "I do confess it," answered Benjamin, " and will
very readily acquaint you with it, when you have sufficient leisure,
for I promise you it will require a good deal of time." Jones told
him, he could never be more at leisure than at present. "Well,
then," said Benjamin, "I will obey you; but first I will fasten the
door, that none interrupt us." He did so, and then with a solemn air
to Jones, said: "I must begin by telling you, sir, that you yourself
have been the greatest enemy I ever had." Jones was a little
startled at this sudden declaration. "I your enemy, sir!" says he,
with much and some sternness in his look. "Nay, be not angry," said
Benjamin, "for I promise you I am not. You are perfectly innocent of
having intended me any wrong; for you was then an infant: but I shall,
I believe, unriddle all this the moment I mention my name. Did you
never hear, sir, of one Partridge, who had the honour of being reputed
your father, and the misfortune of being ruined by that honour?" "I
have, indeed, heard of that Partridge," says Jones, "and have always
believed myself to be his son." "Well, sir," answered Benjamin, am
that Partridge; but I here absolve you from all filial duty, for I
do assure you, you are no son of mine." "How!" replied Jones, "and
is it possible that a false suspicion should have drawn all the ill
consequences upon you, with which I am too well acquainted? "It is
possible," cries Benjamin, "for it is so: but though it is natural for
men to hate even the innocent causes of their sufferings, yet I am
of a different temper. I have loved you ever since I heard of your
behaviour to Black George, as I told you; and I am convinced, from
this extraordinary meeting, that you are born to make me amends for
all I have suffered on that account. Besides, I dreamt, the night
before I saw you, that I stumbled over a stool without hurting myself;
which plainly showed me something good was towards me: and last
night I dreamt again, that I rode behind you on a milk-white mare,
which is a very excellent dream, and betokens much good fortune, which
I am resolved to pursue unless you have the cruelty to deny me."
*A quote of Aeneas'speech to Dido, The Aeneid II, 3: "O queen, you
bid me call to mind the unspeakable grief."
*(2) Power is strengthened by union.
"I should be very glad, Mr. Partridge," answered Jones, "to have
it in my power to make you amends for your sufferings on my account,
though at present I see no likelihood of it; however, I assure you I
will deny you nothing which is in my power to grant."
"It is in your power sure enough," replied Benjamin; "for I desire
nothing more than leave to attend you in this expedition. Nay, I
have so entirely set my heart upon it, that if you should refuse me,
you will kill both a barber and a surgeon in one breath."
Jones answered, smiling, that he should be very sorry to be the
occasion of so much mischief to the public. He then advanced many
prudential reasons, in order to dissuade Benjamin (whom we shall
hereafter Partridge) from his purpose; but all were in vain. Partridge
relied strongly on his dream of the milk-white mare. "Besides, sir,"
says he, "I promise you I have as good an inclination to the cause
as any man can possibly have; and go I will, whether you admit me to
go in your company or not."
Jones, who was as much pleased with Partridge as Partridge could
be with him, and who had not consulted his own inclination but the
good of the other in desiring him to stay behind, when he found his
friend so resolute, at last gave his consent; but then recollecting
himself, he said, "Perhaps, Mr. Partridge, you think I shall be able
to support you, but I really am not;" and then taking out his purse,
he told out nine guineas, which he declared were his whole fortune.
Partridge answered, "That his dependence was only on his future
favour; for he was thoroughly convinced he would shortly have enough
in his power. At present, sir," said he, "I believe I am rather the
richer man of the two; but all I have is at your service, and at
your disposal. I insist upon your taking the whole, and I beg only
to attend you in the quality of your servant; Nil desperandum est
Teucro duce et auspice Teucro*: but to this generous proposal
concerning the money, Jones would by no means submit.
*Let us despair of nothing while Teucer is our leader, and we are
under his auspices.
It was resolved to set out the next morning, when a difficulty arose
concerning the baggage; for the portmanteau of Mr. Jones was too large
to be carried without a horse.
"If I may presume to give my advice," says Partridge, "this
portmanteau, with everything in it, except a few shirts, should be
left behind. Those I shall be easily able to carry for you, and the
rest of your cloaths will remain very safe locked up in my house."
This method was no sooner proposed than agreed to; and then the
barber departed, in order to prepare everything for his intended
expedition.
Chapter 7
Containing better reasons than any which have yet appeared for the
conduct of Partridge; an apology for the weakness of Jones; and some
further anecdotes concerning my landlady
Though Partridge was one of the most superstitious of men, he
would hardly perhaps have desired to accompany Jones on his expedition
merely from the omens of the joint-stool and white mare, if his
prospect had been no better than to have shared the plunder gained
in the field of battle. In fact, when Partridge came to ruminate on
the relation he had heard from Jones, he could not reconcile to
himself that Mr. Allworthy should turn his son (for so he most
firmly believed him to be) out of doors, for any reason which he had
heard assigned. He concluded, therefore, that the whole was a fiction,
and that Jones, of whom he had often from his correspondents heard the
wildest character, had in reality run away from his father. It came
into his head, therefore, that if he could prevail with the young
gentleman to return back to his father, he should by that means render
a service to Allworthy, which would obliterate all his former anger;
nay, indeed, he conceived that very anger was counterfeited, and
that Allworthy had sacrificed him to his own reputation. And this
suspicion indeed he well accounted for, from the tender behaviour of
that excellent man to the foundling child; from his great severity
to Partridge, who, knowing himself to be innocent, could not
conceive that any other should think him guilty; lastly, from the
allowance which he had privately received long after the annuity had
been publickly taken from him, and which he looked upon as a kind of
smart-money, or rather by way of atonement for injustice; for it is
very uncommon, I believe, for men to ascribe the benefactions they
receive to pure charity, when they can possibly impute them to any
other motive. If he could by any means therefore persuade the young
gentleman to return home, he doubted not but that he should again be
received into the favour of Allworthy, and well rewarded for his
pains; nay, and should be again restored to his native country; a
restoration which Ulysses himself never wished more heartily than poor
Partridge.
As for Jones, he was well satisfied with the truth of what the other
had asserted, and believed that Partridge had no other inducements but
love to him, and zeal for the cause; a blameable want of caution and
diffidence in the veracity of others, in which he was highly worthy of
censure. To say the truth, there are but two ways by which men
become possessed of this excellent quality. The one is from long
experience, and the other is from nature; which last, I presume, is of
meant by genius, or great natural parts; and it is infinitely the
better of the two, not only as we are masters of it much earlier in
life, but as it is much more infallible and conclusive; for a man
who hath been imposed on by ever so many, may still hope to find
others more honest; whereas he who receives certain necessary
admonitions from within, that this is impossible, must have very
little understanding indeed, if he ever renders himself liable to be
once deceived. As Jones had not this gift from nature, he was too
young to have gained it by experience; for at the diffident wisdom
which is to be acquired this way, we seldom arrive till very late in
life; which is perhaps the reason why some old men are apt to
despise the understandings of all those who are a little younger
than themselves.
Jones spent most part of the day in the company of a new
acquaintance. This was no other than the landlord of the house, or
rather the husband of the landlady. He had but lately made his descent
downstairs, after a long fit of the gout, in which distemper he was
generally confined to his room during one half of the year; and during
the rest, he walked about the house, smoaked his pipe, and drank his
bottle with his friends, without concerning himself in the least
with any kind of business. He had been bred, as they call it, a
gentleman; that is, bred up to do nothing; and had spent a very
small fortune, which he inherited from an industrious farmer his
uncle, in horse-racing, and cock-fighting, and married by my
landlady for certain which he had long since desisted from
answering; for which she hated him heartily. But as he was a surly
kind of fellow, so she contented herself with frequently upbraiding
him by disadvantageous comparisons with her first husband, whose
praise she had in her mouth; and as she was for the most part mistress
of the profit, so she was to take upon herself the care and government
of the family, and, after a long successless struggle, to suffer her
husband to be master of himself.
In the evening, when Jones retired to his room, a small dispute
arose between this fond couple concerning him:- "What," says the
wife, "you have been tippling with the gentleman, I see?"- "Yes,"
answered the husband, "we have cracked a bottle together, and a very
gentlemanlike man he is, and hath a very pretty notion of horse-flesh.
Indeed, he is young, and hath not seen much of the for I believe he
hath been at very few horse-races."- "Oho! he is one of your order,
is he?" replies the landlady: "he must be a gentleman to be sure, if
he is a horse-racer. The devil fetch such gentry! I am sure I wish I
had never seen any of them. I have reason to love horse-racers
truly!"- "That you have," says the "for I was one, you know."- "Yes,"
she, "you are a pure one indeed. As my first husband used to say, I
may put all the good I have ever got by you in my eyes, and see
never the worse."- "D--n your first husband!" cries he. "Don't d--n a
better man than answered the wife: "if he had been you durst not
have done it."- "Then you think," says he, "I have not so much
courage as yourself; for you have d--n'd him my in my hearing."- "If I
did," says she, "I have repented of it many's the good time and oft.
And if he was so good to forgive me a word in haste or so, it doth not
become such a one as you to twitter me. He was a husband to me, was;
and if ever I did make use of an ill word or so in a passion, I
never called him rascal; I should have told a lie, if I had him
rascal." Much more she said, but not in his hearing; for having
lighted his pipe, he staggered off as fast as he could. We shall
therefore transcribe no more of her speech, as it approached still
nearer and nearer to a subject too indelicate to find any place in
this history.
Early in the morning Partridge appeared at the bedside of Jones,
ready equipped for the journey, with his knapsack at his back. This
was his own workmanship; for besides his other trades, he was no
indifferent taylor. He had already put up his whole stock of linen
in it, consisting of four shirts, to which he now added eight for
Mr. Jones; and then packing up the portmanteau, he was departing
with it towards his own house, but was stopt in his way by the
landlady, who refused to suffer any removals till after the payment of
the reckoning.
The landlady was, as we have said, absolute governess in these
regions; it was therefore necessary to comply with her rules; so the
bill was presently writ out, which amounted to a much larger sum
than might have been expected, from the entertainment which Jones
had met with. But here we are obliged to disclose some maxims, which
publicans hold to be the grand mysteries of their trade. The first is,
If they have anything good in their house (which indeed very seldom
happens) to produce it only to persons who travel with great
equipages. 2dly, To charge the same for the very worst provisions,
as if they were the best. And lastly, If any of their guests call
but for little, to make them pay a double price for everything they
have; so that the amount by the head may be much the same.
The bill being made and discharged, Jones set forward with
Partridge, carrying his knapsack; nor did the landlady condescend to
wish him a good journey; for this was, it seems, an inn frequented
by people of fashion; and I know not whence it is, but all those who
