philanthropy abhors, and which rather than see and converse with,
she avoids society itself. However, without a compliment to you, you
do not appear to me one of those whom I should shun or detest; nay,
I must say, in what little hath dropt from you, there appears some
parity in our fortunes: I hope, however, yours will conclude more
successfully."
Here some compliments passed between our heroe and his host, and
then the latter was going to begin his history, when Partridge
interrupted him. His apprehensions had now pretty well left him, but
some effects of his terrors remained; he therefore reminded the
gentleman of that excellent brandy which he had mentioned. This was
presently brought, and Partridge swallowed a large bumper.
The gentleman then, without any farther preface, began as you may
read in the next chapter.
Chapter 11
In which the Man of the Hill begins to relate his history
"I was born in a village of Somersetshire, called Mark, in the
year 1657. My father was one of those whom they call gentlemen
farmers. He had a little estate of about L300 a year of his own, and
rented another estate of near the same value. He was prudent and
industrious, and so good a husbandman, that he might have led a very
easy and comfortable life, had not an arrant vixen of a wife soured
his domestic quiet. But though this circumstance perhaps made him
miserable, it did not make him poor; for he confined her almost
entirely at home, and rather chose to bear eternal upbraidings in
his own house, than to injure his fortune by indulging her in the
extravagancies she desired abroad.
"By this Xanthippe" (so was the wife of Socrates called, said
Partridge)- "by this Xanthippe he had two sons, of which I was the
younger. He designed to give us both good education; but my elder
brother, who, unhappily for him, was the favourite of my mother,
utterly neglected his learning; insomuch that, after having been
five or six years at school with little or no improvement, my
father, being told by his master that it would be to no purpose to
keep him longer there, at last complied with my mother in taking him
home from the hands of that tyrant, as she called his master; though
indeed he gave the lad much less correction than his idleness
deserved, but much more, it seems, than the young gentleman liked, who
constantly complained to his mother of his severe treatment, and she
as constantly gave him a hearing."
"Yes, yes," cries Partridge, "I have seen such mothers; I have
been abused myself by them, and very unjustly; such parents deserve
correction as much as their children."
Jones chid the pedagogue for his interruption, and then the stranger
proceeded.
"My brother now, at the age of fifteen, bade adieu to all
learning, and to everything else but to his dog and gun; with which
latter he became so expert, that, though perhaps you may think it
incredible, he could not only hit a standing mark with great
certainty, but hath actually shot a crow as it was flying in the
air. He was likewise excellent at finding a hare sitting, and was soon
reputed one of the best sportsmen in the country; a reputation which
both he and his mother enjoyed as much as if he had been thought the
finest scholar.
"The situation of my brother made me at first think my lot the
harder, in being continued at school: but I soon changed my opinion;
for as I advanced pretty fast in learning, my labours became easy, and
my exercise so delightful, that holidays were my most unpleasant time;
for my mother, who never loved me, now apprehending that I had the
greater share of my father's affection, and finding, or at least
thinking, that I was more taken notice of by some gentlemen of
learning, and particularly by the parson of the parish, than my
brother, she now hated my sight, and made home so disagreeable to
me, that what is called by school-boys Black Monday, was to me the
whitest in the whole year.
"Having at length gone through the school at Taunton, I was thence
removed to Exeter College in Oxford, where I remained four years; at
the end of which an accident took me off entirely from my studies; and
hence I may truly date the rise of all which happened to me afterwards
in life.
"There was at the same college with myself one Sir George Gresham, a
young fellow who was intitled to a very considerable fortune, which he
was not, by the will of his father, come into full possession of
till he arrived the age of twenty-five. However, the liberality of his
guardians gave him little cause to regret the abundant caution of
his father; for they allowed him five hundred pounds a year while he
remained at the university, where he kept his horses and his whore,
and lived as wicked and as profligate a life as he could have done had
he been never so entirely master of his fortune; for besides the
five hundred a year which he received from his guardians, he found
means to spend a thousand more. He was above the age of twenty-one,
and had no difficulty in gaining what credit he pleased.
"This young fellow, among many other tolerable bad qualities, had
one very diabolical. He had a great delight in destroying and
ruining the youth of inferior fortune, by drawing them into expenses
which they could not afford so well as himself; and the better, and
worthier, and soberer any young man was, the greater pleasure and
triumph had he in his destruction. Thus acting the character which
is recorded of the devil, and going about seeking whom he might
devour.
"It was my misfortune to fall into an acquaintance and intimacy with
this gentleman. My reputation of diligence in my studies made me a
desirable object of his mischievous intention; and my own
inclination made it sufficiently easy for him to effect his purpose;
for though I had applied myself with much industry to books, in
which I took great delight, there were other pleasures in which I
was capable of taking much greater; for I was high-mettled, had a
violent flow of animal spirits, was a little ambitious, and
extremely amorous.
"I had not long contracted an intimacy with Sir George before I
became a partaker of all his pleasures; and when I was once entered on
that scene, neither my inclination nor my spirit would suffer me to
play an under part. I was second to none of the company in any acts of
debauchery; nay, I soon distinguished myself so notably in all riots
and disorders, that my name generally stood first in the roll of
delinquents; and instead of being lamented as the unfortunate pupil of
Sir George, I was now accused as the person who had misled and
debauched that hopeful young gentleman; for though he was the
ringleader and promoter of all the mischief, he was never so
considered. I fell at last under the censure of the vice-chancellor,
and very narrowly escaped expulsion.
"You will easily believe, sir, that such a life as I am now
describing must be incompatible with my further progress in
learning; and that in proportion as I addicted myself more and more to
loose pleasure, I must grow more and more remiss in application to
my studies. This was truly the consequence; but this was not all. My
expenses now greatly exceeded not only my former income, but those
additions which I extorted from my poor generous father, on
pretences of sums being necessary for preparing for my approaching
degree of batchelor of arts. These demands, however, grew at last so
frequent and exorbitant, that my father by slow degrees opened his
ears to the accounts which he received from many quarters of my
present behaviour, and which my mother failed not to echo very
faithfully and loudly; adding, 'Ay, this is the fine gentleman, the
scholar who doth so much honour to his family, and is to be the making
of it. I thought what all this learning would come to. He is to be the
ruin of us all, I find, after his elder brother hath been denied
necessaries for his sake, to perfect his education forsooth, for which
he was to pay us such interest: I thought what the interest would come
to,' with much more of the same kind; but I have, I believe, satisfied
you with this taste.
"My father, therefore, began now to return remonstrances instead
of money to my demands, which brought my affairs perhaps a little
sooner to a crisis; but had he remitted me his whole income, you
will imagine it could have sufficed a very short time to support one
who kept pace with the expenses of Sir George Gresham.
"It is more than possible that the distress I was now in for
money, and the impracticability of going on in this manner, might have
restored me at once to my senses and to my studies, had I opened my
eyes before I became involved in debts from which I saw no hopes of
ever extricating myself. This was indeed the great art of Sir
George, and by which he accomplished the ruin of many, whom he
afterwards laughed at as fools and coxcombs, for vying, as he called
it, with a man of his fortune. To bring this about, he would now and
then advance a little money himself, in order to support the credit of
the unfortunate youth with other people; till, by means of that very
credit, he was irretrievably undone.
"My mind being by these means grown as desperate as my fortune,
there was scarce a wickedness which I did not meditate, in order for
my relief. Self-murder itself became the subject of my serious
deliberation; and I had certainly resolved on it, had not a more
shameful, though perhaps less sinful, thought expelled it from my
head."- Here he hesitated a moment, and then cried out, "I protest,
so many years have not washed away the shame of this act, and I
shall blush while I relate it." Jones desired him to pass over
anything that might give him pain in the relation; but Partridge
eagerly cried out, "Oh, pray, sir, let us hear this; I had rather hear
this than all the rest; as I hope to be saved, I will never mention
a word of it." Jones was going to rebuke him, but the stranger
prevented it by proceeding thus: "I had a chum, a very prudent, frugal
young lad, who, though he had no very large allowance, had by his
parsimony heaped up upwards of forty guineas, which I knew he kept
in his escritore. I took therefore an opportunity of purloining his
key from his breeches-pocket, while he was asleep, and thus made
myself master of all his riches: after which I again conveyed his
key into his pocket, and counterfeiting sleep- though I never once
closed my eyes, lay in bed till after he arose and went to
prayers- an exercise to which I had long been unaccustomed.
"Timorous thieves, by extreme caution, often subject themselves to
discoveries, which those of a bolder kind escape. Thus it happened
to me; for had I boldly broke open his escritore, I had, perhaps,
escaped even his suspicion; but as it was plain that the person who
robbed him had possessed himself of his key, he had no doubt, when
he first missed his money, but that his chum was certainly the
thief. Now as he was of a fearful disposition, and much my inferior in
strength, and I believe in courage, he did not dare to confront me
with my guilt, for fear of worse bodily consequences which might
happen to him. He repaired therefore immediately to the
vice-chancellor, and upon swearing to the robbery, and to the
circumstances of it, very easily obtained a warrant against one who
had now so bad a character through the whole university.
"Luckily for me, I lay out of the college the next evening; for that
day I attended a young lady in a chaise to Witney, where we staid
all night, and in our return, the next morning, to Oxford, I met one
of my cronies, who acquainted me with sufficient news concerning
myself to make me turn my horse another way."
"Pray, sir, did he mention anything of the warrant?" said Partridge.
But Jones begged the gentleman to proceed without regarding any
impertinent questions; which he did as follows:-
"Having now abandoned all thoughts of returning to Oxford, the
next thing which offered itself was a journey to London. I imparted
this intention to my female companion, who at first remonstrated
against it; but upon producing my wealth, she immediately consented.
We then struck across the country, into the great Cirencester road,
and made such haste, that we spent the next evening, save one, in
London.
"When you consider the place where I now was, and the company with
whom I was, you will, I fancy, conceive that a very short time brought
me to an end of that sum of which I had so iniquitously possessed
myself.
"I was now reduced to a much higher degree of distress than
before: the necessaries of life began to be numbered among my wants;
and what made my case still the more grievous was, that my paramour,
of whom I was now grown immoderately fond, shared the same
distresses with myself. To see a woman you love in distress; to be
unable to relieve her, and at the same time to reflect that you have
brought her into this situation, is perhaps a curse of which no
imagination can represent the horrors to those who have not felt
it."- "I believe it from my soul," cries Jones, "and I pity you from
the bottom of my heart:" he then took two or three disorderly turns
about the room, and at last begged pardon, and flung himself into
his chair, crying, "I thank Heaven, I have escaped that!"
"This circumstance," continued the gentleman, "so severely
aggravated the horrors of my present situation, that they became
absolutely intolerable. I could with less pain endure the raging in my
own natural unsatisfied appetites, even hunger or thirst, than I could
submit to leave ungratified the most whimsical desires of a woman on
whom I so extravagantly doated, that, though I knew she had been the
mistress of half my acquaintance, I firmly intended to marry her.
But the good creature was unwilling to consent to an action which
