all private concerns. Our discourse therefore now became entirely
political. For my own part, I had been for some time very seriously
affected with the danger to which the Protestant religion was so
visibly exposed under a Popish prince, and thought the apprehension of
it alone sufficient to justify that insurrection; for no real security
can ever be found against the persecuting spirit of Popery, when armed
with power, except the depriving it of that power, as woeful
experience presently showed. You know how King James behaved after
getting the better of this attempt; how little he valued either his
royal word, or coronation oath, or the liberties and rights of his
people. But all had not the sense to foresee this at first; and
therefore the Duke of Monmouth was weakly supported; yet all could
feel when the evil came upon them; and therefore all united, at
last, to drive out that king, against whose exclusion a great party
among us had so warmly contended during the reign of his brother,
and for whom they now fought with such zeal and affection."
"What you say," interrupted Jones, "is very true; and it has often
struck me, as the most wonderful thing I ever read of in history, that
so soon after this convincing experience which brought our whole
nation to join so unanimously in expelling King James, for the
preservation of our religion and liberties, there should be a party
among us mad enough to desire the placing his family again on the
throne." "You are not in earnest!" answered the old man; "there can be
no such party. As bad an opinion as I have of mankind, I cannot
believe them infatuated to such a degree. There may be some hot-headed
Papists led by their priests to engage in this desperate cause, and
think it a holy war; but that Protestants, that are members of the
Church of England, should be such apostates, such felos de se, I
cannot believe it; no, no, young man, unacquainted as I am with what
has past in the world for these last thirty years, I cannot be so
imposed upon as to credit so foolish a tale; but I see you have a mind
to sport with my ignorance."- "Can it be possible," replied Jones,
"that you have lived so much out of the world as not to know that
during that time there have been two rebellions in favour of the son
of King James, one of which is now actually raging in the very heart
of the kingdom." At these words the old gentleman started up, and in a
most solemn tone of voice, conjured Jones by his Maker to tell him
if what he said was really true; which the other as solemnly
affirming, he walked several turns about the room in a profound
silence, then cried, then laughed, and at last fell down on his knees,
and blessed God, in a loud thanksgiving prayer, for having delivered
him from all society with human nature, which could be capable of such
monstrous extravagances. After which, being reminded by Jones that
he had broke off his story, he resumed it again in this manner:-
"As mankind, in the days I was speaking of, was not yet arrived at
that pitch of madness which I find they are capable of now, and which,
to be sure, I have only escaped by living alone, and at a distance
from the contagion, there was a considerable rising in favour of
Monmouth; and my principles strongly inclining me to take the same
part, I determined to join him; and Mr. Watson, from different motives
concurring in the same resolution (for the spirit of a gamester will
carry a man as far upon such an occasion as the spirit of patriotism),
we soon provided ourselves with all necessaries, and went to the
duke at Bridgewater.
"The unfortunate event of this enterprize, you are, I conclude, as
well acquainted with as myself. I escaped, together with Mr. Watson,
from the battle at Sedgemore, in which action I received a slight
wound. We rode near forty miles together on the Exeter road, and
then abandoning our horses, scrambled as well as we could through
the fields and bye-roads, till we arrived at a little wild hut on a
common, where a poor old woman took all the care of us she could,
and dressed my wound with salve, which quickly healed it."
"Pray, sir, where was the wound?" says Partridge. The stranger
satisfied him it was in his arm, and then continued his narrative.
"Here, sir," said he, "Mr. Watson left me the next morning, in
order, as he pretended, to get us some provision from the town of
Collumpton; but- can I relate it, or can you believe it?- this Mr.
Watson, this friend, this base, barbarous, treacherous villain,
betrayed me to a party of horse belonging to King James, and at his
return delivered me into their hands.
"The soldiers, being six in number, had now seized me, and were
conducting me to Taunton gaol; but neither my present situation, nor
the apprehensions of what might happen to me, were half so irksome
to my mind as the company of my false friend, who, having
surrendered himself, was likewise considered as a prisoner, though
he was better treated, as being to make his peace at my expense. He at
first endeavoured to excuse his treachery; but when he received
nothing but scorn and upbraiding from me, he soon changed his note,
abused me as the most atrocious and malicious rebel, and laid all
his own guilt to my charge, who, as he declared, had solicited, and
even threatened him, to make him take up arms against his gracious
as well as lawful sovereign.
"This false evidence (for in reality he had been much the
forwarder of the two) stung me to the quick, and raised an indignation
scarce conceivable by those who have not felt it. However, fortune
at length took pity on me; for as we were got a little beyond
Wellington, in a narrow lane, my guards received a false alarm, that
near fifty of the enemy were at hand; upon which they shifted for
themselves, and left me and my betrayer to do the same. That villain
immediately ran from me, and I am glad he did, or I should have
certainly endeavoured, though I had no arms, to have executed
vengeance on his baseness.
"I was now once more at liberty; and immediately withdrawing from
the highway into the fields, I travelled on, scarce knowing which
way I went, and making it my chief care to avoid all public roads
and all towns- nay, even the most homely houses; for I imagined every
human creature whom I saw desirous of betraying me.
"At last, after rambling several days about the country, during
which the fields afforded me the same bed and the same food which
nature bestows on our savage brothers of the creation, I at length
arrived at this place, where the solitude and wildness of the
country invited me to fix my abode. The first person with whom I
took up my habitation was the mother of this old woman, with whom I
remained concealed till the news of the glorious revolution put an end
to all my apprehensions of danger, and gave me an opportunity of
once more visiting my own home, and of enquiring a little into my
affairs, which I soon settled as agreeably to my brother as to myself;
having resigned everything to him, for which he paid me the sum of a
thousand pounds, and settled on me an annuity for life.
"His behaviour in this last instance, as in all others, was
selfish and ungenerous. I could not look on him as my friend, nor
indeed did he desire that I should; so I presently took my leave of
him, as well as of my other acquaintance; and from that day to this,
my history is little better than a blank."
"And is it possible, sir," said Jones, "that you can have resided
here from that day to this?"- "O no, sir," answered the gentleman; "I
have been a great traveller, and there are few parts of Europe with
which I am not acquainted."- "I have not, sir," cried Jones, "the
assurance to ask it of you now; indeed it would be cruel, after so
much breath as you already spent: but you will give me leave to wish
for some further opportunity of the excellent observations which a man
of your sense and knowledge of the world must made in so long a course
of travels."- "Indeed, young gentleman," answered the stranger, "I
will endeavour to satisfy your curiosity on this head likewise, as far
as I am able." Jones attempted fresh apologies, but was prevented; and
while he and Partridge sat with and impatient ears, the stranger
proceeded in the next chapter.
Chapter 15
A brief history of Europe; and a curious discourse between Mr. Jones
and the Man on the Hill
"In Italy the landlords are very silent. France they are more
talkative, but yet civil. In Germany and Holland they are generally
very impertinent. And as for their honesty, I believe it is pretty
equal in all those countries. The laquais a louange are sure to lose
no opportunity of cheating you; and as for the postilions, I think
they are pretty much alike the world over. These, sir, are the
observations on men which I made in my travels; for these were the
only men I ever conversed with. My design, when I went abroad, was
to divert myself by seeing the wondrous variety of prospects,
beasts, birds, fishes, insects, and vegetables, with which God has
been please to enrich the several parts of this globe; a which, as
it must give great pleasure to a contemplative beholder, so doth it
admirably the power, and wisdom, and goodness of the Creator.
Indeed, to say the truth, there is but one work in his whole
creation that him any dishonour, and with that I have long since
avoided bolding any conversation."
"You will pardon me," cries Jones; "but I have always imagined
that there is in this work you mention as great variety as in all
the rest; for, besides the difference of inclination, customs and
climates have, I am introduced the utmost diversity into human
nature."
"Very little indeed," answered the other: to "those who travel in
order to acquaint themselves with the different manners of men might
spare themselves much pains by going to a carnival at Venice; for
there they will see at once all which they can discover in the several
courts of Europe. The same hypocrisy, the same fraud; in short, the
same follies and vices dressed in different habits. In Spain, these
are equipped with much gravity; and in Italy, with vast splendor. In
France, a knave is dressed like a fop; and in the northern
countries, like a sloven. But human nature is everywhere the same,
everywhere the object of detestation and scorn.
"As for my own part, I past through all these nations as you perhaps
may have done through a croud at a show- jostling to get by them,
holding my nose with one hand, and defending my pockets with the
other, without speaking a word to any of them, while I was pressing on
to see what I wanted to see; which, however entertaining it might be
in itself, scarce made me amends for the trouble the company gave me."
"Did not you find some of the nations among which you travelled less
troublesome to you than others?" said Jones. "O yes," replied the
old man: "the Turks were much more tolerable to me than the
Christians; for they are men of profound taciturnity, and never
disturb a stranger with questions. Now and then indeed they bestow a
short curse upon him, or spit in his face as he walks the streets, but
then they have done with him; and a man may live an age in their
country without hearing a dozen words from them. But of all the people
I ever saw, heaven defend me from the French! With their damned
prate and civilities and doing the honour of their nation to strangers
(as they are pleased to call it), but indeed setting forth their own
vanity; they are so troublesome, that I had infinitely rather pass
my life with the Hottentots than set my foot in Paris again. They
are a nasty people, but their nastiness is mostly without; whereas, in
France, and some other nations that I won't name, it is all within,
and makes them stink much more to my reason than that of Hottentots
does to my nose.
"Thus, sir, I have ended the history of my life; for as to all
that series of years during which I have lived retired here, it
affords no variety to entertain you, and may be almost considered as
one day. The retirement has been so compleat, that I could hardly have
enjoyed a more absolute solitude in the deserts of the Thebais than
here in the midst of this populous kingdom. As I have no estate, I
am plagued with no tenants or stewards: my annuity is paid me pretty
regularly, as indeed it ought to be; for it is much less than what I
might have expected in return for what I gave up. Visits I admit none;
and the old woman who keeps my house knows that her place entirely
depends upon her saving me all the trouble of buying the things that I
want, keeping off all sollicitation or business from me, and holding
her tongue whenever I am within hearing. As my walks are all by night,
I am pretty secure in this wild unfrequented place from meeting any
company. Some few persons I have met by chance, and sent them home
heartily frighted, as from the oddness of my dress and figure they
took me for a ghost or a hobgoblin. But what has happened to-night
shows that even here I cannot be safe from the villany of men; for
without your assistance I had not only been robbed, but very
probably murdered."
Jones thanked the stranger for the trouble he had taken in
relating his story, and then expressed some wonder how he could
possibly endure a life of such solitude; "in which," says he, "you may
well complain of the want of variety. Indeed I am astonished how you
have filled up, or rather killed, so much of your time."
"I am not at all surprized," answered the other, "that to one
whose affections and thoughts are fixed on the world my hours should
appear to have wanted employment in this place: but there is one
single act, for which the whole life of man is infinitely too short:
