of Lord and Lady Townley were well preserved, and highly in nature.
Partridge likewise concurred with this opinion.
The master was so highly elated with these encomiums, that he
could not refrain from adding some more of his own. He said, "The
present age was not improved in anything so much as in their
puppet-shows; which, by throwing out Punch and his wife Joan, and such
idle trumpery, were at last brought to be a rational entertainment.
I remember," said he, "when I first took to the business, there was
a great deal of low stuff that did very well to make folks laugh;
but was never calculated to improve the morals of young people,
which certainly ought to be principally aimed at in every puppet-show:
for why may not good and instructive lessons be conveyed this way,
as well as any other? My figures are as big as the life, and they
represent the life in every particular; and I question not but
people rise from my little drama as much improved as they do from
the great." "I would by no means degrade the ingenuity of your
profession," answered Jones, "but I should have been glad to have seen
my old acquaintance, master Punch, for all that; and so far from
improving, I think, by leaving out him and his merry wife Joan, you
have spoiled your puppet-show."
The dancer of wires conceived an immediate and high contempt for
Jones, from these words. And with much disdain in his countenance,
he replied, "Very probably, sir, that may be your opinion; but I
have the satisfaction to know the best judges differ from you, and
it is impossible to please every taste. I confess, indeed, some of the
quality at Bath, two or three years ago, wanted mightily to bring
Punch again upon the stage. I believe I lost some money for not
agreeing to it; but let others do as they will; a little matter
shall never bribe me to degrade my own profession, nor will I ever
willingly consent to the spoiling the decency and regularity of my
stage, by introducing any such low stuff upon it."
"Right, friend," cries the clerk, "you are very right. Always
avoid what is low. There are several of my acquaintance in London, who
are resolved to drive everything which is low from the stage."
"Nothing can be more proper," cries the exciseman, pulling his pipe
from his mouth. "I remember," added he, "(for I then lived with my
lord) I was in the footman's gallery, the night when this play of
the Provoked Husband was acted first. There was a great deal of low
stuff in it about a country gentleman come up to town to stand for
parliament-man; and there they brought a parcel of his servants upon
the stage, his coachman I remember particularly; but the gentlemen
in our gallery could not bear anything so low, and they damned it. I
observe, friend you have left all that matter out, and you are to be
commended for it."
"Nay, gentlemen," cries Jones, "I can never maintain my opinion
against so many; indeed, if the generality of his audience dislike
him, the learned gentleman who conducts the show might have done
very right in dismissing Punch from his service."
The master of the show then began a second harangue, and said much
of the great force of example, and how much the inferior part of
mankind would be deterred from vice, by observing how odious it was in
their superiors; when he was unluckily interrupted by an incident,
which, though perhaps we might have omitted it at another time, we
cannot help relating at present, but not in this chapter.
Chapter 6
From which it may be inferred that the best things are liable to
be misunderstood and misinterpreted
A violent uproar now arise in the entry, where my landlady was
well cuffing her maid both with her fist and tongue. She had indeed
missed the wench from her employment, and, after a little search,
had found her on the puppet-show stage in company with the Merry
Andrew, and in a situation not very proper to be described.
Though Grace (for that was her name) had forfeited all title to
modesty; yet had she not impudence enough to deny a fact in which
she was actually surprized; she, therefore, took another turn, and
attempted to mitigate the offence. "Why do you beat me in this manner,
mistress?" cries the wench. "If you don't like my doings, you may turn
me away. If I am a w-e" (for the other had liberally bestowed that
appellation on her), "my betters are so as well as I. What was the
fine lady in the puppet show just now? I suppose she did not lie all
night out from her husband for nothing."
The landlady now burst into the kitchen, and fell foul on both her
husband and the poor puppet-mover. "Here, husband," says she, "you see
the consequence of harbouring these people in your house. If one
doth draw a little drink the more for them, one is hardly made
amends for the litter they make; and then to have one's house made a
bawdy-house of by such lousy vermin. In short, I desire you would be
gone to-morrow morning; for I will tolerate no more such doings. It is
only the way to teach our servants idleness and nonsense; for to be
sure nothing better can be learned by such idle shows as these. I
remember when puppet-shows were made of good scripture stories, as
Jephthah's Rash Vow, and such good things, and when wicked people were
carried away by the devil. There was some sense in those matters;
but as the parson told us last Sunday, nobody believes in the devil
now-adays; and here you bring about a parcel of puppets drest up
like lords and ladies, only to turn the heads of poor country wenches;
and when their heads are once turned topsy-turvy, no wonder everything
else is so."
Virgil, I think, tells us, that when the mob are assembled in a
riotous and tumultuous manner, and all sorts of missile weapons fly
about, if a man of gravity and authority appears amongst them, the
tumult is presently appeased, and the mob, which when collected into
one body, may be well compared to an ass, erect their long ears at the
grave man's discourse.
On the contrary, when a set of grave men and philosophers are
disputing; when wisdom herself may in a manner be considered as
present, and administering arguments to the disputants; should a
tumult arise among the mob, or should one scold, who is herself
equal in noise to a mighty mob, appear among the said philosophers;
their disputes cease in a moment, wisdom no longer performs her
ministerial office, and the attention of every one is immediately
attracted by the scold alone.
Thus the uproar aforesaid, and the arrival of the landlady, silenced
the master of the puppet-show, and put a speedy and final end to
that grave and solemn harangue, of which we have given the reader a
sufficient taste already. Nothing indeed could have happened so very
inopportune as this accident; the most wanton malice of fortune
could not have contrived such another stratagem to confound the poor
fellow, while he was so triumphantly descanting on the good morals
inculcated by his exhibitions. His mouth was now as effectually stopt,
as that of quack must be, if, in the midst of a declamation on the
great virtues of his pills and powders, the corpse of one of his
martyrs should be brought forth, and deposited before the stage, as
a testimony of his skill.
Instead, therefore, of answering my landlady, the puppet-show man
ran out to punish his Merry Andrew; and now the moon beginning to
put forth her silver light, as the poets call it (though she looked at
that time more like a piece of copper), Jones called for his
reckoning, and ordered Partridge, whom my landlady had just awaked
from a profound nap, to prepare for his journey; but Partridge, having
lately carried two points, as my reader hath seen before, was
emboldened to attempt a third, which was to prevail with Jones to take
up a lodging that evening in the house where he then was. He
introduced this with an affected surprize at the intention which Mr.
Jones declared of removing; and, after urging many excellent arguments
against it, he at last insisted strongly that it could be to no manner
of purpose whatever; for that, unless Jones knew which way the lady
was gone, every step he took might very possibly lead him the
farther from her; "for you find, sir," said he, "by all the people
in the house, that she is not gone this way. How much better,
therefore, would it be to stay till the morning, when we may expect to
meet with somebody to inquire of?"
This last argument had indeed some effect on Jones, and while he was
weighing it, the landlord threw all the rhetoric of which he was
master into the same scale. "Sure, sir," said he, "your servant
gives you most excellent advice; for who would travel by night at this
time of the year?" He then began in the usual stile to trumpet forth
the excellent accommodation which his house afforded; and my
landlady likewise opened on the occasion-- But, not to detain the
reader with what is common to every host and hostess, it is sufficient
to tell him Jones was at last prevailed on to stay and refresh himself
with a few hours' rest, which indeed he very much wanted; for he had
hardly shut his eyes since he had left the inn where the accident of
the broken head had happened.
As soon as Jones had taken a resolution to proceed no farther that
night, he presently retired to rest, with his two bedfellows, the
pocket-book and the muff; but Partridge, who at several times had
refreshed himself with several naps, was more inclined to eating
than to sleeping, and more to drinking than to either.
And now the storm which Grace had raised being at an end, and my
landlady being again reconciled to the puppet-man, who on his side
forgave the indecent reflections which the good woman in her passion
had cast on his performances, a face of perfect peace and tranquillity
reigned in the kitchen; where sat assembled round the fire, the
landlord and landlady of the house, the master of the puppet-show, the
attorney's clerk, the exciseman, and the ingenious Mr. Partridge; in
which company past the agreeable conversation which will be found in
the next chapter.
Chapter 7
Containing a remark or two of our own, and many more of the good
company assembled in the kitchen
Though the pride of Partridge did not submit to acknowledge
himself a servant, yet he condescended in most particulars to
imitate the manners of that rank. One instance of this was, his
greatly magnifying the fortune of his companion, as he called Jones:
such is a general custom with all servants among strangers, as none of
them would willingly be thought the attendant on a beggar: for, the
higher the situation of the master is, the higher, consequently, is
that of the man in his own opinion; the truth of which observation
appears from the behaviour of all the footmen of the nobility.
But, though title and fortune communicate a splendor all around
them, and the footmen of men of quality and of estate think themselves
entitled to a part of that respect which is paid to the quality and
estates of their masters, it is clearly otherwise with regard to
virtue and understanding. These advantages are strictly personal,
and swallow themselves all the respect which is paid to them. To say
the truth, this is so very little, that they cannot well afford to let
any others partake with them. As these therefore reflect no honour
on the domestic, so neither is he at all dishonoured by the most
deplorable want of both in his master. Indeed it is otherwise in the
want of what is called virtue in a mistress, the consequence of
which we have before seen: for in this dishonour there is a kind of
contagion, which, like that of poverty, communicates itself to all who
approach it.
Now for these reasons we are not to wonder that servants (I mean
among the men only) should have no great regard for the reputation
of the wealth of their masters, and little or none at all for their
character in other points, and that, though they would be ashamed to
be the footman of a beggar, they are not so to attend upon a rogue
or a blockhead; and do consequently make no scruple to spread the fame
of the iniquities and follies of their said masters as far as
possible, and this often with great humour and merriment. In
reality, a footman is often a wit as well as a beau, at the expence of
the gentleman whose livery he wears.
After Partridge, therefore, had enlarged greatly on the vast fortune
to which Mr. Jones was heir, he very freely communicated an
apprehension, which he had begun to conceive the day before, and for
which, as we hinted at that very time, the behaviour of Jones seemed
to have furnished a sufficient foundation. In short, he was now pretty
well confirmed in an opinion, that his master was out of his wits,
with which opinion he very bluntly acquainted the good company round
the fire.
With this sentiment the puppet-show man immediately coincided. "I
own," said he, "the gentleman surprized me very much, when he talked
so absurdly about puppet-shows. It is indeed hardly to be conceived
that any man in his senses should be so much mistaken; what you say
now accounts very well for all his monstrous notions. Poor
gentleman! I am heartily concerned for him; indeed he hath a strange
wildness about his eyes which I took notice of before, though I did
not mention it."
The landlord agreed with this last assertion, and likewise claimed
the sagacity of having observed it. "And certainly," added he, "it
must be so; for no one but a madman would have thought of leaving so
good a house to ramble about the country at that time of night."
The exciseman, pulling his pipe from his mouth, said, "He thought
the gentleman looked and talked a little wildly"; and then turning
to Partridge, "if he be a madman," says he, "he should not be suffered
