人所受之审都是永世之审，一如所服之刑都是至死之刑。三次了，我被提审过[169a]。第一次我下了被告席遭逮捕，第二次审后我被带回拘留所，第三次把我转到监狱坐两年牢。社会，就我们所组成的社会，将不会有我的安身之处，也给不出我的安身之处[169b]；但是大自然，雨丝亲切地同降于义人和小人身上的大自然，将会有岩缝给我藏身，有无人知晓的河谷让我清清静静地痛哭。她会在夜空张挂起星星，让我在外摸黑行走时不致绊倒，再送长风抹平我的脚印，不让人跟踪害我[169c]。她将以浩淼之水洁净我，用苦口的药草调治我复元。
169
170
At the end of a month, when the June roses are in all their wanton opulence, I will, if I feel able, arrange through Robbie to meet you in some quiet foreign town like Bruges, whose grey houses and green canals and cool still ways had a charm for me, years ago. For the moment you will have to change your name. The little title of which you were so vain— and indeed it made your name sound like the name of a flower—you will have to surrender, if you wish to see me; just as my name, once so musical in the mouth of Fame[170a], will have to be abandoned by me, in turn. How narrow, and mean, and inadequate to its burdens is this century of ours ! It can give to Success its palace of porphyry, but for Sorrow and Shame it does not keep even a wattled house in which they may dwell: all it can do for me is to bid me alter my name into some other name, where even mediaevalism would have given me the cowl of the monk or the face-cloth of the leper behind which I might be at peace[170b].
在一个月将过，当六月的玫瑰开得如痴如狂时，要是我觉得行的话，会通过罗比安排，在国外找个宁静的小城同你见面，像布鲁日这样的地方，那里青灰的房子和碧绿的运河，以及凉爽寂静的小街，都令我心动，几年前的事了。 到那时你必须换个名字。那个你如此得意的小小头衔，的确使你的名字听着像一种花的名字，必须放弃，要是想见我的话。就像我的名字，曾经为名誉之神津津乐道的名字[170a]，我也一样必须舍弃。我们所处的这个世纪，面对它应该担待的责任，显得多么的小器吝啬，心力不足啊！它可以为成功筑起金碧辉煌的殿堂，却不留一处茅屋给悲怆和羞耻容身：为我它能做的只有命我改名换姓，而即使在中世纪，我也会得到一块僧侣的头巾或麻风病人的面布，遮颜求得一份安心[170b]。
170
171
I hope that our meeting will be what a meeting between you and me should be, after everything that has occurred[171a]. In old days there was always a wide chasm between us, the chasm of achieved Art and acquired culture: there is a still wider chasm between us now, the chasm of Sorrow: but to Humility there is nothing that is impossible, and to Love all things are easy.
我希望，一切是非曲直过后[171a]，此次会面会像你我见面应该有的那个样子。 在过去，你我之间总有一道鸿沟，由于艺术和修养的高下而产生的鸿沟；而现在，横在我们之间有一道更深的鸿沟，那是悲怆的鸿沟。但是，只要心怀谦卑，就万事可成，只要心里有爱，也就天下无难事了。
171
172
As regards your letter to me in answer to this, it may be as long or as short as you choose. Address the envelope to “The Governor, H.M. Prison, Reading.” Inside, in another, and an open envelope, place your own letter to me: if your paper is very thin do not write on both sides, as it makes it hard for others to read[172a]. I have written to you with perfect freedom. You can write to me with the same. What I must know from you is why you have never made any attempt to write to me, since the August of the year before last, more especially after, in the May of last year, eleven months ago now, you knew, and admitted to others that you knew, how you had made me suffer, and how I realised it. I waited month after month to hear from you. Even if I had not been waiting but had shut the doors against you, you should have remembered that no one can possibly shut the doors against Love for ever. The unjust judge in the Gospels[172.1] rises up at length to give a just decision because Justice comes knocking daily at his door; and at night-time the friend, in whose heart there is no real friendship, yields at length to his friend “because of his importunity.”[172.2] There is no prison in any world into which Love cannot force an entrance[172b]. If you did not understand that, you did not understand anything about Love at all. Then, let me know all about your article on me for the Mercure de France. I know something of it. You had better quote from it. It is set up in type. Also, let me know the exact terms of your Dedication of your poems. If it is in prose, quote the prose; if in verse, quote the verse. I have no doubt that there will be beauty in it. Write to me with full frankness about yourself: about you life: your friends: your occupations: your books. Tell me about your volume and its reception. Whatever you have to say for yourself, say it without fear. Don’t write what you don’t mean: that is all. If anything in your letter is false or counterfeit I shall detect it by the ring at once. It is not for nothing, or to no purpose, that in my lifelong cult of literature I have made myself
Miser of sound and syllable, no less
Than Midas of his coinage[172c].[172.3]
Remember also that I have yet to know you. Perhaps we have yet to know each other.
至于你对这封信的回复，或长或短随你定。信封可写上“雷丁监狱狱长收”。里面再套个信封，别封上，用来放你给我的信。如果信纸薄，就别两面写，否则别人不好读[172a]。我给你写信毫无顾忌，你同样也可以这样给我写信。我必须从你那里知道的是，自从前年八月到现在，你为什么都不想法给我写封信。特别是后来，去年五月，距今是十一个月了，你知道了，也向别人承认你知道，自己让我吃了多少苦，而我也多么清楚这一点。我一个月又一个月地等着你的信。即便我不在等你的信，而是将你拒于门外，你也该记得，谁大概都无法永远将爱拒于门外的。福音书中那个不义的法官终究要起来作出公义的判决，就因为公义天天来敲他的门；还有那个心中没有真正友谊的人，夜间不肯起身帮朋友，可最后还是 “因他情词迫切的直求”而起来了。任何一个世界的任何一座囚牢，爱都能破门而入[172b]。这个你要是不明白，那就一点也不理解爱了。然后，把你给《法兰西信使》写有关我的文章一事，统统说来我听。我知道一些。你最好从文章中引出来我听。这是排版铅印了的东西了。而且，告诉我有关你的诗集上题献的原话到底是怎么写的。是散文体，就引那散文；是诗体，就引那诗句。我不怀疑其中有美好的东西。老老实实把你的事情写给我：你的生活、你的朋友、你的职业、你的书。告诉我关于你的集子及外界的反应。你要替自己说什么话，不要怕尽管说。别写言不由衷的话，就这一点。你信中要有什么假的、装的，那语气马上就逃不过我眼睛。我并非瞎忙，并非空忙，一辈子崇拜文学让自己都到了一词一语分毫必究的地步：
埋头盯着音节语气，尤如
迈达斯盯着他的金币[172c]。
也别忘了我还得再认识你。也许我们相互还得再认识呢。
172
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For yourself, I have but this last thing to say. Do not be afraid of the past. If people tell you that it is irrevocable, do not believe them. The past, the present and the future are but one moment in the sight of God, in whose sight we should try to live. Time and space, succession and extension, are merely accidental conditions of Thought[173a]. The Imagination can transcend them, and move in a free sphere of ideal existences. Things, also, are in their essence what we choose to make them. A thing is, according to the mode in which one looks at it[173b]. “Where others,” says Blake, “see but the Dawn coming over the hill, I see the sons of God shouting for joy.” [173.1] What seemed to the world and to myself my future I lost irretrievably when I let myself be taunted into taking the action against your father: had, I dare say, lost it really long before that. What lies before me is my past. I have got to make myself look on that with different eyes, to make the world look on it with different eyes, to make God look on it with different eyes[173c]. This I cannot do by ignoring it, or slighting it, or praising it, or denying it[173d]. It is only to be done by fully accepting it as an inevitable part of the evolution of my life and character: by bowing my head to everything that I have suffered. How far I am away from the true temper of soul, this letter in its changing, uncertain moods, its scorn and bitterness, its aspirations and its failure to realise those aspirations, shows you quite clearly. But do not forget in what a terrible school I am sitting at my task. And incomplete, imperfect, as I am[173e], yet from me you may have still much to gain. You came to me to learn the Pleasure of Life and the Pleasure of Art. Perhaps I am chosen to teach you something much more wonderful, the meaning of Sorrow, and its beauty.
Your affectionate friend
对你本人，我只有最后这个事还要说。不要惧怕过去。假如人们说过去的事无可挽回，你别信。过去、现在和将来，在上帝眼中不过是一个瞬间罢了。我们应该尽量生活在上帝眼中。时间和空间，延续和拓展，不过是思想的偶然条件罢了[173a]。想象能超脱这些，在一个理想存在的自由境界中运行。事物也一样，从本质上说我们要它们怎样它们就是怎样。一事一物，是什么样子，取决于我们看它的方式[173b]。“别人看到的，”布莱克说，“不过是黎明越过了山头，而我看到的，是上帝的孩子在欢欣呐喊。” 当我受不了怂恿对你父亲提出诉讼时，在世人和我自己看来似乎是前程的东西，便无可挽回地失去了；我敢说，真的早在这之前就失去了。摆在面前的是我的过去。我必须使自己以不同的眼光来看待它，使世人以不同的眼光来看待它，使上帝以不同的眼光来看待它[173c]。要做到这一点，我不能大事化了，也不能大事化小，对过去既不能褒扬，也不能抵赖[173d]；只能将它作为我生命和性格进化中不可避免的一部分，完全接受，只能对我所遭遇的一切痛苦，俯首容受。我距离灵魂的真正气质有多远，这一封信，通过它变化无定的心境，它的冷嘲热讽和痛心疾首、它的抱负以及这些抱负的无可实现，向你表明得很清楚了。但不要忘记，我是在一间多么可怕的学校里做这份功课啊。尽管我不完满，不完美[173e]，从我这儿你仍然还可以得到许多。当初你投向我，要学习生活的欢娱，艺术的欢愉。也许冥冥中安排了我来教你某种奇妙得多的东西，悲怆的意义，以及它的美好。
173
174
OSCAR WILDE
你挚爱的朋友
奥斯卡?王尔德
174
TABLE_L
[0.1]
王尔德的这封长信最早是罗伯特?罗斯(Robert Ross) 1905年以De Profundis为名发表的，但篇幅不到原信一半，标题取自《圣经?旧约?诗篇130》(Psalm 130)首句: ‘耶和华啊，我从深处向你求告’。
副标题 Epistola: In Carcare et Vinculus的英文意思为Letter: In Prison and in Chains，据他的儿子维维安(Vyvyan Holland)说，这是当初王尔德本人的意思。用epistola一词，有点自比古罗马大诗人，或带有模仿供礼拜仪式中选用的使徒书信(epistolary)的意味。
1949年的版本中两个标题一同出现。这封信据RH-D所注，说并没有从狱中寄出，而是王尔德出狱那天亲手交给罗伯特?罗斯，委托他代为转寄的。
[3.1]
道格拉斯(Alfred Douglas)早年在玛格德琳学院(Magdalen College)的时候曾因牵涉同性恋被人勒索，向王尔德求助。(HMH)
[3.2]
美杜莎(Medusa)，也称墨杜萨，是希腊神话中蛇发三女怪之一，任何人看到都会变成顽石后被英雄珀尔修斯(Perseus)砍头杀死。
珀尔修斯是用智慧女神雅典娜所给的盾作镜子去看美杜莎的影子，才没有变成顽石。
[5.1]
《莎乐美》(Salomé)是王尔德于1893年用法文创作的剧本。道格拉斯曾将该剧译成英文，但译稿未被王尔德接受。(HMH; RH-D)
[5.2]
怀特俱乐部(White’s)创办于1693年，是当时伦敦一个豪华的男子俱乐部。(HMH)
[5.3]
威利斯菜馆，全名Willis’s Rooms，现已不存，曾因举办贵族舞会而闻名。(HMH)
[6.1]
约翰?格雷(John Gray，1866-1934)，诗人﹑文学家，后信奉天主教并成为神父。
皮埃尔?路易斯(Pierre Lou?s，1870-1925)，法国诗人﹑作家。
[7.1]
《圣妓》(La Sainte Courtisane)和《佛罗伦萨悲剧》(Florentine Tragedy)是王尔德未能完成的两部短剧。
[9.1]
‘Plain living and high thinking’节自威廉?华兹华斯(William Wordsworth，1770-1850)的’sonnet written in London，September 1802’ (HMH; RH-D)。
华兹华斯为英格兰诗人，1843年被授予‘桂冠诗人’的称号。
[9.2]
据称，王尔德这儿所说的Dialogue指的是〈谎言的衰朽〉(‘the Decay of Lying’)。(RH-D)
[10.1]
《一个无足轻重的女人》(A Woman of No Importance)，第三幕。
[11.1]
‘moyen de vivre’英文意为 ‘way of life—the working out of a happy co-existence’，指一种与人为善的处世方式。(HMH)
[11.2]
出自佩特(Walter Pater) 所著《文艺复兴史研究》(Studies in the History of the Renaissance，1873)的 ‘结语’(Conclusion)部分。(RH-D)
[13.1]
Malebolge，在意大利诗人但丁(1265-1321)所作《神曲》((Divina Commedia))第一部《地狱篇》(Inferno)中指地狱的第八层。
[13.2]
雷斯(Gilles de Retz或 Rais，1404-1440)，法国元帅，因残害妇孺而臭名昭著。
[13.3]
萨德 (Marquis Donatien de Sade，1740-1814)，法国作家，其作品《朱斯蒂娜》(Justine)描写变态的性虐待，虐待狂(sadism)一词即源于其姓氏，后死在精神病院里。
[14.1]
此处指埃斯库罗斯(Aeschylus)的剧本《阿迦门农》(Agamennon)，引文见剧本717－728行。(RH-D)
[15.1]
《莎乐美》(Salomé)是王尔德于1893年用法文创作的剧本。道格拉斯曾将该剧译成英文，但译稿未被王尔德接受。(HMH；RH-D)
[15.2]
暗指有关同性恋的话题。
[17.1]
这里指第七代昆斯伯里侯爵 (Marquess of Queensberry，1818—1858)，他死于射击意外。
后来，他最小的儿子詹姆斯(Lord James Edward Sholto Douglas，1855-1891)自杀身亡。(RH-D)
[17.2]
瓦松(Voisin)和帕拉德(Paillard)这两家餐馆毁于第二次世界大战。(HMH)
[22.1]
阿尔弗雷德?道格拉斯(Alfred Douglas)的长兄德拉姆兰瑞子爵弗兰西斯(Francis，Viscount Drumlanrig)，即昆士伯里头衔的继承人，1894年10月18日在萨默塞特郡(Somerset)死于枪支走火。(HMH)
[24.1]
见《李尔王》第五幕，第三场。
[26.1]
这里指的是道格拉斯写于1892年9月的十四行诗〈两种爱恋〉(‘two Loves’)。
诗的最后一行是‘不敢说出自己名字的爱’。 (HMH)
[26.2]
1) 海拉斯(Hylas)在希腊神话中是一位美少年，传说他是英雄赫剌克勒斯(Heracles)的宠人和侍卫。一次在水泉边汲水时，因为水泉女神们仰慕他的优雅风姿，而将他诱至水底;
2) 美少年海尔辛托斯 (Hyacinth或Hyacinthus)为阿波罗(Apollo)所钟爱，却被他在掷铁饼时意外杀死。相传海尔辛托斯死后,从他的血泊中长出了风信子花;
3) 琼奎伊尔(Jonquil)即之后文的纳西斯，作为花名是水仙花的一种，也有译作“长寿花”;
4) 希腊神话中纳西斯 (Narcisse 或Narcissus)是一个美少年，传说因为恋上自己在水中的倒影，自恋而死; 另一传说因他拒绝接受回声女神(Echo)的求爱而受到惩罚，死后化为水仙花。
[36.1]
这里指昆斯伯里(Queensberry)长子德拉姆兰里格(Drumlanrig)，他于1893年被册封为凯尔黑德男爵(Baron Kelhead)。(RH-D)
[40.1]
阿特金斯(Frederick Atkins)曾在王尔德初次受审时作为原告证人出庭作证。(RH-D)
[41.1]
