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"Recollect, Sancho," said the duke, "I cannot give a bit ofheaven, no not so much as the breadth of my nail, to anyone; rewardsand favours of that sort are reserved for God alone. What I can give Igive you, and that is a real, genuine island, compact, wellproportioned, and uncommonly fertile and fruitful, where, if youknow how to use your opportunities, you may, with the help of theworld's riches, gain those of heaven."

"Well then," said Sancho, "let the island come; and I'll try andbe such a governor, that in spite of scoundrels I'll go to heaven; andit's not from any craving to quit my own humble condition or bettermyself, but from the desire I have to try what it tastes like to bea governor."

"If you once make trial of it, Sancho," said the duke, "you'll eatyour fingers off after the government, so sweet a thing is it tocommand and be obeyed. Depend upon it when your master comes to beemperor (as he will beyond a doubt from the course his affairs aretaking), it will be no easy matter to wrest the dignity from him,and he will be sore and sorry at heart to have been so long withoutbecoming one."

"Senor," said Sancho, "it is my belief it's a good thing to be incommand, if it's only over a drove of cattle."

"May I be buried with you, Sancho," said the duke, "but you knoweverything; I hope you will make as good a governor as your sagacitypromises; and that is all I have to say; and now remember to-morrow isthe day you must set out for the government of the island, and thisevening they will provide you with the proper attire for you towear, and all things requisite for your departure."

"Let them dress me as they like," said Sancho; "however I'mdressed I'll be Sancho Panza."

"That's true," said the duke; "but one's dress must be suited to theoffice or rank one holds; for it would not do for a jurist to dresslike a soldier, or a soldier like a priest. You, Sancho, shall gopartly as a lawyer, partly as a captain, for, in the island I amgiving you, arms are needed as much as letters, and letters as much asarms."

"Of letters I know but little," said Sancho, "for I don't evenknow the A B C; but it is enough for me to have the Christus in mymemory to be a good governor. As for arms, I'll handle those they giveme till I drop, and then, God be my help!"

"With so good a memory," said the duke, "Sancho cannot go wrong inanything."

Here Don Quixote joined them; and learning what passed, and how soonSancho was to go to his government, he with the duke's permission tookhim by the hand, and retired to his room with him for the purpose ofgiving him advice as to how he was to demean himself in his office. Assoon as they had entered the chamber he closed the door after him, andalmost by force made Sancho sit down beside him, and in a quiet tonethus addressed him: "I give infinite thanks to heaven, friendSancho, that, before I have met with any good luck, fortune has comeforward to meet thee. I who counted upon my good fortune todischarge the recompense of thy services, find myself still waitingfor advancement, while thou, before the time, and contrary to allreasonable expectation, seest thyself blessed in the fulfillment ofthy desires. Some will bribe, beg, solicit, rise early, entreat,persist, without attaining the object of their suit; while anothercomes, and without knowing why or wherefore, finds himself investedwith the place or office so many have sued for; and here it is thatthe common saying, 'There is good luck as well as bad luck insuits,' applies. Thou, who, to my thinking, art beyond all doubt adullard, without early rising or night watching or taking any trouble,with the mere breath of knight-errantry that has breathed upon thee,seest thyself without more ado governor of an island, as though itwere a mere matter of course. This I say, Sancho, that thouattribute not the favour thou hast received to thine own merits, butgive thanks to heaven that disposes matters beneficently, and secondlythanks to the great power the profession of knight-errantry containsin itself. With a heart, then, inclined to believe what I have said tothee, attend, my son, to thy Cato here who would counsel thee and bethy polestar and guide to direct and pilot thee to a safe haven out ofthis stormy sea wherein thou art about to ingulf thyself; foroffices and great trusts are nothing else but a mighty gulf oftroubles.

"First of all, my son, thou must fear God, for in the fear of him iswisdom, and being wise thou canst not err in aught.

"Secondly, thou must keep in view what thou art, striving to knowthyself, the most difficult thing to know that the mind can imagine.If thou knowest thyself, it will follow thou wilt not puff thyselfup like the frog that strove to make himself as large as the ox; ifthou dost, the recollection of having kept pigs in thine own countrywill serve as the ugly feet for the wheel of thy folly."

"That's the truth," said Sancho; "but that was when I was a boy;afterwards when I was something more of a man it was geese I kept, notpigs. But to my thinking that has nothing to do with it; for all whoare governors don't come of a kingly stock."

"True," said Don Quixote, "and for that reason those who are notof noble origin should take care that the dignity of the office theyhold he accompanied by a gentle suavity, which wisely managed willsave them from the sneers of malice that no station escapes.

"Glory in thy humble birth, Sancho, and he not ashamed of sayingthou art peasant-born; for when it is seen thou art not ashamed no onewill set himself to put thee to the blush; and pride thyself ratherupon being one of lowly virtue than a lofty sinner. Countless are theywho, born of mean parentage, have risen to the highest dignities,pontifical and imperial, and of the truth of this I could give theeinstances enough to weary thee.

"Remember, Sancho, if thou make virtue thy aim, and take a pridein doing virtuous actions, thou wilt have no cause to envy those whohave princely and lordly ones, for blood is an inheritance, but virtuean acquisition, and virtue has in itself alone a worth that blood doesnot possess.

"This being so, if perchance anyone of thy kinsfolk should come tosee thee when thou art in thine island, thou art not to repel orslight him, but on the contrary to welcome him, entertain him, andmake much of him; for in so doing thou wilt be approved of heaven(which is not pleased that any should despise what it hath made),and wilt comply with the laws of well-ordered nature.

"If thou carriest thy wife with thee (and it is not well for thosethat administer governments to be long without their wives), teach andinstruct her, and strive to smooth down her natural roughness; for allthat may be gained by a wise governor may be lost and wasted by aboorish stupid wife.

"If perchance thou art left a widower- a thing which may happen- andin virtue of thy office seekest a consort of higher degree, choose notone to serve thee for a hook, or for a fishing-rod, or for the hood ofthy 'won't have it;' for verily, I tell thee, for all the judge's wifereceives, the husband will be held accountable at the generalcalling to account; where he will have repay in death fourfold,items that in life he regarded as naught.

"Never go by arbitrary law, which is so much favoured by ignorantmen who plume themselves on cleverness.

"Let the tears of the poor man find with thee more compassion, butnot more justice, than the pleadings of the rich.

"Strive to lay bare the truth, as well amid the promises andpresents of the rich man, as amid the sobs and entreaties of the poor.

"When equity may and should be brought into play, press not theutmost rigour of the law against the guilty; for the reputation of thestern judge stands not higher than that of the compassionate.

"If perchance thou permittest the staff of justice to swerve, let itbe not by the weight of a gift, but by that of mercy.

"If it should happen thee to give judgment in the cause of one whois thine enemy, turn thy thoughts away from thy injury and fix them onthe justice of the case.

"Let not thine own passion blind thee in another man's cause; forthe errors thou wilt thus commit will be most frequently irremediable;or if not, only to be remedied at the expense of thy good name andeven of thy fortune.

"If any handsome woman come to seek justice of thee, turn away thineeyes from her tears and thine ears from her lamentations, and considerdeliberately the merits of her demand, if thou wouldst not have thyreason swept away by her weeping, and thy rectitude by her sighs.

"Abuse not by word him whom thou hast to punish in deed, for thepain of punishment is enough for the unfortunate without theaddition of thine objurgations.

"Bear in mind that the culprit who comes under thy jurisdiction isbut a miserable man subject to all the propensities of our depravednature, and so far as may be in thy power show thyself lenient andforbearing; for though the attributes of God are all equal, to oureyes that of mercy is brighter and loftier than that of justice.

"If thou followest these precepts and rules, Sancho, thy days willbe long, thy fame eternal, thy reward abundant, thy felicityunutterable; thou wilt marry thy children as thou wouldst; they andthy grandchildren will bear titles; thou wilt live in peace andconcord with all men; and, when life draws to a close, death will cometo thee in calm and ripe old age, and the light and loving hands ofthy great-grandchildren will close thine eyes.

"What I have thus far addressed to thee are instructions for theadornment of thy mind; listen now to those which tend to that of thebody."

CHAPTER XLIII

OF THE SECOND SET OF COUNSELS DON QUIXOTE GAVE SANCHO PANZA

WHO, hearing the foregoing discourse of Don Quixote, would nothave set him down for a person of great good sense and greaterrectitude of purpose? But, as has been frequently observed in thecourse of this great history, he only talked nonsense when hetouched on chivalry, and in discussing all other subjects showedthat he had a clear and unbiassed understanding; so that at every turnhis acts gave the lie to his intellect, and his intellect to his acts;but in the case of these second counsels that he gave Sancho he showedhimself to have a lively turn of humour, and displayed conspicuouslyhis wisdom, and also his folly.

Sancho listened to him with the deepest attention, and endeavouredto fix his counsels in his memory, like one who meant to follow themand by their means bring the full promise of his government to a happyissue. Don Quixote, then, went on to say:

"With regard to the mode in which thou shouldst govern thy personand thy house, Sancho, the first charge I have to give thee is to beclean, and to cut thy nails, not letting them grow as some do, whoseignorance makes them fancy that long nails are an ornament to theirhands, as if those excrescences they neglect to cut were nails, andnot the talons of a lizard-catching kestrel- a filthy and unnaturalabuse.

"Go not ungirt and loose, Sancho; for disordered attire is a sign ofan unstable mind, unless indeed the slovenliness and slackness is tohe set down to craft, as was the common opinion in the case ofJulius Caesar.

"Ascertain cautiously what thy office may be worth; and if it willallow thee to give liveries to thy servants, give them respectable andserviceable, rather than showy and gay ones, and divide them betweenthy servants and the poor; that is to say, if thou canst clothe sixpages, clothe three and three poor men, and thus thou wilt havepages for heaven and pages for earth; the vainglorious never thinkof this new mode of giving liveries.

"Eat not garlic nor onions, lest they find out thy boorish origin bythe smell; walk slowly and speak deliberately, but not in such a wayas to make it seem thou art listening to thyself, for allaffectation is bad.

"Dine sparingly and sup more sparingly still; for the health ofthe whole body is forged in the workshop of the stomach.

"Be temperate in drinking, bearing in mind that wine in excess keepsneither secrets nor promises.

"Take care, Sancho, not to chew on both sides, and not to eruct inanybody's presence."

"Eruct!" said Sancho; "I don't know what that means."

"To eruct, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "means to belch, and that isone of the filthiest words in the Spanish language, though a veryexpressive one; and therefore nice folk have had recourse to theLatin, and instead of belch say eruct, and instead of belches sayeructations; and if some do not understand these terms it matterslittle, for custom will bring them into use in the course of time,so that they will be readily understood; this is the way a language isenriched; custom and the public are all-powerful there."

"In truth, senor," said Sancho, "one of the counsels and cautionsI mean to bear in mind shall be this, not to belch, for I'm constantlydoing it."

"Eruct, Sancho, not belch," said Don Quixote.

"Eruct, I shall say henceforth, and I swear not to forget it,"said Sancho.

"Likewise, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "thou must not mingle such aquantity of proverbs in thy discourse as thou dost; for thoughproverbs are short maxims, thou dost drag them in so often by the headand shoulders that they savour more of nonsense than of maxims."

"God alone can cure that," said Sancho; "for I have more proverbs inme than a book, and when I speak they come so thick together into mymouth that they fall to fighting among themselves to get out; that'swhy my tongue lets fly the first that come, though they may not be patto the purpose. But I'll take care henceforward to use such as befitthe dignity of my office; for 'in a house where there's plenty, supperis soon cooked,' and 'he who binds does not wrangle,' and 'thebell-ringer's in a safe berth,' and 'giving and keeping requirebrains.'"

"That's it, Sancho!" said Don Quixote; "pack, tack, stringproverbs together; nobody is hindering thee! 'My mother beats me,and I go on with my tricks.' I am bidding thee avoid proverbs, andhere in a second thou hast shot out a whole litany of them, which haveas much to do with what we are talking about as 'over the hills ofUbeda.' Mind, Sancho, I do not say that a proverb aptly brought inis objectionable; but to pile up and string together proverbs atrandom makes conversation dull and vulgar.