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"When thou ridest on horseback, do not go lolling with thy body onthe back of the saddle, nor carry thy legs stiff or sticking outfrom the horse's belly, nor yet sit so loosely that one wouldsuppose thou wert on Dapple; for the seat on a horse makes gentlemenof some and grooms of others.

"Be moderate in thy sleep; for he who does not rise early does notget the benefit of the day; and remember, Sancho, diligence is themother of good fortune, and indolence, its opposite, never yetattained the object of an honest ambition.

"The last counsel I will give thee now, though it does not tend tobodily improvement, I would have thee carry carefully in thy memory,for I believe it will be no less useful to thee than those I havegiven thee already, and it is this- never engage in a dispute aboutfamilies, at least in the way of comparing them one with another;for necessarily one of those compared will be better than the other,and thou wilt be hated by the one thou hast disparaged, and getnothing in any shape from the one thou hast exalted.

"Thy attire shall be hose of full length, a long jerkin, and a cloaka trifle longer; loose breeches by no means, for they are becomingneither for gentlemen nor for governors.

"For the present, Sancho, this is all that has occurred to me toadvise thee; as time goes by and occasions arise my instructions shallfollow, if thou take care to let me know how thou art circumstanced."

"Senor," said Sancho, "I see well enough that all these thingsyour worship has said to me are good, holy, and profitable; but whatuse will they be to me if I don't remember one of them? To be surethat about not letting my nails grow, and marrying again if I have thechance, will not slip out of my head; but all that other hash, muddle,and jumble- I don't and can't recollect any more of it than of lastyear's clouds; so it must be given me in writing; for though I can'teither read or write, I'll give it to my confessor, to drive it intome and remind me of it whenever it is necessary."

"Ah, sinner that I am!" said Don Quixote, "how bad it looks ingovernors not to know how to read or write; for let me tell thee,Sancho, when a man knows not how to read, or is left-handed, it arguesone of two things; either that he was the son of exceedingly meanand lowly parents, or that he himself was so incorrigible andill-conditioned that neither good company nor good teaching could makeany impression on him. It is a great defect that thou labourest under,and therefore I would have thee learn at any rate to sign thy name.""I can sign my name well enough," said Sancho, "for when I wassteward of the brotherhood in my village I learned to make certainletters, like the marks on bales of goods, which they told me made outmy name. Besides I can pretend my right hand is disabled and make someone else sign for me, for 'there's a remedy for everything exceptdeath;' and as I shall be in command and hold the staff, I can do as Ilike; moreover, 'he who has the alcalde for his father-,' and I'llbe governor, and that's higher than alcalde. Only come and see! Letthem make light of me and abuse me; 'they'll come for wool and go backshorn;' 'whom God loves, his house is known to Him;' 'the sillysayings of the rich pass for saws in the world;' and as I'll berich, being a governor, and at the same time generous, as I mean tobe, no fault will he seen in me. 'Only make yourself honey and theflies will suck you;' 'as much as thou hast so much art thou worth,'as my grandmother used to say; and 'thou canst have no revenge of aman of substance.'"

"Oh, God's curse upon thee, Sancho!" here exclaimed Don Quixote;"sixty thousand devils fly away with thee and thy proverbs! For thelast hour thou hast been stringing them together and inflicting thepangs of torture on me with every one of them. Those proverbs willbring thee to the gallows one day, I promise thee; thy subjects willtake the government from thee, or there will be revolts among them.Tell me, where dost thou pick them up, thou booby? How dost thou applythem, thou blockhead? For with me, to utter one and make it applyproperly, I have to sweat and labour as if I were digging."

"By God, master mine," said Sancho, "your worship is making a fussabout very little. Why the devil should you be vexed if I make useof what is my own? And I have got nothing else, nor any other stock intrade except proverbs and more proverbs; and here are three justthis instant come into my head, pat to the purpose and like pears in abasket; but I won't repeat them, for 'sage silence is called Sancho.'"

"That, Sancho, thou art not," said Don Quixote; "for not only artthou not sage silence, but thou art pestilent prate and perversity;still I would like to know what three proverbs have just now come intothy memory, for I have been turning over mine own- and it is a goodone- and none occurs to me."

"What can be better," said Sancho, "than 'never put thy thumbsbetween two back teeth;' and 'to "get out of my house" and "what doyou want with my wife?" there is no answer;' and 'whether thepitcher hits the stove, or the stove the pitcher, it's a badbusiness for the pitcher;' all which fit to a hair? For no oneshould quarrel with his governor, or him in authority over him,because he will come off the worst, as he does who puts his fingerbetween two back and if they are not back teeth it makes nodifference, so long as they are teeth; and to whatever the governormay say there's no answer, any more than to 'get out of my house'and 'what do you want with my wife?' and then, as for that about thestone and the pitcher, a blind man could see that. So that he 'whosees the mote in another's eye had need to see the beam in his own,'that it be not said of himself, 'the dead woman was frightened atthe one with her throat cut;' and your worship knows well that 'thefool knows more in his own house than the wise man in another's.'"

"Nay, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "the fool knows nothing, eitherin his own house or in anybody else's, for no wise structure of anysort can stand on a foundation of folly; but let us say no moreabout it, Sancho, for if thou governest badly, thine will he the faultand mine the shame; but I comfort myself with having done my duty inadvising thee as earnestly and as wisely as I could; and thus I amreleased from my obligations and my promise. God guide thee, Sancho,and govern thee in thy government, and deliver me from the misgiving Ihave that thou wilt turn the whole island upside down, a thing I mighteasily prevent by explaining to the duke what thou art and telling himthat all that fat little person of thine is nothing else but a sackfull of proverbs and sauciness."

"Senor," said Sancho, "if your worship thinks I'm not fit for thisgovernment, I give it up on the spot; for the mere black of the nailof my soul is dearer to me than my whole body; and I can live justas well, simple Sancho, on bread and onions, as governor, onpartridges and capons; and what's more, while we're asleep we're allequal, great and small, rich and poor. But if your worship looksinto it, you will see it was your worship alone that put me on to thisbusiness of governing; for I know no more about the government ofislands than a buzzard; and if there's any reason to think thatbecause of my being a governor the devil will get hold of me, I'drather go Sancho to heaven than governor to hell."

"By God, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "for those last words thouhast uttered alone, I consider thou deservest to be governor of athousand islands. Thou hast good natural instincts, without which noknowledge is worth anything; commend thyself to God, and try not toswerve in the pursuit of thy main object; I mean, always make it thyaim and fixed purpose to do right in all matters that come beforethee, for heaven always helps good intentions; and now let us go todinner, for I think my lord and lady are waiting for us."

CHAPTER XLIV

HOW SANCHO PANZA WAS CONDUCTED TO HIS GOVERNMENT, AND OF THE STRANGEADVENTURE THAT BEFELL DON QUIXOTE IN THE CASTLE

IT iS stated, they say, in the true original of this history, thatwhen Cide Hamete came to write this chapter, his interpreter did nottranslate it as he wrote it- that is, as a kind of complaint theMoor made against himself for having taken in hand a story so dryand of so little variety as this of Don Quixote, for he foundhimself forced to speak perpetually of him and Sancho, withoutventuring to indulge in digressions and episodes more serious and moreinteresting. He said, too, that to go on, mind, hand, pen alwaysrestricted to writing upon one single subject, and speaking throughthe mouths of a few characters, was intolerable drudgery, the resultof which was never equal to the author's labour, and that to avoidthis he had in the First Part availed himself of the device of novels,like "The Ill-advised Curiosity," and "The Captive Captain," whichstand, as it were, apart from the story; the others are given therebeing incidents which occurred to Don Quixote himself and could not beomitted. He also thought, he says, that many, engrossed by theinterest attaching to the exploits of Don Quixote, would take nonein the novels, and pass them over hastily or impatiently withoutnoticing the elegance and art of their composition, which would bevery manifest were they published by themselves and not as mereadjuncts to the crazes of Don Quixote or the simplicities of Sancho.Therefore in this Second Part he thought it best not to insert novels,either separate or interwoven, but only episodes, something like them,arising out of the circumstances the facts present; and even thesesparingly, and with no more words than suffice to make them plain; andas he confines and restricts himself to the narrow limits of thenarrative, though he has ability; capacity, and brains enough todeal with the whole universe, he requests that his labours may notbe despised, and that credit be given him, not alone for what hewrites, but for what he has refrained from writing.

And so he goes on with his story, saying that the day Don Quixotegave the counsels to Sancho, the same afternoon after dinner he handedthem to him in writing so that he might get some one to read them tohim. They had scarcely, however, been given to him when he let themdrop, and they fell into the hands of the duke, who showed them to theduchess and they were both amazed afresh at the madness and wit of DonQuixote. To carry on the joke, then, the same evening theydespatched Sancho with a large following to the village that was toserve him for an island. It happened that the person who had him incharge was a majordomo of the duke's, a man of great discretion andhumour- and there can be no humour without discretion- and the samewho played the part of the Countess Trifaldi in the comical way thathas been already described; and thus qualified, and instructed byhis master and mistress as to how to deal with Sancho, he carriedout their scheme admirably. Now it came to pass that as soon as Sanchosaw this majordomo he seemed in his features to recognise those of theTrifaldi, and turning to his master, he said to him, "Senor, eitherthe devil will carry me off, here on this spot, righteous andbelieving, or your worship will own to me that the face of thismajordomo of the duke's here is the very face of the Distressed One."

Don Quixote regarded the majordomo attentively, and having doneso, said to Sancho, "There is no reason why the devil should carrythee off, Sancho, either righteous or believing- and what thou meanestby that I know not; the face of the Distressed One is that of themajordomo, but for all that the majordomo is not the Distressed One;for his being so would involve a mighty contradiction; but this is notthe time for going into questions of the sort, which would beinvolving ourselves in an inextricable labyrinth. Believe me, myfriend, we must pray earnestly to our Lord that he deliver us bothfrom wicked wizards and enchanters."

"It is no joke, senor," said Sancho, "for before this I heard himspeak, and it seemed exactly as if the voice of the Trifaldi wassounding in my ears. Well, I'll hold my peace; but I'll take care tobe on the look-out henceforth for any sign that may be seen to confirmor do away with this suspicion."

"Thou wilt do well, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "and thou wilt let meknow all thou discoverest, and all that befalls thee in thygovernment."

Sancho at last set out attended by a great number of people. Hewas dressed in the garb of a lawyer, with a gaban of tawny wateredcamlet over all and a montera cap of the same material, and mounteda la gineta upon a mule. Behind him, in accordance with the duke'sorders, followed Dapple with brand new ass-trappings and ornamentsof silk, and from time to time Sancho turned round to look at his ass,so well pleased to have him with him that he would not have changedplaces with the emperor of Germany. On taking leave he kissed thehands of the duke and duchess and got his master's blessing, which DonQuixote gave him with tears, and he received blubbering.

Let worthy Sancho go in peace, and good luck to him, GentleReader; and look out for two bushels of laughter, which the account ofhow he behaved himself in office will give thee. In the meantimeturn thy attention to what happened his master the same night, andif thou dost not laugh thereat, at any rate thou wilt stretch thymouth with a grin; for Don Quixote's adventures must be honouredeither with wonder or with laughter.

It is recorded, then, that as soon as Sancho had gone, Don Quixotefelt his loneliness, and had it been possible for him to revoke themandate and take away the government from him he would have done so.The duchess observed his dejection and asked him why he wasmelancholy; because, she said, if it was for the loss of Sancho, therewere squires, duennas, and damsels in her house who would wait uponhim to his full satisfaction.

"The truth is, senora," replied Don Quixote, "that I do feel theloss of Sancho; but that is not the main cause of my looking sad;and of all the offers your excellence makes me, I accept only thegood-will with which they are made, and as to the remainder Ientreat of your excellence to permit and allow me alone to wait uponmyself in my chamber."

"Indeed, Senor Don Quixote," said the duchess, "that must not be;four of my damsels, as beautiful as flowers, shall wait upon you."

"To me," said Don Quixote, "they will not be flowers, but thornsto pierce my heart. They, or anything like them, shall as soon entermy chamber as fly. If your highness wishes to gratify me stillfurther, though I deserve it not, permit me to please myself, and waitupon myself in my own room; for I place a barrier between myinclinations and my virtue, and I do not wish to break this rulethrough the generosity your highness is disposed to display towardsme; and, in short, I will sleep in my clothes, sooner than allowanyone to undress me."