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At this instant a page entered saying, "Here is a farmer onbusiness, who wants to speak to your lordship on a matter of greatimportance, he says."

"It's very odd," said Sancho, "the ways of these men on business; isit possible they can be such fools as not to see that an hour likethis is no hour for coming on business? We who govern and we who arejudges- are we not men of flesh and blood, and are we not to beallowed the time required for taking rest, unless they'd have usmade of marble? By God and on my conscience, if the government remainsin my hands (which I have a notion it won't), I'll bring more than oneman on business to order. However, tell this good man to come in;but take care first of all that he is not some spy or one of myassassins."

"No, my lord," said the page, "for he looks like a simple fellow,and either I know very little or he is as good as good bread."

"There is nothing to be afraid of," said the majordomo, "for weare all here."

"Would it be possible, carver," said Sancho, "now that DoctorPedro Recio is not here, to let me eat something solid andsubstantial, if it were even a piece of bread and an onion?"

"To-night at supper," said the carver, "the shortcomings of thedinner shall be made good, and your lordship shall be fullycontented."

"God grant it," said Sancho.

The farmer now came in, a well-favoured man that one might see athousand leagues off was an honest fellow and a good soul. The firstthing he said was, "Which is the lord governor here?"

"Which should it be," said the secretary, "but he who is seated inthe chair?"

"Then I humble myself before him," said the farmer; and going on hisknees he asked for his hand, to kiss it. Sancho refused it, and badehim stand up and say what he wanted. The farmer obeyed, and then said,"I am a farmer, senor, a native of Miguelturra, a village twoleagues from Ciudad Real."

"Another Tirteafuera!" said Sancho; "say on, brother; I knowMiguelturra very well I can tell you, for it's not very far from myown town."

"The case is this, senor," continued the farmer, "that by God'smercy I am married with the leave and licence of the holy RomanCatholic Church; I have two sons, students, and the younger isstudying to become bachelor, and the elder to be licentiate; I am awidower, for my wife died, or more properly speaking, a bad doctorkilled her on my hands, giving her a purge when she was with child;and if it had pleased God that the child had been born, and was a boy,I would have put him to study for doctor, that he might not envy hisbrothers the bachelor and the licentiate."

"So that if your wife had not died, or had not been killed, youwould not now be a widower," said Sancho.

"No, senor, certainly not," said the farmer.

"We've got that much settled," said Sancho; "get on, brother, forit's more bed-time than business-time."

"Well then," said the farmer, "this son of mine who is going to be abachelor, fell in love in the said town with a damsel called ClaraPerlerina, daughter of Andres Perlerino, a very rich farmer; andthis name of Perlerines does not come to them by ancestry ordescent, but because all the family are paralytics, and for a bettername they call them Perlerines; though to tell the truth the damsel isas fair as an Oriental pearl, and like a flower of the field, if youlook at her on the right side; on the left not so much, for on thatside she wants an eye that she lost by small-pox; and though herface is thickly and deeply pitted, those who love her say they are notpits that are there, but the graves where the hearts of her lovers areburied. She is so cleanly that not to soil her face she carries hernose turned up, as they say, so that one would fancy it was runningaway from her mouth; and with all this she looks extremely well, forshe has a wide mouth; and but for wanting ten or a dozen teeth andgrinders she might compare and compete with the comeliest. Of her lipsI say nothing, for they are so fine and thin that, if lips might bereeled, one might make a skein of them; but being of a differentcolour from ordinary lips they are wonderful, for they are mottled,blue, green, and purple- let my lord the governor pardon me forpainting so minutely the charms of her who some time or other willbe my daughter; for I love her, and I don't find her amiss."

"Paint what you will," said Sancho; "I enjoy your painting, and if Ihad dined there could be no dessert more to my taste than yourportrait."

"That I have still to furnish," said the farmer; "but a time willcome when we may be able if we are not now; and I can tell you, senor,if I could paint her gracefulness and her tall figure, it wouldastonish you; but that is impossible because she is bent double withher knees up to her mouth; but for all that it is easy to see thatif she could stand up she'd knock her head against the ceiling; andshe would have given her hand to my bachelor ere this, only that shecan't stretch it out, for it's contracted; but still one can see itselegance and fine make by its long furrowed nails."

"That will do, brother," said Sancho; "consider you have painted herfrom head to foot; what is it you want now? Come to the pointwithout all this beating about the bush, and all these scraps andadditions."

"I want your worship, senor," said the farmer, "to do me thefavour of giving me a letter of recommendation to the girl's father,begging him to be so good as to let this marriage take place, as weare not ill-matched either in the gifts of fortune or of nature; forto tell the truth, senor governor, my son is possessed of a devil, andthere is not a day but the evil spirits torment him three or fourtimes; and from having once fallen into the fire, he has his facepuckered up like a piece of parchment, and his eyes watery andalways running; but he has the disposition of an angel, and if itwas not for belabouring and pummelling himself he'd be a saint."

"Is there anything else you want, good man?" said Sancho.

"There's another thing I'd like," said the farmer, "but I'm afraidto mention it; however, out it must; for after all I can't let it berotting in my breast, come what may. I mean, senor, that I'd like yourworship to give me three hundred or six hundred ducats as a help to mybachelor's portion, to help him in setting up house; for they must, inshort, live by themselves, without being subject to theinterferences of their fathers-in-law."

"Just see if there's anything else you'd like," said Sancho, "anddon't hold back from mentioning it out of bashfulness or modesty."

"No, indeed there is not," said the farmer.

The moment he said this the governor started to his feet, andseizing the chair he had been sitting on exclaimed, "By all that'sgood, you ill-bred, boorish Don Bumpkin, if you don't get out ofthis at once and hide yourself from my sight, I'll lay your headopen with this chair. You whoreson rascal, you devil's own painter,and is it at this hour you come to ask me for six hundred ducats!How should I have them, you stinking brute? And why should I give themto you if I had them, you knave and blockhead? What have I to dowith Miguelturra or the whole family of the Perlerines? Get out I say,or by the life of my lord the duke I'll do as I said. You're notfrom Miguelturra, but some knave sent here from hell to tempt me. Why,you villain, I have not yet had the government half a day, and youwant me to have six hundred ducats already!"

The carver made signs to the farmer to leave the room, which hedid with his head down, and to all appearance in terror lest thegovernor should carry his threats into effect, for the rogue knew verywell how to play his part.

But let us leave Sancho in his wrath, and peace be with them all;and let us return to Don Quixote, whom we left with his facebandaged and doctored after the cat wounds, of which he was notcured for eight days; and on one of these there befell him what CideHamete promises to relate with that exactitude and truth with which heis wont to set forth everything connected with this great history,however minute it may be.CHAPTER XLVIII

OF WHAT BEFELL DON QUIXOTE WITH DONA RODRIGUEZ, THE DUCHESS'SDUENNA, TOGETHER WITH OTHER OCCURRENCES WORTHY OF RECORD AND ETERNALREMEMBRANCE

EXCEEDINGLY moody and dejected was the sorely wounded Don Quixote,with his face bandaged and marked, not by the hand of God, but bythe claws of a cat, mishaps incidental to knight-errantry. Six days heremained without appearing in public, and one night as he lay awakethinking of his misfortunes and of Altisidora's pursuit of him, heperceived that some one was opening the door of his room with a key,and he at once made up his mind that the enamoured damsel was comingto make an assault upon his chastity and put him in danger offailing in the fidelity he owed to his lady Dulcinea del Toboso. "No,"said he, firmly persuaded of the truth of his idea (and he said itloud enough to be heard), "the greatest beauty upon earth shall notavail to make me renounce my adoration of her whom I bear stampedand graved in the core of my heart and the secret depths of my bowels;be thou, lady mine, transformed into a clumsy country wench, or into anymph of golden Tagus weaving a web of silk and gold, let Merlin orMontesinos hold thee captive where they will; whereer thou art, thouart mine, and where'er I am, must he thine." The very instant he haduttered these words, the door opened. He stood up on the bed wrappedfrom head to foot in a yellow satin coverlet, with a cap on hishead, and his face and his moustaches tied up, his face because of thescratches, and his moustaches to keep them from drooping and fallingdown, in which trim he looked the most extraordinary scarecrow thatcould be conceived. He kept his eyes fixed on the door, and just as hewas expecting to see the love-smitten and unhappy Altisidora makeher appearance, he saw coming in a most venerable duenna, in a longwhite-bordered veil that covered and enveloped her from head tofoot. Between the fingers of her left hand she held a short lightedcandle, while with her right she shaded it to keep the light fromher eyes, which were covered by spectacles of great size, and sheadvanced with noiseless steps, treading very softly.

Don Quixote kept an eye upon her from his watchtower, andobserving her costume and noting her silence, he concluded that itmust be some witch or sorceress that was coming in such a guise towork him some mischief, and he began crossing himself at a great rate.The spectre still advanced, and on reaching the middle of the room,looked up and saw the energy with which Don Quixote was crossinghimself; and if he was scared by seeing such a figure as hers, she wasterrified at the sight of his; for the moment she saw his tallyellow form with the coverlet and the bandages that disfigured him,she gave a loud scream, and exclaiming, "Jesus! what's this I see?"let fall the candle in her fright, and then finding herself in thedark, turned about to make off, but stumbling on her skirts in herconsternation, she measured her length with a mighty fall.

Don Quixote in his trepidation began saying, "I conjure thee,phantom, or whatever thou art, tell me what thou art and what thouwouldst with me. If thou art a soul in torment, say so, and all thatmy powers can do I will do for thee; for I am a Catholic Christian andlove to do good to all the world, and to this end I have embracedthe order of knight-errantry to which I belong, the province ofwhich extends to doing good even to souls in purgatory."

The unfortunate duenna hearing herself thus conjured, by her ownfear guessed Don Quixote's and in a low plaintive voice answered,"Senor Don Quixote- if so be you are indeed Don Quixote- I am nophantom or spectre or soul in purgatory, as you seem to think, butDona Rodriguez, duenna of honour to my lady the duchess, and I come toyou with one of those grievances your worship is wont to redress."

"Tell me, Senora Dona Rodriguez," said Don Quixote, "do youperchance come to transact any go-between business? Because I musttell you I am not available for anybody's purpose, thanks to thepeerless beauty of my lady Dulcinea del Toboso. In short, SenoraDona Rodriguez, if you will leave out and put aside all love messages,you may go and light your candle and come back, and we will discussall the commands you have for me and whatever you wish, saving only,as I said, all seductive communications."

"I carry nobody's messages, senor," said the duenna; "little youknow me. Nay, I'm not far enough advanced in years to take to any suchchildish tricks. God be praised I have a soul in my body still, andall my teeth and grinders in my mouth, except one or two that thecolds, so common in this Aragon country, have robbed me of. But wait alittle, while I go and light my candle, and I will returnimmediately and lay my sorrows before you as before one who relievesthose of all the world;" and without staying for an answer she quittedthe room and left Don Quixote tranquilly meditating while he waitedfor her. A thousand thoughts at once suggested themselves to him onthe subject of this new adventure, and it struck him as being ill doneand worse advised in him to expose himself to the danger of breakinghis plighted faith to his lady; and said he to himself, "Who knows butthat the devil, being wily and cunning, may be trying now to entrap mewith a duenna, having failed with empresses, queens, duchesses,marchionesses, and countesses? Many a time have I heard it said bymany a man of sense that he will sooner offer you a flat-nosed wenchthan a roman-nosed one; and who knows but this privacy, thisopportunity, this silence, may awaken my sleeping desires, and lead mein these my latter years to fall where I have never tripped? Incases of this sort it is better to flee than to await the battle.But I must be out of my senses to think and utter such nonsense; forit is impossible that a long, white-hooded spectacled duenna couldstir up or excite a wanton thought in the most graceless bosom inthe world. Is there a duenna on earth that has fair flesh? Is therea duenna in the world that escapes being ill-tempered, wrinkled, andprudish? Avaunt, then, ye duenna crew, undelightful to all mankind.Oh, but that lady did well who, they say, had at the end of herreception room a couple of figures of duennas with spectacles andlace-cushions, as if at work, and those statues served quite as wellto give an air of propriety to the room as if they had been realduennas."