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"That is true," said the majordomo; "and I maintain that Lycurgushimself, who gave laws to the Lacedemonians, could not have pronounceda better decision than the great Panza has given; let the morning'saudience close with this, and I will see that the senor governor hasdinner entirely to his liking."

"That's all I ask for- fair play," said Sancho; "give me mydinner, and then let it rain cases and questions on me, and I'lldespatch them in a twinkling."

The majordomo kept his word, for he felt it against his conscienceto kill so wise a governor by hunger; particularly as he intended tohave done with him that same night, playing off the last joke he wascommissioned to practise upon him.

It came to pass, then, that after he had dined that day, inopposition to the rules and aphorisms of Doctor Tirteafuera, as theywere taking away the cloth there came a courier with a letter from DonQuixote for the governor. Sancho ordered the secretary to read it tohimself, and if there was nothing in it that demanded secrecy toread it aloud. The secretary did so, and after he had skimmed thecontents he said, "It may well be read aloud, for what Senor DonQuixote writes to your worship deserves to be printed or written inletters of gold, and it is as follows."

DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA'S LETTER TO SANCHO PANZA,

GOVERNOR OF THE ISLAND OF BARATARIA.

When I was expecting to hear of thy stupidities and blunders, friendSancho, I have received intelligence of thy displays of good sense,for which I give special thanks to heaven that can raise the poor fromthe dunghill and of fools to make wise men. They tell me thou dostgovern as if thou wert a man, and art a man as if thou wert a beast,so great is the humility wherewith thou dost comport thyself. But Iwould have thee bear in mind, Sancho, that very often it is fittingand necessary for the authority of office to resist the humility ofthe heart; for the seemly array of one who is invested with graveduties should be such as they require and not measured by what his ownhumble tastes may lead him to prefer. Dress well; a stick dressed updoes not look like a stick; I do not say thou shouldst wear trinketsor fine raiment, or that being a judge thou shouldst dress like asoldier, but that thou shouldst array thyself in the apparel thyoffice requires, and that at the same time it be neat and handsome. Towin the good-will of the people thou governest there are two things,among others, that thou must do; one is to be civil to all (this,however, I told thee before), and the other to take care that foodbe abundant, for there is nothing that vexes the heart of the poormore than hunger and high prices. Make not many proclamations; butthose thou makest take care that they be good ones, and above all thatthey be observed and carried out; for proclamations that are notobserved are the same as if they did not exist; nay, they encouragethe idea that the prince who had the wisdom and authority to make themhad not the power to enforce them; and laws that threaten and arenot enforced come to he like the log, the king of the frogs, thatfrightened them at first, but that in time they despised and mountedupon. Be a father to virtue and a stepfather to vice. Be not alwaysstrict, nor yet always lenient, but observe a mean between these twoextremes, for in that is the aim of wisdom. Visit the gaols, theslaughter-houses, and the market-places; for the presence of thegovernor is of great importance in such places; it comforts theprisoners who are in hopes of a speedy release, it is the bugbear ofthe butchers who have then to give just weight, and it is the terrorof the market-women for the same reason. Let it not be seen thatthou art (even if perchance thou art, which I do not believe)covetous, a follower of women, or a glutton; for when the people andthose that have dealings with thee become aware of thy specialweakness they will bring their batteries to bear upon thee in thatquarter, till they have brought thee down to the depths ofperdition. Consider and reconsider, con and con over again the advicesand the instructions I gave thee before thy departure hence to thygovernment, and thou wilt see that in them, if thou dost followthem, thou hast a help at hand that will lighten for thee the troublesand difficulties that beset governors at every step. Write to thy lordand lady and show thyself grateful to them, for ingratitude is thedaughter of pride, and one of the greatest sins we know of; and he whois grateful to those who have been good to him shows that he will beso to God also who has bestowed and still bestows so many blessingsupon him.

My lady the duchess sent off a messenger with thy suit and anotherpresent to thy wife Teresa Panza; we expect the answer every moment. Ihave been a little indisposed through a certain scratching I came infor, not very much to the benefit of my nose; but it was nothing;for if there are enchanters who maltreat me, there are also some whodefend me. Let me know if the majordomo who is with thee had any sharein the Trifaldi performance, as thou didst suspect; and keep meinformed of everything that happens thee, as the distance is so short;all the more as I am thinking of giving over very shortly this idlelife I am now leading, for I was not born for it. A thing has occurredto me which I am inclined to think will put me out of favour withthe duke and duchess; but though I am sorry for it I do not care,for after all I must obey my calling rather than their pleasure, inaccordance with the common saying, amicus Plato, sed magis amicaveritas. I quote this Latin to thee because I conclude that since thouhast been a governor thou wilt have learned it. Adieu; God keep theefrom being an object of pity to anyone.

Thy friend,

DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA.

Sancho listened to the letter with great attention, and it waspraised and considered wise by all who heard it; he then rose upfrom table, and calling his secretary shut himself in with him inhis own room, and without putting it off any longer set aboutanswering his master Don Quixote at once; and he bade the secretarywrite down what he told him without adding or suppressing anything,which he did, and the answer was to the following effect.

SANCHO PANZA'S LETTER TO DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA.

The pressure of business is so great upon me that I have no timeto scratch my head or even to cut my nails; and I have them so long-God send a remedy for it. I say this, master of my soul, that youmay not be surprised if I have not until now sent you word of how Ifare, well or ill, in this government, in which I am suffering morehunger than when we two were wandering through the woods and wastes.

My lord the duke wrote to me the other day to warn me that certainspies had got into this island to kill me; but up to the present Ihave not found out any except a certain doctor who receives a salaryin this town for killing all the governors that come here; he iscalled Doctor Pedro Recio, and is from Tirteafuera; so you see whata name he has to make me dread dying under his hands. This doctor saysof himself that he does not cure diseases when there are any, butprevents them coming, and the medicines he uses are diet and more dietuntil he brings one down to bare bones; as if leanness was not worsethan fever.

In short he is killing me with hunger, and I am dying myself ofvexation; for when I thought I was coming to this government to get mymeat hot and my drink cool, and take my ease between holland sheets onfeather beds, I find I have come to do penance as if I was a hermit;and as I don't do it willingly I suspect that in the end the devilwill carry me off.

So far I have not handled any dues or taken any bribes, and Idon't know what to think of it; for here they tell me that thegovernors that come to this island, before entering it have plentyof money either given to them or lent to them by the people of thetown, and that this is the usual custom not only here but with all whoenter upon governments.

Last night going the rounds I came upon a fair damsel in man'sclothes, and a brother of hers dressed as a woman; my head-carverhas fallen in love with the girl, and has in his own mind chosen herfor a wife, so he says, and I have chosen youth for a son-in-law;to-day we are going to explain our intentions to the father of thepair, who is one Diego de la Llana, a gentleman and an old Christianas much as you please.

I have visited the market-places, as your worship advises me, andyesterday I found a stall-keeper selling new hazel nuts and proved herto have mixed a bushel of old empty rotten nuts with a bushel ofnew; I confiscated the whole for the children of the charity-school,who will know how to distinguish them well enough, and I sentenced hernot to come into the market-place for a fortnight; they told me Idid bravely. I can tell your worship it is commonly said in thistown that there are no people worse than the market-women, for theyare all barefaced, unconscionable, and impudent, and I can wellbelieve it from what I have seen of them in other towns.

I am very glad my lady the duchess has written to my wife TeresaPanza and sent her the present your worship speaks of; and I willstrive to show myself grateful when the time comes; kiss her hands forme, and tell her I say she has not thrown it into a sack with a holein it, as she will see in the end. I should not like your worship tohave any difference with my lord and lady; for if you fall out withthem it is plain it must do me harm; and as you give me advice to begrateful it will not do for your worship not to be so yourself tothose who have shown you such kindness, and by whom you have beentreated so hospitably in their castle.

That about the scratching I don't understand; but I suppose itmust be one of the ill-turns the wicked enchanters are always doingyour worship; when we meet I shall know all about it. I wish I couldsend your worship something; but I don't know what to send, unlessit be some very curious clyster pipes, to work with bladders, thatthey make in this island; but if the office remains with me I'llfind out something to send, one way or another. If my wife TeresaPanza writes to me, pay the postage and send me the letter, for I havea very great desire to hear how my house and wife and children aregoing on. And so, may God deliver your worship from evil-mindedenchanters, and bring me well and peacefully out of this government,which I doubt, for I expect to take leave of it and my lifetogether, from the way Doctor Pedro Recio treats me.

Your worship's servant

SANCHO PANZA THE GOVERNOR.

The secretary sealed the letter, and immediately dismissed thecourier; and those who were carrying on the joke against Sanchoputting their heads together arranged how he was to be dismissedfrom the government. Sancho spent the afternoon in drawing upcertain ordinances relating to the good government of what hefancied the island; and he ordained that there were to be no provisionhucksters in the State, and that men might import wine into it fromany place they pleased, provided they declared the quarter it camefrom, so that a price might be put upon it according to its quality,reputation, and the estimation it was held in; and he that watered hiswine, or changed the name, was to forfeit his life for it. Hereduced the prices of all manner of shoes, boots, and stockings, butof shoes in particular, as they seemed to him to run extravagantlyhigh. He established a fixed rate for servants' wages, which werebecoming recklessly exorbitant. He laid extremely heavy penalties uponthose who sang lewd or loose songs either by day or night. Hedecreed that no blind man should sing of any miracle in verse,unless he could produce authentic evidence that it was true, for itwas his opinion that most of those the blind men sing are trumpedup, to the detriment of the true ones. He established and created analguacil of the poor, not to harass them, but to examine them andsee whether they really were so; for many a sturdy thief or drunkardgoes about under cover of a make-believe crippled limb or a sham sore.In a word, he made so many good rules that to this day they arepreserved there, and are called The constitutions of the greatgovernor Sancho Panza.

CHAPTER LII

WHEREIN IS RELATED THE ADVENTURE OF THE SECOND DISTRESSED ORAFFLICTED DUENNA, OTHERWISE CALLED DONA RODRIGUEZ

CIDE HAMETE relates that Don Quixote being now cured of hisscratches felt that the life he was leading in the castle was entirelyinconsistent with the order of chivalry he professed, so he determinedto ask the duke and duchess to permit him to take his departure forSaragossa, as the time of the festival was now drawing near, and hehoped to win there the suit of armour which is the prize atfestivals of the sort. But one day at table with the duke and duchess,just as he was about to carry his resolution into effect and ask fortheir permission, lo and behold suddenly there came in through thedoor of the great hall two women, as they afterwards proved to be,draped in mourning from head to foot, one of whom approaching DonQuixote flung herself at full length at his feet, pressing her lips tothem, and uttering moans so sad, so deep, and so doleful that sheput all who heard and saw her into a state of perplexity; and thoughthe duke and duchess supposed it must be some joke their servants wereplaying off upon Don Quixote, still the earnest way the woman sighedand moaned and wept puzzled them and made them feel uncertain, untilDon Quixote, touched with compassion, raised her up and made herunveil herself and remove the mantle from her tearful face. Shecomplied and disclosed what no one could have ever anticipated, forshe disclosed the countenance of Dona Rodriguez, the duenna of thehouse; the other female in mourning being her daughter, who had beenmade a fool of by the rich farmer's son. All who knew her werefilled with astonishment, and the duke and duchess more than any;for though they thought her a simpleton and a weak creature, theydid not think her capable of crazy pranks. Dona Rodriguez, atlength, turning to her master and mistress said to them, "Will yourexcellences be pleased to permit me to speak to this gentleman for amoment, for it is requisite I should do so in order to getsuccessfully out of the business in which the boldness of anevil-minded clown has involved me?"

The duke said that for his part he gave her leave, and that shemight speak with Senor Don Quixote as much as she liked.

She then, turning to Don Quixote and addressing herself to him said,"Some days since, valiant knight, I gave you an account of theinjustice and treachery of a wicked farmer to my dearly beloveddaughter, the unhappy damsel here before you, and you promised me totake her part and right the wrong that has been done her; but now ithas come to my hearing that you are about to depart from this castlein quest of such fair adventures as God may vouchsafe to you;therefore, before you take the road, I would that you challenge thisfroward rustic, and compel him to marry my daughter in fulfillmentof the promise he gave her to become her husband before he seducedher; for to expect that my lord the duke will do me justice is toask pears from the elm tree, for the reason I stated privately to yourworship; and so may our Lord grant you good health and forsake usnot."