"Mind what you say, your worship, and still more what you do,"said Sancho, "for I don't want any more fulling mills to finish offfulling and knocking our senses out."
"The devil take thee, man," said Don Quixote; "what has a helmetto do with fulling mills?"
"I don't know," replied Sancho, "but, faith, if I might speak as Iused, perhaps I could give such reasons that your worship would seeyou were mistaken in what you say."
"How can I be mistaken in what I say, unbelieving traitor?" returnedDon Quixote; "tell me, seest thou not yonder knight coming towardsus on a dappled grey steed, who has upon his head a helmet of gold?"
"What I see and make out," answered Sancho, "is only a man on a greyass like my own, who has something that shines on his head."
"Well, that is the helmet of Mambrino," said Don Quixote; "standto one side and leave me alone with him; thou shalt see how, withoutsaying a word, to save time, I shall bring this adventure to anissue and possess myself of the helmet I have so longed for."
"I will take care to stand aside," said Sancho; "but God grant, Isay once more, that it may be marjoram and not fulling mills."
"I have told thee, brother, on no account to mention those fullingmills to me again," said Don Quixote, "or I vow- and I say no more-I'll full the soul out of you."
Sancho held his peace in dread lest his master should carry outthe vow he had hurled like a bowl at him.
The fact of the matter as regards the helmet, steed, and knight thatDon Quixote saw, was this. In that neighbourhood there were twovillages, one of them so small that it had neither apothecary's shopnor barber, which the other that was close to it had, so the barber ofthe larger served the smaller, and in it there was a sick man whorequired to be bled and another man who wanted to be shaved, and onthis errand the barber was going, carrying with him a brass basin; butas luck would have it, as he was on the way it began to rain, andnot to spoil his hat, which probably was a new one, he put the basinon his head, and being clean it glittered at half a league's distance.He rode upon a grey ass, as Sancho said, and this was what made itseem to Don Quixote to be a dapple-grey steed and a knight and agolden helmet; for everything he saw he made to fall in with his crazychivalry and ill-errant notions; and when he saw the poor knightdraw near, without entering into any parley with him, at Rocinante'stop speed he bore down upon him with the pike pointed low, fullydetermined to run him through and through, and as he reached him,without checking the fury of his charge, he cried to him:
"Defend thyself, miserable being, or yield me of thine own accordthat which is so reasonably my due."
The barber, who without any expectation or apprehension of it sawthis apparition coming down upon him, had no other way of savinghimself from the stroke of the lance but to let himself fall off hisass; and no sooner had he touched the ground than he sprang up morenimbly than a deer and sped away across the plain faster than thewind.
He left the basin on the ground, with which Don Quixote contentedhimself, saying that the pagan had shown his discretion and imitatedthe beaver, which finding itself pressed by the hunters bites and cutsoff with its teeth that for which, by its natural instinct, it knowsit is pursued.
He told Sancho to pick up the helmet, and he taking it in hishands said:
"By God the basin is a good one, and worth a real of eight if itis worth a maravedis," and handed it to his master, who immediatelyput it on his head, turning it round, now this way, now that, insearch of fitment, and not finding it he said, "Clearly the pagan towhose measure this famous head-piece was first forged must have hada very large head; but the worst of it is half of it is wanting."
When Sancho heard him call the basin a headpiece he was unable torestrain his laughter, but remembering his master's wrath he checkedhimself in the midst of it.
"What art thou laughing at, Sancho?" said Don Quixote.
"I am laughing," said he, "to think of the great head the pagan musthave had who owned this helmet, for it looks exactly like a regularbarber's basin."
"Dost thou know what I suspect, Sancho?" said Don Quixote; "thatthis wonderful piece of this enchanted helmet must by some strangeaccident have come into the hands of some one who was unable torecognise or realise its value, and who, not knowing what he did,and seeing it to be of the purest gold, must have melted down one halffor the sake of what it might be worth, and of the other made thiswhich is like a barber's basin as thou sayest; but be it as it may, tome who recognise it, its transformation makes no difference, for Iwill set it to rights at the first village where there is ablacksmith, and in such style that that helmet the god of smithiesforged for the god of battles shall not surpass it or even come upto it; and in the meantime I will wear it as well as I can, forsomething is better than nothing; all the more as it will be quiteenough to protect me from any chance blow of a stone."
"That is," said Sancho, "if it is not shot with a sling as they werein the battle of the two armies, when they signed the cross on yourworship's grinders and smashed the flask with that blessed draughtthat made me vomit my bowels up."
"It does not grieve me much to have lost it," said Don Quixote, "forthou knowest, Sancho, that I have the receipt in my memory."
"So have I," answered Sancho, "but if ever I make it, or try itagain as long as I live, may this be my last hour; moreover, I have nointention of putting myself in the way of wanting it, for I mean, withall my five senses, to keep myself from being wounded or from woundinganyone: as to being blanketed again I say nothing, for it is hard toprevent mishaps of that sort, and if they come there is nothing for itbut to squeeze our shoulders together, hold our breath, shut our eyes,and let ourselves go where luck and the blanket may send us."
"Thou art a bad Christian, Sancho," said Don Quixote on hearingthis, "for once an injury has been done thee thou never forgettest it:but know that it is the part of noble and generous hearts not toattach importance to trifles. What lame leg hast thou got by it,what broken rib, what cracked head, that thou canst not forget thatjest? For jest and sport it was, properly regarded, and had I not seenit in that light I would have returned and done more mischief inrevenging thee than the Greeks did for the rape of Helen, who, ifshe were alive now, or if my Dulcinea had lived then, might dependupon it she would not be so famous for her beauty as she is;" and herehe heaved a sigh and sent it aloft; and said Sancho, "Let it passfor a jest as it cannot be revenged in earnest, but I know what sortof jest and earnest it was, and I know it will never be rubbed outof my memory any more than off my shoulders. But putting that aside,will your worship tell me what are we to do with this dapple-greysteed that looks like a grey ass, which that Martino that your worshipoverthrew has left deserted here? for, from the way he took to hisheels and bolted, he is not likely ever to come back for it; and by mybeard but the grey is a good one."
"I have never been in the habit," said Don Quixote, "of taking spoilof those whom I vanquish, nor is it the practice of chivalry to takeaway their horses and leave them to go on foot, unless indeed it bethat the victor have lost his own in the combat, in which case it islawful to take that of the vanquished as a thing won in lawful war;therefore, Sancho, leave this horse, or ass, or whatever thou wilthave it to be; for when its owner sees us gone hence he will come backfor it."
"God knows I should like to take it," returned Sancho, "or atleast to change it for my own, which does not seem to me as good aone: verily the laws of chivalry are strict, since they cannot bestretched to let one ass be changed for another; I should like to knowif I might at least change trappings."
"On that head I am not quite certain," answered Don Quixote, "andthe matter being doubtful, pending better information, I say thoumayest change them, if so be thou hast urgent need of them."
"So urgent is it," answered Sancho, "that if they were for my ownperson I could not want them more;" and forthwith, fortified by thislicence, he effected the mutatio capparum, rigging out his beast tothe ninety-nines and making quite another thing of it. This done, theybroke their fast on the remains of the spoils of war plundered fromthe sumpter mule, and drank of the brook that flowed from thefulling mills, without casting a look in that direction, in suchloathing did they hold them for the alarm they had caused them; and,all anger and gloom removed, they mounted and, without taking anyfixed road (not to fix upon any being the proper thing for trueknights-errant), they set out, guided by Rocinante's will, whichcarried along with it that of his master, not to say that of theass, which always followed him wherever he led, lovingly and sociably;nevertheless they returned to the high road, and pursued it at aventure without any other aim.
As they went along, then, in this way Sancho said to his master,"Senor, would your worship give me leave to speak a little to you? Forsince you laid that hard injunction of silence on me several thingshave gone to rot in my stomach, and I have now just one on the tipof my tongue that I don't want to be spoiled."
"Say, on, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "and be brief in thy discourse,for there is no pleasure in one that is long."
"Well then, senor," returned Sancho, "I say that for some dayspast I have been considering how little is got or gained by going insearch of these adventures that your worship seeks in these wildsand cross-roads, where, even if the most perilous are victoriouslyachieved, there is no one to see or know of them, and so they mustbe left untold for ever, to the loss of your worship's object andthe credit they deserve; therefore it seems to me it would be better(saving your worship's better judgment) if we were to go and servesome emperor or other great prince who may have some war on hand, inwhose service your worship may prove the worth of your person, yourgreat might, and greater understanding, on perceiving which the lordin whose service we may be will perforce have to reward us, eachaccording to his merits; and there you will not be at a loss forsome one to set down your achievements in writing so as to preservetheir memory for ever. Of my own I say nothing, as they will not gobeyond squirely limits, though I make bold to say that, if it be thepractice in chivalry to write the achievements of squires, I thinkmine must not be left out."
"Thou speakest not amiss, Sancho," answered Don Quixote, "but beforethat point is reached it is requisite to roam the world, as it were onprobation, seeking adventures, in order that, by achieving some,name and fame may be acquired, such that when he betakes himself tothe court of some great monarch the knight may be already known by hisdeeds, and that the boys, the instant they see him enter the gate ofthe city, may all follow him and surround him, crying, 'This is theKnight of the Sun'-or the Serpent, or any other title under which hemay have achieved great deeds. 'This,' they will say, 'is he whovanquished in single combat the gigantic Brocabruno of mightystrength; he who delivered the great Mameluke of Persia out of thelong enchantment under which he had been for almost nine hundredyears.' So from one to another they will go proclaiming hisachievements; and presently at the tumult of the boys and the othersthe king of that kingdom will appear at the windows of his royalpalace, and as soon as he beholds the knight, recognising him by hisarms and the device on his shield, he will as a matter of coursesay, 'What ho! Forth all ye, the knights of my court, to receive theflower of chivalry who cometh hither!' At which command all will issueforth, and he himself, advancing half-way down the stairs, willembrace him closely, and salute him, kissing him on the cheek, andwill then lead him to the queen's chamber, where the knight willfind her with the princess her daughter, who will be one of the mostbeautiful and accomplished damsels that could with the utmost pains bediscovered anywhere in the known world. Straightway it will come topass that she will fix her eyes upon the knight and he his upon her,and each will seem to the other something more divine than human, and,without knowing how or why they will be taken and entangled in theinextricable toils of love, and sorely distressed in their heartsnot to see any way of making their pains and sufferings known byspeech. Thence they will lead him, no doubt, to some richly adornedchamber of the palace, where, having removed his armour, they willbring him a rich mantle of scarlet wherewith to robe himself, and ifhe looked noble in his armour he will look still more so in a doublet.When night comes he will sup with the king, queen, and princess; andall the time he will never take his eyes off her, stealing stealthyglances, unnoticed by those present, and she will do the same, andwith equal cautiousness, being, as I have said, a damsel of greatdiscretion. The tables being removed, suddenly through the door of thehall there will enter a hideous and diminutive dwarf followed by afair dame, between two giants, who comes with a certain adventure, thework of an ancient sage; and he who shall achieve it shall be deemedthe best knight in the world.
"The king will then command all those present to essay it, andnone will bring it to an end and conclusion save the strangerknight, to the great enhancement of his fame, whereat the princesswill be overjoyed and will esteem herself happy and fortunate inhaving fixed and placed her thoughts so high. And the best of it isthat this king, or prince, or whatever he is, is engaged in a verybitter war with another as powerful as himself, and the strangerknight, after having been some days at his court, requests leavefrom him to go and serve him in the said war. The king will grant itvery readily, and the knight will courteously kiss his hands for thefavour done to him; and that night he will take leave of his ladythe princess at the grating of the chamber where she sleeps, whichlooks upon a garden, and at which he has already many timesconversed with her, the go-between and confidante in the matterbeing a damsel much trusted by the princess. He will sigh, she willswoon, the damsel will fetch water, much distressed because morningapproaches, and for the honour of her lady he would not that they werediscovered; at last the princess will come to herself and will presenther white hands through the grating to the knight, who will kissthem a thousand and a thousand times, bathing them with his tears.It will be arranged between them how they are to inform each otherof their good or evil fortunes, and the princess will entreat him tomake his absence as short as possible, which he will promise to dowith many oaths; once more he kisses her hands, and takes his leave insuch grief that he is well-nigh ready to die. He betakes him thence tohis chamber, flings himself on his bed, cannot sleep for sorrow atparting, rises early in the morning, goes to take leave of the king,queen, and princess, and, as he takes his leave of the pair, it istold him that the princess is indisposed and cannot receive a visit;the knight thinks it is from grief at his departure, his heart ispierced, and he is hardly able to keep from showing his pain. Theconfidante is present, observes all, goes to tell her mistress, wholistens with tears and says that one of her greatest distresses is notknowing who this knight is, and whether he is of kingly lineage ornot; the damsel assures her that so much courtesy, gentleness, andgallantry of bearing as her knight possesses could not exist in anysave one who was royal and illustrious; her anxiety is thusrelieved, and she strives to be of good cheer lest she should excitesuspicion in her parents, and at the end of two days she appears inpublic. Meanwhile the knight has taken his departure; he fights in thewar, conquers the king's enemy, wins many cities, triumphs in manybattles, returns to the court, sees his lady where he was wont tosee her, and it is agreed that he shall demand her in marriage ofher parents as the reward of his services; the king is unwilling togive her, as he knows not who he is, but nevertheless, whether carriedoff or in whatever other way it may be, the princess comes to be hisbride, and her father comes to regard it as very good fortune; forit so happens that this knight is proved to be the son of a valiantking of some kingdom, I know not what, for I fancy it is not likely tobe on the map. The father dies, the princess inherits, and in twowords the knight becomes king. And here comes in at once thebestowal of rewards upon his squire and all who have aided him inrising to so exalted a rank. He marries his squire to a damsel ofthe princess's, who will be, no doubt, the one who was confidante intheir amour, and is daughter of a very great duke."