第 91 页

"Don't wait for that," said Don Quixote; "I'll help you ineverything," and so he did, sifting the barley for him and cleaningout the manger; a degree of humility which made the other feel boundto tell him with a good grace what he had asked; so seating himself ona bench, with Don Quixote beside him, and the cousin, the page, SanchoPanza, and the landlord, for a senate and an audience, he began hisstory in this way:

"You must know that in a village four leagues and a half from thisinn, it so happened that one of the regidors, by the tricks androguery of a servant girl of his (it's too long a tale to tell),lost an ass; and though he did all he possibly could to find it, itwas all to no purpose. A fortnight might have gone by, so the storygoes, since the ass had been missing, when, as the regidor who hadlost it was standing in the plaza, another regidor of the same townsaid to him, 'Pay me for good news, gossip; your ass has turned up.''That I will, and well, gossip,' said the other; 'but tell us, wherehas he turned up?' 'In the forest,' said the finder; 'I saw him thismorning without pack-saddle or harness of any sort, and so lean thatit went to one's heart to see him. I tried to drive him before meand bring him to you, but he is already so wild and shy that when Iwent near him he made off into the thickest part of the forest. If youhave a mind that we two should go back and look for him, let me put upthis she-ass at my house and I'll be back at once.' 'You will be doingme a great kindness,' said the owner of the ass, 'and I'll try topay it back in the same coin.' It is with all these circumstances, andin the very same way I am telling it now, that those who know allabout the matter tell the story. Well then, the two regidors set offon foot, arm in arm, for the forest, and coming to the place wherethey hoped to find the ass they could not find him, nor was he to beseen anywhere about, search as they might. Seeing, then, that therewas no sign of him, the regidor who had seen him said to the other,'Look here, gossip; a plan has occurred to me, by which, beyond adoubt, we shall manage to discover the animal, even if he is stowedaway in the bowels of the earth, not to say the forest. Here it is.I can bray to perfection, and if you can ever so little, the thing'sas good as done.' 'Ever so little did you say, gossip?' said theother; 'by God, I'll not give in to anybody, not even to the assesthemselves.' 'We'll soon see,' said the second regidor, 'for my planis that you should go one side of the forest, and I the other, so asto go all round about it; and every now and then you will bray and Iwill bray; and it cannot be but that the ass will hear us, andanswer us if he is in the forest.' To which the owner of the assreplied, 'It's an excellent plan, I declare, gossip, and worthy ofyour great genius;' and the two separating as agreed, it so fell outthat they brayed almost at the same moment, and each, deceived bythe braying of the other, ran to look, fancying the ass had turnedup at last. When they came in sight of one another, said the loser,'Is it possible, gossip, that it was not my ass that brayed?' 'No,it was I,' said the other. 'Well then, I can tell you, gossip,' saidthe ass's owner, 'that between you and an ass there is not an atomof difference as far as braying goes, for I never in all my life sawor heard anything more natural.' 'Those praises and compliments belongto you more justly than to me, gossip,' said the inventor of the plan;'for, by the God that made me, you might give a couple of brays oddsto the best and most finished brayer in the world; the tone you havegot is deep, your voice is well kept up as to time and pitch, and yourfinishing notes come thick and fast; in fact, I own myself beaten, andyield the palm to you, and give in to you in this rareaccomplishment.' 'Well then,' said the owner, 'I'll set a higher valueon myself for the future, and consider that I know something, as Ihave an excellence of some sort; for though I always thought Ibrayed well, I never supposed I came up to the pitch of perfection yousay.' 'And I say too,' said the second, 'that there are rare giftsgoing to loss in the world, and that they are ill bestowed uponthose who don't know how to make use of them.' 'Ours,' said theowner of the ass, 'unless it is in cases like this we have now inhand, cannot be of any service to us, and even in this God grantthey may be of some use.' So saying they separated, and took totheir braying once more, but every instant they were deceiving oneanother, and coming to meet one another again, until they arrangedby way of countersign, so as to know that it was they and not the ass,to give two brays, one after the other. In this way, doubling thebrays at every step, they made the complete circuit of the forest, butthe lost ass never gave them an answer or even the sign of one. Howcould the poor ill-starred brute have answered, when, in thethickest part of the forest, they found him devoured by wolves? Assoon as he saw him his owner said, 'I was wondering he did not answer,for if he wasn't dead he'd have brayed when he heard us, or he'dhave been no ass; but for the sake of having heard you bray to suchperfection, gossip, I count the trouble I have taken to look for himwell bestowed, even though I have found him dead.' 'It's in a goodhand, gossip,' said the other; 'if the abbot sings well, the acolyteis not much behind him.' So they returned disconsolate and hoarse totheir village, where they told their friends, neighbours, andacquaintances what had befallen them in their search for the ass, eachcrying up the other's perfection in braying. The whole story came tobe known and spread abroad through the villages of theneighbourhood; and the devil, who never sleeps, with his love forsowing dissensions and scattering discord everywhere, blowing mischiefabout and making quarrels out of nothing, contrived to make the peopleof the other towns fall to braying whenever they saw anyone from ourvillage, as if to throw the braying of our regidors in our teeth. Thenthe boys took to it, which was the same thing for it as getting intothe hands and mouths of all the devils of hell; and braying spreadfrom one town to another in such a way that the men of the brayingtown are as easy to be known as blacks are to be known from whites,and the unlucky joke has gone so far that several times the scoffedhave come out in arms and in a body to do battle with the scoffers,and neither king nor rook, fear nor shame, can mend matters. To-morrowor the day after, I believe, the men of my town, that is, of thebraying town, are going to take the field against another villagetwo leagues away from ours, one of those that persecute us most; andthat we may turn out well prepared I have bought these lances andhalberds you have seen. These are the curious things I told you Ihad to tell, and if you don't think them so, I have got no others;"and with this the worthy fellow brought his story to a close.

Just at this moment there came in at the gate of the inn a manentirely clad in chamois leather, hose, breeches, and doublet, whosaid in a loud voice, "Senor host, have you room? Here's thedivining ape and the show of the Release of Melisendra just coming."

"Ods body!" said the landlord, "why, it's Master Pedro! We're in fora grand night!" I forgot to mention that the said Master Pedro had hisleft eye and nearly half his cheek covered with a patch of greentaffety, showing that something ailed all that side. "Your worshipis welcome, Master Pedro," continued the landlord; "but where arethe ape and the show, for I don't see them?" "They are close at hand,"said he in the chamois leather, "but I came on first to know ifthere was any room." "I'd make the Duke of Alva himself clear out tomake room for Master Pedro," said the landlord; "bring in the apeand the show; there's company in the inn to-night that will pay to seethat and the cleverness of the ape." "So be it by all means," said theman with the patch; "I'll lower the price, and he well satisfied ifI only pay my expenses; and now I'll go back and hurry on the cartwith the ape and the show;" and with this he went out of the inn.

Don Quixote at once asked the landlord what this Master Pedro was,and what was the show and what was the ape he had with him; whichthe landlord replied, "This is a famous puppet-showman, who for sometime past has been going about this Mancha de Aragon, exhibiting ashow of the release of Melisendra by the famous Don Gaiferos, one ofthe best and best-represented stories that have been seen in this partof the kingdom for many a year; he has also with him an ape with themost extraordinary gift ever seen in an ape or imagined in a humanbeing; for if you ask him anything, he listens attentively to thequestion, and then jumps on his master's shoulder, and pressingclose to his ear tells him the answer which Master Pedro thendelivers. He says a great deal more about things past than aboutthings to come; and though he does not always hit the truth in everycase, most times he is not far wrong, so that he makes us fancy he hasgot the devil in him. He gets two reals for every question if theape answers; I mean if his master answers for him after he haswhispered into his ear; and so it is believed that this same MasterPedro is very rich. He is a 'gallant man' as they say in Italy, andgood company, and leads the finest life in the world; talks morethan six, drinks more than a dozen, and all by his tongue, and hisape, and his show."

Master Pedro now came back, and in a cart followed the show andthe ape- a big one, without a tail and with buttocks as bare asfelt, but not vicious-looking. As soon as Don Quixote saw him, heasked him, "Can you tell me, sir fortune-teller, what fish do wecatch, and how will it be with us? See, here are my two reals," and hebade Sancho give them to Master Pedro; but he answered for the ape andsaid, "Senor, this animal does not give any answer or informationtouching things that are to come; of things past he knows something,and more or less of things present."

"Gad," said Sancho, "I would not give a farthing to be told what'spast with me, for who knows that better than I do myself? And to payfor being told what I know would be mighty foolish. But as you knowthings present, here are my two reals, and tell me, most excellent sirape, what is my wife Teresa Panza doing now, and what is she divertingherself with?"

Master Pedro refused to take the money, saying, "I will notreceive payment in advance or until the service has been firstrendered;" and then with his right hand he gave a couple of slaps onhis left shoulder, and with one spring the ape perched himself uponit, and putting his mouth to his master's ear began chattering histeeth rapidly; and having kept this up as long as one would besaying a credo, with another spring he brought himself to theground, and the same instant Master Pedro ran in great haste andfell upon his knees before Don Quixote, and embracing his legsexclaimed, "These legs do I embrace as I would embrace the two pillarsof Hercules, O illustrious reviver of knight-errantry, so longconsigned to oblivion! O never yet duly extolled knight, Don Quixoteof La Mancha, courage of the faint-hearted, prop of the tottering, armof the fallen, staff and counsel of all who are unfortunate!"

Don Quixote was thunderstruck, Sancho astounded, the cousinstaggered, the page astonished, the man from the braying town agape,the landlord in perplexity, and, in short, everyone amazed at thewords of the puppet-showman, who went on to say, "And thou, worthySancho Panza, the best squire and squire to the best knight in theworld! Be of good cheer, for thy good wife Teresa is well, and sheis at this moment hackling a pound of flax; and more by token shehas at her left hand a jug with a broken spout that holds a gooddrop of wine, with which she solaces herself at her work."

"That I can well believe," said Sancho. "She is a lucky one, andif it was not for her jealousy I would not change her for the giantessAndandona, who by my master's account was a very clever and worthywoman; my Teresa is one of those that won't let themselves want foranything, though their heirs may have to pay for it."

"Now I declare," said Don Quixote, "he who reads much and travelsmuch sees and knows a great deal. I say so because what amount ofpersuasion could have persuaded me that there are apes in the worldthat can divine as I have seen now with my own eyes? For I am thatvery Don Quixote of La Mancha this worthy animal refers to, thoughhe has gone rather too far in my praise; but whatever I may be, Ithank heaven that it has endowed me with a tender and compassionateheart, always disposed to do good to all and harm to none."

"If I had money," said the page, "I would ask senor ape what willhappen me in the peregrination I am making."

To this Master Pedro, who had by this time risen from DonQuixote's feet, replied, "I have already said that this little beastgives no answer as to the future; but if he did, not having moneywould be of no consequence, for to oblige Senor Don Quixote, herepresent, I would give up all the profits in the world. And now,because I have promised it, and to afford him pleasure, I will setup my show and offer entertainment to all who are in the inn,without any charge whatever." As soon as he heard this, thelandlord, delighted beyond measure, pointed out a place where the showmight be fixed, which was done at once.

Don Quixote was not very well satisfied with the divinations ofthe ape, as he did not think it proper that an ape should divineanything, either past or future; so while Master Pedro was arrangingthe show, he retired with Sancho into a corner of the stable, where,without being overheard by anyone, he said to him, "Look here, Sancho,I have been seriously thinking over this ape's extraordinary gift, andhave come to the conclusion that beyond doubt this Master Pedro, hismaster, has a pact, tacit or express, with the devil."

"If the packet is express from the devil," said Sancho, "it mustbe a very dirty packet no doubt; but what good can it do MasterPedro to have such packets?"

"Thou dost not understand me, Sancho," said Don Quixote; "I onlymean he must have made some compact with the devil to infuse thispower into the ape, that he may get his living, and after he has grownrich he will give him his soul, which is what the enemy of mankindwants; this I am led to believe by observing that the ape only answersabout things past or present, and the devil's knowledge extends nofurther; for the future he knows only by guesswork, and that notalways; for it is reserved for God alone to know the times and theseasons, and for him there is neither past nor future; all is present.This being as it is, it is clear that this ape speaks by the spirit ofthe devil; and I am astonished they have not denounced him to the HolyOffice, and put him to the question, and forced it out of him by whosevirtue it is that he divines; because it is certain this ape is not anastrologer; neither his master nor he sets up, or knows how to set up,those figures they call judiciary, which are now so common in Spainthat there is not a jade, or page, or old cobbler, that will notundertake to set up a figure as readily as pick up a knave of cardsfrom the ground, bringing to nought the marvellous truth of thescience by their lies and ignorance. I know of a lady who asked one ofthese figure schemers whether her little lap-dog would be in pup andwould breed, and how many and of what colour the little pups would be.To which senor astrologer, after having set up his figure, made answerthat the bitch would be in pup, and would drop three pups, onegreen, another bright red, and the third parti-coloured, providedshe conceived between eleven and twelve either of the day or night,and on a Monday or Saturday; but as things turned out, two daysafter this the bitch died of a surfeit, and senor planet-ruler had thecredit all over the place of being a most profound astrologer, as mostof these planet-rulers have."