'Ah, what has decomposed you, ma'am?' inquired Mrs. Rogers.
'I have been a good deal flurried,' replied Mrs. Raddle, in a
reproachful manner. Thereupon the ladies cast indignant glances at Mr.
Raddle.
'Why, the fact is,' said that unhappy gentleman, stepping forward,
'when we alighted at this door, a dispute arose with the driver of the
cabrioily--' A loud scream from his wife, at the mention of this word,
rendered all further explanation inaudible.
'You'd better leave us to bring her round, Raddle,' said Mrs. Cluppins.
'She'll never get better as long as you're here.'
All the ladies concurred in this opinion; so Mr. Raddle was pushed out
of the room, and requested to give himself an airing in the back yard.
Which he did for about a quarter of an hour, when Mrs. Bardell announced
to him with a solemn face that he might come in now, but that he must be
very careful how he behaved towards his wife. She knew he didn't mean to
be unkind; but Mary Ann was very far from strong, and, if he didn't take
care, he might lose her when he least expected it, which would be a very
dreadful reflection for him afterwards; and so on. All this, Mr. Raddle
heard with great submission, and presently returned to the parlour in a
most lamb-like manner.
'Why, Mrs. Rogers, ma'am,' said Mrs. Bardell, 'you've never been
introduced, I declare! Mr. Raddle, ma'am; Mrs. Cluppins, ma'am; Mrs.
Raddle, ma'am.'
'Which is Mrs. Cluppins's sister,' suggested Mrs. Sanders.
'Oh, indeed!' said Mrs. Rogers graciously; for she was the lodger, and
her servant was in waiting, so she was more gracious than intimate, in
right of her position. 'Oh, indeed!'
Mrs. Raddle smiled sweetly, Mr. Raddle bowed, and Mrs. Cluppins said,
'she was sure she was very happy to have an opportunity of being known
to a lady which she had heerd so much in favour of, as Mrs. Rogers.'
A compliment which the last-named lady acknowledged with graceful
condescension.
'Well, Mr. Raddle,' said Mrs. Bardell; 'I'm sure you ought to feel very
much honoured at you and Tommy being the only gentlemen to escort so
many ladies all the way to the Spaniards, at Hampstead. Don't you think
he ought, Mrs. Rogers, ma'am?' 'Oh, certainly, ma'am,' replied Mrs.
Rogers; after whom all the other ladies responded, 'Oh, certainly.'
'Of course I feel it, ma'am,' said Mr. Raddle, rubbing his hands, and
evincing a slight tendency to brighten up a little. 'Indeed, to tell you
the truth, I said, as we was a-coming along in the cabrioily--'
At the recapitulation of the word which awakened so many painful
recollections, Mrs. Raddle applied her handkerchief to her eyes again,
and uttered a half-suppressed scream; so that Mrs. Bardell frowned upon
Mr. Raddle, to intimate that he had better not say anything more, and
desired Mrs. Rogers's servant, with an air, to 'put the wine on.'
This was the signal for displaying the hidden treasures of the closet,
which comprised sundry plates of oranges and biscuits, and a bottle of
old crusted port--that at one-and-nine--with another of the celebrated
East India sherry at fourteen-pence, which were all produced in honour
of the lodger, and afforded unlimited satisfaction to everybody. After
great consternation had been excited in the mind of Mrs. Cluppins, by an
attempt on the part of Tommy to recount how he had been cross-examined
regarding the cupboard then in action (which was fortunately nipped in
the bud by his imbibing half a glass of the old crusted 'the wrong way,'
and thereby endangering his life for some seconds), the party walked
forth in quest of a Hampstead stage. This was soon found, and in a
couple of hours they all arrived safely in the Spaniards Tea-gardens,
where the luckless Mr. Raddle's very first act nearly occasioned his
good lady a relapse; it being neither more nor less than to order tea
for seven, whereas (as the ladies one and all remarked), what could
have been easier than for Tommy to have drank out of anybody's cup--or
everybody's, if that was all--when the waiter wasn't looking, which
would have saved one head of tea, and the tea just as good!
However, there was no help for it, and the tea-tray came, with seven
cups and saucers, and bread-and-butter on the same scale. Mrs. Bardell
was unanimously voted into the chair, and Mrs. Rogers being stationed
on her right hand, and Mrs. Raddle on her left, the meal proceeded with
great merriment and success.
'How sweet the country is, to be sure!' sighed Mrs. Rogers; 'I almost
wish I lived in it always.'
'Oh, you wouldn't like that, ma'am,' replied Mrs. Bardell, rather
hastily; for it was not at all advisable, with reference to the
lodgings, to encourage such notions; 'you wouldn't like it, ma'am.'
'Oh! I should think you was a deal too lively and sought after, to be
content with the country, ma'am,' said little Mrs. Cluppins.
'Perhaps I am, ma'am. Perhaps I am,' sighed the first-floor lodger.
'For lone people as have got nobody to care for them, or take care
of them, or as have been hurt in their mind, or that kind of thing,'
observed Mr. Raddle, plucking up a little cheerfulness, and looking
round, 'the country is all very well. The country for a wounded spirit,
they say.'
Now, of all things in the world that the unfortunate man could have
said, any would have been preferable to this. Of course Mrs. Bardell
burst into tears, and requested to be led from the table instantly; upon
which the affectionate child began to cry too, most dismally.
'Would anybody believe, ma'am,' exclaimed Mrs. Raddle, turning fiercely
to the first-floor lodger, 'that a woman could be married to such a
unmanly creetur, which can tamper with a woman's feelings as he does,
every hour in the day, ma'am?'
'My dear,' remonstrated Mr. Raddle, 'I didn't mean anything, my dear.'
'You didn't mean!' repeated Mrs. Raddle, with great scorn and contempt.
'Go away. I can't bear the sight on you, you brute.'
'You must not flurry yourself, Mary Ann,' interposed Mrs. Cluppins. 'You
really must consider yourself, my dear, which you never do. Now go away,
Raddle, there's a good soul, or you'll only aggravate her.'
'You had better take your tea by yourself, Sir, indeed,' said Mrs.
Rogers, again applying the smelling-bottle.
Mrs. Sanders, who, according to custom, was very busy with the
bread-and-butter, expressed the same opinion, and Mr. Raddle quietly
retired.
After this, there was a great hoisting up of Master Bardell, who was
rather a large size for hugging, into his mother's arms, in which
operation he got his boots in the tea-board, and occasioned some
confusion among the cups and saucers. But that description of fainting
fits, which is contagious among ladies, seldom lasts long; so when he
had been well kissed, and a little cried over, Mrs. Bardell recovered,
set him down again, wondering how she could have been so foolish, and
poured out some more tea.
It was at this moment, that the sound of approaching wheels was heard,
and that the ladies, looking up, saw a hackney-coach stop at the garden
gate.
'More company!' said Mrs. Sanders.
'It's a gentleman,' said Mrs. Raddle.
'Well, if it ain't Mr. Jackson, the young man from Dodson and Fogg's!'
cried Mrs. Bardell. 'Why, gracious! Surely Mr. Pickwick can't have paid
the damages.'
'Or hoffered marriage!' said Mrs. Cluppins.
'Dear me, how slow the gentleman is,'exclaimed Mrs. Rogers. 'Why doesn't
he make haste!'
As the lady spoke these words, Mr. Jackson turned from the coach where
he had been addressing some observations to a shabby man in black
leggings, who had just emerged from the vehicle with a thick ash stick
in his hand, and made his way to the place where the ladies were seated;
winding his hair round the brim of his hat, as he came along. 'Is
anything the matter? Has anything taken place, Mr. Jackson?' said Mrs.
Bardell eagerly.
'Nothing whatever, ma'am,' replied Mr. Jackson. 'How de do, ladies?
I have to ask pardon, ladies, for intruding--but the law, ladies--the
law.' With this apology Mr. Jackson smiled, made a comprehensive bow,
and gave his hair another wind. Mrs. Rogers whispered Mrs. Raddle that
he was really an elegant young man.
'I called in Goswell Street,' resumed Mr. Jackson, 'and hearing that you
were here, from the slavey, took a coach and came on. Our people want
you down in the city directly, Mrs. Bardell.'
'Lor!' ejaculated that lady, starting at the sudden nature of the
communication.
'Yes,' said Mr. Jackson, biting his lip. 'It's very important and
pressing business, which can't be postponed on any account. Indeed,
Dodson expressly said so to me, and so did Fogg. I've kept the coach on
purpose for you to go back in.'
'How very strange!' exclaimed Mrs. Bardell.
The ladies agreed that it WAS very strange, but were unanimously of
opinion that it must be very important, or Dodson & Fogg would never
have sent; and further, that the business being urgent, she ought to
repair to Dodson & Fogg's without any delay.
There was a certain degree of pride and importance about being wanted
by one's lawyers in such a monstrous hurry, that was by no means
displeasing to Mrs. Bardell, especially as it might be reasonably
supposed to enhance her consequence in the eyes of the first-floor
lodger. She simpered a little, affected extreme vexation and hesitation,
and at last arrived at the conclusion that she supposed she must go.
'But won't you refresh yourself after your walk, Mr. Jackson?' said Mrs.
Bardell persuasively.
'Why, really there ain't much time to lose,' replied Jackson; 'and I've
got a friend here,' he continued, looking towards the man with the ash
stick.
'Oh, ask your friend to come here, Sir,' said Mrs. Bardell. 'Pray ask
your friend here, Sir.'
'Why, thank'ee, I'd rather not,' said Mr. Jackson, with some
embarrassment of manner. 'He's not much used to ladies' society, and it
makes him bashful. If you'll order the waiter to deliver him anything
short, he won't drink it off at once, won't he!--only try him!' Mr.
Jackson's fingers wandered playfully round his nose at this portion of
his discourse, to warn his hearers that he was speaking ironically.
The waiter was at once despatched to the bashful gentleman, and the
bashful gentleman took something; Mr. Jackson also took something, and
the ladies took something, for hospitality's sake. Mr. Jackson then
said he was afraid it was time to go; upon which, Mrs. Sanders, Mrs.
Cluppins, and Tommy (who it was arranged should accompany Mrs. Bardell,
leaving the others to Mr. Raddle's protection), got into the coach.
'Isaac,' said Jackson, as Mrs. Bardell prepared to get in, looking up at
the man with the ash stick, who was seated on the box, smoking a cigar.
'Well?'
'This is Mrs. Bardell.'
'Oh, I know'd that long ago,' said the man.
Mrs. Bardell got in, Mr. Jackson got in after her, and away they drove.
Mrs. Bardell could not help ruminating on what Mr. Jackson's friend
had said. Shrewd creatures, those lawyers. Lord bless us, how they find
people out!
'Sad thing about these costs of our people's, ain't it,' said Jackson,
when Mrs. Cluppins and Mrs. Sanders had fallen asleep; 'your bill of
costs, I mean.'
'I'm very sorry they can't get them,' replied Mrs. Bardell. 'But if you
law gentlemen do these things on speculation, why you must get a loss
now and then, you know.'
'You gave them a COGNOVIT for the amount of your costs, after the trial,
I'm told!' said Jackson.
'Yes. Just as a matter of form,' replied Mrs. Bardell.
'Certainly,' replied Jackson drily. 'Quite a matter of form. Quite.'
On they drove, and Mrs. Bardell fell asleep. She was awakened, after
some time, by the stopping of the coach.
'Bless us!' said the lady.'Are we at Freeman's Court?'
'We're not going quite so far,' replied Jackson. 'Have the goodness to
step out.'
Mrs. Bardell, not yet thoroughly awake, complied. It was a curious
place: a large wall, with a gate in the middle, and a gas-light burning
inside.
'Now, ladies,' cried the man with the ash stick, looking into the coach,
and shaking Mrs. Sanders to wake her, 'Come!' Rousing her friend, Mrs.
Sanders alighted. Mrs. Bardell, leaning on Jackson's arm, and leading
Tommy by the hand, had already entered the porch. They followed.
The room they turned into was even more odd-looking than the porch. Such
a number of men standing about! And they stared so!
'What place is this?' inquired Mrs. Bardell, pausing.
'Only one of our public offices,' replied Jackson, hurrying her through
a door, and looking round to see that the other women were following.
'Look sharp, Isaac!'
'Safe and sound,' replied the man with the ash stick. The door swung
heavily after them, and they descended a small flight of steps.
'Here we are at last. All right and tight, Mrs. Bardell!' said Jackson,
looking exultingly round.
'What do you mean?' said Mrs. Bardell, with a palpitating heart.
'Just this,' replied Jackson, drawing her a little on one side; 'don't
