prepare Benjamin's mind for, gently and by degrees; she said that she
was--I have got the letter in my pocket, Mr. Sawyer, but my glasses are
in the carriage, and I should only waste your time if I attempted to
point out the passage to you, without them; she said, in short, Mr.
Sawyer, that she was married.' 'What!' said, or rather shouted, Mr. Bob
Sawyer.
'Married,' repeated the old lady.
Mr. Bob Sawyer stopped to hear no more; but darting from the surgery
into the outer shop, cried in a stentorian voice, 'Ben, my boy, she's
bolted!'
Mr. Ben Allen, who had been slumbering behind the counter, with his
head half a foot or so below his knees, no sooner heard this appalling
communication, than he made a precipitate rush at Mr. Martin, and,
twisting his hand in the neck-cloth of that taciturn servitor, expressed
an obliging intention of choking him where he stood. This intention,
with a promptitude often the effect of desperation, he at once commenced
carrying into execution, with much vigour and surgical skill.
Mr. Martin, who was a man of few words and possessed but little power
of eloquence or persuasion, submitted to this operation with a very
calm and agreeable expression of countenance, for some seconds; finding,
however, that it threatened speedily to lead to a result which would
place it beyond his power to claim any wages, board or otherwise, in all
time to come, he muttered an inarticulate remonstrance and felled Mr.
Benjamin Allen to the ground. As that gentleman had his hands entangled
in his cravat, he had no alternative but to follow him to the floor.
There they both lay struggling, when the shop door opened, and the party
was increased by the arrival of two most unexpected visitors, to wit,
Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Samuel Weller.
The impression at once produced on Mr. Weller's mind by what he saw,
was, that Mr. Martin was hired by the establishment of Sawyer,
late Nockemorf, to take strong medicine, or to go into fits and be
experimentalised upon, or to swallow poison now and then with the view
of testing the efficacy of some new antidotes, or to do something or
other to promote the great science of medicine, and gratify the ardent
spirit of inquiry burning in the bosoms of its two young professors. So,
without presuming to interfere, Sam stood perfectly still, and looked
on, as if he were mightily interested in the result of the then pending
experiment. Not so, Mr. Pickwick. He at once threw himself on the
astonished combatants, with his accustomed energy, and loudly called
upon the bystanders to interpose.
This roused Mr. Bob Sawyer, who had been hitherto quite paralysed by the
frenzy of his companion. With that gentleman's assistance, Mr. Pickwick
raised Ben Allen to his feet. Mr. Martin finding himself alone on the
floor, got up, and looked about him.
'Mr. Allen,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'what is the matter, Sir?'
'Never mind, Sir!' replied Mr. Allen, with haughty defiance.
'What is it?' inquired Mr. Pickwick, looking at Bob Sawyer. 'Is he
unwell?'
Before Bob could reply, Mr. Ben Allen seized Mr. Pickwick by the hand,
and murmured, in sorrowful accents, 'My sister, my dear Sir; my sister.'
'Oh, is that all!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'We shall easily arrange that
matter, I hope. Your sister is safe and well, and I am here, my dear
Sir, to--'
'Sorry to do anythin' as may cause an interruption to such wery
pleasant proceedin's, as the king said wen he dissolved the parliament,'
interposed Mr. Weller, who had been peeping through the glass door;
'but there's another experiment here, sir. Here's a wenerable old lady
a--lyin' on the carpet waitin' for dissection, or galwinism, or some
other rewivin' and scientific inwention.'
'I forgot,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen. 'It is my aunt.'
'Dear me!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Poor lady! Gently Sam, gently.'
'Strange sitivation for one o' the family,' observed Sam Weller,
hoisting the aunt into a chair. 'Now depitty sawbones, bring out the
wollatilly!'
The latter observation was addressed to the boy in gray, who, having
handed over the fly to the care of the street-keeper, had come back to
see what all the noise was about. Between the boy in gray, and Mr. Bob
Sawyer, and Mr. Benjamin Allen (who having frightened his aunt into a
fainting fit, was affectionately solicitous for her recovery) the
old lady was at length restored to consciousness; then Mr. Ben Allen,
turning with a puzzled countenance to Mr. Pickwick, asked him what he
was about to say, when he had been so alarmingly interrupted.
'We are all friends here, I presume?' said Mr. Pickwick, clearing
his voice, and looking towards the man of few words with the surly
countenance, who drove the fly with the chubby horse.
This reminded Mr. Bob Sawyer that the boy in gray was looking on, with
eyes wide open, and greedy ears. The incipient chemist having been
lifted up by his coat collar, and dropped outside the door, Bob Sawyer
assured Mr. Pickwick that he might speak without reserve.
'Your sister, my dear Sir,' said Mr. Pickwick, turning to Benjamin
Allen, 'is in London; well and happy.'
'Her happiness is no object to me, sir,' said Benjamin Allen, with a
flourish of the hand.
'Her husband IS an object to ME, Sir,' said Bob Sawyer. 'He shall be
an object to me, sir, at twelve paces, and a pretty object I'll make
of him, sir--a mean-spirited scoundrel!' This, as it stood, was a very
pretty denunciation, and magnanimous withal; but Mr. Bob Sawyer rather
weakened its effect, by winding up with some general observations
concerning the punching of heads and knocking out of eyes, which were
commonplace by comparison.
'Stay, sir,' said Mr. Pickwick; 'before you apply those epithets to
the gentleman in question, consider, dispassionately, the extent of his
fault, and above all remember that he is a friend of mine.'
'What!' said Mr. Bob Sawyer. 'His name!' cried Ben Allen. 'His name!'
'Mr. Nathaniel Winkle,' said Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. Benjamin Allen deliberately crushed his spectacles beneath the heel
of his boot, and having picked up the pieces, and put them into three
separate pockets, folded his arms, bit his lips, and looked in a
threatening manner at the bland features of Mr. Pickwick.
'Then it's you, is it, Sir, who have encouraged and brought about this
match?' inquired Mr. Benjamin Allen at length.
'And it's this gentleman's servant, I suppose,' interrupted the old
lady, 'who has been skulking about my house, and endeavouring to entrap
my servants to conspire against their mistress.--Martin!'
'Well?' said the surly man, coming forward.
'Is that the young man you saw in the lane, whom you told me about, this
morning?'
Mr. Martin, who, as it has already appeared, was a man of few words,
looked at Sam Weller, nodded his head, and growled forth, 'That's
the man.' Mr. Weller, who was never proud, gave a smile of friendly
recognition as his eyes encountered those of the surly groom, and
admitted in courteous terms, that he had 'knowed him afore.'
'And this is the faithful creature,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen, 'whom I
had nearly suffocated!--Mr. Pickwick, how dare you allow your fellow
to be employed in the abduction of my sister? I demand that you explain
this matter, sir.'
'Explain it, sir!' cried Bob Sawyer fiercely.
'It's a conspiracy,' said Ben Allen.
'A regular plant,' added Mr. Bob Sawyer.
'A disgraceful imposition,' observed the old lady.
'Nothing but a do,' remarked Martin. 'Pray hear me,' urged Mr. Pickwick,
as Mr. Ben Allen fell into a chair that patients were bled in, and gave
way to his pocket-handkerchief. 'I have rendered no assistance in this
matter, beyond being present at one interview between the young people
which I could not prevent, and from which I conceived my presence would
remove any slight colouring of impropriety that it might otherwise have
had; this is the whole share I have had in the transaction, and I had
no suspicion that an immediate marriage was even contemplated. Though,
mind,' added Mr. Pickwick, hastily checking himself--'mind, I do not say
I should have prevented it, if I had known that it was intended.'
'You hear that, all of you; you hear that?' said Mr. Benjamin Allen.
'I hope they do,' mildly observed Mr. Pickwick, looking round, 'and,'
added that gentleman, his colour mounting as he spoke, 'I hope they hear
this, Sir, also. That from what has been stated to me, sir, I assert
that you were by no means justified in attempting to force your sister's
inclinations as you did, and that you should rather have endeavoured by
your kindness and forbearance to have supplied the place of other nearer
relations whom she had never known, from a child. As regards my young
friend, I must beg to add, that in every point of worldly advantage he
is, at least, on an equal footing with yourself, if not on a much better
one, and that unless I hear this question discussed with becoming temper
and moderation, I decline hearing any more said upon the subject.'
'I wish to make a wery few remarks in addition to wot has been put
for'ard by the honourable gen'l'm'n as has jist give over,' said Mr.
Weller, stepping forth, 'wich is this here: a indiwidual in company has
called me a feller.'
'That has nothing whatever to do with the matter, Sam,' interposed Mr.
Pickwick. 'Pray hold your tongue.'
'I ain't a-goin' to say nothin' on that 'ere pint, sir,' replied Sam,
'but merely this here. P'raps that gen'l'm'n may think as there wos a
priory 'tachment; but there worn't nothin' o' the sort, for the young
lady said in the wery beginnin' o' the keepin' company, that she
couldn't abide him. Nobody's cut him out, and it 'ud ha' been jist the
wery same for him if the young lady had never seen Mr. Vinkle.
That's what I wished to say, sir, and I hope I've now made that 'ere
gen'l'm'n's mind easy.
A short pause followed these consolatory remarks of Mr. Weller. Then
Mr. Ben Allen rising from his chair, protested that he would never see
Arabella's face again; while Mr. Bob Sawyer, despite Sam's flattering
assurance, vowed dreadful vengeance on the happy bridegroom.
But, just when matters were at their height, and threatening to remain
so, Mr. Pickwick found a powerful assistant in the old lady, who,
evidently much struck by the mode in which he had advocated her niece's
cause, ventured to approach Mr. Benjamin Allen with a few comforting
reflections, of which the chief were, that after all, perhaps, it was
well it was no worse; the least said the soonest mended, and upon her
word she did not know that it was so very bad after all; what was over
couldn't be begun, and what couldn't be cured must be endured;
with various other assurances of the like novel and strengthening
description. To all of these, Mr. Benjamin Allen replied that he meant
no disrespect to his aunt, or anybody there, but if it were all the same
to them, and they would allow him to have his own way, he would rather
have the pleasure of hating his sister till death, and after it.
At length, when this determination had been announced half a hundred
times, the old lady suddenly bridling up and looking very majestic,
wished to know what she had done that no respect was to be paid to her
years or station, and that she should be obliged to beg and pray, in
that way, of her own nephew, whom she remembered about five-and-twenty
years before he was born, and whom she had known, personally, when he
hadn't a tooth in his head; to say nothing of her presence on the first
occasion of his having his hair cut, and assistance at numerous other
times and ceremonies during his babyhood, of sufficient importance to
found a claim upon his affection, obedience, and sympathies, for ever.
While the good lady was bestowing this objurgation on Mr. Ben Allen, Bob
Sawyer and Mr. Pickwick had retired in close conversation to the inner
room, where Mr. Sawyer was observed to apply himself several times to
the mouth of a black bottle, under the influence of which, his features
gradually assumed a cheerful and even jovial expression. And at last he
emerged from the room, bottle in hand, and, remarking that he was very
sorry to say he had been making a fool of himself, begged to propose the
health and happiness of Mr. and Mrs. Winkle, whose felicity, so far from
envying, he would be the first to congratulate them upon. Hearing this,
Mr. Ben Allen suddenly arose from his chair, and, seizing the black
bottle, drank the toast so heartily, that, the liquor being strong, he
became nearly as black in the face as the bottle. Finally, the black
bottle went round till it was empty, and there was so much shaking of
hands and interchanging of compliments, that even the metal-visaged Mr.
Martin condescended to smile.
'And now,' said Bob Sawyer, rubbing his hands, 'we'll have a jolly
night.'
'I am sorry,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'that I must return to my inn. I have
not been accustomed to fatigue lately, and my journey has tired me
exceedingly.'
'You'll take some tea, Mr. Pickwick?' said the old lady, with
irresistible sweetness.
'Thank you, I would rather not,' replied that gentleman. The truth is,
that the old lady's evidently increasing admiration was Mr. Pickwick's
principal inducement for going away. He thought of Mrs. Bardell; and
every glance of the old lady's eyes threw him into a cold perspiration.
