mottled-faced man. 'And a little bit o' cold beef,' said the second
coachman.
'Or a oyster,' added the third, who was a hoarse gentleman, supported by
very round legs.
'Hear, hear!' said Pell; 'to congratulate Mr. Weller, on his coming into
possession of his property, eh? Ha! ha!'
'I'm quite agreeable, gen'l'm'n,' answered Mr. Weller. 'Sammy, pull the
bell.'
Sammy complied; and the porter, cold beef, and oysters being promptly
produced, the lunch was done ample justice to. Where everybody took so
active a part, it is almost invidious to make a distinction; but if one
individual evinced greater powers than another, it was the coachman with
the hoarse voice, who took an imperial pint of vinegar with his oysters,
without betraying the least emotion.
'Mr. Pell, Sir,' said the elder Mr. Weller, stirring a glass of
brandy-and-water, of which one was placed before every gentleman when
the oyster shells were removed--'Mr. Pell, Sir, it wos my intention to
have proposed the funs on this occasion, but Samivel has vispered to
me--'
Here Mr. Samuel Weller, who had silently eaten his oysters with tranquil
smiles, cried, 'Hear!' in a very loud voice. --'Has vispered to me,'
resumed his father, 'that it vould be better to dewote the liquor to
vishin' you success and prosperity, and thankin' you for the manner in
which you've brought this here business through. Here's your health,
sir.'
'Hold hard there,' interposed the mottled-faced gentleman, with sudden
energy; 'your eyes on me, gen'l'm'n!'
Saying this, the mottled-faced gentleman rose, as did the other
gentlemen. The mottled-faced gentleman reviewed the company, and slowly
lifted his hand, upon which every man (including him of the mottled
countenance) drew a long breath, and lifted his tumbler to his lips. In
one instant, the mottled-faced gentleman depressed his hand again,
and every glass was set down empty. It is impossible to describe the
thrilling effect produced by this striking ceremony. At once dignified,
solemn, and impressive, it combined every element of grandeur.
'Well, gentlemen,' said Mr. Pell, 'all I can say is, that such marks of
confidence must be very gratifying to a professional man. I don't wish
to say anything that might appear egotistical, gentlemen, but I'm very
glad, for your own sakes, that you came to me; that's all. If you had
gone to any low member of the profession, it's my firm conviction, and
I assure you of it as a fact, that you would have found yourselves in
Queer Street before this. I could have wished my noble friend had been
alive to have seen my management of this case. I don't say it out of
pride, but I think--However, gentlemen, I won't trouble you with that.
I'm generally to be found here, gentlemen, but if I'm not here, or
over the way, that's my address. You'll find my terms very cheap and
reasonable, and no man attends more to his clients than I do, and I hope
I know a little of my profession besides. If you have any opportunity of
recommending me to any of your friends, gentlemen, I shall be very much
obliged to you, and so will they too, when they come to know me. Your
healths, gentlemen.'
With this expression of his feelings, Mr. Solomon Pell laid three small
written cards before Mr. Weller's friends, and, looking at the clock
again, feared it was time to be walking. Upon this hint Mr. Weller
settled the bill, and, issuing forth, the executor, legatee, attorney,
and umpires, directed their steps towards the city.
The office of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, of the Stock Exchange, was in a
first floor up a court behind the Bank of England; the house of Wilkins
Flasher, Esquire, was at Brixton, Surrey; the horse and stanhope of
Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, were at an adjacent livery stable; the groom
of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, was on his way to the West End to deliver
some game; the clerk of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, had gone to his
dinner; and so Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, himself, cried, 'Come in,' when
Mr. Pell and his companions knocked at the counting-house door.
'Good-morning, Sir,' said Pell, bowing obsequiously. 'We want to make a
little transfer, if you please.'
'Oh, just come in, will you?' said Mr. Flasher. 'Sit down a minute; I'll
attend to you directly.'
'Thank you, Sir,' said Pell, 'there's no hurry. Take a chair, Mr.
Weller.'
Mr. Weller took a chair, and Sam took a box, and the umpires took what
they could get, and looked at the almanac and one or two papers which
were wafered against the wall, with as much open-eyed reverence as if
they had been the finest efforts of the old masters.
'Well, I'll bet you half a dozen of claret on it; come!' said Wilkins
Flasher, Esquire, resuming the conversation to which Mr. Pell's entrance
had caused a momentary interruption.
This was addressed to a very smart young gentleman who wore his hat on
his right whisker, and was lounging over the desk, killing flies with a
ruler. Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, was balancing himself on two legs of
an office stool, spearing a wafer-box with a penknife, which he dropped
every now and then with great dexterity into the very centre of a
small red wafer that was stuck outside. Both gentlemen had very open
waistcoats and very rolling collars, and very small boots, and very
big rings, and very little watches, and very large guard-chains, and
symmetrical inexpressibles, and scented pocket-handkerchiefs.
'I never bet half a dozen!' said the other gentleman. 'I'll take a
dozen.'
'Done, Simmery, done!' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.
'P. P., mind,' observed the other.
'Of course,' replied Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. Wilkins Flasher, Esquire,
entered it in a little book, with a gold pencil-case, and the other
gentleman entered it also, in another little book with another gold
pencil-case.
'I see there's a notice up this morning about Boffer,' observed Mr.
Simmery. 'Poor devil, he's expelled the house!'
'I'll bet you ten guineas to five, he cuts his throat,' said Wilkins
Flasher, Esquire.
'Done,' replied Mr. Simmery.
'Stop! I bar,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, thoughtfully. 'Perhaps he
may hang himself.'
'Very good,' rejoined Mr. Simmery, pulling out the gold pencil-case
again. 'I've no objection to take you that way. Say, makes away with
himself.'
'Kills himself, in fact,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.
'Just so,' replied Mr. Simmery, putting it down. '"Flasher--ten guineas
to five, Boffer kills himself." Within what time shall we say?'
'A fortnight?' suggested Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.
'Con-found it, no,' rejoined Mr. Simmery, stopping for an instant to
smash a fly with the ruler. 'Say a week.'
'Split the difference,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. 'Make it ten
days.'
'Well; ten days,'rejoined Mr. Simmery.
So it was entered down on the little books that Boffer was to kill
himself within ten days, or Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, was to hand over
to Frank Simmery, Esquire, the sum of ten guineas; and that if Boffer
did kill himself within that time, Frank Simmery, Esquire, would pay to
Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, five guineas, instead.
'I'm very sorry he has failed,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. 'Capital
dinners he gave.'
'Fine port he had too,' remarked Mr. Simmery. 'We are going to send our
butler to the sale to-morrow, to pick up some of that sixty-four.'
'The devil you are!' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. 'My man's going too.
Five guineas my man outbids your man.'
'Done.'
Another entry was made in the little books, with the gold pencil-cases;
and Mr. Simmery, having by this time killed all the flies and taken
all the bets, strolled away to the Stock Exchange to see what was going
forward.
Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, now condescended to receive Mr. Solomon Pell's
instructions, and having filled up some printed forms, requested the
party to follow him to the bank, which they did: Mr. Weller and his
three friends staring at all they beheld in unbounded astonishment, and
Sam encountering everything with a coolness which nothing could disturb.
Crossing a courtyard which was all noise and bustle, and passing a
couple of porters who seemed dressed to match the red fire engine which
was wheeled away into a corner, they passed into an office where their
business was to be transacted, and where Pell and Mr. Flasher left
them standing for a few moments, while they went upstairs into the Will
Office.
'Wot place is this here?' whispered the mottled-faced gentleman to the
elder Mr. Weller.
'Counsel's Office,' replied the executor in a whisper.
'Wot are them gen'l'men a-settin' behind the counters?' asked the hoarse
coachman.
'Reduced counsels, I s'pose,' replied Mr. Weller. 'Ain't they the
reduced counsels, Samivel?'
'Wy, you don't suppose the reduced counsels is alive, do you?' inquired
Sam, with some disdain.
'How should I know?' retorted Mr. Weller; 'I thought they looked wery
like it. Wot are they, then?'
'Clerks,' replied Sam.
'Wot are they all a-eatin' ham sangwidges for?' inquired his father.
''Cos it's in their dooty, I suppose,' replied Sam, 'it's a part o' the
system; they're alvays a-doin' it here, all day long!' Mr. Weller and
his friends had scarcely had a moment to reflect upon this singular
regulation as connected with the monetary system of the country, when
they were rejoined by Pell and Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, who led them
to a part of the counter above which was a round blackboard with a large
'W.' on it.
'Wot's that for, Sir?' inquired Mr. Weller, directing Pell's attention
to the target in question.
'The first letter of the name of the deceased,' replied Pell.
'I say,' said Mr. Weller, turning round to the umpires, there's
somethin' wrong here. We's our letter--this won't do.'
The referees at once gave it as their decided opinion that the business
could not be legally proceeded with, under the letter W., and in all
probability it would have stood over for one day at least, had it not
been for the prompt, though, at first sight, undutiful behaviour of Sam,
who, seizing his father by the skirt of the coat, dragged him to the
counter, and pinned him there, until he had affixed his signature to a
couple of instruments; which, from Mr. Weller's habit of printing, was
a work of so much labour and time, that the officiating clerk peeled and
ate three Ribstone pippins while it was performing.
As the elder Mr. Weller insisted on selling out his portion forthwith,
they proceeded from the bank to the gate of the Stock Exchange, to which
Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, after a short absence, returned with a cheque
on Smith, Payne, & Smith, for five hundred and thirty pounds; that
being the money to which Mr. Weller, at the market price of the day, was
entitled, in consideration of the balance of the second Mrs. Weller's
funded savings. Sam's two hundred pounds stood transferred to his name,
and Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, having been paid his commission, dropped
the money carelessly into his coat pocket, and lounged back to his
office.
Mr. Weller was at first obstinately determined on cashing the cheque in
nothing but sovereigns; but it being represented by the umpires that by
so doing he must incur the expense of a small sack to carry them home
in, he consented to receive the amount in five-pound notes.
'My son,' said Mr. Weller, as they came out of the banking-house--'my
son and me has a wery partickler engagement this arternoon, and I should
like to have this here bis'ness settled out of hand, so let's jest go
straight avay someveres, vere ve can hordit the accounts.'
A quiet room was soon found, and the accounts were produced and audited.
Mr. Pell's bill was taxed by Sam, and some charges were disallowed by
the umpires; but, notwithstanding Mr. Pell's declaration, accompanied
with many solemn asseverations that they were really too hard upon him,
it was by very many degrees the best professional job he had ever
had, and one on which he boarded, lodged, and washed, for six months
afterwards.
The umpires having partaken of a dram, shook hands and departed, as
they had to drive out of town that night. Mr. Solomon Pell, finding that
nothing more was going forward, either in the eating or drinking way,
took a friendly leave, and Sam and his father were left alone.
'There!' said Mr. Weller, thrusting his pocket-book in his side pocket.
'Vith the bills for the lease, and that, there's eleven hundred and
eighty pound here. Now, Samivel, my boy, turn the horses' heads to the
George and Wulter!'
CHAPTER LVI. AN IMPORTANT CONFERENCE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN Mr. PICKWICK
AND SAMUEL WELLER, AT WHICH HIS PARENT ASSISTS--AN OLD GENTLEMAN IN A
SNUFF-COLOURED SUIT ARRIVES UNEXPECTEDLY
Mr. Pickwick was sitting alone, musing over many things, and thinking
among other considerations how he could best provide for the young
couple whose present unsettled condition was matter of constant regret
and anxiety to him, when Mary stepped lightly into the room, and,
advancing to the table, said, rather hastily--
'Oh, if you please, Sir, Samuel is downstairs, and he says may his
father see you?'
'Surely,' replied Mr. Pickwick.
