striped waistcoat, light breeches and gaiters, and a variety of other
necessaries, too numerous to recapitulate.
'Well,' said that suddenly-transformed individual, as he took his seat
on the outside of the Eatanswill coach next morning; 'I wonder whether
I'm meant to be a footman, or a groom, or a gamekeeper, or a seedsman.
I looks like a sort of compo of every one on 'em. Never mind; there's
a change of air, plenty to see, and little to do; and all this suits my
complaint uncommon; so long life to the Pickvicks, says I!'
CHAPTER XIII. SOME ACCOUNT OF EATANSWILL; OF THE STATE OF PARTIES
THEREIN; AND OF THE ELECTION OF A MEMBER TO SERVE IN PARLIAMENT FOR THAT
ANCIENT, LOYAL, AND PATRIOTIC BOROUGH
We will frankly acknowledge that, up to the period of our being first
immersed in the voluminous papers of the Pickwick Club, we had never
heard of Eatanswill; we will with equal candour admit that we have in
vain searched for proof of the actual existence of such a place at the
present day. Knowing the deep reliance to be placed on every note
and statement of Mr. Pickwick's, and not presuming to set up our
recollection against the recorded declarations of that great man, we
have consulted every authority, bearing upon the subject, to which we
could possibly refer. We have traced every name in schedules A and B,
without meeting with that of Eatanswill; we have minutely examined every
corner of the pocket county maps issued for the benefit of society
by our distinguished publishers, and the same result has attended our
investigation. We are therefore led to believe that Mr. Pickwick, with
that anxious desire to abstain from giving offence to any, and with
those delicate feelings for which all who knew him well know he was so
eminently remarkable, purposely substituted a fictitious designation,
for the real name of the place in which his observations were made. We
are confirmed in this belief by a little circumstance, apparently slight
and trivial in itself, but when considered in this point of view, not
undeserving of notice. In Mr. Pickwick's note-book, we can just trace an
entry of the fact, that the places of himself and followers were booked
by the Norwich coach; but this entry was afterwards lined through, as if
for the purpose of concealing even the direction in which the borough is
situated. We will not, therefore, hazard a guess upon the subject, but
will at once proceed with this history, content with the materials which
its characters have provided for us.
It appears, then, that the Eatanswill people, like the people of many
other small towns, considered themselves of the utmost and most mighty
importance, and that every man in Eatanswill, conscious of the weight
that attached to his example, felt himself bound to unite, heart and
soul, with one of the two great parties that divided the town--the Blues
and the Buffs. Now the Blues lost no opportunity of opposing the
Buffs, and the Buffs lost no opportunity of opposing the Blues; and
the consequence was, that whenever the Buffs and Blues met together
at public meeting, town-hall, fair, or market, disputes and high words
arose between them. With these dissensions it is almost superfluous
to say that everything in Eatanswill was made a party question. If the
Buffs proposed to new skylight the market-place, the Blues got up
public meetings, and denounced the proceeding; if the Blues proposed the
erection of an additional pump in the High Street, the Buffs rose as
one man and stood aghast at the enormity. There were Blue shops and Buff
shops, Blue inns and Buff inns--there was a Blue aisle and a Buff aisle
in the very church itself.
Of course it was essentially and indispensably necessary that each of
these powerful parties should have its chosen organ and representative:
and, accordingly, there were two newspapers in the town--the Eatanswill
GAZETTE and the Eatanswill INDEPENDENT; the former advocating Blue
principles, and the latter conducted on grounds decidedly Buff.
Fine newspapers they were. Such leading articles, and such spirited
attacks!--'Our worthless contemporary, the GAZETTE'--'That disgraceful
and dastardly journal, the INDEPENDENT'--'That false and scurrilous
print, the INDEPENDENT'--'That vile and slanderous calumniator, the
GAZETTE;' these, and other spirit-stirring denunciations, were strewn
plentifully over the columns of each, in every number, and excited
feelings of the most intense delight and indignation in the bosoms of
the townspeople.
Mr. Pickwick, with his usual foresight and sagacity, had chosen a
peculiarly desirable moment for his visit to the borough. Never was such
a contest known. The Honourable Samuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, was
the Blue candidate; and Horatio Fizkin, Esq., of Fizkin Lodge, near
Eatanswill, had been prevailed upon by his friends to stand forward on
the Buff interest. The GAZETTE warned the electors of Eatanswill that
the eyes not only of England, but of the whole civilised world, were
upon them; and the INDEPENDENT imperatively demanded to know, whether
the constituency of Eatanswill were the grand fellows they had always
taken them for, or base and servile tools, undeserving alike of the name
of Englishmen and the blessings of freedom. Never had such a commotion
agitated the town before.
It was late in the evening when Mr. Pickwick and his companions,
assisted by Sam, dismounted from the roof of the Eatanswill coach. Large
blue silk flags were flying from the windows of the Town Arms Inn, and
bills were posted in every sash, intimating, in gigantic letters, that
the Honourable Samuel Slumkey's committee sat there daily. A crowd
of idlers were assembled in the road, looking at a hoarse man in the
balcony, who was apparently talking himself very red in the face in
Mr. Slumkey's behalf; but the force and point of whose arguments were
somewhat impaired by the perpetual beating of four large drums which Mr.
Fizkin's committee had stationed at the street corner. There was a busy
little man beside him, though, who took off his hat at intervals
and motioned to the people to cheer, which they regularly did, most
enthusiastically; and as the red-faced gentleman went on talking till he
was redder in the face than ever, it seemed to answer his purpose quite
as well as if anybody had heard him.
The Pickwickians had no sooner dismounted than they were surrounded by
a branch mob of the honest and independent, who forthwith set up three
deafening cheers, which being responded to by the main body (for it's
not at all necessary for a crowd to know what they are cheering about),
swelled into a tremendous roar of triumph, which stopped even the
red-faced man in the balcony.
'Hurrah!' shouted the mob, in conclusion.
'One cheer more,' screamed the little fugleman in the balcony, and out
shouted the mob again, as if lungs were cast-iron, with steel works.
'Slumkey for ever!' roared the honest and independent.
'Slumkey for ever!' echoed Mr. Pickwick, taking off his hat. 'No
Fizkin!' roared the crowd.
'Certainly not!' shouted Mr. Pickwick. 'Hurrah!' And then there was
another roaring, like that of a whole menagerie when the elephant has
rung the bell for the cold meat.
'Who is Slumkey?'whispered Mr. Tupman.
'I don't know,' replied Mr. Pickwick, in the same tone. 'Hush. Don't ask
any questions. It's always best on these occasions to do what the mob
do.'
'But suppose there are two mobs?' suggested Mr. Snodgrass.
'Shout with the largest,' replied Mr. Pickwick.
Volumes could not have said more.
They entered the house, the crowd opening right and left to let them
pass, and cheering vociferously. The first object of consideration was
to secure quarters for the night.
'Can we have beds here?' inquired Mr. Pickwick, summoning the waiter.
'Don't know, Sir,' replied the man; 'afraid we're full, sir--I'll
inquire, Sir.' Away he went for that purpose, and presently returned, to
ask whether the gentleman were 'Blue.'
As neither Mr. Pickwick nor his companions took any vital interest in
the cause of either candidate, the question was rather a difficult one
to answer. In this dilemma Mr. Pickwick bethought himself of his new
friend, Mr. Perker.
'Do you know a gentleman of the name of Perker?' inquired Mr. Pickwick.
'Certainly, Sir; Honourable Mr. Samuel Slumkey's agent.'
'He is Blue, I think?'
'Oh, yes, Sir.'
'Then WE are Blue,' said Mr. Pickwick; but observing that the man looked
rather doubtful at this accommodating announcement, he gave him his
card, and desired him to present it to Mr. Perker forthwith, if he
should happen to be in the house. The waiter retired; and reappearing
almost immediately with a request that Mr. Pickwick would follow him,
led the way to a large room on the first floor, where, seated at a long
table covered with books and papers, was Mr. Perker.
'Ah--ah, my dear Sir,' said the little man, advancing to meet him; 'very
happy to see you, my dear Sir, very. Pray sit down. So you have
carried your intention into effect. You have come down here to see an
election--eh?' Mr. Pickwick replied in the affirmative.
'Spirited contest, my dear sir,' said the little man.
'I'm delighted to hear it,' said Mr. Pickwick, rubbing his hands. 'I
like to see sturdy patriotism, on whatever side it is called forth--and
so it's a spirited contest?'
'Oh, yes,' said the little man, 'very much so indeed. We have opened all
the public-houses in the place, and left our adversary nothing but the
beer-shops-masterly stroke of policy that, my dear Sir, eh?' The little
man smiled complacently, and took a large pinch of snuff.
'And what are the probabilities as to the result of the contest?'
inquired Mr. Pickwick.
'Why, doubtful, my dear Sir; rather doubtful as yet,' replied the little
man. 'Fizkin's people have got three-and-thirty voters in the lock-up
coach-house at the White Hart.'
'In the coach-house!' said Mr. Pickwick, considerably astonished by this
second stroke of policy.
'They keep 'em locked up there till they want 'em,' resumed the little
man. 'The effect of that is, you see, to prevent our getting at them;
and even if we could, it would be of no use, for they keep them very
drunk on purpose. Smart fellow Fizkin's agent--very smart fellow
indeed.'
Mr. Pickwick stared, but said nothing.
'We are pretty confident, though,' said Mr. Perker, sinking his
voice almost to a whisper. 'We had a little tea-party here, last
night--five-and-forty women, my dear sir--and gave every one of 'em a
green parasol when she went away.'
'A parasol!' said Mr. Pickwick.
'Fact, my dear Sir, fact. Five-and-forty green parasols, at seven and
sixpence a-piece. All women like finery--extraordinary the effect
of those parasols. Secured all their husbands, and half their
brothers--beats stockings, and flannel, and all that sort of thing
hollow. My idea, my dear Sir, entirely. Hail, rain, or sunshine, you
can't walk half a dozen yards up the street, without encountering half a
dozen green parasols.'
Here the little man indulged in a convulsion of mirth, which was only
checked by the entrance of a third party.
This was a tall, thin man, with a sandy-coloured head inclined to
baldness, and a face in which solemn importance was blended with a look
of unfathomable profundity. He was dressed in a long brown surtout, with
a black cloth waistcoat, and drab trousers. A double eyeglass dangled
at his waistcoat; and on his head he wore a very low-crowned hat with
a broad brim. The new-comer was introduced to Mr. Pickwick as Mr. Pott,
the editor of the Eatanswill GAZETTE. After a few preliminary remarks,
Mr. Pott turned round to Mr. Pickwick, and said with solemnity--
'This contest excites great interest in the metropolis, sir?'
'I believe it does,' said Mr. Pickwick.
'To which I have reason to know,' said Pott, looking towards Mr. Perker
for corroboration--'to which I have reason to know that my article of
last Saturday in some degree contributed.'
'Not the least doubt of it,' said the little man.
'The press is a mighty engine, sir,' said Pott.
Mr. Pickwick yielded his fullest assent to the proposition.
'But I trust, sir,' said Pott, 'that I have never abused the enormous
power I wield. I trust, sir, that I have never pointed the noble
instrument which is placed in my hands, against the sacred bosom of
private life, or the tender breast of individual reputation; I trust,
sir, that I have devoted my energies to--to endeavours--humble they may
be, humble I know they are--to instil those principles of--which--are--'
Here the editor of the Eatanswill GAZETTE, appearing to ramble, Mr.
Pickwick came to his relief, and said--
'Certainly.'
'And what, Sir,' said Pott--'what, Sir, let me ask you as an impartial
man, is the state of the public mind in London, with reference to my
contest with the INDEPENDENT?'
'Greatly excited, no doubt,' interposed Mr. Perker, with a look of
slyness which was very likely accidental.
'The contest,' said Pott, 'shall be prolonged so long as I have health
and strength, and that portion of talent with which I am gifted. From
that contest, Sir, although it may unsettle men's minds and excite their
feelings, and render them incapable for the discharge of the everyday
duties of ordinary life; from that contest, sir, I will never shrink,
till I have set my heel upon the Eatanswill INDEPENDENT. I wish the
people of London, and the people of this country to know, sir, that they
may rely upon me--that I will not desert them, that I am resolved to
