way, Mr. Pickwick. Perker IS in, and he'll see you, I know. Devilish
cold,' he added pettishly, 'standing at that door, wasting one's
time with such seedy vagabonds!' Having very vehemently stirred a
particularly large fire with a particularly small poker, the clerk led
the way to his principal's private room, and announced Mr. Pickwick.
'Ah, my dear Sir,' said little Mr. Perker, bustling up from his chair.
'Well, my dear sir, and what's the news about your matter, eh? Anything
more about our friends in Freeman's Court? They've not been sleeping, I
know that. Ah, they're very smart fellows; very smart, indeed.'
As the little man concluded, he took an emphatic pinch of snuff, as a
tribute to the smartness of Messrs. Dodson and Fogg.
'They are great scoundrels,' said Mr. Pickwick.
'Aye, aye,' said the little man; 'that's a matter of opinion, you
know, and we won't dispute about terms; because of course you can't be
expected to view these subjects with a professional eye. Well, we've
done everything that's necessary. I have retained Serjeant Snubbin.'
'Is he a good man?' inquired Mr. Pickwick.
'Good man!' replied Perker; 'bless your heart and soul, my dear Sir,
Serjeant Snubbin is at the very top of his profession. Gets treble the
business of any man in court--engaged in every case. You needn't mention
it abroad; but we say--we of the profession--that Serjeant Snubbin leads
the court by the nose.'
The little man took another pinch of snuff as he made this
communication, and nodded mysteriously to Mr. Pickwick.
'They have subpoenaed my three friends,' said Mr. Pickwick.
'Ah! of course they would,' replied Perker. 'Important witnesses; saw
you in a delicate situation.'
'But she fainted of her own accord,' said Mr. Pickwick. 'She threw
herself into my arms.'
'Very likely, my dear Sir,' replied Perker; 'very likely and very
natural. Nothing more so, my dear Sir, nothing. But who's to prove it?'
'They have subpoenaed my servant, too,' said Mr. Pickwick, quitting the
other point; for there Mr. Perker's question had somewhat staggered him.
'Sam?' said Perker.
Mr. Pickwick replied in the affirmative.
'Of course, my dear Sir; of course. I knew they would. I could have
told you that, a month ago. You know, my dear Sir, if you WILL take the
management of your affairs into your own hands after entrusting them to
your solicitor, you must also take the consequences.' Here Mr. Perker
drew himself up with conscious dignity, and brushed some stray grains of
snuff from his shirt frill.
'And what do they want him to prove?' asked Mr. Pickwick, after two or
three minutes' silence.
'That you sent him up to the plaintiff 's to make some offer of a
compromise, I suppose,' replied Perker. 'It don't matter much, though; I
don't think many counsel could get a great deal out of HIM.'
'I don't think they could,' said Mr. Pickwick, smiling, despite his
vexation, at the idea of Sam's appearance as a witness. 'What course do
we pursue?'
'We have only one to adopt, my dear Sir,' replied Perker; 'cross-examine
the witnesses; trust to Snubbin's eloquence; throw dust in the eyes of
the judge; throw ourselves on the jury.'
'And suppose the verdict is against me?' said Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. Perker smiled, took a very long pinch of snuff, stirred the fire,
shrugged his shoulders, and remained expressively silent.
'You mean that in that case I must pay the damages?' said Mr. Pickwick,
who had watched this telegraphic answer with considerable sternness.
Perker gave the fire another very unnecessary poke, and said, 'I am
afraid so.'
'Then I beg to announce to you my unalterable determination to pay no
damages whatever,' said Mr. Pickwick, most emphatically. 'None, Perker.
Not a pound, not a penny of my money, shall find its way into the
pockets of Dodson and Fogg. That is my deliberate and irrevocable
determination.' Mr. Pickwick gave a heavy blow on the table before him,
in confirmation of the irrevocability of his intention.
'Very well, my dear Sir, very well,' said Perker. 'You know best, of
course.'
'Of course,' replied Mr. Pickwick hastily. 'Where does Serjeant Snubbin
live?' 'In Lincoln's Inn Old Square,' replied Perker.
'I should like to see him,' said Mr. Pickwick.
'See Serjeant Snubbin, my dear Sir!' rejoined Perker, in utter
amazement. 'Pooh, pooh, my dear Sir, impossible. See Serjeant Snubbin!
Bless you, my dear Sir, such a thing was never heard of, without a
consultation fee being previously paid, and a consultation fixed. It
couldn't be done, my dear Sir; it couldn't be done.'
Mr. Pickwick, however, had made up his mind not only that it could be
done, but that it should be done; and the consequence was, that within
ten minutes after he had received the assurance that the thing was
impossible, he was conducted by his solicitor into the outer office of
the great Serjeant Snubbin himself.
It was an uncarpeted room of tolerable dimensions, with a large
writing-table drawn up near the fire, the baize top of which had long
since lost all claim to its original hue of green, and had gradually
grown gray with dust and age, except where all traces of its natural
colour were obliterated by ink-stains. Upon the table were numerous
little bundles of papers tied with red tape; and behind it, sat an
elderly clerk, whose sleek appearance and heavy gold watch-chain
presented imposing indications of the extensive and lucrative practice
of Mr. Serjeant Snubbin.
'Is the Serjeant in his room, Mr. Mallard?' inquired Perker, offering
his box with all imaginable courtesy.
'Yes, he is,' was the reply, 'but he's very busy. Look here; not an
opinion given yet, on any one of these cases; and an expedition fee
paid with all of 'em.' The clerk smiled as he said this, and inhaled the
pinch of snuff with a zest which seemed to be compounded of a fondness
for snuff and a relish for fees.
'Something like practice that,' said Perker.
'Yes,' said the barrister's clerk, producing his own box, and offering
it with the greatest cordiality; 'and the best of it is, that as nobody
alive except myself can read the serjeant's writing, they are obliged to
wait for the opinions, when he has given them, till I have copied 'em,
ha-ha-ha!'
'Which makes good for we know who, besides the serjeant, and draws a
little more out of the clients, eh?' said Perker; 'ha, ha, ha!' At this
the serjeant's clerk laughed again--not a noisy boisterous laugh, but
a silent, internal chuckle, which Mr. Pickwick disliked to hear. When
a man bleeds inwardly, it is a dangerous thing for himself; but when he
laughs inwardly, it bodes no good to other people.
'You haven't made me out that little list of the fees that I'm in your
debt, have you?' said Perker.
'No, I have not,' replied the clerk.
'I wish you would,' said Perker. 'Let me have them, and I'll send you
a cheque. But I suppose you're too busy pocketing the ready money, to
think of the debtors, eh? ha, ha, ha!' This sally seemed to tickle
the clerk amazingly, and he once more enjoyed a little quiet laugh to
himself.
'But, Mr. Mallard, my dear friend,' said Perker, suddenly recovering
his gravity, and drawing the great man's great man into a Corner, by the
lappel of his coat; 'you must persuade the Serjeant to see me, and my
client here.'
'Come, come,' said the clerk, 'that's not bad either. See the Serjeant!
come, that's too absurd.' Notwithstanding the absurdity of the proposal,
however, the clerk allowed himself to be gently drawn beyond the hearing
of Mr. Pickwick; and after a short conversation conducted in whispers,
walked softly down a little dark passage, and disappeared into the legal
luminary's sanctum, whence he shortly returned on tiptoe, and informed
Mr. Perker and Mr. Pickwick that the Serjeant had been prevailed upon,
in violation of all established rules and customs, to admit them at
once.
Mr. Serjeant Snubbins was a lantern-faced, sallow-complexioned man, of
about five-and-forty, or--as the novels say--he might be fifty. He had
that dull-looking, boiled eye which is often to be seen in the heads
of people who have applied themselves during many years to a weary and
laborious course of study; and which would have been sufficient, without
the additional eyeglass which dangled from a broad black riband round
his neck, to warn a stranger that he was very near-sighted. His hair was
thin and weak, which was partly attributable to his having never
devoted much time to its arrangement, and partly to his having worn for
five-and-twenty years the forensic wig which hung on a block beside him.
The marks of hairpowder on his coat-collar, and the ill-washed and worse
tied white neckerchief round his throat, showed that he had not found
leisure since he left the court to make any alteration in his dress;
while the slovenly style of the remainder of his costume warranted the
inference that his personal appearance would not have been very much
improved if he had. Books of practice, heaps of papers, and opened
letters, were scattered over the table, without any attempt at order or
arrangement; the furniture of the room was old and rickety; the doors of
the book-case were rotting in their hinges; the dust flew out from the
carpet in little clouds at every step; the blinds were yellow with age
and dirt; the state of everything in the room showed, with a clearness
not to be mistaken, that Mr. Serjeant Snubbin was far too much occupied
with his professional pursuits to take any great heed or regard of his
personal comforts.
The Serjeant was writing when his clients entered; he bowed abstractedly
when Mr. Pickwick was introduced by his solicitor; and then, motioning
them to a seat, put his pen carefully in the inkstand, nursed his left
leg, and waited to be spoken to.
'Mr. Pickwick is the defendant in Bardell and Pickwick, Serjeant
Snubbin,' said Perker.
'I am retained in that, am I?' said the Serjeant.
'You are, Sir,' replied Perker.
The Serjeant nodded his head, and waited for something else.
'Mr. Pickwick was anxious to call upon you, Serjeant Snubbin,' said
Perker, 'to state to you, before you entered upon the case, that he
denies there being any ground or pretence whatever for the action
against him; and that unless he came into court with clean hands, and
without the most conscientious conviction that he was right in resisting
the plaintiff's demand, he would not be there at all. I believe I state
your views correctly; do I not, my dear Sir?' said the little man,
turning to Mr. Pickwick.
'Quite so,' replied that gentleman.
Mr. Serjeant Snubbin unfolded his glasses, raised them to his eyes; and,
after looking at Mr. Pickwick for a few seconds with great curiosity,
turned to Mr. Perker, and said, smiling slightly as he spoke--'Has Mr.
Pickwick a strong case?'
The attorney shrugged his shoulders.
'Do you propose calling witnesses?'
'No.'
The smile on the Serjeant's countenance became more defined; he rocked
his leg with increased violence; and, throwing himself back in his
easy-chair, coughed dubiously.
These tokens of the Serjeant's presentiments on the subject, slight as
they were, were not lost on Mr. Pickwick. He settled the spectacles,
through which he had attentively regarded such demonstrations of the
barrister's feelings as he had permitted himself to exhibit, more firmly
on his nose; and said with great energy, and in utter disregard of all
Mr. Perker's admonitory winkings and frownings--
'My wishing to wait upon you, for such a purpose as this, Sir, appears,
I have no doubt, to a gentleman who sees so much of these matters as you
must necessarily do, a very extraordinary circumstance.'
The Serjeant tried to look gravely at the fire, but the smile came back
again.
'Gentlemen of your profession, Sir,' continued Mr. Pickwick, 'see the
worst side of human nature. All its disputes, all its ill-will and bad
blood, rise up before you. You know from your experience of juries (I
mean no disparagement to you, or them) how much depends upon effect;
and you are apt to attribute to others, a desire to use, for purposes
of deception and Self-interest, the very instruments which you, in pure
honesty and honour of purpose, and with a laudable desire to do your
utmost for your client, know the temper and worth of so well, from
constantly employing them yourselves. I really believe that to this
circumstance may be attributed the vulgar but very general notion of
your being, as a body, suspicious, distrustful, and over-cautious.
Conscious as I am, sir, of the disadvantage of making such a declaration
to you, under such circumstances, I have come here, because I wish you
distinctly to understand, as my friend Mr. Perker has said, that I am
innocent of the falsehood laid to my charge; and although I am very well
aware of the inestimable value of your assistance, Sir, I must beg to
add, that unless you sincerely believe this, I would rather be deprived
of the aid of your talents than have the advantage of them.'
Long before the close of this address, which we are bound to say was of
a very prosy character for Mr. Pickwick, the Serjeant had relapsed into
a state of abstraction. After some minutes, however, during which he had
reassumed his pen, he appeared to be again aware of the presence of his
