present. Upon this, Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz prayed a TALES; the gentleman in
black then proceeded to press into the special jury, two of the common
jurymen; and a greengrocer and a chemist were caught directly.
'Answer to your names, gentlemen, that you may be sworn,' said the
gentleman in black. 'Richard Upwitch.'
'Here,' said the greengrocer.
'Thomas Groffin.'
'Here,' said the chemist.
'Take the book, gentlemen. You shall well and truly try--'
'I beg this court's pardon,' said the chemist, who was a tall, thin,
yellow-visaged man, 'but I hope this court will excuse my attendance.'
'On what grounds, Sir?' said Mr. Justice Stareleigh.
'I have no assistant, my Lord,' said the chemist.
'I can't help that, Sir,' replied Mr. Justice Stareleigh. 'You should
hire one.'
'I can't afford it, my Lord,' rejoined the chemist.
'Then you ought to be able to afford it, Sir,' said the judge,
reddening; for Mr. Justice Stareleigh's temper bordered on the
irritable, and brooked not contradiction.
'I know I OUGHT to do, if I got on as well as I deserved; but I don't,
my Lord,' answered the chemist.
'Swear the gentleman,' said the judge peremptorily.
The officer had got no further than the 'You shall well and truly try,'
when he was again interrupted by the chemist.
'I am to be sworn, my Lord, am I?' said the chemist.
'Certainly, sir,' replied the testy little judge.
'Very well, my Lord,' replied the chemist, in a resigned manner. 'Then
there'll be murder before this trial's over; that's all. Swear me, if
you please, Sir;' and sworn the chemist was, before the judge could find
words to utter.
'I merely wanted to observe, my Lord,' said the chemist, taking his seat
with great deliberation, 'that I've left nobody but an errand-boy in
my shop. He is a very nice boy, my Lord, but he is not acquainted with
drugs; and I know that the prevailing impression on his mind is, that
Epsom salts means oxalic acid; and syrup of senna, laudanum. That's
all, my Lord.' With this, the tall chemist composed himself into
a comfortable attitude, and, assuming a pleasant expression of
countenance, appeared to have prepared himself for the worst.
Mr. Pickwick was regarding the chemist with feelings of the deepest
horror, when a slight sensation was perceptible in the body of the
court; and immediately afterwards Mrs. Bardell, supported by Mrs.
Cluppins, was led in, and placed, in a drooping state, at the other end
of the seat on which Mr. Pickwick sat. An extra-sized umbrella was then
handed in by Mr. Dodson, and a pair of pattens by Mr. Fogg, each of whom
had prepared a most sympathising and melancholy face for the occasion.
Mrs. Sanders then appeared, leading in Master Bardell. At sight of her
child, Mrs. Bardell started; suddenly recollecting herself, she kissed
him in a frantic manner; then relapsing into a state of hysterical
imbecility, the good lady requested to be informed where she was. In
reply to this, Mrs. Cluppins and Mrs. Sanders turned their heads away
and wept, while Messrs. Dodson and Fogg entreated the plaintiff to
compose herself. Serjeant Buzfuz rubbed his eyes very hard with a large
white handkerchief, and gave an appealing look towards the jury, while
the judge was visibly affected, and several of the beholders tried to
cough down their emotion.
'Very good notion that indeed,' whispered Perker to Mr. Pickwick.
'Capital fellows those Dodson and Fogg; excellent ideas of effect, my
dear Sir, excellent.'
As Perker spoke, Mrs. Bardell began to recover by slow degrees, while
Mrs. Cluppins, after a careful survey of Master Bardell's buttons and
the button-holes to which they severally belonged, placed him on the
floor of the court in front of his mother--a commanding position in
which he could not fail to awaken the full commiseration and sympathy of
both judge and jury. This was not done without considerable opposition,
and many tears, on the part of the young gentleman himself, who had
certain inward misgivings that the placing him within the full glare
of the judge's eye was only a formal prelude to his being immediately
ordered away for instant execution, or for transportation beyond the
seas, during the whole term of his natural life, at the very least.
'Bardell and Pickwick,' cried the gentleman in black, calling on the
case, which stood first on the list.
'I am for the plaintiff, my Lord,' said Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz.
'Who is with you, Brother Buzfuz?' said the judge. Mr. Skimpin bowed, to
intimate that he was.
'I appear for the defendant, my Lord,' said Mr. Serjeant Snubbin.
'Anybody with you, Brother Snubbin?' inquired the court.
'Mr. Phunky, my Lord,' replied Serjeant Snubbin.
'Serjeant Buzfuz and Mr. Skimpin for the plaintiff,' said the judge,
writing down the names in his note-book, and reading as he wrote; 'for
the defendant, Serjeant Snubbin and Mr. Monkey.'
'Beg your Lordship's pardon, Phunky.'
'Oh, very good,' said the judge; 'I never had the pleasure of hearing
the gentleman's name before.' Here Mr. Phunky bowed and smiled, and the
judge bowed and smiled too, and then Mr. Phunky, blushing into the very
whites of his eyes, tried to look as if he didn't know that everybody
was gazing at him, a thing which no man ever succeeded in doing yet, or
in all reasonable probability, ever will.
'Go on,' said the judge.
The ushers again called silence, and Mr. Skimpin proceeded to 'open the
case'; and the case appeared to have very little inside it when he
had opened it, for he kept such particulars as he knew, completely to
himself, and sat down, after a lapse of three minutes, leaving the jury
in precisely the same advanced stage of wisdom as they were in before.
Serjeant Buzfuz then rose with all the majesty and dignity which the
grave nature of the proceedings demanded, and having whispered to
Dodson, and conferred briefly with Fogg, pulled his gown over his
shoulders, settled his wig, and addressed the jury.
Serjeant Buzfuz began by saying, that never, in the whole course of
his professional experience--never, from the very first moment of his
applying himself to the study and practice of the law--had he approached
a case with feelings of such deep emotion, or with such a heavy sense
of the responsibility imposed upon him--a responsibility, he would say,
which he could never have supported, were he not buoyed up and sustained
by a conviction so strong, that it amounted to positive certainty that
the cause of truth and justice, or, in other words, the cause of
his much-injured and most oppressed client, must prevail with the
high-minded and intelligent dozen of men whom he now saw in that box
before him.
Counsel usually begin in this way, because it puts the jury on the very
best terms with themselves, and makes them think what sharp fellows
they must be. A visible effect was produced immediately, several jurymen
beginning to take voluminous notes with the utmost eagerness.
'You have heard from my learned friend, gentlemen,' continued Serjeant
Buzfuz, well knowing that, from the learned friend alluded to, the
gentlemen of the jury had heard just nothing at all--'you have heard
from my learned friend, gentlemen, that this is an action for a breach
of promise of marriage, in which the damages are laid at #1,500. But
you have not heard from my learned friend, inasmuch as it did not come
within my learned friend's province to tell you, what are the facts and
circumstances of the case. Those facts and circumstances, gentlemen, you
shall hear detailed by me, and proved by the unimpeachable female whom I
will place in that box before you.'
Here, Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz, with a tremendous emphasis on the word 'box,'
smote his table with a mighty sound, and glanced at Dodson and Fogg,
who nodded admiration of the Serjeant, and indignant defiance of the
defendant.
'The plaintiff, gentlemen,' continued Serjeant Buzfuz, in a soft and
melancholy voice, 'the plaintiff is a widow; yes, gentlemen, a widow.
The late Mr. Bardell, after enjoying, for many years, the esteem and
confidence of his sovereign, as one of the guardians of his royal
revenues, glided almost imperceptibly from the world, to seek elsewhere
for that repose and peace which a custom-house can never afford.' At
this pathetic description of the decease of Mr. Bardell, who had been
knocked on the head with a quart-pot in a public-house cellar, the
learned serjeant's voice faltered, and he proceeded, with emotion--
'Some time before his death, he had stamped his likeness upon a little
boy. With this little boy, the only pledge of her departed exciseman,
Mrs. Bardell shrank from the world, and courted the retirement and
tranquillity of Goswell Street; and here she placed in her front
parlour window a written placard, bearing this inscription--"Apartments
furnished for a single gentleman. Inquire within."' Here Serjeant Buzfuz
paused, while several gentlemen of the jury took a note of the document.
'There is no date to that, is there?' inquired a juror. 'There is no
date, gentlemen,' replied Serjeant Buzfuz; 'but I am instructed to say
that it was put in the plaintiff's parlour window just this time three
years. I entreat the attention of the jury to the wording of this
document--"Apartments furnished for a single gentleman"! Mrs. Bardell's
opinions of the opposite sex, gentlemen, were derived from a long
contemplation of the inestimable qualities of her lost husband. She had
no fear, she had no distrust, she had no suspicion; all was confidence
and reliance. "Mr. Bardell," said the widow--"Mr. Bardell was a man of
honour, Mr. Bardell was a man of his word, Mr. Bardell was no deceiver,
Mr. Bardell was once a single gentleman himself; to single gentlemen I
look for protection, for assistance, for comfort, and for consolation;
in single gentlemen I shall perpetually see something to remind me of
what Mr. Bardell was when he first won my young and untried affections;
to a single gentleman, then, shall my lodgings be let." Actuated by this
beautiful and touching impulse (among the best impulses of our imperfect
nature, gentlemen), the lonely and desolate widow dried her tears,
furnished her first floor, caught her innocent boy to her maternal
bosom, and put the bill up in her parlour window. Did it remain there
long? No. The serpent was on the watch, the train was laid, the mine was
preparing, the sapper and miner was at work. Before the bill had been
in the parlour window three days--three days, gentlemen--a being, erect
upon two legs, and bearing all the outward semblance of a man, and not
of a monster, knocked at the door of Mrs. Bardell's house. He inquired
within--he took the lodgings; and on the very next day he entered into
possession of them. This man was Pickwick--Pickwick, the defendant.'
Serjeant Buzfuz, who had proceeded with such volubility that his face
was perfectly crimson, here paused for breath. The silence awoke Mr.
Justice Stareleigh, who immediately wrote down something with a pen
without any ink in it, and looked unusually profound, to impress the
jury with the belief that he always thought most deeply with his eyes
shut. Serjeant Buzfuz proceeded--
'Of this man Pickwick I will say little; the subject presents but few
attractions; and I, gentlemen, am not the man, nor are you, gentlemen,
the men, to delight in the contemplation of revolting heartlessness, and
of systematic villainy.'
Here Mr. Pickwick, who had been writhing in silence for some time, gave
a violent start, as if some vague idea of assaulting Serjeant Buzfuz, in
the august presence of justice and law, suggested itself to his mind.
An admonitory gesture from Perker restrained him, and he listened to
the learned gentleman's continuation with a look of indignation, which
contrasted forcibly with the admiring faces of Mrs. Cluppins and Mrs.
Sanders.
'I say systematic villainy, gentlemen,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, looking
through Mr. Pickwick, and talking AT him; 'and when I say systematic
villainy, let me tell the defendant Pickwick, if he be in court, as I
am informed he is, that it would have been more decent in him, more
becoming, in better judgment, and in better taste, if he had stopped
away. Let me tell him, gentlemen, that any gestures of dissent or
disapprobation in which he may indulge in this court will not go down
with you; that you will know how to value and how to appreciate them;
and let me tell him further, as my Lord will tell you, gentlemen, that
a counsel, in the discharge of his duty to his client, is neither to be
intimidated nor bullied, nor put down; and that any attempt to do either
the one or the other, or the first, or the last, will recoil on the
head of the attempter, be he plaintiff or be he defendant, be his name
Pickwick, or Noakes, or Stoakes, or Stiles, or Brown, or Thompson.'
This little divergence from the subject in hand, had, of course, the
intended effect of turning all eyes to Mr. Pickwick. Serjeant Buzfuz,
having partially recovered from the state of moral elevation into which
he had lashed himself, resumed--
'I shall show you, gentlemen, that for two years, Pickwick continued
to reside constantly, and without interruption or intermission, at Mrs.
Bardell's house. I shall show you that Mrs. Bardell, during the whole
of that time, waited on him, attended to his comforts, cooked his meals,
looked out his linen for the washerwoman when it went abroad, darned,
aired, and prepared it for wear, when it came home, and, in short,
enjoyed his fullest trust and confidence. I shall show you that, on many
