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DOLLY DIALOGUES expression of wonder. "A fortnight ago--" I began. "Don't be an ass, Sam," said George, rather sharply. "She's not a bad girl, but--" He broke off and began to whistle. There was a long pause. I lit a cigar, and looked at the people. "I lunched at the Micklehams' today," said George, drawing a figure on the gravel with his cane. "Mickleham's not a bad fellow." "One of the best fellows alive," I agreed. "I wonder why she married him, though," mused George; and he added, with apparent irrelevance, "It's a dashed bore, going up." And then a smile spread over his face; a blush accompanied it, and proclaimed George's sense of delicious wickedness. I turned on him. "Out with it!" I said. "It's nothing. Don't be a fool," said George. "Where did you get that rose?" I asked. "This rose?" he repeated, fondling the blossom. "It was given to me." Upon this I groaned--and I still consider that I had good reason for my action. It was the groan of a moralist. "They've asked me to stay at The Towers next vac.," said George, glancing at me out of the corner of an immoral eye. Perhaps he thought it too immoral, for he added, "It's all right, Sam." I believe that I have as much self control as most people, but at this point I chuckled. "What the deuce are you laughing at?" asked George. I made no answer, and he went on-- "You never told me what a--what she was like, Sam. Wanted to keep it to yourself, you old dog." "George--George--George!" said I. "You go up tomorrow?" "Yes, confound it!" "And term lasts two months?" "Yes, hang it!" "All is well," said I, crossing my legs. "There is more virtue in two months than in Ten Commandments." George regarded me with a dispassionate air. "You're an awful ass sometimes," he observed critically, and he rose 68

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DOLLY DIALOGUES from his seat. "Must you go?" said I. "Yes--got a lot of things to do. Look here, Sam, don't go and talk about--" "Talk about what?" "Anything, you old idiot," said George, with a pleased smile, and he dug me in the ribs with his cane, and departed. I sat on, admiring the simple elements which constitute the happiness of the young. Alas! With advancing years, Wrong loses half its flavor! To be improper ceases, by itself, to satisfy. Immersed in these reflections, I failed to notice that a barouche had stopped opposite to me; and suddenly I found a footman addressing me. "Beg your pardon, sir," he said. "Her ladyship wishes to speak to you." "It is a blessed thing to be young, Martin," I observed. "Yes, sir," said Martin. "It's a fine day, sir." "But very short," said I. Martin is respectful, and said nothing--to me, at least. What he said to the coachman, I don't know. And then I went up to Dolly. "Get in and drive round," suggested Dolly. "I can't," said I. "I have a bad nose." "What's the matter with your nose?" asked Dolly, smiling. "The joint is injured," said I, getting into the barouche. And I added severely, "I suppose I'd better sit with my back to the horses?" "Oh, no, you're not my husband," said Dolly. "Sit here;" and she made room by her, as she continued, "I rather like Mr. George." "I'm ashamed of you," I observed. "Considering your age--" "Mr. Carter!" "Considering, I say, his age, your conduct is scandalous. I shall never introduce any nice boys to you again." "Oh, please do," said Dolly, clasping her hands. "You give them roses," said I, accusingly. "You make them false to their earliest loves--" "She was a pudding-faced thing," observed Dolly. 69

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DOLLY DIALOGUES I frowned. Dolly, by an accident, allowed the tip of her finger to touch my arm for an instant. "He's a nice boy," said she. "How like he is to you, Mr. Carter!" "I am a long way past that," said I. "I am thirty-six." "If you mean to be disagreeable!" said she turning away. "I beg your pardon for touching you, Mr. Carter." "I did not notice it, Lady Mickleham." "Would you like to get out?" "It's miles from my club," said I discontentedly. "He's such fun," said Dolly, with a sudden smile. "He told Archie that I was the most charming woman in London! You've never done that!" "He said the same about the pudding-faced girl," I observed. There was a pause. Then Dolly asked: "How is your nose?" "The carriage exercise is doing it good," said I. "If," observed Dolly, "he is so silly, now, what will he be at your age?" "A wise man," said I. "He suggested that I might write to him," bubbled Dolly. Now when Dolly bubbles--an operation which includes a sudden turn towards me, a dancing of eyes, a dart of a small hand, a hurried rush of words, checked and confused by a speedier gust of gurgling sound--I am in the habit of ceasing to argue the question. Bubbling is not to be met by arguing. I could only say: "He'll have forgotten by the end of the term." "He'll remember two days later," retorted Dolly. "Stop the carriage," said I. "I shall tell Mrs. Hilary all about it." "I won't stop the carriage,"said Dolly. "I'm going to take you home with me." "I am at a premium today," I said sardonically. "One must have something," said Dolly. "How is your nose now, Mr. Carter?" I looked at Dolly. I had better not have done that. "Would afternoon tea hurt it?" she inquired anxiously. 70

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DOLLY DIALOGUES "It would do it good," said I decisively. And that is absolutely the whole story. And what in the world Mrs. Hilary found to disapprove of I don't know--especially as I didn't tell her half of it! But she did disapprove. However, she looks very well when she disapproves. 71

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DOLLY DIALOGUES THE HOUSE OPPOSITE We were talking over the sad case of young Algy Groom; I was explaining to Mrs. Hilary exactly what had happened. "His father gave him, said I "a hundred pounds, to keep him for three months in Paris while he learnt French." "And very liberal too," said Mrs. Hilary. "It depends where you dine," said I. "However, that question did not arise, for Algy went to the Grand Prix the day after he arrived--" "A horse race?" asked Mrs. Hilary with great contempt. "Certainly the competitors are horses," I rejoined. "And there he, most unfortunately, lost the whole sum, without learning any French to speak of." "How disgusting!" exclaimed Mrs. Hilary, and little Miss Phyllis gasped in horror. "Oh, well," said Hilary, with much bravery (as it struck me), "his father's very well off." "That doesn't make it a bit better, declared his wife. "There's no mortal sin in a little betting, my dear. Boys will be boys-- " "And even that," I interposed, "wouldn't matter if we could only prevent girls from being girls." Mrs. Hilary, taking no notice whatever of me, pronounced sentence. "He grossly deceived his father," she said, and took up her embroidery. "Most of us have grossly deceived our parents before now," said I. "We should all have to confess to something of the sort." "I hope you're speaking for your own sex," observed Mrs. Hilary. "Not more than yours," said I. "You used to meet Hilary on the pier when your father wasn't there--you told me so." "Father had authorized my acquaintance with Hilary." "I hate quibbles," said I. There was a pause. Mrs. Hilary stitched; Hilary observed that the day was fine. 72

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DOLLY DIALOGUES "Now," I pursued carelessly, "even Miss Phyllis here has been known to deceive her parents." "Oh, let the poor child alone, anyhow," said Mrs. Hilary. "Haven't you?" said I to Miss Phyllis. I expected an indignant denial. So did Mrs. Hilary, for she remarked with a sympathetic air: "Never mind his folly, Phyllis dear." "Haven't you, Miss Phyllis?" said I. Miss Phyllis grew very red. Fearing that I was causing her pain, I was about to observe on the prospects of a Dissolution when a shy smile spread over Miss Phyllis's face. "Yes, once," said she with a timid glance at Mrs. Hilary, who immediately laid down her embroidery. "Out with it," I cried, triumphantly. "Come along, Miss Phyllis. We won't tell, honor bright!" Miss Phyllis looked again at Mrs. Hilary. Mrs. Hilary is human: "Well, Phyllis, dear, said she, "after all this time I shouldn't think it my duty--" "It only happened last summer," said Miss Phyllis. Mrs. Hilary looked rather put out. "Still," she began. "We must have the story," said I. Little Miss Phyllis put down the sock she had been knitting. "I was very naughty," she remarked. "It was my last term at school." "I know that age," said I to Hilary. "My window looked out towards the street. You're sure you won't tell? Well, there was a house opposite--" "And a young man in it," said I. "How did you know that?" asked Miss Phyllis, blushing immensely. "No girls' school can keep up its numbers without one," I explained. "Well, there was, anyhow," said Miss Phyllis. "And I and two other girls went to a course of lectures at the Town Hall on literature or something of that kind. We used to have a shilling given us for our tickets." 73

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DOLLY DIALOGUES "Precisely," said I. "A hundred pounds!" "No, a shilling," corrected Miss Phyllis. "A hundred pounds! How absurd, Mr. Carter! Well, one day I--I--" "You're sure you wish to go on, Phyllis?" asked Mrs. Hilary. "You're afraid, Mrs. Hilary," said I severely. "Nonsense, Mr. Carter. I thought Phyllis might--" "I don't mind going on," said Miss Phyllis, smiling. "One day I--I lost the other girls." "The other girls are always easy to lose," I observed. "And on the way there--oh, you know, he went to the lectures." "The young dog," said I, nudging Hilary. "I should think he did!" "On the way there it became rather--rather foggy." "Blessings on it!" I cried; for little Miss Phyllis's demure but roguish expression delighted me. "And he--he found me in the fog." "What are you doing, Mr. Carter?" cried Mrs. Hilary angrily. "Nothing, nothing," said I. I believe I had winked at Hilary. "And--we couldn't find the Town Hall." "Oh, Phyllis!" groaned Mrs. Hilary. Little Miss Phyllis looked alarmed for a moment. Then she smiled. "But we found the confectioner's," said she. "The Grand Prix," said I, pointing my forefinger at Hilary. "He had no money at all," said Miss Phyllis. "It's ideal!" said I. "And--and we had tea on--on--" "The shilling?" I cried in rapture. "Yes," said little Miss Phyllis, "on the shilling. And he saw me home." "Details, please," said I. Little Miss Phyllis shook her head. "And left me at the door." "Was it still foggy?" I asked. "Yes. Or he wouldn't have--" "Now what did he--?" 74

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DOLLY DIALOGUES "Come to the door, Mr. Carter," said Miss Phyllis, with obvious wariness. "Oh, and it was such fun!" "I'm sure it was." "No, I mean when we were examined in the lectures. I bought the local paper, you know, and read it up, and I got top marks easily, and Miss Green wrote to mother to say how well I had done." "It all ends most satisfactorily," I observed. "Yes, didn't it?" said little Miss Phyllis. Mrs. Hilary was grave again. "And you never told your mother, Phyllis?" she asked. "N-no, Cousin Mary," said Miss Phyllis. I rose and stood with my back to the fire. Little Miss Phyllis took up her sock again, but a smile still played about the corners of her mouth. "I wonder," said I, looking up at the ceiling, "what happened at the door." Then, as no one spoke, I added: "Pooh! I know what happened at the door." "I'm not going to tell you anything more," said Miss Phyllis. "But I should like to hear it in your own--" Miss Phyllis was gone! She had suddenly risen and run from the room! "It did happen at the door," said I. "Fancy Phyllis!" mused Mrs. Hilary. "I hope," said I, "that it will be a lesson to you." "I shall have to keep my eye on her," said Mrs. Hilary. "You can't do it," said I in easy confidence. I had no fear of little Miss Phyllis being done out of her recreations. "Meanwhile," I pursued, "the important thing is this: my parallel is obvious and complete." "There's not the least likeness," said Mrs. Hilary sharply. "As a hundred pounds are to a shilling, so is the Grand Prix to the young man opposite," I observed, taking my hat, and holding out my hand to Mrs. Hilary. "I am very angry with you," she said. "You've made the child think there was nothing wrong in it." "Oh! Nonsense," said I. "Look how she enjoyed telling it." 75