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Two days later, Snow Flower’s flower-sitting chair arrived. Again she did not weep orstruggle against the inevitable. She lingered for a moment in the piteously small crowdthat had gathered and then stepped into the sparsely decorated palanquin. The three girlsI’d hired didn’t even wait for the flower-sitting chair to go around the corner before theyset off for their homes. Snow Flower’s mother retreated inside, and I was left alone withMadame Wang.

“You must think me an evil old woman,” the matchmaker said. “But you shouldunderstand that I never lied to your mother or your aunt. There is little a woman can doin this life to change her fate, let alone someone else’s, but—” I held up a hand to prevent her from listing her excuses, because I needed to know

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something different. “All those years ago when you came to my house and looked at myfeet—” hose years ago when you came to my house and looked at myfeet—”

“You’re asking me if you really were special?”

When I said yes, she regarded me with hard eyes.

“It is not so easy to find a potential laotong,” she admitted. “I had several diviners lookingthroughout the countryside for someone I could match to my niece. True, I would havepreferred someone from a higher family, but Diviner Hu found you. Your eight charactersmatched perfectly to my niece’s. But he would have come to me anyway, because, yes,our feet were that special. Your fate was destined to change, with or without my niece asour laotong. And now I hope her fate has been changed because of her relationship toy

yyyou. I told many lies, so she might have a chance at life. I will never apologize to you forthat.”

I stared into Madame Wang’s overly rouged face, considering. I wanted to hate her, buthow could I? She had done the best she could for the one person who mattered more tome in the world than any other.

since snow flower’s elder sister would not deliver the third-day wedding books, I went inher place. My natal family sent a palanquin, and in a short time I arrived in Jintian. Nodecorations or raucous sounds of a wedding band gave any hint that anything special washappening in the village on that day. I simply stepped out of my palanquin onto a dirtpathway in front of a house with a low-slung roof and a pile of wood against the wall. Tothe right of the door was something that looked like a gigantic wok embedded in a brickplatform.

A feast should have been prepared for my arrival. It wasn’t. The top women in the villageshould have greeted me. They did, but the coarseness of their dialect, even though only afew li from Tongkou, told me a lot about the unsavory quality of the people who livedhere.

When the time came to read the sanzhaoshu, I was ushered into the main room. On thesurface, the house resembled my natal home. Drying chilies hung from the central beam.The walls were of rough unpainted brick. I had hoped these similarities to my homewould be reflected in the people who lived there. I did not encounter Snow Flower’shusband on this occasion, but I did meet his mother, and she was a dreadful creature. Hereyes were set close together and her lips had the thinness that connotes a narrow mindand a mean spirit.

Snow Flower came into the room, sat on a stool next to the display of her third-daywedding books, and waited quietly. Although I felt I had changed with marriage, she didnot look different to my eyes. The women of Jintian clustered around the sanzhaoshu,running their dirty fingers over them. They talked among themselves about the stitching

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on the edges and the paper cutouts, but none of them said a word about the quality of thewriting or the thoughts expressed. After a few minutes, the women took positions aroundthe room.

Snow Flower’s mother-in-law walked to a bench. Her feet had not been as badly bound asmy mother’s, but an oddness to her gait marked her class even more than the gutturalsounds that spewed from her mouth. She sat down, glanced with distaste at her newdaughter-in-law, and then focused her unfeeling eyes on me. “I understand you havemarried into the Lu family. You are very lucky.” The words were polite, but the way shespoke them suggested that I had bathed in offal. “People say that you and my daughter-inlaw

are well versed in nu shu. The women of our village don’t value this pastime. We canread it, but we believe it is better to hear it.”

I thought otherwise. This woman was like my mother, illiterate in nu shu. I glancedaround the room, sizing up the other women. They hadn’t commented on the writingbecause they probably knew very little of it themselves.

“We have no need to hide our thoughts in scribbles on paper,” Snow Flower’s mother-inlaw

continued. “Everyone in this room knows what I think.” When uneasy laughtergreeted this comment, she raised three fingers to silence her friends. “It would amuse usto hear you read my daughter-in-law’s sanzhaoshu. Estimations of my daughter-in-law’sworth coming to us from a big-house girl in Tongkou will be most appreciated.” Everything that woman said was a verbal sneer. I reacted as a seventeen-year-old girlmight. I picked up the third-day wedding book that Snow Flower’s mother had preparedand opened it. I imagined her refined voice and tried to re-create it as I chanted.

“I present this letter to your noble home on this third day after your wedding. I am yourmother, and we have now been separated for three days. Misfortune struck our family,and now you marry out to a hard village.” As was the custom for a thirdday weddingbook, the subject shifted, and Snow Flower’s mother addressed the new family. “I hopeyou will show my daughter compassion for the poverty of her dowry. Even the top layeris plain. Please don’t mention it.” It went on in this way, talking about Snow Flower’sfamil ’s bad luck, their fall from social status, and the poverty they now experienced, butmy ey

yyes swept right over these written characters as though they didn’t exist. Instead, Imade up new words. “A good woman like our Snow Flower should fall into a good place.She deserves a decent family.”

I set the book down. The room was very quiet. I picked up the thirdday wedding book I’dwritten for Snow Flower and opened it. My eyes sought out Snow Flower’s mother-in-law.I wanted her to know that my laotong would always have a protector in me.

“People may speak of us as girls who married out,” I sang, in the direction of SnowFlower, “but we will never be separated in our hearts. You go down; I go up. Your familybutchers animals. My family is the best in the county. You are as close to me as my ownheart. Our futures are tied together. We are like a bridge over a wide river. We walk side第 95 页 共 189 页

by side.” I wanted Snow Flower’s mother-in-law to hear me. But her eyes stared back atme suspiciously, her thin lips pressed into a slash of displeasure.

As I came to the end, again I added a few new sentiments. “Don’t express misery whereothers can see you. Don’t let sobbing build. Don’t give ill-mannered people a reason tomake fun of you or your family. Follow the rules. Smooth your anxious brow. We will beold sames forever.” Snow Flower and I were not given an opportunity to speak. I was ledback to my palanquin and returned home to my natal family. Once I was alone, Iunpacked our fan and opened it. A third of the folds now had writing commemoratingmoments that were special to us. That seemed about right, for we had lived more than athird of what was considered a long life for women in our county. I looked at all the thingsthat had happened in our lives up to that point. So much happiness. So much sadness. Somuch intimacy.

I went to the last entry where Snow Flower had written of my marriage into the Lufamily. It covered half of a single fold in the fan. I mixed ink and pulled out my finestbrush. Just below her good wishes for me, I carefully limned new strokes: A phoenix soarsabove a common rooster. She feels the wind around her. Nothing will tether her to theground. Only now that I was alone and with those words written did I finally face thetruth of Snow Flower’s fate. In the garland at the top I painted a wilted flower from whichlittle tears dripped. I waited until the ink dried.

Then I closed the fan.

The Temple of Gupo

my parents were happy to see me when i returned. they were happier still with the sweetcakes that my in-laws sent as gifts. But to be honest, I was not so happy to see them. Theyhad lied to me for ten years, and my insides churned with loathsome emotions. I was nolonger the little girl who could let river water wash away unpleasant feelings. I wanted toaccuse my family, but for my own welfare I still needed to follow the rules of filial piety.So I rebelled in small ways, isolating myself emotionally and physically as best I could.

At first m family seemed unaware of the change in me. They continued to do and say thecustomary

yy things and I did my best to refuse their overtures. My mother wanted toexamine my private parts, but I denied her this, pleading embarrassment. My auntinquired about bed business, but I turned away from her, pretending I was too shy. Myfather tried to hold my hand, but I implied that now I was a married woman this kind ofaffection was no longer appropriate. Elder Brother sought my company to laugh andshare stories; I told him he should do these thi s with his wife. Second Brother saw myface and kept his distance; I did nothing to chang

ngnge that, suggesting modestly that when hehad a wife of his own he would understand. Only Uncle—with his baffled look andnervous hopping— elicited any sympathy from me, but I confided nothing. I did mychores. I worked quietly in the upstairs chamber. I was polite. I held my tongue, be-causeall of them, except my younger brother, were my elders. Even as a married woman, I had

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no standing to accuse them of anything. But I could not act like this and go unnoticed forlong. To Mama, my behavior—though courteous in every respect—was unacceptable. Wewere too many people in a small household for one person to take up so much space withwhat she considered to be my pettiness. I was home five days when Mama asked Aunt togo downstairs for tea. As soon as Aunt was gone, my mother crossed the room, leaned hercane against the table where I sat, grabbed my arm, and sank her nails into my flesh.

“Do you think you are too good for us now?” She hissed her accusation as I knew shewould. “Do you think you are superior because you did bed business with the son of aheadman?”

I raised my eyes to hers. I had never shown her disrespect. Now I revealed the anger onmy face. She held my gaze, believing she could weaken me with her cold eyes, but I didnot look away. Then, in one swift movement, she released my arm, drew back, and hit mehard across the face. My head jolted to the side then came back to center. My eyes soughthers again, which only offended Mama further.

“You dishonor this house with your behavior,” she said. “You’re beyond disgraceful.”

“Beyond disgraceful,” I mused in a low tone, knowing that my calm echo would aggravateher even more. Then I grasped her arm and yanked her down so that we were face-toface.

Her cane clattered to the floor. From downstairs, my aunt called up. “Are ou allright, Sister?” Mama replied lightly. “Yes, just bring the tea when it’s ready.” My

yy bodyshook from the emotions raging beneath my skin. Mama felt them and smiled in herknowing way. I dug my nails into her flesh as she had done to me. I kept my voice low sothat no one in the house could hear what I said. “You are a liar. You—and everyone in thisfamily— deceived me. Did you think I wouldn’t find out about Snow Flower?” “We didn’ttell ou out of kindness to her,” she whined. “We love Snow Flower. She was happy here.Why

yy should we have changed the way you saw her?”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything. She’s my laotong.”

My mother jutted her chin stubbornly and changed tactics. “Everything we did was foryour own good.”

I dug my nails deeper. “Your good, you mean.”

I knew the physical pain I was causing her, but instead of grimacing she now twisted herfeatures into something kind and beseeching. I knew she would try to justify herself, but Inever could have imagined the excuse she would conjure up.

“Your relationship to Snow Flower and your perfect feet meant a good marriage, not onlyfor you but for your cousin as well. Beautiful Moon was to be happy.”

This diversion from what I was upset about was almost more than I could bear, but I heldon to my composure.

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“Beautiful Moon died two years ago”.My voice came out hoarsely. “Snow Flower came tothis house ten years ago. Yet you never found the time to tell me of her circumstances.”

“Beautiful Moon—”

“This is not about Beautiful Moon!”

“You took her outside. If you hadn’t, she would still be here today. You broke your aunt’sheart.”

I should have expected this manipulation of the facts from my monkey mother. Even so,the accusation was too harsh, too cruel to be believed. But what could I do? I was a filialdaughter. I still had to rely on my family until I got pregnant and moved away. How coulda girl born under the sign of the horse ever triumph in battle against the devious monkey?My mother must have sensed her advantage, because she went on. “A proper daughterwould thank me—”

“For what?”

“I gave you the life I could never have because of these.” She motioned to her deformedfeet. “I wrapped and bound your feet, and now you have received the reward.”

Her words transported me back to the hours when I experienced the worst pain of myfootbindi and she had often repeated a version of that promise. With horror, I realizedthat during

ngng those awful days she had not been showing me mother love at all. In sometwisted way, the pain she inflicted on me had to do with her own selfish wants anddesires.

The fury and disappointment I felt seemed unbearable. “I will never again expect anykindness from you,” I spat out, releasing her arm in disgust. “But remember this. Youmade it so that one day I would have the power to control what happens to this family. Iwill be a good and charitable woman, but do not for once think that I will forget what youdid.”

My mother reached down, picked up her cane, and leaned on it. “I pity the Lu family forhaving to take you in. The day you leave here will be the most blessed in my life. Untilthen, do not try this nonsense again.” “Or what? You won’t feed me?”

Mama looked at me as though I were a stranger. Then she turned and hobbled back to herchair. When Aunt came upstairs with tea, nothing was said.

And that’s how things remained, for the most part. I softened toward the others: mybrothers, Aunt, Uncle, and Baba. I wanted to cut Mama out of my life completely, but mycircumstances wouldn’t allow that. I had to remain in the house until I got pregnant andwas ready to give birth. And even when I moved to my husband’s home, tradition wouldrequire me to travel back to my natal home several times a year. But I tried to keep an