第 9 页

But the love between a pair of old sames is something completely different. As Madame

第 41 页 共 189 页

Wang said, a laotong relationship is made by choice. While it’s true that Snow Flower andI didn’t mean all the words we’d written to each other in our initial contact through thefan, when we first looked in each other’s eyes in the palanquin I felt something s ecialpass between us—like a spark to start a fire or a seed to grow rice. But a single sp

ppark isnot enough to warm a room nor is a single seed enough to grow a fruitful crop. Deep love—true-heart love—must grow. Back then I didn’t yet understand the burning kind oflove, so instead I thought about the rice paddies I used to see on my daily walks down tothe river with my brother when I still had all my milk teeth. Maybe I could make our lovegrow like a farmer made his crop to grow—through hard work, unwavering will, and theblessings of nature. How funny that I can remember that even now! Waaa! I knew so littleabout life, but I knew enough to think like a farmer.

So, as a girl, I prepared my earth—getting a piece of paper from Baba or asking ElderSister for a tiny scrap of her dowry cloth—on which to plant. My seeds were the nu shucharacters I composed. Madame Wang became my irrigation ditch. When she stopped byto see how my feet were progressing, I gave her my missive—in the form of a letter, apiece of weaving, or an embroidered handkerchief—and she delivered it to Snow Flower.

Nothing can grow without the sun—the one thing completely outside the farmer’scontrol. I came to believe that Snow Flower filled that role. For me, sunshine came in theform of her answers to my nu shu letters. When I received something from Snow Flower,all of us gathered to decipher the meaning, for she already used words and images thatchallenged Aunt’s knowledge.

I wrote little-girl things: I am fine. How are you? She might respond: Two birds balanceon the top branches of a tree. Together they fly into the sky. I might write: Today Mamataught me how to make sticky rice wrapped in taro leaf. Snow Flower might write back:Today I looked out my lattice window. I thought of the phoenix rising to find acompanion, and then I thought of you. I might write: A lucky date has been chosen forElder Sister’s wedding. She might write back: Your sister is now in the second stage of hermany marriage traditions. Happily, she will be with you for a few more years. I mightwrite: I want to learn everything. You are smart. Can I be your student? She might writeback: I am learning from you too. This is what makes us a pair of mandarin ducks nestingtogether. I might write: My meanings are not deep and my writing crude, but I wish youwere here and we could whisper to ether at night. Her response: Two nightingales singin the darkness. Her words both frig

gghtened and exhilarated me. She was clever. She hadmuch more learning than I did. But this was not the scary part. In every message shespoke of birds, of flight, of the world away. Even back then, she flew against what waspresented to her. I wanted to cling to her wings and soar, no matter how intimidated Iwas.

Except for the initial delivery of the fan, Snow Flower never sent anything to me without

第 42 页 共 189 页

my sending something to her first. This did not bother me. I was coaxing her. I was watering her with my letters, and she always reacted by giving me a new shoot or a new bloom. But one obstacle confounded me. I wanted to see her again. She needed to inviteme to her home, but an invitation did not come.

her first. This did not bother me. I was coaxing her. I was watering her with my letters, and she always reacted by giving me a new shoot or a new bloom. But one obstacle confounded me. I wanted to see her again. She needed to inviteme to her home, but an invitation did not come.

One day Madame Wang came to visit, this time bringing the fan. I did not open it in one motion. Instead I clicked open only the first three folds, revealing her first message to me,my response next to it, and now a new communication next to that:

If your family agrees, I would like to come to you in the eleventh month. We will sittogether, thread our needles, chose our colors, and talk in whispers.

In the garland of leaves, she had added another delicate flower. On the chosen day Iwaited by the lattice window, watching for the palanquin to come around the corner.When it stopped before our threshold, I wanted to run downstairs and out onto the streetto greet my laotong. This was impossible. Mama went outside and the door to thepalanquin swung open. Snow Flower stepped down onto the street. She wore the same sky-blue jacket with the cloud pattern. In time I came to think of it as her traveling tunic and believed she wore it for every visit so as not to embarrass my family for our lack.

She had brought neither food nor clothes with her, as was the custom. Madame Wang offered the same admonition she had given Snow Flower the last time. She should begood, not complain, learn through her eyes and ears, and make her mother proud. Snow Flower answered, “Yes, Auntie,” but I could tell she wasn’t listening, because she was standing on the street, staring straight up to the lattice window, searching the shadows for my face.

Mama carried Snow Flower upstairs, and from the minute her feet hit the floor of thewomen’s chamber she couldn’t stop talking. She chatted, whispered, teased, confided,consoled, admired. She was not the girl who upset me with her thoughts of flying away.She just wanted to play, have fun, giggle, and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk aboutlittle-girl things.

I had told her I wanted to be her student, so she started that day to teach me things from The Women’s Classic, like never to show my teeth when I smiled or raise my voice when talking to a man. But she had written that she wanted to be my student too, so she askedme to show her how to make those sticky rice cakes. She also asked strange questions about hauling water and making pig feed. I laughed because every girl knows those things. Snow Flower swore she didn’t. I decided she was teasing me. She insisted shereally was ignorant. Then the others began goading me.

“Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t know how to haul water!” Elder Sister called out.

“And maybe you don’t remember how to feed a pig,” Aunt added. “That learning was tossed out with your old shoes.”

第 43 页 共 189 页

This was too much and I got to my feet. I was so mad, I put my fists on my hip bones andglared at them, but when I saw sunny faces staring back at me my anger melted and Iwanted to make them even happier.

It was quite an entertainment for everyone in the women’s chamber to watch me toddleon my still-healing feet back and forth across the room, acting out pulling water from thewell and hauling it back to the house or stooping for grass and mixing it with kitchenscraps. Beautiful Moon laughed so hard she said she needed to pee. Even Elder Sister, soserious with all her dowr work, tittered into her sleeve. When I looked over at SnowFlower, her eyes were gay

yy as she clapped her hands in delight. You see, Snow Flower waslike that. She could come into the women’s chamber and with a few simple words makeme do things I would never dream of doing on my own. She could be in that room—whichI saw as a place of secrets, suffering, and mourning—and turn it into an oasis of brighttimes, good cheer, and silly fun.

For all of her talk about speaking in a low voice to men, she babbled to Baba and Uncleduring dinner, making them laugh too. Younger Brother climbed on and off Snow Floweras if he were a monkey and her lap a nest in a tree. She had so much life in her.Everywhere she went, she entranced people and made them happy. She was better thanwe were—anyone could see that—but she turned that into an adventure for my family.To us, she was like a rare bird that had escaped its cage and was roaming through acourtyard of common chickens. We were amused, but so was she.

The time came for us to wash our faces before bed. I remembered the awkwardness I feltduring Snow Flower’s first visit. I motioned for her to go first, but she refused. If I wentfirst, then the water would not be clean for her alone. But when Snow Flower said, “We’llwash our faces together,” I knew that all my common farmer’s work and willfulness hadproduced my desired crop. Together we bent over the basin, cupped our hands, andscooped water onto our faces. She nudged me with her elbow.

I looked into the water and saw our two faces reflecting back through the ripples. Waterdripped off her skin just as it dripped off mine. She giggled and splashed a little waterfrom the basin at me. In that moment of shared water, I knew that my laotong loved metoo.

Learning

during the next three years, snow flower visited every couple of months. Her sky-bluetunic with the cloud pattern gave way to another outfit of lavender silk with white trim— an odd color combination for a girl so young. As soon as she entered the upstairschamber, she changed into an outfit that my mother had made for her. In this way wewere old sames on the inside and on the outside as well.

I had yet to go to Snow Flower’s home village of Tongkou. I didn’t question this, nor did Ihear the adults in my home discuss the strangeness of the arrangement. Then one day第 44 页 共 189 页

when I was nine, I overheard Mama query Madame Wang about the situation. They werestanding outside the threshold, and their conversation carried up to me at my spot by thelattice window.

“My husband says we are always feeding Snow Flower,” Mama said that day in a lowvoice, hoping no one would hear. “And her visits cause us to haul extra water for drinking,cooking, and washing. He wants to know when Lily will visit Tongkou. This is the usualway.”

“The usual custom is for all eight characters to be matched,” Madame Wang reminded mymother, “but we both know that a very important one was not. Snow Flower has come toa family that is below her.” Madame Wang paused, then added, “I did not hear youcomplain of this when I first approached you.”

“Yes, but—”

“You clearly don’t understand the way things are,” Madame Wang continued indignantly.“I told you from the beginning that I hoped to find a match for Lily in Tongkou, but amarriage could never happen there if a potential bridegroom happened to glimpse yourdau hter before the wedding day. Furthermore, Snow Flower’s family suffers because ofthe g

ggirls’ social imbalance. You should be grateful that they haven’t demanded an end tothe laotong agreement. Of course it is never too late to make a change, if that is what yourhusband truly desires. It will only mean more awkwardness for me.”

What could my mother do except say, “Madame Wang, I misspoke. Please come inside.Would you care for some tea?”

I heard Mama’s shame and fear that day. She could not jeopardize any aspect of therelationship, even if it placed an added burden on our family. Are you wondering how Ifelt, hearing that Snow Flower’s family didn’t feel I was her equal? It didn’t disturb me,because I knew I didn’t deserve Snow Flower’s affections. I worked hard every day tomake her love me as I loved her. I felt sorry—no, embarrassed—for my mother. She hadlost a lot of face with Madame Wang. But the truth is, I didn’t care about Baba’s concerns,Mama’s discomfort, Madame Wang’s stubbornness, or the peculiar physical design ofSnow Flower and my relationship, because even if I could have visited Tongkou withoutmy future husband seeing me, I felt I didn’t need to go there to know about my laotong’slife. She had already told me more about her village, her family, and her beautiful homethan I could ever have learned just by seeing them. But the matter didn’t end there.

Madame Wang and Madame Gao always fought over territory. As the go-between forpeople in Puwei, Madame Gao had negotiated a good marriage for Elder Sister and hadfound a suitable girl from another village for Elder Brother. She had expected to do thesame for Beautiful Moon and me. But Madame Wang—with her ideas about my fate—hadchanged not only my course and that of Beautiful Moon but Madame Gao’s as well. Thosemoneys would no longer go into her purse. As they say, a miserly woman always nurses第 45 页 共 189 页

revenge.

Madame Gao traveled to Tongkou to suggest her services to Snow Flower’s family. Itdidn’t take long before word of this reached Madame Wang. While the disagreement hadnothing to do with us, the confrontation took place in our house when Madame Wangcame to pick up Snow Flower and found Madame Gao eating pumpkin seeds anddiscussing the logistics of Elder Sister’s Delivering the Date ceremony in the main roomwith Baba. Nothing was said in front of him. Neither woman was that unrefined. MadameGao could have avoided the quarrel altogether if she’d simply left when her business wasdone. Instead, she walked upstairs, plopped down on a chair, and began bragging abouther matchmaking expertise. She was like a finger poking at a boil. Finally, Madame Wangcouldn’t take any more.

“Only a she-dog in heat would be demented enough to come to m village and try to stealone of my little nieces,” Madame Wang snapped. “Tongkou is not y

yyour village, Old Auntie,” Madame Gao answered smoothly. “If it is your village to master, why do you come sniffingaround Puwei? By your reckoning, Lily and Beautiful Moon should be mine. But do I crywaa-waa like a baby over this?”

“I’ll make fine matches for those girls. I will for Snow Flower too. You couldn’t do better.”

“Don’t be so sure. You did not do so well for her elder sister. I’m better suited, given SnowFlower’s circumstances.”

Did I mention that Snow Flower was in the room hearing these words, being talked aboutas if she and her sister were bags of inferior rice being haggled over by unscrupulousmerchants? She had been standing by Madame Wang, waiting to go home. In her handsshe held a piece of cloth she had embroidered. She twisted it in her fingers, stretching thethreads. She didn’t look up, but I could see that her face and ears had turned bright red. Atthis point, the argument could have escalated. Instead, Madame Wang reached out aveined hand and placed it gently on the small of Snow Flower’s back. Until that time Ihadn’t known that Madame Wang was capable of either pity or backing down.

“I do not speak to gutter women,” she rasped. “Come, Snow Flower. We have a longjourney home.”

We would have put this episode from our minds, except that those two matchmakerswere at each other’s throats from then on. When Madame Gao heard that Madame Wang’spalanquin had arrived in Puwei, she’d dress in her overly bright clothes, rouge hercheeks, and come nosing around our house like a—well, like a she-dog in heat.

by the time Snow Flower and I turned eleven, our feet had completely healed. Mine werestrong and noticeably perfect at just seven centimeters long. Snow Flower’s feet wereslightly larger, while Beautiful Moon’s feet were larger still but exquisitely shaped. This,along with Beautiful Moon’s good house learning, had made her very marriageable. With