第 20 页

Slowly he drew back, keeping his eyes closed. He didn't want to see her right now, didn't want to take the chance that the coldness had crept back into her gaze. With that single, hungry kiss, he'd given her the ammunition she needed to crucify him. All she had to do was laugh.

"Jack." His name sounded soft and hesitant on her lips, as if she were as scared and shaken as he.

Surprised, he opened his eyes and looked at her. And was lost.

Her huge brown eyes were glistening with tears. Her mouth trembled. She tried to smile, and failed miserably.

Jack felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. He stared dumbly at her. She looked breathtakingly beautiful and suddenly fragile, as if she could actually be wounded by him. Her breasts rose and fell in rapid, shallow breaths.

His knuckles slid down her damp cheek and brushed her tears away. He stared at the moisture on his fingertip and swallowed thickly. "What's going on, Lissa?""I'm scared." There was a quaver in her voice that tugged at his heart and made him almost believe.

He stared at her long and hard, trying to reconcile the quiet, fragile person sitting before him with the brittle, angry woman he'd known for half his life. His emotions tangled into an unmanageable mass. Feeling suddenly tired and depressingly alone, he pushed to his feet. "We'd better get back."Lissa stood beside him. She looked up at him. Pale silver lines streaked her flushed cheeks and reminded him forcibly that she'd cried. Cried.

She pushed a damp lock of hair from her eyes and nervously tucked it behind her ear. "Will you talk to Katie with me?""Don't do this to me, Lissa." His voice was a low, agonized whisper. "Please ..." "But?""No." The word came out in a strangled mixture of shame and pain. Jack squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the hot sting of emotion. He'd never in his life felt as much like a failure as he did right now.

A long, breath-laden silence stretched between them. Jack felt every second, every heartbeat, like a blow to the heart. Don't make me talk to Katie; not now. If he saw his Katydid right now, he'd never be able to keep from scooping her into his arms and kissing her tears away. And he couldn't do that, couldn't let her trust him until he was sure Lissa had really changed. God knew they'd hurt the kids enough without adding more.

"Okay, Jack. I'll do it, I'll talk to her. But on one condition."His eyes popped open in surprise. "Condition?"She dashed the last tracings of tears from her eyes and smiled shakily. "Yes." "What?""I want you to try."He froze. "Try what?"

She stepped closer, her face tilted up to his. Soft afternoon breezes ruffled through her hair, filled the air with the scent of fresh grass and wildflowers. "Just try to be a dad."Jack swallowed hard. She was asking the impossible; to try, he had to believe. In her. In himself.

"I ... can't."

"Yes, Jack, you can." Her gaze caught his in a silken grip and wouldn't let him go. "Trust me."Savannah saw her parents ride into the yard, and yanked her hand away from the curtain. The tired fabric fluttered back in place and once again blocked out the fading rays of the setting sun.

Spinning around, she bustled over to the stove and tried to focus her thoughts on the frying rabbit.

"Did Mama look mad?" Katie asked quietly, hugging her worn, floppy rag doll to her chest.

Savannah knew it was useless to pretend ignorance. Carefully setting down the wooden spoon, she turned and drew Katie into her arms. She stroked her baby sister's tangled hair and sighed wearily. "I couldn't see her face." "Maybe I'll pretend to be too sick to eat." Savannah let her hand fall back to her side. "It wouldn't do no good."Katie squeezed the doll harder. Her lower lip trembled. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Savannah understood perfectly. What was there to say? "You better set the table. She'll be in any minute." Katie flinched at the reminder, then nodded. Slowly,mechanically, she went to the dresser and started gathering the plates and cups. Her feet shuffled softly across the floor as she went back and forth from the dresser to the table. Silverware and plates clanked in her wake.

Savannah felt tears rise in her throat, and she turned quickly back to the stove before Katie could see her weakness. Please don't call her stupid, Mama. Please ...

The kitchen door swung open. "Hi, kids."Savannah spun around and saw her mother standing in the doorway. Smiling, Mama whipped the shawl off her shoulder and flung it over the nearest chair. "Wow, something smells great. What are you making?"Savannah stared at her mother's smiling face in confusion. They had gone to talk to Miss Ames, hadn't they?

Katie eased toward Savannah and disappeared behind her skirts.

Savannah forced an uncomfortable smile. "It's rabbit, Mama. Your favorite."She frowned. "I eat bunnies?"Savannah hesitated. "Not bunnies, rabbits.""Oh." Mama pressed a hand to her stomach and said weakly, "Great. Thanks."Savannah couldn't wait another second. She had to know what happened at the school. "H-How did it go?"Mama's smile faded. She looked at Savannah through suddenly narrowed eyes, and Savannah felt a wave of sick fear.

"You're trying so hard to be grown-up," Mama whispered. Then she smiled, a soft, loving smile that made Savannah want to cry, it was so pretty. "It went well, I think.""It did?" Katie squeaked behind her.

"Come here, Katie." Mama held out her hand.

Katie peeked her head around Savannah's arm. "Do I have ta?"She nodded.

Katie inched her way out from behind her sister. Savannah grabbed Katie's hand and stopped her for a second. "You ... you ain't gonna ... punish her, are you?"Mama paled and squeezed her eyes shut, and when she opened them again, they were filled with tears. "Oh, God ..." She hurried across the room and dropped to her knees in front of them, taking Savannah's hands in hers. "Everything is going to be fine. I promise. I had a long talk with Miss Ames, and I think we've figured out a way to help Katie."Savannah felt as if the world had been lifted from her thin shoulders. The tears she'd held back for so long stung her eyes. "I?I tried really hard to help her.""I know you did. It's not your fault she can't read." "It ain't hers, either," Savannah said defensively. "I know that." "You doT Mama smiled and stood up. "Yes, I do. Now, come on, Katie, we're going to have a talk. Savannah, you watch Caleb till we get back."Tess took Katie by the hand and led her to the door. There she stopped, and turned back to Savannah. "You helped her the most, you know, just by loving her."Savannah felt a surge of pride and love so strong, she didn't care if she did cry. Tears rolled down her cheeks and burrowed into the corners of her mouth. For once, they tasted good. Clean. "Thanks."The evening was cool and crisp and stained lavender by the setting sun.

Tess and Katie walked down the porch steps and up the road, veering off into the tall grass at the top of the hill. "Where're we goin'?"Tess squeezed her hand and kept walking. "To a special place."Katie pulled her hand free. "What special place?" Tess felt keenly the loss of Katie's tiny hand in hers, but knew that kind of trust was something she'd have to earn. "I don't know. I haven't seen it yet."They trudged through the pasture, passing wild rabbits, granite rocks, and sheep along the way. Finally the land dipped and rose, creating a perfect grassy pinnacle overlooking the house, the pasture, and Haro Strait. Tess led Katie to the special spot and sat down.

Evening was just beginning to mask the fading sun. Wind burrowed through the tall grass, carrying with it the scent of twilight and wildflowers.

They sat side by side. After a few moments, Tess scooted closer and touched Katie's chin. "Katie?"Katie resisted the pressure for a heartbeat, then turned her head slightly and looked up.

Fear and uncertainty darkened the child's brown eyes. Tess understood perfectly. There was a time when Tess had felt the very same things. It was a pain not easily forgotten.

She squeezed her eyes shut in a quick, silent prayer.

Please, God, don't let me screw up. ...

"I ... I know how much it hurts when people treat you as if you're ... dumb."Surprise widened Katie's eyes. "You do?"Tess nodded. "When I was about your age, I ... I mean a friend of mine ... got a disease called spinal meningitis. She got really, really sick?the doctors didn't think she would live, but she did. Only ... not all of her got better. When it was all over, she couldn't hear." Katie frowned. "Nothin'?""Not a thing. It made everything really difficult for her because she didn't know how to communicate anymore.

So ..." Painful memories catapulted Tess back in time. Suddenly she was a child again, seven years old, being led across the schoolyard to the rickety old portable that housed the special education class.

This is Tess Gregory, the principal said, signing the condemning words at the same time. She belongs here. ... "Mama?"Katie's voice yanked Tess back to the present. She dashed the film of moisture from her eyes and cleared her throat. "Sorry. Anyway, they put... my friend in a special class at school?a class for people who were different. It was hard for her. After a while people forgot she couldn't hear and started treating her as if she was ... stupid. And the other kids, who weren't in the special class and used to be her friends, laughed at her and then forgot...." "Gosh, that's terrible."Tess forced a shaky smile. "Yeah. Then my friend's mom died, and she went to live with another family." The first of many foster families . .. "She was sad for a long time, and then something wonderful happened." "What?"She smiled, remembering the day Jane Essex had walked into the special ed class. "She made a friend in her class. Her friend had something called dyslexia." "What's that?""It's a problem lots of people have." Tess took hold of Katie's small hands and drew them into her lap. "It's where letters get all jumbled around in your mind and seem to blur and dance on the page. Is that what it's like for you?"Katie swallowed hard and nodded. "Uh-huh." "Her friend was smart as a whip, too." "Did ... did she learn how to read?" "She sure did. It took her a little longer, but she worked really hard and learned how." Tess stroked Katie's hair,looked deeply into her eyes. "I know how you feel. But you're not dumb. Do you want to learn to read?"Katie's bottom lip quivered. Tears flooded her eyes and streaked down her cheeks. She tried to look away, but Tess wouldn't let her. "Katie?"A watery sob escaped her. "I'm afraid." "Will you let me try to help you? I learned a lot watching my friend."She hiccuped. "I dunno. What if?" "No what ifs, Katie. You can do it. You can. All you have to say is yes."Katie swallowed thickly and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I wanna learn to read," she said quietly.

Tess felt a sense of accomplishment and pride and love so big, she couldn't believe it. Smiling, she ruffled Katie's hair. "Come on, kiddo, we better get back to the house before your daddy and sister call out the National Guard." "The what?"Laughing, Tess got to her feet and brushed the burrs and grass stalks from her skirt. Together, hand in hand, they walked back to the house.

Chapter Fourteen

High overhead, the hot sun peeked through a layer of cottony clouds. The sapphire-blue sky melted into the equally blue Straits, its watercolor wash broken only by the huge green hump of Vancouver Island.

Jack poured a bucket of water into the long metal trough. At the splash, sheep turned in unison and herded together, moving in a huge dirty white bubble toward him. He shoved the hat back on his head and reached down, grabbing the empty pails. Buckets clanking, he walked down the gravelly dirt path toward home. "Hey, Jack!"Jack yanked his head up and looked at the road above the farm. A wagon was rumbling past in a cloud of dust.

Jack forced a thin smile and waved back. Damn, he'd forgotten that the Hannahs were coming today with the supplies he'd ordered.

It wasn't surprising that he'd forgotten. He'd been sort of ... unfocused today. No matter how much he tried to bury himself in work, he hadn't been able to concentrate. Hadn't been able to forget. The kiss.

He groaned, feeling again the wave of desire and need that had coursed through his body as her moist, tempting lips had touched his. The kiss had been ... special. He couldn't think of any other way to put it. Like Amarylis and yet unlike her. Crazily, he thought it was like the woman she'd become recently?caring, tender, loving. Like Lissa.

Jesus, he was starting to lose his mind.

"Shit," he cursed softly, his fingers tightening involuntarily around the thin metal handles.

All morning he'd reminded himself of who she was and what she was doing. Over and over again he'd told himself it was simply another game, another ploy to ultimately hurt him and the kids.

But, God help him, this time he couldn't make himself believe the damning words. Every time he thought of the cruel things she'd done in the past, he saw her as she was now. Laughing, smiling, standing up to that old battle-ax at the school, throwing burnt biscuits, kissing Caleb's tummy.

Maybe. It was that word, and everything it represented, that kept tangling up his mind. Maybe she really had forgotten the old hatreds, the old wounds. Maybe this time it was all real. Maybe ...

He said under his breath, "Christ, don't let me believe it unless it's true."Tess heard the unmistakable thud of running feet, and paused in her work. Wiping her sweaty hands on her apron, she went to the kitchen window and peeked outside.

Jack was running toward the house. She let the curtain fall back in place and nervously rewiped her hands.

She hadn't talked to Jack since yesterday. Since she'd kissed him. They'd sat across from each other at supper, each silent and thoughtful, then Jack had bolted from the house and disappeared in the barn. Not surprisingly, he'd stayed there until long after Tess went to bed, and left the house before she wakened this morning.