第 23 页

"Aah!" Savannah lurched backward just as yellow splattered across her star.

Katie's eyes popped open. When she saw the mess she'd made, humiliation made her lower lip tremble. "I'm sorry, Vannah. I was just?"Savannah stopped her apology with a smile. "It's beautiful, Katie. Just like the Milky Way.""It is?" Katie stared down at the yellow-speckled cur tain. A slow, cautious smile began to tug at the corners of her small, drawn mouth. "It looks like rain, Mama. It does!"Tess felt a surge of pride and love so strong, her knees went weak for a minute. Never in her whole life had she been prouder of someone than she was of Savannah at that moment. She nodded. "It sure does, sweetie."The sun was melting into the pewter-colored sea by the time they finished. Katie's curtain was an explosion of yellow spots and red handprints. Savannah's creation was a perfect Milky Way with hundreds of tiny yellow spots, a crescent moon, and big, bright red stars.

"Last one!" Katie giggled as she flicked her wrist toward the curtain.

At that precise moment, Jack turned the corner and strode into the yard. Yellow paint hurtled through the air and splatted across his face and shirt. He stopped dead. There was a moment of stunned surprise, then Tess burst out laughing.

"You think this is funny?" he said incredulously, wiping a particularly large glob out of his eye. It smeared in a war-paintlike streak across his cheekbone. Anger drew his mouth into a grim line.

Tess catapulted past the girls and grabbed his arm. Her yellow-tipped fingers tightened warningly. "Jack Rafferty, if you yell at these children right now, I swear I'll ..." "What?""Punch you right square in the stomach."Surprise widened his eyes. Then he did the last thing in the world Tess expected: He laughed. It was a rich, baritone sound that sent heat spilling through her body.

Tess's death grip on his arm lightened, became a friend's touch. "Would you like to see what we've done?"He nodded. Together they walked over to the girls and kneeled down in the grass. It never occurred to Tess to take her hand from his arm.

He reached out and touched the drying red star.

Savannah turned to him with wide, eager eyes. Her hands were in her lap, twisted together in a pale, nervous ball. "Do you like it?"He turned to his eldest daughter. "It's perfect."Savannah's eyes glistened. "Th-Thanks, Daddy.""What do you think of mine, Daddy?" Katie whispered.

Jack studied her painting very seriously, then gave his daughter a bright smile. "It's wonderful."Katie looked as if she'd been given the most precious gift in the world.

Jack pushed to his feet. "Now you'd better clean this mess up."Tess got to her feet beside him. Casually she pressed onto her toes and brushed a paint-globbed lock of hair from his eyes. Their gazes met, held. Something fluttered around Tess's heart and made her breathing quicken. She remembered their kiss, the butterfly-soft meeting of their lips and tongues.

A slow, seductive smile curved her lips. What she felt right now had nothing to do with families, or kids, or even belonging. It was a selfish need to touch this man, to hold him and kiss him and hear the richness of his laugh.

He grabbed her wrist. The smile slid off his face. An infinitely bleak expression filled his eyes. "Do you know what you're doing to me?"The words were spoken so quietly, and with such despair, that Tess felt as if she'd been punched.

What has she done to you? Tess wanted to cry out.

What?

Then the fingers encircling her wrist were gone. And so was he.

Jack lay on the couch, the woolen blanket pulled tight to his chin. It had been years since he had slept well; he'd always been so afraid of the nightmare that he lay awake as long as physically possible. Tonight was different. He longed to sleep, but his mind wouldn't stop working. He'd been lying here, wide-awake, for countless hours.

Restlessly he shifted from side to side. For the first time in years, the damn couch was acutely uncomfortable. And he knew it had nothing to do with the couch itself. It was Jack who was uncomfortable. He wanted to be in his bed. With his wife. "I was going to kiss you, Jack." He groaned and rolled onto his back. The window glowed dully in the darkness of the room, its surface tarnished by the pale light of a slivered moon.

"She can't be changing," he whispered aloud, trying to take comfort from the sound of his own voice. "Could be you got yourself a new wife." Jack remembered Doc's words again, and this time they seemed edged in a certainty that had been missing before. She could be changing.

But could Jack? He'd mistrusted her for so long, lived in the shadow of her hatred and manipulation for so many years. How could he just let go of his armor and let himself believe in her? If he stripped away the sarcasm and anger, he'd be naked to her attack.

And what if it was all a lie? Or temporary? How would he and the kids survive if it was all just another deadly trap? If they became a family and then tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, she turned on all of them and smiled that cold, frightening smile of hers and told them it was all a game . ..

He shivered and drew the blanket tighter against his body.

He'd never been so goddamn confused in all his life.

Sunday morning, Tess got up bright and early. She patted Caleb's shoulder, murmuring soft mommy-babble words to the tiny face resting on her shoulder.

"What do you think, big fella? Is oatmeal, eggs, and bacon enough?"Caleb made a quiet gurgling sound that seemed affirmative.

Tess kissed his soft cheek. "That's what I thought." Moving toward the hot stove, she peered into the big cast-iron pot and frowned. The oatmeal didn't look too good. Fortunately the eggs and bacon showed definite promise. She glanced into the living room and saw that Jack was still asleep on the sofa. A soft, wistful smile touched her lips as she stared at him.

He had to be dog-tired. Last night she'd heard him muttering and pacing long after she'd closed her bedroom door. She smiled at the thought. Hopefully he'd been thinking about their kiss.

Moving quietly, she set the table. The tablecloth, silverware, and plates were in place, and she was just arranging the flowers as Savannah and Katie tiptoed into the room.

"Mornin', Mama," they whispered together. Savannah pointed a finger toward the living room. "Daddy's sleeping"Tess smiled. "I know. Sorta strange, isn't it?" Both girls nodded.

Tess shot a glance at the mantel clock. "Unfortunately, we're going to have to wake him up or we'll be late for church."Savannah's eyes bulged. Her mouth dropped open.

Tess had already guessed that the Raffertys weren't a churchgoing family. Savannah's thunderstruck expression only confirmed it.

Tess smiled broadly. Change was good for a family? especially this family. "Is there a problem, Savannah?""Daddy won't go to church," she blurted out. "He says God's a hoax.""I'm sure he meant host. As in heavenly."Savannah looked skeptical. "I don't think so.""Well, then it's best if I tell him the plan for today. Why don't you serve up breakfast?"The girls looked at her as if she were out of her mind, but they didn't say a word. Biting back a smile, Tess headed toward the living room.

As she passed the girls, someone tugged on her sleeve. Pausing, she turned back around.

Savannah had her arms outstretched. "You better give me Caleb. It might get?" color suffused her cheeks "?loud."Katie nodded solemnly. "Really loud."This time Tess had to smile. She handed the baby to Savannah, then moved soundlessly toward the sofa. She perched on its hard edge and stared down at Jack's profile. Even in sleep he looked tired and drawn. The stubbly growth of hair that fringed his jawline was thick and black, a stark contrast to the paleness of his skin. Gray-blue shadows smudged his cheeks and discolored the flesh around his eyes. He looked like a man who hadn't slept well in years.

And now she would wake him. Regret nudged Tess and made her reevaluate her plan.

They could go to church next week. Perhaps?

Suddenly Caleb let out an ear-shattering cry. Tess gasped and spun toward the girls, plastering a finger to her lips.

Jack screamed and bolted upright. His knee came up and rammed into Tess's backside. She slid off the bed and plopped on the floor.

She looked up; he looked down. After a second of confused silence, Tess burst into laughter. Behind her, the girls began to giggle. Caleb drew a shuddering, surprised breath and stopped crying.

The wild, terrified look in Jack's eyes disappeared. He relaxed, unfurling from his board-straight sit, and glanced down at Tess. "Sorry."She smiled. "Not yet, but you will be." "What do you mean?""I cooked breakfast."He groaned. "No, thanks, I'll just gnaw on the table leg for a while.""Leather's closer. Try your shoe."His mouth quivered in a quickly suppressed smile. Throwing back the thin wool cover, he swung his legs around and stood up, stretching his arms high above his head. His red long Johns pulled taut across his chest.

Tess popped to her feet beside him. "You'd better get dressed. We'll be late for church."He froze midstretch and looked down at her. "I'm not going to church." She grinned. "Yes you are.""No I'm not."She moved toward him, laid her hand on the warm cotton of his sleeve. The heat of his flesh crept through the flimsy fabric and warmed her fingertips. Tilting her face, she gazed into his sleep-puffy eyes. Tiny white lines crisscrossed his flushed cheeks. "Please?" He swallowed hard. Beneath her fingers, Tess felt the muscles in his arm tense. "Okay." The word slipped from his lips on a quiet sigh.

She smiled brightly. "You won't be sorry." He snorted. "You're wrong. I already am."

Chapter Sixteen

The horses moved forward slowly, their hooves striking the hard-packed dirt road in a plodding, thudding gait. Overhead, birds chirped gaily, dipping and diving. The throbbing clang of the school bell filled the air.

At the fence, Jack reined the horses to a stop. Yanking his Stetson low on his forehead, he jumped down and tied the horses to the top rail.

Savannah and Katie climbed down quickly and waited. Tess was saddened to see that their earlier excitement had fled, leaving in its place a stoic silence.

She started to reach for Caleb, but Jack's voice stopped her cold.

"Get me that cider, will you, Lissa?" he asked.

Tess glanced over her shoulder at him, her eyebrow quirked upward in a silent question. She waited patiently for his explanation.

"I?I thought I'd drink some out here while I'm waiting," he said, yanking his collar away from his throat as if it were suddenly too tight.

"And what is it you'll be waiting for?""For you to get done with church.""Oh, that." Tess swept Caleb into her arms and eased herself off the wagon without Jack's help.

Jack smiled. "I knew you'd see it my way. I don't want to go to?""Hell. Of course you don't." Tess cut him off with a determined smile. In the stunned silence that followed, she turned to the girls. "Go on inside. I want to speak with your father."Savannah moved protectively toward her dad. "But?""Don't worry, I won't hurt him. Now, run along." "But?"'Wow," Tess repeated firmly.

The girls grabbed hands. Together they ran pell-mell across the school yard and up the sagging wooden steps, disappearing into the makeshift church without a backward glance.

They know the makings of a good fight when they see one. Smiling, Tess set Caleb's basket down and crossed to Jack, stopping directly in front of him.

He started to back away but was pinned in place by the fence. A hunted, wary look narrowed his eyes. "What do you want now?""I want you to go into that church with me and pray."He gave a harsh, derisive laugh. "For what?"She felt a wrenching wave of sadness. Never, not in all the long, empty, soundless nights after her mother's death,had Tess ever questioned her faith. It was the bedrock of her soul, and she felt an almost overwhelming pity for this man whose soul was anchored by nothing at all. "Well, for starters, how about an honest-to-God laugh instead of that pitiful, bitter bark?"He ran a hand through his hair and looked away. "Ah, Christ, Lissa ...""Will you trust me?"He started to shake his head, then stopped. At his hesitation, her heart soared with hope.

"I won't let you down," she added softly.

He turned to look at her, and there was a bleak hopelessness in his eyes that tore at her heart. "What do you want from me?"She pressed up on her toes and laid her hand against his cheek. "You don't have to be so alone. God?" "Ha."She moved her hand from his cheek to his heart, feeling the thudding beat beneath her palm. "You invoke His name all the time, Jack Rafferty. I know you believe. Or you did once."He glanced down at the small white hand plastered so protectively atop the faded blue chambray of his shirt. Slowly he lifted his gaze and looked into her eyes. He tried to find a light, bantering response that proved how little he cared about her God, but his throat was dry and swollen with emotion. She was right. Once, long ago, he had believed in God. And in himself.

"You don't have to carry everything inside you, Jack," she said softly. "God will help you. I will help you."God had better help him, he thought dully. Because he wanted to trust her. Christ, how he wanted to; it was like an ache in his soul. And still he couldn't speak. He could only stare down into her warm, loving brown eyes and nod dumbly.

She flashed him a smile that was like a knife in the gut. For a second his knees went weak.

"Come on, let's go," she said.

"Okay," Jack answered in a voice that was a husky shadow of itself.

At her buoyant grin, he felt himself begin to relax. A slow, hesitant smile pulled at his mouth.

"Why, Jack Rafferty, I do believe you're smiling."He bit down hard and obliterated the smile. "Come on, Lissa, let's get this over with."He walked over to the basket and picked it up. Forcibly he kept his gaze off the babe sleeping so quietly inside.