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Lissa and the girls lapsed into quiet conversation. The ordinary sounds of clanking forks and cutting knives peppered suppertime air.

Jack paused, the knife poised at the roast's blackened hump, and glanced around. Lissa was at the foot of the table, cutting her potatoes and talking animatedly about the troubles she'd had in the garden. Katie sat hunched over her plate, her elbows resting on the table as she listened with rapt attention to her mother's story. Savannah was laughing.

Jack felt a surge of emotion so raw and powerful, he went weak. He swayed unsteadily. His hand crashed onto the table and held him upright.

Glasses clinked against crockery plates at the sudden movement. Everyone looked up. Three pairs of concerned eyes landed on his face. No one said a word. "Sorry," he mumbled.

The girls turned their attention back to their plates, but Lissa didn't look away. A slow smile curved her lips. She stared at him, and crazily, he felt as if she were seeing inside his soul, seeing that black, twisted place, and finding it not so very dark after all. "It's nice, isn't it?" she said quietly. He knew exactly what she was talking about. Glancing at his daughters, then at his wife, he smiled. "Yeah, it is."After the supper was finished and the dishes washed and put away, Savannah and Katie hurried off to bed. Jack and Tess were left standing in the kitchen. The air thickened with anticipation. Both of them wanted desperately to reach out, but neither one knew how.

"I ... I guess I'd better put Caleb to bed," she said lamely.

He nodded stiffly. "Yeah. I guess so."They stood there, staring at each other. Waiting. Hoping.

Finally he said, "Maybe ..."

Tess's heart tripped. "Maybe what?"He yanked on his collar as if it were suddenly too tight. "Maybe we could have a cup of coffee together after you're done."Warmth spread through Tess. She grinned. "I'd like that.""You would?""A lot."

A hesitant smile tugged at his mouth. "All right. I'll make the coffee."Smiling, she picked up Caleb and held him to her breast. It was all she could do to keep from skipping out of the room.

Tess fed Caleb in record time, then hurried from her room. Jack was hunched over the hearth, starting a fire. The first tentative red-gold flames licked at the log. Behind him, two cups sat on the rough-hewn table. Aromatic steam wafted through the darkness in swirling streams of gray.

Nerves fluttered in her stomach. She twisted her fingers nervously together. "Hi, Jack."He dropped the log he was holding. It hit the grate with a thunk. "Hi, Lissa," he said without turning around.

The flames took hold, zipped along the mossy log and burst into a crackling, popping fire.

Tess reached for her coffee and took it in both hands, curling her fingers around the warm cup. The brew's comforting, familiar smell wafted across her nostrils.

She sat down on the couch. Waited.

Jack pushed to his feet and turned around. Reaching down for his coffee, he took a seat beside her on the couch.

They sat there, stiff and afraid, both staring into the dazzling display of fire. The smell of fire and woodsmoke filled the room.

He cleared his throat.

Tess leaned forward, waiting.

"So ... so you're teaching Katie to read."Tess smiled. It was a start. "She's making some progress. I've found that if I draw the letter in the air, she sees it better than if it's written on paper.""She's a smart little thing."The ache in his voice twisted her heart. Why? she wanted to ask. Why do you keep yourself so apart? What are you afraid of?

It was the only thing keeping them apart; she was sure of it. If Tess could break through his fear and force him to admit his love for his children, everything would change. They would have a chance. He would have a chance.

"She loves you, you know."

Jack stiffened but didn't say a word.

"So does Savannah. Even Caleb?""Don't." The word came out as an agonized whisper.

Instinctively Tess set her coffee down and turned to him. Taking his face in her hands, she forced him to look at her. The bleak despair in his eyes was like a knife in her throat. She found it difficult to breathe.

They were close, no more than a hand's span apart. She could feel his proximity like a layer of warmth against her body. The soft, commingled sound of their breathing melded with the crackle and hiss of the fire and filled the small room.

"We're here for you, Jack. All of us. All you have to do is open the door." "I ... I want to."Tess's breathing stumbled. "You do?" He nodded. "But it's been closed for so long...." "Maybe ... maybe we could open it together." "Together." The quietly spoken word was filled with wonder. Tess smiled. Hesitantly Jack slipped his arm around her shoulders and drew her toward him. They leaned back against the couch's hard back and closed their eyes, each lost in thoughts of the other. They sat that way until the coffee turned cold and the for tonight, it was enough just to be together.

Chapter Seventeen

Savannah burst into the kitchen, clutching her side. "I'm back, Mama," she said breathlessly.

Katie looked up from her primer, which lay open on the kitchen table.

Tess was lying on the floor, with Caleb on her stomach. "Hi, honey," she said, curling her arm around the baby and getting awkwardly to her feet. "What did Minerva say?""She said she'd love to go for a walk with us. We're supposed to give her ten minutes, then come on over."Tess smiled. Ten minutes was perfect. It gave her just enough time to set her plan in action. She'd told Jack she'd help him open the door to his heart. And she was going to do just that.

"Okay, girls, run into your room and put on your work dresses. I'll throw a few things in a basket and we'll be off."Tess hurried into her bedroom and pulled a long, navy-striped muslin skirt and pretty calico scoop-necked blouse from her armoire. Dressing quickly, she braided her waist-length hair and threw on a serviceable white sunbonnet.

She was ready to begin.

"Okay, Caleb," she murmured softly, stroking his silky thatch of black hair, "it's time." Placing him gently in his cradle, she turned to leave.

She hadn't even made it to the door when he burst out crying.

Perfect. Tess gave him a soothing smile. "Don't worry, honey, you'll be okay in a minute." With a last lingering look at him, she headed out of her room and strode into the kitchen. Savannah and Katie were waiting.

"Okay," Tess said, plucking the basket of supplies off the table. "Let's go."Savannah's smile faded. "But Caleb's in the bedroom. ..."Tess grinned. "Oh? Did I forget to mention that this was a 'girls only' expedition? We have serious business to attend to, and a baby would get in the way."Katie and Savannah exchanged confused glances, then spoke at once. "But who's gonna watch him?"Tess's lips twitched traitorously. "Your father." They gasped.

Tess waved her hand in an airy gesture of impatience.

"Let's go."

"But he's cryin', and Daddy won't?""Trust me. Now, we'd best get moving. Mrs. Hannah is waiting." Tess breezed past the gape-mouthed girls and left the house. Furious whispering erupted in the kitchen and followed Tess down the steps.

She had just passed the chicken coop and was halfway to the barn when they made up their minds. "Wait, Mama!" Savannah yelled. Tess paused and turned around. "Well, hurry up. We haven't got all day."Grinning, the two girls bounded down the steps and ran to catch up with her.

Jack was splitting fence rails behind the barn when they reached him. He paused in his work and pushed the tired old hat off his forehead, swiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm.

"Hi, Jack." Tess carefully shielded the contents of the baby basket in her arms. "How are you?""Fine." He glanced at the girls, noticing their drab, much-washed work clothes. "Where are you girls going dressed like that?"Savannah shrugged. "Mama's takin' us someplace special."Katie nodded solemnly. "We got wimmen's work to do."Jack smiled down at her. "Do you, now? Well that's mighty important. Have a good time.""Jack," Tess said solemnly, "I left something in the house for you."Katie let out a quick giggle and immediately smothered it with her pudgy hand.

Jack shot his youngest daughter a questioning look. Then he looked back at Tess. "What is it?"Tess was the picture of innocence. "A surprise." "Really?"Savannah struggled with a smile of her own. "You'll be real surprised, Daddy."Jack set down his ax. "All right, then. See you soon."Tess let her grin loose. "Great. 'Bye."" 'Bye, Daddy," the girls said together.

Jack frowned at them. " 'Bye." The word came out in a slow, confused drawl, as if he suddenly suspected something very strange was going on.

It is, Jack, Tess thought. Welcome to fatherhood.

"Come on, girls," she said, "let's go." With a quick wave, Tess and the children took off through the hilly pasture at a run.

Jack watched them run through the tall grass and crawl under the fence at the far end of the field. The carefree sound of their giggling peppered the cool spring air.

Curling his thumbs around his fraying red suspenders,he strode purposefully to the house. His bootheels drove deeply into the dirt road, crunching over pebbles with each step. He passed the shady oak tree and climbed the porch steps. He hadn't even opened the back door when he heard crying.

Jack's step slowed. Dread, as cold as ice water, spilled down his back and made him tremble. No, he thought desperately. She wouldn't have done that to me. She wouldn't have ...

Cautiously he opened the door. High, bleating screams echoed through the house.

"Oh, my God." Jack spun around and bounded down the steps, racing down the dirt road. "Lissa!" He screamed her name, but the sound was lost within seconds, vanished in the breeze. There was no answer.

He shot a frightened look back at the house. Even from here, he could hear the reed-thin echo of Caleb's crying.

Jack's hands curled into shaking fists. Panic rushed through him and made his breathing speed up. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God?

"Stop it," he yelled at himself. Slowly, one breath at a time, he forced himself to calm down. He squeezed his eyes shut. You asked God?and Lissa?for a new start. This is it. Don't be such a goddamn coward.

He lifted his head and looked back at the house. The plaintive echo of Caleb's wail rode the breeze and beckoned Jack. There was no one else to help the baby.

His son.

Swallowing a thick, acrid lump of fear, he forced himself to return to the house. The door creaked open and banged shut behind him. He felt another surge of fear.

What if he hurt him? What if he had a blackout? What if?

"Enough." Lifting his chin, he crammed his fists against his thighs and walked slowly toward his wife's bedroom.

He pushed open the closed door and stood in the doorway. Through the slats of the cradle he'd made, he could see Caleb's tiny body writhing, his small fists batting at the air. The blue blanket was a twisted heap along his side.

Jack tried to move, but couldn't. Fear and dread immobilized him. He was afraid, desperately afraid, to reach out to this child?his own son?and try.

The realization made him sick. His stomach twisted into a knot. He was such a coward, such a goddamn useless coward.

Caleb sucked in a shuddering breath, and there was a moment of blissful silence.

Jack's own breathing stumbled. Maybe he wouldn't have to move, maybe?

Then Caleb started up again. This time his cry was a high-pitched, quavering wail that pinged down every vertebra in Jack's tightened spine.

He's afraid, too.

The thought came out of nowhere. He tried to talk himself out of it, tried to tell himself the baby was hungry or sleepy or just plain mad, and that he couldn't possibly know what the hell his son was feeling. None of the feeble explanations made any difference.

He couldn't make himself believe them. Your son is alone and he's afraid. He needs you.

"Not me," he whispered. "He needs a father. Not some broken-down shell ..." You're all he's got.

He moved hesitantly forward. With each step a noose seemed to tighten around his throat. By the time he reached the cradle, Jack was trembling and couldn't breathe worth shit.

Shakily he kneeled. "Hi, fella, what's the matter?"Caleb cried harder.

Jack edged closer and reached over the wooden railing, touching his son's tear-moistened face. "There, there."Jack felt like an idiot. His voice was thick with emotion, and he couldn't think of a single thing to say. What the hell good was "there, there" to a baby who wanted to be comforted?

Cautiously he let his fingers slide under Caleb's tiny back and curl soothingly under his arm. The warm contact seemed to have some effect. Caleb hiccuped loudly and drew in a shaky breath. His tiny fists unfurled.

A tiny thread of hope crept through Jack's fear. He brought his other hand to the cradle and gently picked Caleb up.

Caleb blinked up at him in surprise. Huge, quivering tears clung to his tiny lashes.

Jack stared down at the small, beet red face and felt a fierce wave of love. He pressed the baby tightly against his chest, and walked slowly to the bed.

He sat down with a sigh of relief. He hadn't dropped Caleb. Thank God.

When his heart stopped racing, he stretched out on the soft tick and let his iron-hard hold ease. Caleb lay quietly on Jack's chest, his murky blue-gray eyes fixed on Jack's face.

He's knows, Jack thought tiredly. He knows what a feeble excuse for a father I am.

Then Caleb yawned and blinked heavily. His eyelids fluttered shut. With a final sputtering sound, he pushed his thumb in his mouth and laid his head on Jack's chest. He was asleep in moments.

Jack lay there, stiff as a knife blade, afraid to move lest he disturb the sleeping baby. He stared in awe at the small, black-haired head pressed so trustingly against his chest. An odd sense of peace slid through Jack's body as he watched his son sleep. Without thinking, he brought his hand up and stroked Caleb's soft cheek.