第 34 页

She took his hand and led him to the bed. Candlelight turned the faded, gray sheets into a magical bower of rumpled gold. The huge coverlet hugged the back of the bed in a series of welcome shadows. They stood silently by the bedside, staring at each other. Slowly Tess began unhooking her dress.

"Let me," he said.

Tess felt his every breath like a caress across her bare shoulders. Shivering, she turned around, presenting her back to him. He moved closer.

His hands curled gently around her neck, his thumbs stroked the sensitive flesh of her nape. The warmth of his touch set off a flurry of goose bumps. Slowly his hands glided down her bare back and onto the textured silk of her gown. One by one the hooks and buttons gave way. The gown fell open.

He eased the sleeves downward, freeing her arms. The dress dropped to the floor in a whoosh of pale blue silk. Her undergarments followed until, in no time, she was naked.

She started to turn around, but he wouldn't let her. Moving closer, he let his hands roam gently across her weighty breasts, toying at her nipples until they hardened. She brought her hands up and locked them behind his neck. The roughened pads of his fingertips breezed across her flesh, lingered on her nipples. He kissed her bare throat and shoulders.

Tess shivered at the heat building slowly inside her. She moaned quietly and turned around to face him.

He was bathed in the shimmering glow of candlelight. As she stared up into his handsome, life-hardened face, Tess felt something huge and achingly hard settle in her heart.

Love. For the first time in her life, she understood the magnitude of the simple word. It was more than she'd ever thought it could be. She couldn't imagine how she'd lived without it, and yet, even now, in the midst of its grip, she could see its darker underside. The heartbreak and pain that shimmered beneath its surface like hidden evil beneath a smooth, calm lake.

"What is it, Lissa?" he asked quietly. She shook her head, unable to force anything past the lump in her throat. How could she tell him? Even if he was able to understand what this moment meant to her, what he meant to her, how would he ever understand the newness of her emotion?

She loved him so damn much. Yesterday it had seemed as if they had everything, that love was everything. Now, suddenly, their love seemed fragile, a bond too easily broken.

Fear brought a tremble to her parted lips, and for the first time she wished she'd come to this century without her memories intact. Right now she wanted desperately to be Lissa, only Lissa. She wanted a lifetime's worth of happiness to bind them. They hadn't had enough time together. They needed more. So much more.

"Love me, Jack," she said brokenly. "Love me." He swept her into his arms and eased her onto the bed. Quickly stripping out of his clothes, he stretched out beside her.

Tess lay naked next to him, feeling the minuscule distance between them swell into a huge, icy chasm. She looked at him, saw that even now, in the midst of a burgeoning passion, there was sadness in his eyes. It ripped at her heart.

Something bad was going to happen. She suppressed a shudder of apprehension.

She slipped her arms around him and huddled close. Their bodies fused, creating a heat that banished the last icy tendrils of fear. Desire and need and desperation coiled together and washed through Tess in an electrifying wave. Suddenly she had a deep, primal urge to mate with him, to merge their bodies and souls into a single, unified whole that could never be ripped apart. She wanted to use her body to drive away his fear. For now, she wanted him to think about her. Not secrets or nightmares or even Amarylis. Just her.

"Lissa?" he whispered against her ear, and there was a world of silent fear in his voice.

She pulled back and looked up at him. "No more being afraid, Jack," she said earnestly.

"It's not that e?"

She kissed him. He held back for a heartbeat, then shuddered hard and held her tightly. Their tongues met, mated, twined in a moist, fervent dance.

The kiss went on forever and beyond. Tess closed her eyes and gave in to the sensations swirling through her. As they kissed, his hand roved down her naked back. Tiny spasms rippled across her flesh at his too gentle touch. Deep inside her, something twisted and began a slow, tantalizing burn.

His mouth moved from hers, trailing hot, openmouthed kisses along her jawline and down her exposed throat. He licked the tiny hollow where her pulse beat too fast.

He pulled away. Cool night air rushed in, skipping along her naked flesh. She shivered, moaned softly. At the sound, he looked up. Her gaze caught his, held it fast, and in the green depths of his eyes she saw a restless longing, a dark-edged need that matched her own. He felt it, too, she realized. That desperate need to obliterate the world beyond this bed.

His head lowered. She felt his tongue like a lick of fire against her nipple. His hand moved downward even farther. The curly thatch of light brown hair parted easily as his fingers explored her moist flesh. He cupped her with his hand, his sweat-dampened palm forming against the pulsating center of her body.

Tess let out a tiny sound of pleasure. Desire throbbed between her legs, sending red-hot tentacles shooting through her blood. His hand pressed against her flesh, moving, grinding. Slowly at first, and then faster. Harder. Tess's breath caught. His mouth teased her hardened nipple. Desire melted into need and became a painful throbbing. She writhed beneath his touch, aching.... "Now, Jack. Please ..."The soft, strangled sound of her voice pushed Jack almost over the edge. Groaning softly with the effort of restraint, he buried his face in the softness of her breasts. His hand slipped lower, feeling the hot moisture of her response.

"God," he whispered brokenly, "you're so ready." She clutched him with frantic fingers, drew him close. "I know."A sound that was part laugh, part groan pushed up his throat. Murmuring her name, he curled his arms around her and rolled her beneath him. Her legs slid apart, her hand closed around his hardness and guided him in. Slowly he entered her. She gasped, shivered. Her arms coiled around his body and squeezed hard. She stared up at him through dreamy, unfocused eyes.

In that gaze Jack saw everything he'd ever dreamed of seeing and more. So much more. An aching tenderness unfolded within him, wrapping him in layers of soothing warmth. He'd loved this woman for more than half his life, but never had he loved her as much as he did right now.

She grabbed his buttocks in shaking, desperate fingers. "Now, Jack," she said urgently. "Now."Need coursed through his body at her passionate plea. With a bitten-off groan, he thrust into the welcoming tightness of her body.

"Yes, Jack. Yes ..."

He plunged deep within her, then withdrew. She quivered, staring up at him. Passion turned her eyes into dark brown pools. Her legs wrapped around his body. Slowly, so slowly, he entered her again.

She thrust up to meet him. Her fingernails raked his sweat-dampened back, her head lolled into the pile of pillows.

He made long, exquisite love to her, bringing her time and again to the point of release, then slowly drawing away. She clung to him, whimpering his name and dozens of unintelligible words of passion and love. Her legs locked behind him, her feet pressed hard against his buttocks.

He kissed her mouth, her throat, her nipples, kissed her and thrust against her until they were both desperate and aching.

"Oh, God, Jack," she moaned, writhing beneath him. "Now."He squeezed his eyes shut and plunged inside her, deep and hard. She gasped, planting her legs and thrusting up to meet him.

He felt it first as a whoosh of breath across his cheek. Then he felt the pulsations rippling inside her. The last shred of Jack's restraint snapped. He pressed his fists into the tired cotton sheets and arched his back, driving into her body.

Bolt after bolt of white-hot pleasure erupted through his body. Afterward he rolled onto his back and slid his arm beneath her, drawing her beside him. She stretched out alongside him, one leg thrown casually across his thighs.

Tess floated slowly back to earth. And hit with a bang.

She had about fifteen seconds of blissful oblivion, then reality drifted back into her consciousness, and try as she might, she couldn't dislodge it. Not even for a moment.

His arms curled around her, held her tightly against his sweat-slicked flesh. But it wasn't enough. Tess fought a wave of sadness. She was right next to him, almost on top of him, and yet she wasn't close enough.

It?whatever it was?lay between them like a living, breathing presence.

She rolled half on top of him, resting her chin on the hard wall of his chest. The sweet, cloying scent of fresh passion and sweaty flesh filled her nostrils, reminding her with every breath that they loved each other. Desperately, completely.

He wedged up on his elbows and looked at her. A damp lock of black hair fell across his eyes. He smiled, but it was a pale imitation of the real thing, and Tess felt the falseness of it like a raw wound on her heart.

They both knew the truth, could feel it like a cold wind blowing across their love. They were close, but not close enough.

Tess touched his cheek in a bittersweet caress. She thought of all the times she'd dreamed of him, back when he was a faceless, restless shadow not remembered with the light of dawn. All the nights she'd lain awake, aching for someone to hold her and kiss her and whisper quiet words of love.

Now she had all that and more.

And yet, with his secret between them, inside him, eating like a cancer through his heart and soul, she wondered if she really had anything at all.

His finger breezed across her trembling lower lip. "What's the matter?"Tess squeezed her eyes shut. There were so many questions she wanted to ask him; they hung heavy and demanding on the tip of her tongue. But if she probed too deeply, or too soon, she'd scare him away. One wrong question and he'd retreat back into that small, silent place inside himself, and she would be left alone. Worse than alone.

"Lissa?"

She gazed at him through a watery blur of tears. It took every ounce of strength she possessed to shake her head.

He stared at her for a long time. "You want to ask me questions, don't you?" he said quietly.

Her breath caught. Hope spilled through her in an unwanted rush. "N-No. You have to want to tell me." 'Tell you what?"She felt as if she were walking out on a very thin ledge below which was a hell of a fall. She moved cautiously. "You're afraid of something. Maybe ... maybe if you talked about it, the fear would go away."Jack paled. "I ... I can't...."Tess knew she'd pushed too hard. She pressed a finger to his lips. "Shh, don't. We have all the time in the world. It doesn't have to happen tonight."He tried to look away. She took his face in her hands and gently foiled him to meet her gaze. "I mean it, Jack.

Whenever you want to talk, I'll listen. I'll listen every night for sixty years if I have to, and I'll never judge you. I promise.""Why?" The word sounded strangled and far away.

"Because I love you."

He deflated. The fear in his eyes melted into despair and tore a ragged hole in her heart. "The doctors said ..." He squeezed his eyes shut in shame. "I can't talk about it."Sadness seeped through Tess. She tried to understand, telling herself it was normal. But still she felt betrayed and rejected. She broke eye contact and stared at the bedpost through a blur of tears.

"Lissa?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. Defeat, she reminded herself, was something she knew how to deal with. She knew better than to let a setback get her down. She loved Jack, and she'd never stop trying to reach him. Never.

She opened her eyes and gazed down at him, trying desperately not to feel the tiny, serrated crack in her heart. He needed her now, needed her strong and patient and loving. And that's what she'd be. Every day, in every way, she'd let him know that, secret or no secret, he was loved. And maybe, when he really believed it, he'd be ready to trust her.

"We'll get through this, Jack. I promise."

Chapter Twenty-four

The storm waited until midnight, then struck hard.

Jack writhed restlessly. Sweat crawled across his forehead, and a low, frightened moan escaped his lips.

"No." The word was a dry, hopeless whisper. He whipped his head from side to side, fighting to wake up. "No . . ."The nightmare sank its teeth into his soft flesh and pulled him downward, into the whirling, terrifying blackness lodged in his soul.

The clearing smelled of gunpowder and fire and death. Jack stood frozen with fear.

Gun and cannon fire exploded around him. Smoke filled the clearing and stung his eyes. Rain slashed at his head and ran in cold, gushing streaks down his face. The endless, hammering thunk of each droplet echoed the pounding of his heart.

"Jacko!" Johnny yelled from up ahead. "Come on."Woodenly Jack started to run. The winter-hard ground sliced his bare feet and sent shafts of pain up his legs with every step. His rifle thudded against his back. Smoke stung his eyes and blurred his vision.

"Johnny, where are you?" He stumbled to a stop and desperately scanned the hazy battlefield. His gaze darted through the fallen and the dead. Fear clawed up his throat. "Johnny!" no Suddenly something hurled out of the foggy haze and landed in his arms. Warm blood splatted across his face. Jack looked down at what he held and screamed. "Noooo ..."He kept screaming until his voice was rasping and weak.

He sank to his knees in the wet dirt. The smell of blood and gore clogged his throat and nose, and tears stung his eyes until he couldn't see anything at all. Not even his brother's cold, dead eyes.

"Jack ... you're hurting me. Let go of my wrist." Jack thought he heard something. He opened his eyes. They felt painfully dry and unfocused. A headache pounded through his head.

He was looking at a face. Frightened brown eyes peered up at him through a maze of spun-gold hair. "Jack, please ..."He blinked hard, trying to focus. The eyes changed subtly, blurred into glassy, dead gray orbs that stared at him accusingly. Johnny.

Fear chilled him to the bone. Wildly he looked around, but the world was cold and dark. "Jack, honey, I'm right here. You're okay. You're safe." The night exploded with thunder. Jack came awake with a start. Terror tingled in icy shards through his body, turned his stomach into a twisted knot. He lurched out of the wet grass?or was it his bed　and stumbled to his feet.