fascination for her. It was so hard and ugly, so relentlessly
ugly, it would purge her of some of her floating
sentimentality.
She dreamed how she would make the little, ugly children love
her. She would be so personal. Teachers were always so
hard and impersonal. There was no vivid relationship. She would
make everything personal and vivid, she would give herself, she
would give, give, give all her great stores of wealth to her
children, she would make them so happy, and they would prefer
her to any teacher on the face of the earth.
At Christmas she would choose such fascinating Christmas
cards for them, and she would give them such a happy party in
one of the class-rooms.
The headmaster, Mr. Harby, was a short, thick-set, rather
common man, she thought. But she would hold before him the light
of grace and refinement, he would have her in such high esteem
before long. She would be the gleaming sun of the school, the
children would blossom like little weeds, the teachers like
tall, hard plants would burst into rare flower.
The Monday morning came. It was the end of September, and a
drizzle of fine rain like veils round her, making her seem
intimate, a world to herself. She walked forward to the new
land. The old was blotted out. The veil would be rent that hid
the new world. She was gripped hard with suspense as she went
down the hill in the rain, carrying her dinner-bag.
Through the thin rain she saw the town, a black, extensive
mount. She must enter in upon it. She felt at once a feeling of
repugnance and of excited fulfilment. But she shrank.
She waited at the terminus for the tram. Here it was
beginning. Before her was the station to Nottingham, whence
Theresa had gone to school half an hour before; behind her was
the little church school she had attended when she was a child,
when her grandmother was alive. Her grandmother had been dead
two years now. There was a strange woman at the Marsh, with her
Uncle Fred, and a small baby. Behind her was Cossethay, and
blackberries were ripe on the hedges.
As she waited at the tram-terminus she reverted swiftly to
her childhood; her teasing grandfather, with his fair beard and
blue eyes, and his big, monumental body; he had got drowned: her
grandmother, whom Ursula would sometimes say she had loved more
than anyone else in the world: the little church school, the
Phillips boys; one was a soldier in the Life Guards now, one was
a collier. With a passion she clung to the past.
But as she dreamed of it, she heard the tram-car grinding
round a bend, rumbling dully, she saw it draw into sight, and
hum nearer. It sidled round the loop at the terminus, and came
to a standstill, looming above her. Some shadowy grey people
stepped from the far end, the conductor was walking in the
puddles, swinging round the pole.
She mounted into the wet, comfortless tram, whose floor was
dark with wet, whose windows were all steamed, and she sat in
suspense. It had begun, her new existence.
One other passenger mounted--a sort of charwoman with a
drab, wet coat. Ursula could not bear the waiting of the tram.
The bell clanged, there was a lurch forward. The car moved
cautiously down the wet street. She was being carried forward,
into her new existence. Her heart burned with pain and suspense,
as if something were cutting her living tissue.
Often, oh often the tram seemed to stop, and wet, cloaked
people mounted and sat mute and grey in stiff rows opposite her,
their umbrellas between their knees. The windows of the tram
grew more steamy; opaque. She was shut in with these unliving,
spectral people. Even yet it did not occur to her that she was
one of them. The conductor came down issuing tickets. Each
little ring of his clipper sent a pang of dread through her. But
her ticket surely was different from the rest.
They were all going to work; she also was going to work. Her
ticket was the same. She sat trying to fit in with them. But
fear was at her bowels, she felt an unknown, terrible grip upon
her.
At Bath Street she must dismount and change trams. She looked
uphill. It seemed to lead to freedom. She remembered the many
Saturday afternoons she had walked up to the shops. How free and
careless she had been!
Ah, her tram was sliding gingerly downhill. She dreaded every
yard of her conveyance. The car halted, she mounted hastily.
She kept turning her head as the car ran on, because she was
uncertain of the street. At last, her heart a flame of suspense,
trembling, she rose. The conductor rang the bell brusquely.
She was walking down a small, mean, wet street, empty of
people. The school squatted low within its railed, asphalt yard,
that shone black with rain. The building was grimy, and
horrible, dry plants were shadowily looking through the
windows.
She entered the arched doorway of the porch. The whole place
seemed to have a threatening expression, imitating the church's
architecture, for the purpose of domineering, like a gesture of
vulgar authority. She saw that one pair of feet had paddled
across the flagstone floor of the porch. The place was silent,
deserted, like an empty prison waiting the return of tramping
feet.
Ursula went forward to the teachers' room that burrowed in a
gloomy hole. She knocked timidly.
"Come in!" called a surprised man's voice, as from a prison
cell. She entered the dark little room that never got any sun.
The gas was lighted naked and raw. At the table a thin man in
shirt-sleeves was rubbing a paper on a jellytray. He looked up
at Ursula with his narrow, sharp face, said "Good morning," then
turned away again, and stripped the paper off the tray, glancing
at the violet-coloured writing transferred, before he dropped
the curled sheet aside among a heap.
Ursula watched him fascinated. In the gaslight and gloom and
the narrowness of the room, all seemed unreal.
"Isn't it a nasty morning," she said.
"Yes," he said, "it's not much of weather."
But in here it seemed that neither morning nor weather really
existed. This place was timeless. He spoke in an occupied voice,
like an echo. Ursula did not know what to say. She took off her
waterproof.
"Am I early?" she asked.
The man looked first at a little clock, then at her. His eyes
seemed to be sharpened to needle-points of vision.
"Twenty-five past," he said. "You're the second to come. I'm
first this morning."
Ursula sat down gingerly on the edge of a chair, and watched
his thin red hands rubbing away on the white surface of the
paper, then pausing, pulling up a corner of the sheet, peering,
and rubbing away again. There was a great heap of curled
white-and-scribbled sheets on the table.
"Must you do so many?" asked Ursula.
Again the man glanced up sharply. He was about thirty or
thirty-three years old, thin, greenish, with a long nose and a
sharp face. His eyes were blue, and sharp as points of steel,
rather beautiful, the girl thought.
"Sixty-three," he answered.
"So many!" she said, gently. Then she remembered.
"But they're not all for your class, are they?" she
added.
"Why aren't they?" he replied, a fierceness in his voice.
Ursula was rather frightened by his mechanical ignoring of
her, and his directness of statement. It was something new to
her. She had never been treated like this before, as if she did
not count, as if she were addressing a machine.
"It is too many," she said sympathetically.
"You'll get about the same," he said.
That was all she received. She sat rather blank, not knowing
how to feel. Still she liked him. He seemed so cross. There was
a queer, sharp, keen-edge feeling about him that attracted her
and frightened her at the same time. It was so cold, and against
his nature.
The door opened, and a short, neutral-tinted young woman of
about twenty-eight appeared.
"Oh, Ursula!" the newcomer exclaimed. "You are here early! My
word, I'll warrant you don't keep it up. That's Mr. Williamson's
peg. This is yours. Standard Five teacher always has this.
Aren't you going to take your hat off?"
Miss Violet Harby removed Ursula's waterproof from the peg on
which it was hung, to one a little farther down the row. She had
already snatched the pins from her own stuff hat, and jammed
them through her coat. She turned to Ursula, as she pushed up
her frizzed, flat, dun-coloured hair.
"Isn't it a beastly morning," she exclaimed, "beastly! And if
there's one thing I hate above another it's a wet Monday
morning;--pack of kids trailing in anyhow-nohow, and no
holding 'em----"
She had taken a black pinafore from a newspaper package, and
was tying it round her waist.
"You've brought an apron, haven't you?" she said jerkily,
glancing at Ursula. "Oh--you'll want one. You've no idea
what a sight you'll look before half-past four, what with chalk
and ink and kids' dirty feet.--Well, I can send a boy down
to mamma's for one."
"Oh, it doesn't matter," said Ursula.
"Oh, yes--I can send easily," cried Miss Harby.
Ursula's heart sank. Everybody seemed so cocksure and so
bossy. How was she going to get on with such jolty, jerky, bossy
people? And Miss Harby had not spoken a word to the man at the
table. She simply ignored him. Ursula felt the callous crude
rudeness between the two teachers.
The two girls went out into the passage. A few children were
already clattering in the porch.
"Jim Richards," called Miss Harby, hard and authoritative. A
boy came sheepishly forward.
"Shall you go down to our house for me, eh?" said Miss Harby,
in a commanding, condescending, coaxing voice. She did not wait
for an answer. "Go down and ask mamma to send me one of my
school pinas, for Miss Brangwen--shall you?"
The boy muttered a sheepish "Yes, miss," and was moving
away.
"Hey," called Miss Harby. "Come here--now what are you
going for? What shall you say to mamma?"
"A school pina----" muttered the boy.
"'Please, Mrs. Harby, Miss Harby says will you send her
another school pinafore for Miss Brangwen, because she's come
without one.'"
"Yes, miss," muttered the boy, head ducked, and was moving
off. Miss Harby caught him back, holding him by the
shoulder.
"What are you going to say?"
"Please, Mrs. Harby, Miss Harby wants a pinny for Miss
Brangwin," muttered the boy very sheepishly.
"Miss Brangwen!" laughed Miss Harby, pushing him away. "Here,
you'd better have my umbrella--wait a minute."
The unwilling boy was rigged up with Miss Harby's umbrella,
and set off.
"Don't take long over it," called Miss Harby, after him. Then
she turned to Ursula, and said brightly:
"Oh, he's a caution, that lad--but not bad, you
know."
"No," Ursula agreed, weakly.
The latch of the door clicked, and they entered the big room.
Ursula glanced down the place. Its rigid, long silence was
official and chilling. Half-way down was a glass partition, the
doors of which were open. A clock ticked re-echoing, and Miss
Harby's voice sounded double as she said:
"This is the big room--Standard
Five-Six-and-Seven.--Here's your
place--Five----"
She stood in the near end of the great room. There was a
small high teacher's desk facing a squadron of long benches, two
high windows in the wall opposite.
It was fascinating and horrible to Ursula. The curious,
unliving light in the room changed her character. She thought it
was the rainy morning. Then she looked up again, because of the
horrid feeling of being shut in a rigid, inflexible air, away
from all feeling of the ordinary day; and she noticed that the
windows were of ribbed, suffused glass.
The prison was round her now! She looked at the walls, colour
washed, pale green and chocolate, at the large windows with
frowsy geraniums against the pale glass, at the long rows of
desks, arranged in a squadron, and dread filled her. This was a
new world, a new life, with which she was threatened. But still
excited, she climbed into her chair at her teacher's desk. It
was high, and her feet could not reach the ground, but must rest
on the step. Lifted up there, off the ground, she was in office.
How queer, how queer it all was! How different it was from the
mist of rain blowing over Cossethay. As she thought of her own
village, a spasm of yearning crossed her, it seemed so far off,
so lost to her.
She was here in this hard, stark reality--reality. It
was queer that she should call this the reality, which she had
never known till to-day, and which now so filled her with dread
and dislike, that she wished she might go away. This was the
reality, and Cossethay, her beloved, beautiful, wellknown
Cossethay, which was as herself unto her, that was minor
reality. This prison of a school was reality. Here, then, she
would sit in state, the queen of scholars! Here she would
realize her dream of being the beloved teacher bringing light
and joy to her children! But the desks before her had an
abstract angularity that bruised her sentiment and made her
shrink. She winced, feeling she had been a fool in her
anticipations. She had brought her feelings and her generosity
to where neither generosity nor emotion were wanted. And already
she felt rebuffed, troubled by the new atmosphere, out of
place.
She slid down, and they returned to the teacher's room. It
was queer to feel that one ought to alter one's personality. She
was nobody, there was no reality in herself, the reality was all
outside of her, and she must apply herself to it.
Mr. Harby was in the teachers' room, standing before a big,