refuse to limit myself to any one thing. That’s why I don’t like titles. I
don’t need them, especially when it comes to love.”
Jace was momentarily thrilled, until Victor added.
“That’s why I’m not interested in relationships.”
Was he asexual? How torturous if true! But Jace had his own psychic
flash when Victor had first mentioned Star. Maybe he was learning to
read people too, because something about the way Victor said her name
had felt affectionate. “That girl you were with the other night, were you
with her?”
“I’m starting to detect a theme here.”
“Seriously,” Jace said, surprised at how vulnerable he felt.
Victor shrugged. “We’ve slept together before, yeah. But we didn’t
this week.”
“Oh. When’s the last time you did? I mean, do you love her?”
“Why does it matter?”
Jace wanted to say it, more than anything, but the words caught in
his throat. Victor watched him a moment longer before he got up to tend
the fire. Why did this have to be so hard? All he wanted to know was if
there was hope, or if he should give up now. One thing was for sure. Jace
wasn’t going home tonight. Not without knowing.
Jace stood, feeling a little dizzy. “It matters because if she means
something to you, there’s no room for me.” Victor turned around to face
him, which made it harder to speak, but he pressed on. “I’m crazy for
thinking I have a shot at being someone special to you, aren’t I? If so, tell
me now so I can get over it. Don’t talk in riddles or try to soften the
blow. Just tell me so I can deal with the truth.”
Victor tossed some kindling into the fire and came closer. “You
aren’t crazy. But I meant it when I said I’m not into relationships. I don’t
want a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a wife, or anything else. There’s no need.”
“There is for me,” Jace said, his lip beginning to tremble. “Lately
that need is all I feel.”
“Why?” Victor asked, his voice gentle. “If I was your boyfriend,
what would you do?”
Jace felt on the verge of tears, so he steeled himself and answered.
“I’d kiss you.”
Victor opened his arms wide. “There’s nothing stopping you.”
Jace didn’t hesitate, not even for a second. He stepped forward and
kissed Victor, his lips forgetting their sorrow the second they made
contact. And this wasn’t a joke because Victor kissed him back, wrapped
his arms around Jace, which prompted him to do the same. Jace held on
to him with desperation, just in case this was the last time another guy let
him do something like this. Just in case this was his one brush with love.
The kiss broke as Victor pulled away. “Why are you crying?” he
asked.
Jace wiped at the tears, surprised they were there at all. Then he
shook his head. “If there’s finally something you don’t understand about
me, I’m not about to explain it.”
“Fair enough.” One of Victor’s hands remained on the back of Jace’s
head, toying with his hair. “Do you see what I mean now? We can be
anything we want to each other. I’m not scared to admit who I’m
interested in, or ashamed to have feelings for anyone, but I’m not
desperate to define them either.”
“Why not?” Jace said jokingly, but he was glad he got an answer.
“If I had told myself I was straight, limited myself that way with a
title, I would have missed out on that awesome fucking kiss just now.”
“Which would have been bad?”
“Devastating.”
“But I mean,” Jace ran a thumb along Victor’s jaw, eager to taste his
lips again, “you can still feel things for me. Even without putting a title
on it, you can still—”
“No limits,” Victor promised. “We can take it further than all those
boring old married people, feel things they haven’t discovered and never
will.”
“Like what?” Jace asked, eyes wide.
Victor smirked, moving in for a kiss. “Let’s find out.”
* * * * *
Jace woke with the sun warming his face, his bed a pile of soft
leaves, his room for the night a forest glen filled with birdsong. Birdsong
that sounded suspiciously like Patsy Cline. Jace raised his head, the last
remnants of his dream fading away, replacing the tranquil scene with his
bedroom. His mother’s music crooned from the kitchen downstairs. At
least the sunlight was real, causing his hair to glow as it warmed his face.
Rubbing his eyes, Jace looked at the clock and groaned. Past noon
already. He didn’t usually sleep so late, but then he hadn’t gotten home
until three in the morning. Smiling at the memory, he touched his fingers
to his lips. He and Victor had kissed for hours, or at least it had felt that
way. Jace’s body had been begging to go further, but that was one giant
step, and he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to make that move, or if
Victor was, or if they had to talk about it first.
Jace laughed at himself. He wouldn’t find out by staying here!
Rolling out of bed, he headed across the hall to the bathroom. His whole
body smelled hickory-smoked from the campfire, so he hit the shower.
He was still wildly horny from last night, but he abstained on the off
chance that he’d find release tonight. Once he was clean and dressed,
Jace headed downstairs to the kitchen.
His mother’s music was still playing, but she wasn’t in sight, so Jace
raided the pantry. He was munching a peanut butter and honey sandwich
held in one hand while using the other to toss canned goods into a
backpack. He wanted Victor to be well-stocked during his stay in the
area.
“Collecting for a food drive?” his mother said from behind.
“Sort of,” Jace said. When he turned around, he could see she
already knew.
“You were out late, so I called the Trouts. Greg told me everything.”
Jace doubted that. Besides, Greg didn’t know the half of it, although
it did remind him that they had plans today. “Has he come by?”
Serena shook her head. “I was surprised you were in your room this
morning. I thought you were camping out.”
“No,” Jace said, although he loved the idea. “But tonight I am.”
“On a school night?”
“It’s Sunday,” he countered.
“You know what I mean. You have school in the morning.”
Jace defiantly tossed a can of ravioli in the backpack. “It’s not like
I’ll be far. I’m practically in the backyard. I’ll take a battery-powered
alarm clock with me and be at the breakfast table the same time I always
am.”
His mother pursed her lips.
“I’ll literally be five minutes away,” he said. “Please.”
“Ask your father.”
Yes! That was as good as having permission. All he needed to tell
his dad was, “Mom says it’s fine if I camp out tonight. Is it okay with
you?” Worked every time. Once he was loaded up with supplies, he paid
his father a short visit. He was in the living room, watching golf on TV,
which made it even easier. Jace could have said he was moving to
Istanbul and his father would have nodded.
That just left Greg. Jace telephoned his house, but there wasn’t an
answer. Thinking Greg might be on his way over, he went out on the
back porch but didn’t see him anywhere. Greg was usually so reliable.
Could it be that, sober and in the light of day, he wasn’t feeling
supportive of Jace’s sexuality anymore? Jace found that hard to believe.
The things he had felt while high last night hadn’t changed now. Pot
hadn’t made him a different person, like alcohol seemed to. And yet,
Greg was nowhere to be seen. In the end, Jace decided to head down to
the campsite. Greg would know to find him there. Hell, maybe his best
friend was there already, lecturing Victor on further improvements he
could make.
Jace had stood and was walking away from the house when the back
door slid open.
“Car keys!” his sister called, chasing after him.
“Oh, right.” Jace dug in his pocket and fished them out, tossing them
to her.
“Thanks,” Michelle said, deftly catching them. “I want to get some
Christmas shopping done today.”
“For real?” Jace gestured around him at the unseasonal weather. But
he wasn’t surprised. His sister was Christmas crazy.
“Don’t make me cross you off the list,” she teased. “Hey, any
progress with Victor?”
Jace didn’t have to answer. He just smiled.
“What? You’re shitting me!” Michelle slapped his arm playfully.
“Oh my god, tell me everything! On second thought, don’t!” She
considered the implications. “My big brother has a boyfriend!”
“Kind of. He’s uh—” Wonderful. Sexy. Mysterious. “Complicated.”
“Oh. But you guys are, you know, getting friendly in a physical
way?”
Jace bit his lip and nodded rapidly.
“Good for you!”
“Thanks. Although it’s kind of hard to tell how serious he is.”
Michelle looked sympathetic. “Welcome to the fun part. You know
he likes you, but you don’t know if he really likes you. Remember Dave?
Ten months together, all those presents, the horrible poetry, and I still
wasn’t sure. Guys are dogs; they’ll say or do anything to get—and keep
getting—what they want.”
Jace didn’t hide his surprise. “Wow. I didn’t know you were so
jaded.”
“Me? No! I love the game. Believe me when I say I’m getting what I
want too.” Michelle’s face softened. “But I don’t mean to make it sound
cold. The wondering and hoping, that’s all part of love. That’s what
keeps you on your toes and makes it so damn exciting. Just try to enjoy
it. If he makes you feel good about yourself, and if you can do the same
for him, that’s all that matters.”
“I’m getting you an extra present for Christmas this year,” Jace
promised.
“Score!”
“All right. I’m headed out to see him now.”
“Have fun,” Michelle said. She was at the sliding door when she
turned around. “Hey! One more piece of advice. No matter how big his
thingy is, act like it’s huge. Guys love that!”
Jace looked repulsed, causing his sister to cackle with laughter.
Hopefully that was the last advice she’d ever give him in that
department.
* * * * *
When Jace reached the campsite, Victor was sitting under the lean-
to, legs pulled up to his chest. His hair was sticking up, looking even
more punky than usual. Victor’s eyes sparkled when he spotted Jace,
inviting and welcoming, which made him feel brave. Without hesitation,
he went to Victor and bent over, placing a finger under his chin to lift it
so they could kiss.
And just like last night, Victor kissed him right back. At first,
anyway.
“I feel scuzzy,” he said, dodging Jace’s next attempt.
“I don’t care,” he said honestly, crawling onto the sleeping bag. Why
had he left last night? Now that his head was clear, his body rested, he
was ready to go further. He leaned forward to kiss Victor’s neck.
“Seriously,” Victor said, gently pushing him away. “Wait until I get
cleaned up.”
“Want a tongue bath?” Jace said with a grin.
Victor eyed him. “I can see that you’re going to be a handful. But no.
I have a better method of getting clean. I’ll show you later today. Right
now I need to scrounge for any leftovers.”
“There aren’t any,” Jace said. “Blame the munchies. Luckily you
have me.”
He dragged the backpack close and started emptying the contents,
naming each and trying to put an exotic spin on them. “Fresh garden
vegetables left to simmer in a delicate broth,” he said, handing over a
cheap can of vegetable soup. “Italian dough pockets stuffed with minced
veal,” he said, setting down the can of ravioli.
“And this?” Victor asked, holding up a lowly can of pork and beans.
“That, my friend,” Jace said, taking on a tone of wonder, “is more
precious than rocket fuel. Why, that is the very meal that propelled the
settlers across this great nation. Almost literally, I imagine.”
Victor feigned awe. “These must have cost you a fortune.”
“I took out a five-year loan,” he said dismissively.
“Seriously though, thank you.” Victor picked up and frowned at a
box of crackers. “There’s got to be a better way. If I’m going to do this, I
don’t want to keep mooching off you. Greg mentioned sustainability
yesterday, which was cool. People used to live off the land. Settlers ate
more than just pork and beans.”
Jace raised an eyebrow. “Planning on hunting buffalo?”
Victor chuckled. “No, but there are fruit trees, if you know where to
look. Or I could fish. If I knew how.”
“I could teach you,” Jace said.
Victor looked surprised. “Really?”
“Of course! I’ve lived next to a lake my entire life.” He considered
the sky. “Today’s the perfect day for it too. I can run back to the house
and pick up some equipment.”
Victor grinned, which felt like the greatest prize in the world. “All
right. Let’s do it.”
“Let’s eat something first,” Jace said. “We’ll starve before we yank
anything out of that lake.”
After sharing a meal of soup and crackers, Jace returned to the
house, Victor staying behind to get the evening’s fire ready. They met
where the creek spilled into the lake, Jace guiding them to an
unmaintained and rarely visited dock on the far side. Here they would
have privacy. Jace didn’t care much for fishing. He received his own rod
and tackle box one year for his birthday. All the different lures and
methods kept him interested for a month or so before he moved on to
other distractions.
“Worms are way better,” Jace said. “If you buy nightcrawlers, you’ll
have a fish in no time. I’ve never had much luck with lures, but we’re
going to use them anyway. Unless you want to go digging for worms.”
Victor rifled through the tackle box. “We can try these. I like this
one.” He held up a rubbery lure resembling a tadpole—aside from being
bright yellow and having a giant eyes painted on each side of the head.
“What’s this supposed to be?”
Jace shrugged. “I’ve never used that one. Let’s see what happens.”
Fishing wasn’t complicated. Teaching Victor the basics of the rod
didn’t take long. They practiced casting the line into the water and
reeling it back in a few times. After that, the true skill came into play—
patience. They sat on the dock, the sun already making its descent. Only
an hour of light, at most, remained.
“What do we do once we catch one?” Victor asked, jiggling the pole.
