when he was alone with Victor. Then he would purr.
Victor didn’t show up during his shift, but Jace wasn’t expecting him
to. When Dan was on one of his short breaks, Jace took a couple packs of
cigarettes, some beef jerky, and a bag of trail mix, leaving money for it
in the cash register. Maybe he could sneak out of the house later and
deliver it.
As it turned out, his mother seemed willing to go without sleep to
keep him in line. Jace waited until midnight before opening his bedroom
door. A few seconds later, his mother turned on the hall light and just
stood there watching him. He pretended he needed to use the restroom.
Thank goodness he was still in his pajamas, only wanting to see if the
coast was clear. Obviously it wasn’t.
Figuring his mother would continue her unrelenting vigil, Jace made
peace with not seeing Victor. Until tomorrow. He didn’t care if he had to
make a break for it in the middle of dinner. One way or another, they
would be together again.
* * * * *
Jace leaned against a pillar in the cafeteria, watching Greg as he
unpacked his sack lunch. As per his usual ritual, he set out every item on
the table, nice and orderly. Then he started pounding his sandwich flat.
Strange, but Jace liked him that way. Or used to. Or would again, if Greg
would stop being an asshole. They still hadn’t talked since the weekend,
Greg having avoided him in the halls yesterday. Jace was surprised to see
him at their usual table now. Scowling, he marched toward it. Jace could
eat with his sister instead, but why should he have to? Plopping down
across from Greg, he dumped his lunch on the table. Greg considered
him with transparent surprise before lowering his eyes.
Jace huffed in response. “Find somewhere else to eat if you have a
problem with me.”
Greg glared at his lunch. “I’ll go. But not because I have a problem
with you.”
Jace stopped clenching his jaw long enough to ask, “Then why?”
“Because I don’t deserve to be your friend.” Greg looked up, and
Jace realized his anger was directed inward. “After that night with you
and Victor, once my head was clear again, I thought about what I’d said
before. How gay people should all be shipped off to an island. I think
back on that conversation now, and I feel like a prick. You were opening
your heart to me—”
“I wasn’t,” Jace said, shoulders relaxing. “I was just trying to gauge
your reaction.”
“And I showed you,” Greg said. “The sick thing is that I meant it.
Back then, at least. I’m so fucking stupid! You’ve been my best friend
my entire life, and I didn’t have a clue. Not only that, but then I go and
say something horrible.”
“It was a nice island,” Jace said. “If I remember right, there were a
lot of bananas there.”
“That’s not funny,” Greg said. “Not anymore. And you know what?
It shouldn’t have taken my best friend coming out for me to realize that.”
Jace exhaled. “You’re human. It’s not a big deal. And if the idea of
you hurting me makes you feel this angry at yourself, then I love you. In
a totally non-gay way, of course.”
Greg’s brow unknotted. “You mean that?”
“Yes!” Jace laughed. “Seriously. I thought I scared you off!”
“No.” Greg shook his head. “Not me. I love gay people.” He
repeated himself, but this time he shouted it to the whole cafeteria. “I
LOVE GAY PEOPLE!”
“Okay,” Jace said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We’re good.
Just… stop.”
Greg chuckled madly. “Is this what coming out feels like? Because
that felt good.” His twinkling eyes grew hard. “I’ve got your back, man.
You know that? If anyone messes with you, I’ll kick their ass.”
Jace sighed. For one fleeting moment, he wished he was a girl,
because Greg was definitely marriage material. “I’ll be fine,” he said. “I
just want things to be like before. Nothing has changed. I’m still me.”
“All right.” Greg still looked concerned. “I guess you’ve got a Chuck
Norris boyfriend looking out for you anyway. He is, right? You guys are
an item?”
“Victor and me?” Jace smiled. “We’re together. In a way.”
“Like how? Tell me everything!” Greg ripped apart his smooshed
sandwich, stuffing half in his mouth.
“Everything?” Jace asked.
“Hell yeah,” Greg said after swallowing. “How many times did you
listen to me ranting about all the pussy I get? It’s payback time!”
He didn’t have all that much to tell, at least not when it came to sex,
but it felt good not to hold back. Of course there were some stares from
other students at their cafeteria table, but screw them. With Victor and
Greg on his side, Jace didn’t fear a thing. If worst came to worst,
Michelle was an absolute beast in a fight.
“Sounds like one weird dude,” Greg said as they walked toward their
classes. “Which makes you perfect for each other.”
“Weird how?” Jace asked.
Greg shrugged. “I like camping as much as the next guy, but I don’t
want to do it for a living.”
“Yeah, I know. I think Victor is just trying to figure out everything.
Can you blame him? If we didn’t have college next year, what would you
do with your life?”
Greg looked momentarily terrified. “Hide in the woods with Victor, I
guess.”
“Exactly. I’m sure he’ll figure out what he wants eventually. By
then, I’ll already be a major part of his life.”
“And in the meantime…” Greg made an “O” with one hand and
repeatedly jabbed a finger through the opening with the other. Then, after
a moment of puzzled thought, he started jabbing two fingers together.
“More like that, huh?”
Jace rolled his eyes. “From guilt-ridden to demeaning in the blink of
an eye!”
“I like to move fast,” Greg replied. “Speaking of which, are you the
guy or the girl? Know what I mean?”
“I know,” Jace said patiently, stopping outside his class.
“Because Victor is smaller than you, but then again, he’s the guy
who threw Mr. Collins around, so I can’t really imagine him bending
over and—”
“No need to paint a picture,” Jace said. “Or for us to discuss this
further.”
“Out of the closet but still a total prude.” Greg punched him
playfully on the arm and sauntered off down the hall.
Jace shook his head. “Am I the guy or the girl?” he muttered to
himself. Wasn’t it obvious? As he took his seat in class, he tried to
imagine both scenarios and couldn’t. No, it really wasn’t obvious at all!
Chapter Eight
When the school day came to an end, his father’s car awaited him at
the curb. Jace was glad. His mom had been ferrying him everywhere the
past few days, and they still weren’t on good terms. He clammed up
whenever they were together, only answering with the absolute minimum
to avoid getting into more trouble. Not that it would matter tonight. He
was determined to see Victor, even if his mom caught him on his way
out of the house.
“How’s my favorite son?” his father asked once Jace was in the car.
“Fine,” he answered, feeling uneasy. His father was a good guy, but
not the type for forced joviality. He had to put on the happy mask for
customers all day, so when he was home, Bob tended to be more
outspoken. If something was bugging him, like when Jace and his sister
got too rowdy, he would tell them to shut up before he went insane. His
father would say this in a pragmatic way, devoid of aggression, that
made it the simple truth. And it was, except right now his father’s
customer service mask was still on when it shouldn’t be.
“How was your day?” Jace asked, testing the waters.
“Great! The weather was nice enough to leave the store door propped
open, which you know I like. Beautiful weather!”
Jace eyed him. He definitely preferred the other Bob. Being told to
go outside because his father wanted to pretend he was childless was a
lot better than this grinning scarecrow.
“Mom tired of picking me up?”
“No.” Bob’s grin faltered, just as he turned away to check his blind
spot. “I don’t think she can find enough excuses to be around you. Not
with you graduating so soon.”
Jace rolled his eyes. “Well I can’t wait. It’ll be nice to be on my
own.”
“Not for us, it won’t.” There he was. The real Bob. “We’ll miss
having you around, even though you drive us crazy.”
Jace snorted, turning to look out the window. “The feeling is
mutual.” Outside, the brick buildings of downtown had been left behind,
replaced by small houses. “Do you think it’s fair? I didn’t sleep-in on
purpose. I forgot to set the alarm, but Mom acts like I did it just to defy
her.”
“No, it’s not fair,” his father said, “but that’s life. You still get a
speeding ticket, even though you didn’t mean to go over the limit. A
police officer doesn’t care if you simply forgot to watch the speedometer.
Honest accidents happen, but you still have to pay for them.”
“But she didn’t have to punish me. It’s not her job like it is for a
cop.”
“Her job—at least one of them—is to make sure you turn out right.”
Bob exhaled. “Maybe she’s been overdoing it lately. She can’t even
sleep until she knows you’re home and safe. Did you know that?”
“Lucky me,” Jace muttered.
“I need you to forgive her,” Bob said. “Especially tonight, I need you
to set it all aside.”
“She’s the one who should forgive me,” Jace muttered. Then he
caught his father’s meaning and tore his eyes away from the window.
“Wait, is everything okay?”
His father didn’t answer. He just kept driving, all the way to the edge
of town. They were on the road leading up to their neighborhood, the one
that passed by the lake, when he pulled the car to the side of the road.
Bob took off his glasses and wiped his eyes.
“Dad?”
“I’m sorry, son. It’s your grandmother. She passed away today.”
Jace just stared. When he tried to speak, his voice was weak. “How?”
“Aneurysm.” His father replaced his glasses and tapped the side of
the head. “A blood clot in the brain. It’s a quick and painless way to go.
We shouldn’t be surprised. She was ninety-six, and you know your
parents will go someday. That’s how it’s supposed to be, but it still hurts
like hell when they do. When I lost my mother, well, I was barely older
than you and…” His father looked over, as if embarrassed at his
rambling. “I’m sorry.”
A dam broke inside Jace, releasing all the anger he’d been feeling,
all the little concerns and worries. None of it mattered anymore. Instead
his thoughts turned to a frail old woman with a raspy laugh, boney hands,
and an easy smile that never seemed to fade. The smell of her home, the
little glass birds that sat in her kitchen window, the way she always
winked at Jace while talking with other adults, like her being serious was
all pretend.
“That’s it, let it out.”
Jace didn’t realize he had been crying, or that his father had
unbuckled his seat belt to reach over and hug him.
“She was a good woman, and we’re all going to miss her.”
Jace cried a little longer, and when they drove the rest of the way
home, his father didn’t have to ask him to be civil. All was forgiven. Jace
only wanted to hug his mom, thankful that she was still there. He found
her sitting at the kitchen table. Michelle was there too, eyes puffy and
red. His sister cried first, which set them all off again. All but Jace. He
clamped down on his tears, wanting to be strong for his mother.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “For everything.”
“It’s okay,” Serena said soothingly. “Everything is fine.”
But he knew it wasn’t. Not for her.
A little while later, Michelle pulled him into the other room.
“Horrible, isn’t it?”
Jace nodded, lost for words.
“I hate it,” his sister said, tearing up, “because I think about how old
Mom and Dad are, and—”
“Don’t go there,” Jace said firmly. “Please.”
Michelle nodded and tried to get herself under control. “I think we
should cook dinner.”
“Will Mom want to eat anything? I don’t feel like eating.”
“Neither do I, but she’ll worry about us being hungry.”
Working together they made a meal of instant stuffing, some canned
green beans, and leftover chicken. Whether it was appetizing or not, they
didn’t discover, since they only picked at their plates. When it all went
cold, Michelle started clearing the table.
“I’m supposed to be at work soon,” Jace said, feeling ashamed for
even broaching the subject.
“I’ll call Bernie and explain,” his father said. “I have his number in
the office.”
This left Jace alone with his mother. She looked tired. “Is there
anything I can do?” he offered.
Serena shook her head, half-distracted before she looked at him.
“No, I’ll be fine. We’re catching a flight tomorrow afternoon. Someone
needs to be there for your grandfather. You and Michelle will be okay for
a couple of days, right?”
“Yes,” Jace said. “I promise I won’t mess up this time. I mean it.”
His mother looked puzzled for a moment, like their argument was
part of a previous life. “I know you won’t. Is your friend still camping by
the lake?”
Jace nodded. “I think so.”
“Go see him. This is one of those times in life I was talking about
when it helps to have someone.” His mother’s smile was sad. “You like
him, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” Jace said.
His mom nodded and returned to her thoughts. Jace stayed long
enough to help Michelle clean up. He wanted to see Victor, but the idea
of doing something for fun seemed wrong. Then again, maybe his
mother was right. Maybe it would help ease the ache in Jace’s heart.
When he got to the clearing, the fire was already blazing. Victor sat
in front of it, knife in hand as he carved at a piece of wood.
“Hey,” Jace said.
Victor was startled, but over the fire, those wide eyes read him. “You
all right?”
“No. My grandma—” Jace’s face crumpled, and he spun around to
wipe away the tears that managed to escape. He didn’t want to cry in
front of Victor again, didn’t like to cry in front of anyone. He felt hands
on his shoulder, and when he turned around, Victor wore a worried
expression.
“Did you lose her?”
Jace nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
