keeping busy will help.” Besides, he didn’t know where Victor would be.
With Jace’s parents having arrived home during the day, Victor couldn’t
stay over again, and it was getting colder by the minute. Even Victor
didn’t know where he’d be that night. At least that’s what he said before
Jace left for school.
“I truly believe we’ll all be together one day,” Bernard was saying,
“in a place where we never have to say goodbye.”
“That would be nice,” Jace said.
“It would. That was one of the few comforts I had when I lost my
son. I kept thinking—”
“What?” The fog lifted from Jace’s mind. “When did your son pass
away?”
“Eight years ago.” Bernard broke eye contact. “I know. I talk about
him like he’s still alive. Drives my wife crazy, but it hurts too much to
refer to him in the past tense, like he doesn’t exist anymore. He remains a
major part of my life. I think of him every day. I carry his memory with
me, so to me he’s still here.”
“I’m sorry,” Jace said. He stopped at adding the other three words,
but he understood now what people meant. “What happened? I mean, if
you don’t mind me asking.”
Bernard took a deep breath. “Suicide. But before you judge him,
Brian fought in Vietnam. He was in the trenches and didn’t like to talk
about what he saw there, but it wasn’t pretty. He came back from that
war a changed man. Found his feet again though, became one of the best
car salesmen there is. Was. Always outsold the other men at his
dealership. He had put the war behind him, I think.”
Jace wanted to ask what the reason was, if not the war, but it seemed
inappropriate. Then he recognized what it must have been like for
Bernard to drag him out of the water, to find his suicide note. Jace’s face
betrayed this realization, Bernard responding to it.
“The world has a funny way of teaching you a lesson,” he said,
clapping Jace on the shoulder. “Brian had a friend, Franklin, a handsome
guy who could charm the socks off a centipede. They were in sales
together for a while, in direct competition, until Franklin took a job in
marketing. Once they were no longer competing, Brian invited him out,
hit Franklin up for his sales tactics, since he wouldn’t be needing them
anymore. They became friends. More than that, really. They were
inseparable.” Bernard hesitated. “Brian came to me a year before he died,
told me all of this. Of course I figured out the story before he finished.
He and Franklin were lovers. Is that the right term?”
“It’s fine,” Jace said.
“Okay. Well, I cut Brian off before he could say too much. I told him
I wanted no part of it, that I didn’t want to hear about it and certainly
didn’t want Franklin under my roof… I still remember the hurt on his
face. That year was the first Christmas that Brian didn’t come home to
visit.” Bernard’s jowls trembled before he steeled himself. “Of course
now I wish I’d been proud of him, like I was in every other way. I should
have insisted on meeting Franklin so I could shake his hand. As it turned
out, I did, but only at Brian’s funeral.” Bernard’s focus returned to Jace.
“But as I said, the world has a funny way of teaching you a lesson, or
giving you a second chance. If there’s anything you want to talk about,
or if anyone gives you trouble for being gay, you come to me, son. I’m
always there for you.”
Jace didn’t know what to say, couldn’t find words to express how
this made him feel, so instead he stepped forward and hugged Bernard
tight. Of course Dan walked in, staring like he’d caught them in a
compromising situation, but Jace glared at him over Bernard’s shoulder
until he went away. When they broke their embrace, Bernard turned.
There was some sniffing and wiping, but when he faced Jace again, he
looked like his old self.
“Come over to my desk. There’s something I want to ask you about.”
Jace followed him over, watching Bernard covertly as he settled into
his chair. So much made sense now—why Bernard had gone out of his
way to keep him close and keep an eye on him. Jace wouldn’t let him
down. Suicide was and would remain the furthest thing from his mind,
but he’d also do his best to make Bernard proud. As it turned out, he
wasn’t off to the greatest start.
“Still like working with Dan?” Bernard asked.
“Oh.” Jace hesitated.
Bernard nodded, as if this answer was sufficient. “I know he’s taken
off early a few times. We all have our problems, so I try not to judge, but
my patience is running out.”
“That’s understandable,” Jace said as neutrally as possible.
“There’s something else. I did inventory recently, and there are items
unaccounted for. Shoplifting is an expected loss, but we’re talking things
from behind the counter that customers can’t reach. Like cigarettes.”
Great. Bernard had poured his heart out to him, only to find out that
Jace had been stealing. Except he hadn’t. Not exactly.
“The thing is,” Bernard continued, “that the register total keeps
coming out too high, and the amount it’s over is just about right to make
up for anything missing.”
“Like someone’s been buying things but not ringing them up.”
Bernard looked puzzled for a moment, then nodded. “I suppose that
would account for it.”
Jace studied the desk surface, body tense. “Don’t be mad,” he said.
“I know I’m not old enough to buy cigarettes, and I don’t smoke them. I
have a friend who’s old enough, and I buy them as presents. He could
come in, I guess, but it’s unpredictable when I see him, so I stock up. I
know that sounds like a lie, but if I was lying, I’d come up with
something better, I swear.”
Bernard studied him. “And here I thought Dan was embezzling
somehow. I know from that hug that you’re not a smoker, so I believe
you. I can show you how to do an employee discount. You don’t have to
pay full price, you know.”
“I don’t?” Jace thought about it. “Can I get a refund on what I’ve
bought so far?”
“Not a chance.”
They exchanged grins. “I didn’t mean to deceive you.”
“It’s fine. Just make sure no one sees you pocketing cigarettes or I
could get in trouble. And for god’s sake, ring them up first so I can keep
my books in order. Now get out there and get to work. Something about
you seems to make Dan miserable, and that only makes me like you
more.”
Jace smiled and headed to the front room, ready to do battle with the
ever-filthy microwave.
* * * * *
The second-worst thing about Star was how pretty she was. No, that
wasn’t quite right. Pretty is the sort of word used for little girls in Sunday
dresses, or the first day of mild weather after a long hard winter. Star
wasn’t pretty. She was beautiful. Her long blond hair was silky, the
highlights natural, or expensive enough to appear so. Her clothing was
both casual and fashionable—hip-hugging jeans just worn enough to be
comfortable, a pink blouse matching the color of her glossy lipstick. Star
smelled like perfume and gum. She had a way of smiling when she
talked that showed off her perfect white teeth.
But worse than her catwalk style and stunning good looks was the
way Victor behaved around her. He practically danced into the gas
station, bouncing with energy as he introduced his “firecracker princess.”
Jace didn’t know what that meant, but he found himself suddenly eager
for a pet name of his own. After he tossed Victor a pack of cigarettes, his
boyfriend went outside for a smoke, leaving Jace and Star alone.
“Having to work on Thanksgiving must suck,” she said, sounding
genuinely sympathetic, but that smile never faded.
“I volunteered,” Jace said. “I get paid double, which isn’t bad, and
aside from people fuelling up, I’m mostly just selling cans of cranberry
sauce or boxes of stuffing mix.”
He nodded to where Bernard had smartly stocked up on
Thanksgiving food items and arranged them in an eye-catching display.
Most customers who walked in looked so relieved to see whatever item
they were missing that they overlooked the hiked-up prices.
Star didn’t turn to see what Jace was referring to. Instead she peered
at him, as if trying to figure something out. “So you and Victor,” she
said. “I won’t call it a relationship, or else he’ll throw a fit, but you guys
are screwing, right?”
Jace didn’t like how that sounded. Sure, they’d been having a lot of
sex. Over the last couple of weeks, they went to all sorts of extremes to
be together. For a while Victor was sleeping in Jace’s car, and Jace had
managed to sneak out for some backseat fun. A few times he had begged
Michelle to let Victor enter through her window. In the morning, Victor
would hide beneath the bed until everyone had left the house. So yes,
they were having sex, but screwing made it sound cold, when really they
were—
“Making love,” Jace said without thinking.
Star opened her mouth, snapped it shut, then nodded as if in slow
motion. “O-kay,” she said. “Very romantic. I can see why Victor talks
about you all the time.”
“He does?” Jace said a little too eagerly.
“Yeah. Sometimes I wonder if he’ll ever stop.”
Her voice had an edge when she said this, barely detectable and
probably not intentional, but it was there. Who the hell was she, exactly?
“So how did you two meet?” Jace asked.
“I used to live here. My father owned a business in town, and I was
going through that phase where I was desperate to upset him. As you can
imagine, Victor was the perfect way of doing so. Not that I was using
him.” Star glanced out the window, Victor waving when he saw her, a
smoldering cigarette trapped between his fingers. “Okay, so I was, but he
was using me too. One day we sort of clicked, and it became affection
instead of opportunity.”
“So you guys were—”
“Screwing. Even I wouldn’t call it making love.”
Jace considered reaching for the shotgun.
“These days I’m the person he turns to when he feels like running
away.”
Yup! Definitely going to need that shotgun. Was it loaded? If not, he
could smack her upside the head with it.
Star smiled, oblivious to her life being in mortal peril. “You should
come along next time. I have a place in Kansas City. We could party
together, and you’d see more of him that way. I know what it can be like
when you want more and Victor keeps disappearing.”
“That would be cool,” Jace said, but with some reservation.
Star looked him over. “You have a better chance with him than I
ever did. Victor likes to go against the grain, and two guys being
together…”
“Definitely not the norm,” Jace said with a chuckle. Star’s smile
widened, like she was happy for them both. Maybe he wouldn’t need the
shotgun after all. In fact, maybe Star could be an ally instead of a rival.
“Any tips?”
“On keeping Victor happy and interested?” Star exhaled, as if this
were a tall order. “Nothing you probably haven’t figured out. Don’t try to
pin him down. I had him cornered for three months once. Wouldn’t let
him out of my sight, and it got ugly. That was a big mistake. Don’t
expect an explanation, either, when he reappears from one of his little
sojourns.”
“If you love someone, set them free,” Jace said. “If they come back,
don’t ask where they’ve been.”
Star laughed. “Exactly. Oh my god! You so have him figured out
already!”
“I’m getting there,” Jace said. “Bit by bit. Any other words of
wisdom?”
“Just be yourself,” Star said. “Victor will see right through any
games you try to play. That’s why he’s still my friend, after all this
time.”
Jace wasn’t sure what that meant. Before he could ask, Victor came
back inside, a cocky grin on his face.
“Talking about me?” he asked. “I know you were because you both
look like you could swoon at any second. I have that affect on all the
ladies.” Victor shot a wink in Jace’s direction. “A few of the guys too.”
“Are you still here?” Star said, sounding bored.
She was cool, especially since Jace’s reaction nearly had been to
swoon when he caught that wink. Maybe he could learn from Star—not
just how to best handle Victor, but more about his past as well. He and
Star had a history together, and Jace wanted to know more of it.
“We can’t stay long,” Victor said. “My mom cooks a whole turkey
every year, even though it’s just the two of us. You want me to bring
some by after we eat?”
Jace thought about what Star had said. “Nope. You guys go have fun.
If you get bored, you know where to find me.”
Victor seemed—well, not taken aback exactly, but he obviously
hadn’t expected Jace to answer that way. Star snuck him a look that said
she approved. Already her advice had paid off. Jace was definitely
looking forward to seeing more of her around.
Later, when Jace was off work, and after he had stuffed himself at
the table with his family, he lay in bed and read drowsily. He was
nodding off when the doorknob to his bedroom turned much too
carefully to be anyone but the person he wanted to see most.
“I think your sister is getting tired of me coming in through the
window,” Victor whispered.
“I’ll increase her bribe money,” Jace said, tossing aside the book as
Victor crawled over his body. Victor kissed him once reaching his lips,
not stopping until they were both truly exhausted.
As Jace dozed off, he wondered—even if it was unrealistic to expect
Victor to be his completely—if it would be all right to belong to him
entirely.
* * * * *
Jace had gotten his wish. Victor had settled down. Jace knew where
to find him on any given night. More or less. Winter had blown across
Warrensburg, encasing it in ice and decorating it with snow. The weather
forecasters were calling it the worst winter in the last decade, and even
the elderly conceded it was at least as bad as such-and-such storm from
their childhood.
This meant Victor had very few options left. Even though Greg had
helped him upgrade the lean-to in the woods to what he called an A-
frame shelter, it was simply too cold for Victor to live outside. Aside
from a few rare occurrences, Victor spent every night at his mother’s
