it sound like a done deal.”
“Isn’t it?”
Victor shrugged. “This is exactly why I don’t like relationships. You
and Adrien could go on being friends, sleeping together, getting all lovey
when the mood strikes you. Instead it’s like this job position that gets put
under review occasionally. If the other person isn’t performing to your
satisfaction—” Victor swiped a finger across his neck.
Jace rolled his eyes. “It’s perfectly normal that people outgrow each
other.”
“Maybe,” Victor said. “But then again, here we are, all grown up and
desperate to revisit the past. We never had to stop, Jace. Even if you
needed to leave, to get away from me, from Warrensburg, or whatever—
that doesn’t mean we had to call it quits. Why does it have to be all or
nothing?”
“I don’t know,” Jace said. “Maybe it doesn’t have to be.”
“For either of us.”
Jace did a double take. “You mean Adrien?”
“Why not?”
“Because of the way he acted!”
“He’s human,” Victor said.
“So am I, but I don’t act that way.”
“Still not a good enough reason to kick him out of your life.” Victor
reached for another cigarette but then changed his mind. “Tell you what,
the next time things get ugly with Adrien, just walk away. Every time he
acts like that, leave. Eventually he’ll get the point. If he wants to be
around you, he’ll have to be civil. You keep telling me he has a good
side. Be there for that part of him, but turn your back when he gets
mean.”
Jace shook his head. “Thanks for the reminder. I’d nearly convinced
myself that you wanted me all to yourself.”
“Love knows no boundaries,” Victor said. Then he smirked. “And
neither do I.”
“You’re hopeless,” Jace moaned, but he couldn’t help smiling.
“There’s another reason I think Adrien and I are over.”
“What now? He brushes his teeth too loud?”
“No,” Jace said. “Because, after I graduate, I’m moving back here.”
Victor’s brow crinkled. “Why?”
“A lot of reasons. Well, mostly just one. I want to be there for you. I
know what you’re going through with your mom is hard, and I want to
help out. And you’re right about other things. You and me, for instance.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I won’t be so jealous or…” Jace’s throat felt
too dry to continue. Of course it didn’t help that Victor was looking less
and less happy.
“No.”
“No?”
Victor shook his head. “You’re not giving up on your dreams for me.
Especially because my mom is sick. You think that’s going to make me
feel good, watching you wither away in Warrensburg again, just because
I can’t bring myself to leave?”
“It’s not just your—”
“I meant what I said.” Victor stood, one hand clenching the swing’s
chain. “Texas suits you. Being away from here, that’s what’s right for
you. Taking care of my mother, that’s my burden to bear, and you know
what? I’m happy to bear it. All those years she struggled to keep us both
fed, all the things I ended up putting her though—now’s my time to
make it up to her. I wish that she wasn’t sick, but at least now I can
finally do the right thing. I don’t need your help.”
Jace clenched his jaw. “I think you do! And if you’d listen, I’m
talking about more than just your mother. I’m talking about us!”
“Star’s moving in with me,” Victor said. “Next week. She’s going to
help me.”
Jace felt the blood drain from his face. “Really?”
Victor sighed. “No. But your expression tells me all I need to know.
Just the idea of someone else being there hurts you. I can’t be the person
you want me to be, Jace. Not in the long run. If you want to come to me
for a night, that’s one thing. But you’re kidding yourself if you think
you’ll be any more happy with me now than when we were younger.”
“Don’t tell me what I feel!” Jace said through gritted teeth, but he
wasn’t angry. He felt like crying, and he’d promised himself a long time
ago not to cry over Victor anymore. That he was tempted to now spoke
volumes. Victor was right. Jace nearly hated him for it, but Victor was so
damn right.
“Then again,” Victor said, looking mischievous. “Bernard would
probably give you a raise for having a college degree. Maybe a whole
dollar!”
“Forget it,” Jace said. “You had your chance. I’m going back to
Texas to become an oil tycoon.”
“Good,” Victor said. “Do something amazing with your life so I can
take credit for your formative years.”
“I will.”
“And the next time you’re single—if things don’t work out with
Adrien that is—be sure to look me up. But only if you’re really single. I
can’t stand another night of blue balls.” Victor stood and offered his
hand. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your car.”
Jace took a deep breath. Then he exhaled, grabbed Victor’s hand,
and clung to it until he had no choice but to let go again. Once he was in
his car, sealed away from the rest of the world, he kept his promise and
didn’t cry. Instead he looked to the future, and tried to decide what he
would make of himself.
Chapter Seventeen
“Where were you?”
Those were the exact words Jace had expected. The entire drive back
to Houston, he kept hearing them, except they sounded at lot more
accusatory in his imagination. In reality, Adrien sounded more concerned
than anything.
“I went home,” Jace said.
“To Warrensburg?” Adrien asked, sitting on the edge of their dorm
room bed.
When Jace nodded, Adrien’s reaction was pained, like his worst fear
had come to pass.
“You went to see Victor, didn’t you?”
“I went to see everyone,” Jace said, tossing his car keys on the desk.
He moved to the couch, sitting so he could take off his shoes. “I saw my
family, and yes, I saw Victor.”
Adrien bit his lip. “Did you—”
“No.” Jace looked him in the eyes. “Nothing happened between us. I
didn’t cheat on you.”
Adrien didn’t seem too relieved. “I messed up,” he said. “I shouldn’t
have been drinking like that, but the stress lately is horrible. I ended up
making it worse for myself. And for you. I’m sorry.”
Jace hadn’t expected this. He’d been braced for an argument. From
one side, at least. He’d planned on taking Victor’s advice and turning his
back rather than feeding into the anger. Never had he considered that
Adrien would be feeling remorse. Still, this didn’t change anything. Jace
had thought about other things on the drive down. Things that had to
happen.
“You’re right,” he said. “The stress is horrible. And it’s only going to
get harder next week. That’s why I think we should take a break.”
“What?” Adrien looked like he’d been slapped. “No!”
Jace raised a hand. “Not like that. I’m not breaking up with you. I
just think we should focus on what needs to get done. Then we can look
at our relationship with clear heads. Until then, I’ll sleep on the couch
and try to stay out of your way. That shouldn’t be hard, considering how
much there is to do.”
Adrien stared at him with mouth agape. Then he moved to the couch,
placing thin fingers over Jace’s hand. “Please don’t do this! I know I was
being a bitch, but I’ve been… I’m jealous of him. Ever since Victor
came to visit, you’ve been different. Distant.”
“I know.” Jace closed his eyes briefly, feeling guilty. “I had some
unresolved issues to take care of. And I did.”
“That’s why I was acting so crazy,” Adrien said. “Well, that and
everything else. I know you probably can’t understand it. Someone like
you never needs to feel jealous, but I’m lucky to have you. Just imagine
if you were me, and one day some other guy comes along. Suddenly you
feel like you have to share, like you’ll never have the person you love all
to yourself again.”
Jace thought briefly of Star. He knew the feeling all too well. He
hadn’t realized he was doing the same thing to Adrien. Or something
similar. Adrien was shrewd enough to know the source of Jace’s mood
changes. Of course he had known, and had been struggling with the same
feelings Victor had once put Jace through.
“I don’t want a break,” Adrien said. “I want you!”
His delicate hand moved up Jace’s arm, over his shoulder, to the
back of his neck. Then Adrien’s lips were on his. All the pent-up
hormones inside Jace responded, eager to finally find release. He kissed
back, did much more than that, but he did so with his eyes closed,
another face haunting his fantasies. Later, when Adrien was sleeping
tangled up in his arms, he told himself he would make this work.
In his heart, he already knew this was a promise he couldn’t keep.
* * * * *
Jace was searching. The right time, the right excuse, the right words.
Adrien wasn’t making it easy. Suddenly he was everything a perfect
boyfriend should be. He was quiet when Jace studied, wordlessly placing
snacks or drinks next to him to keep him going. In the rare moments they
weren’t busy, Adrien was pleasant. Too pleasant. The cheerfulness felt
forced from someone normally sarcastic. Jace found himself wishing for
the old Adrien, but mostly in the hopes they would argue and he could
break it off.
Soon finals were all they could concentrate on. Even if Jace wasn’t
busy, he’d be pretty low to break up with someone in the middle of so
much stress. When Jace returned from the last of his finals, he found the
room lit by candles, Adrien waiting with a bottle of wine. In the mood to
celebrate, Jace set aside his uncertainties. Only later when Adrien started
to kiss him did Jace feel empty inside, going through the motions without
feeling much of anything.
That was the real problem. Regardless of how horrible or wonderful
Adrien could be, Jace just didn’t feel the same toward him anymore.
Without those emotions, he didn’t even feel like being his friend. What
he wanted was to graduate and move on—another stage of his life
completed, another chapter closed. Adrien seemed to feel the opposite.
All he could talk about was the apartment and how wonderful it would
be. Jace wished he had never signed the lease, hadn’t asked his parents to
cosign. He felt like he was marching toward a cage—one he would pay
for the privilege of being trapped in.
As the days went by, he began to resent Adrien, no matter how nice
he was being. Why couldn’t he have given Jace his break? Some nights
Jace felt like he couldn’t breathe. He needed out. Right now. Well, not
right now. At the moment he was waiting tables. It wouldn’t be a good
night for tips, since Jace was lost in his thoughts instead of charming
customers. He was so distracted that he didn’t even recognize a very
familiar patron.
“What can I get you?” he said, already focusing on the pad of paper
in his hand.
“A smile would be nice.”
Jace looked up, shoulders tensing. Why did he have to be here? Why
now?
“Are you all right?” Adrien asked.
No! How could he not recognize that? But instead Jace nodded,
because he realized that maybe this was his chance. Right here. Even
Adrien wouldn’t make a scene in public. Would he?
“Can you sit down for a second?” Adrien asked. “I need to talk to
you about something.”
Jace glanced around. “Okay, but make it quick.”
Adrien raised an eyebrow, a hint of his real self. “I called my parents
today.”
“You did?” Jace’s surprise distracted him from the other issues. To
say that Adrien and his parents didn’t get along was putting it mildly.
“I actually invited them to the graduation ceremony.”
“Wow! What did they say?”
“Oh, that they needed a new roof and the car was acting up, so they
couldn’t make the drive or afford the trip.” Adrien rolled his eyes. “It’s
all bullshit.”
“I’m sorry,” Jace said.
“Thanks.” Adrien bit his lip. “I know you wanted some private time
with your parents when they come down, but do you think I could tag
along? Caleb is busy with his family. Tanner too. Everyone is. Except for
me.”
Jace clenched his jaw. He couldn’t help it. The only reason he
wanted private time with his parents was to get away from Adrien. He
was always at the dorm when Jace was off work, occupying every free
moment. But now obviously wasn’t the time, nor would it be until after
graduation. Of course then they would be busy packing to move into
their new apartment. Jace could hear the door clicking shut, the thud of
locks and the jingle of chains sealing him in forever. This had to stop.
“Adrien—”
A hand fell on his shoulder. “Are you on break?”
Jace looked up into the eyes of his manager. She didn’t look happy.
“Two of your tables have their food drying out under the heat
lamps!”
“Sorry!” Jace hurried to his feet, but turned back before he got far.
“Don’t go away!”
Once back in the kitchen, he ordered Adrien’s favorite meal and
headed out to his tables. For the rest of his shift, he was nearly manic
with glee, partially because he felt panicked, but also because he felt
hope. He could do this. He would do this! When Adrien was finished
eating, Jace brought him a glass of wine. Oil for the machine. At least he
hoped it would make things go smoother. Finally his shift was at an end.
He was free. Well, almost.
Taking a deep breath, he invited Adrien to walk home with him.
* * * * *
“You’re fucking kidding yourself if you think you’re moving into
that apartment. My apartment!”
Bless every star in the sky, angry Adrien was back! Jace was so
happy he felt like kissing him, which of course would defeat the purpose
of this moment. They had been walking across the park to their dorm
room when Jace finally said it. We’re not working out. I don’t think it’s
going to. At least, I’m not willing to try anymore. Adrien hadn’t pleaded
like the week before. Instead he flipped out, and was continuing to do so.
They were near the tree where not long ago Victor had been standing
and smoking. Jace could imagine him there now, smirking and shaking
his head, his opinions on relationships confirmed yet again.
“I’d give you the apartment in a heartbeat if I could,” Jace said, so
far managing to keep his cool. “But it’s my name on the lease. The
