landlord wouldn’t accept you as a tenant without a cosigner.”
Adrien scowled. “Then sign the lease over to me!”
“With my parents’ names still on it?”
Adrien growled in frustration. “I don’t know why you’re doing this!
You can’t afford the place on your own.”
“Neither can you. Be happy you aren’t stuck with it.”
“I am,” Adrien said. “It’s not good enough for me. Two more years,
and I’m going to be rich. What are you going to do with a degree in
English Lit? What’s that even good for?”
Jace shrugged.
Adrien wasn’t finished. “You’ll be poor your whole life and wish
you’d been smart enough to stay with me.”
“Could be,” Jace said evenly. “Time will tell.”
Adrien seemed to search his face for some way to make him angry,
exhaling when he came up empty-handed. “It’s him, isn’t it? That’s what
this is about.”
“No,” Jace said. “I think it’s about me. It’ll never work with Victor,
and it’ll never work with you. I’m the common denominator in both
situations, so as clichéd as it might sound, it’s me, not you.”
“Well then, that makes it okay. You’re just going to live alone the
rest of your life until you croak. I’m so happy for you!”
Jace’s skin crawled. Adrien couldn’t know. Jace had never told him,
but that old fear rearing its ugly head now was unexpected. And
unwelcome. Although even it couldn’t dissuade him. He and Adrien
were finished.
“You never loved me,” Adrien said with a huff. “You never said it.
Not once. Do you know how fucked up and worthless that made me
feel?”
Jace sighed. “I’m sorry. I really am. I hope you do end up rich. And I
hope you find a guy who never makes you feel jealous or unloved,
because I never wanted you to feel either of those things. I’m honestly
sorry I couldn’t be that person. The only thing I can do is let you go so
you can find him.”
Adrien glared. “So I should thank you?”
“No, you should say goodbye.”
Adrien’s mask slipped, and for a moment he appeared vulnerable.
Then his jaw set, which was never a good sign. “Better find yourself
somewhere to sleep, because you’re not coming home with me!” Then he
spun around and marched off.
Jace watched him go, waiting for a pang of regret somewhere deep
inside, but it never manifested. Instead, he felt positively liberated. This
was the right thing to do. Reaching into his pocket, he counted up his tip
money for the night and wondered he could find a hotel room for thirty-
two dollars.
* * * * *
When Jace’s parents said they were bringing someone with them to
his graduation, he knew better than to expect Victor. He wouldn’t play
with Jace’s emotions like that—not after the last conversation they’d
had. Jace knew it wasn’t his sister, so he figured it would be Greg. As he
watched from the dorm room window, standing next to the packed boxes
of his possessions, Jace smiled when he saw not one, but two white
haired, balding heads get out of the car. Jace raced down the stairs to
meet them, slighting his parents by hugging Bernard first.
The graduation ceremony went by in a blur. Jace’s heart raced until
his name was called, but slowed to a crawl while he waited for all the
other graduates to receive their diplomas. After tossing his hat in the air,
he left it behind to meet his family. Bernard certainly counted among
them. Jace loved him too much for Bernard to simply be his friend.
Now they were gathered around a table in a restaurant packed with
other parents and happy graduates. The wait staff seemed exhausted
already, Jace glad not to be among them today.
“You know,” Bernard said over a celebratory mug of beer, “maybe I
should open up a second Bernie’s down here, start competing with the
big boys.”
Jace laughed. “You’d look great in a cowboy hat!”
“Or you would, since you’d be running the place.” Bernard shot Jace
a wink.
“No, my gas station days are behind me. Thanks anyway!”
Not that he thought Bernard was really serious. Of course this
begged a certain question, which his father voiced.
“What exactly are you going to do? You kept saying you’d figure it
out after you graduated. Well, now you have.”
“Bob,” Jace’s mother said warningly. Her voice was softer when she
addressed Jace. “You can always move home.”
Bernard perked up at the idea. “That would be easier than opening a
new location. Come home and I’ll put you in charge of the place. It’s
about time I retire.”
Now that was a serious offer. Probably. Not that it mattered. “I’m
still moving into that apartment,” Jace said. “Even without Adrien. I’ll
work extra hours at the restaurant until I can find something. Maybe I’ll
teach or find some celebrity who wants me to pen their biography.”
“You can write mine,” Bob offered. “The Secret Diary of a Dry
Cleaner. How’s that for a title?”
“I can hear Hollywood calling already.” Jace smiled. “Let me see
how I do on my own. If I fail miserably, I promise to come home and
mooch off you guys.”
“You’ve got a good safety net in us,” Bernard said. “Just remember
that if things get overwhelming.”
“You’ll always have a home to return to,” Serena said in agreement.
“Speaking of home,” Jace said. “What was Michelle’s excuse for not
wanting to see her big brother graduate?”
Bob snorted. “Probably because she wants to—”
“Space,” Serena said, cutting off her husband. “Your sister was eager
to have the house to herself. When we cosigned your apartment, she
practically threw a fit about needing her own place.”
Jace could understand that. Living in a college town meant not
needing a dorm room. Or a job to pay for expenses, so there was a trade-
off. Michelle could focus on her studies, while he had to— Jace beamed
suddenly. No longer would he have to juggle a job and his studies. The
nightmare was over.
“A little something to help you get started,” Bernard said, sliding an
envelope across the table.
“And one from us too,” his mother said, handing him a greeting card.
The card was a little too heavy to be empty, and a casual squeeze of
the envelope revealed the familiar outline of cash. Later, when Bernard
excused himself to use the restroom, Jace allowed himself a peek. Green,
green, and more green. Yes indeed, the nightmare was officially over.
Let the dream begin!
* * * * *
In Jace’s dreams, he wasn’t quite so broke. The first thing he realized
when moving into the apartment was how few things he owned. He
didn’t have a dining room table. Just as well because he didn’t own any
dishes. Likewise, a couch didn’t have much purpose without a television
across from it. The worst was not having a bed. Or shelves to house the
many books he owned. At first he thought about using them to build
some furniture. A stack to sit on and a few rows of books as a table. That
idea lasted about half a day.
Bernard and his parents had given him a ridiculous amount of cash,
probably knowing what he’d be facing. Jace made buying a bed his top
priority, then very unhappily learned how much a new mattress cost.
After that purchase, the budget he’d written out looked ridiculous. He
skipped a bed frame. The mattress could go on the floor. No more new
things, either. Jace hit a few thrift stores and charity shops, slowly
covering the basics and trying to be clever. A table for eating could also
serve as a desk. One of the chairs at the table could be pulled into the
living room too. He couldn’t justify a television, but he did find an old
stereo, so he’d have some form of entertainment besides reading. The
books he lined up against the walls as orderly as possible. After asking
around at work, he managed to find a cheap dresser to keep his clothes
in.
The rest of his money went to all the small things that added up
quickly: dishes, towels, sheets, a shower curtain, pots and pans. He
stocked up his kitchen with the very finest foods from the Orient (ramen
noodles), Italy’s most delicate cuisine (macaroni and cheese), and a
selection of drinks in the event guests should stop by (Kool-Aid, lemon-
lime and black cherry flavors). Luckily he got a free meal at work, which
meant he wouldn’t die of malnutrition.
Once he was settled, Jace had planned to drive to Missouri for a little
fun with Victor. While he no longer expected them to give love a second
chance, he was eager to make up for the previous visit’s frustration.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t afford the gas. Or the time off. Jace began
working more shifts that filled up his nights, leaving his days free for
job-hunting. After all, having a college degree meant no longer having to
wait tables. Or so he thought. Most of the jobs he applied for required
experience in that particular field, which was frustrating since apparently
he couldn’t get experience without having previous experience.
Eventually, after a month of circling classifieds by day and hoisting
trays at night, he found his first real job.
No more food industry. Jace was now working in an office as a
personal assistant. The job title sounded glamorous. When he applied, he
pictured following some flustered CEO around, calling the boss’s wife to
make excuses before arranging front-row seats at whatever the big game
was that night. Instead, Jace was a secretary who was also expected to
run annoying errands, like fetching takeout orders for the rest of the
office. Welcome back to the food industry! At least the pay increase was
substantial. And yet, his first paycheck was a few dollars less than what
he could bring in working tables. Those tips on weekend nights added up
quickly. Without the daily free meal, Jace calculated he was actually
earning less now.
Still, the experience had to be worth something. The overworked
office jockey of today was the task-delegating manager of tomorrow.
Jace worked through the summer, pinching every penny he earned and
mastering coupon-clipping. Eventually he upgraded his life with a
microwave and coffee machine, and rarely was his refrigerator ever
empty. Still, one part of him was left hungry. Except for some harmless
flirting with an older guy at the office, his love life was seriously lacking.
Jace had saved enough money to buy a used television, but he opted
instead for a different form of entertainment. Filling the tank of his car,
he headed north.
Twelve hours later, he pulled into the parking lot of Bernie’s, but left
again when he didn’t recognize the worker behind the counter. Then he
drove to a small run-down house, parked his car, and knocked on the
door. The man who answered looked tired, but there was still something
wild in his eyes. And his grin, when he heard what Jace had to say.
“I’m single.”
“Not expecting me to change that, are you?” Victor said.
Jace shook his head. “I just mean that there’s nothing we can’t do.”
Then he added, “No limits.”
Chapter Eighteen
Jace breathed in, the cold air making his lungs feel small and tight.
Flurries of snow circled his head, carried on a biting wind before the
flakes recovered and swayed lazily downward again. The sun’s reflection
off the blankets of snow nearly blinded him. He missed this. All those
long winters, wishing for spring to return, and here he was enjoying
weather that had everyone else in Warrensburg grumbling. Of course
Jace had another reason for feeling so cheerful as he walked to his car.
Soon he would see Victor again.
This time Jace had promised himself to see his family first. It hadn’t
been easy considering how long it had been since his last visit, since he’d
kissed or touched or held anyone. Jace could have gone to bars.
Occasionally he browsed personal ads, but why go to the trouble when
the best lover he’d had was a drive away? Jace had planned on these
visits occurring monthly, but real life had gotten in the way. Money was
always tight, time always short. There were weekends he could afford a
trip but opted instead to improve the home he returned to every night, or
make much-needed repairs on his car. He hadn’t meant to let nearly half
a year slip by, but the separation would make tonight all the more
delicious.
He drove first to Bernie’s, not seeing Victor at the counter but still
going inside when he saw an older man checking off items on a
clipboard.
“If you’re here for your present,” Bernard said after hugging him,
“you’ll have to come back tomorrow.”
“You’re dressing up as Santa again, aren’t you?” Jace said, not
hiding his amusement.
“You may be too grown up to have any fun, but the kids love it.”
“Not half as much as you do,” Jace teased. “I’ll stop by tomorrow.”
“Good!” Bernard beamed at him. “You can wear the elf costume I
had made.”
“Please tell me you’re kidding.”
Bernard looked crestfallen. “It’s a very nice costume. Hey, you need
to tank up while you’re here? It’s on the house.”
Jace shook his head. “Actually, I was looking for Victor.”
“Oh.” Bernard’s jovial mood disappeared. “He doesn’t come in very
often.”
“He quit?”
“No, he still has a job here. He tends to show up when he really
needs money and asks to be paid in cash.”
An uncomfortable feeling stirred in Jace’s stomach. “That doesn’t
sound like him. Well, maybe it does, but it doesn’t sound good.”
Bernard mirrored his concern. “No, it doesn’t. I’m worried about him
too, but he doesn’t open up to me anymore. Not like he used to. I was
hoping you’d be able to get through to him.”
“Yeah, of course.” Jace was halfway to the door before realizing he
hadn’t even said goodbye. When he turned around, Bernard nodded in
understanding and waved him away.
The drive to Victor’s didn’t take long but was enough time to
imagine all sorts of nightmare scenarios. Maybe Victor’s mother had
died. Or maybe Star had introduced him to something much worse than
acid and he’d find Victor’s arms riddled with needle marks. When Jace
pulled up to the house, he knew something was wrong. None of the
Christmas lights Mrs. Hemingway enjoyed so much had been hung this
