house at night. Everything was a big secret with him. That’s the kind of
guy Tim was. Get him to take off one mask and there’d be another
beneath it. Over the course of a year, I got past them all. Or at least I
thought I did.”
“And what happened?”
“I loved him,” Ben said. “That’s what happened. He seemed okay
with that, so we kept on doing what we did. I thought he would
eventually see that us being together was okay, that it wouldn’t be the
end of the world if anyone found out. Instead, he kept getting
increasingly wound up about it all, like more and more was on the line.
Looking back, I think he was falling for me. That’s what did it in the end.
Despite all the crap that happened to us, I think the real problem is that
Tim realized he loved me.”
“And that forced him to face who he was,” Jace finished.
“That would have been nice.” Ben stopped and turned to him, eyes
vulnerable. “I hate secrets. I know this is probably asking a lot, but— If
you have any secrets, or any hang-ups about who you are, either tell me
now or walk away. I like you, Jace. I like you more than anyone I’ve met
in a very long time, but I don’t want to go through that again.”
“I won’t hurt you,” Jace said.
Ben shrugged. “You know what? I don’t even care about that. Love
is worth the pain, but I hate losing people. Maybe I’m crazy, but I’d
rather be miserable with you than be miserable without you.”
Jace laughed. “Can’t you be happy and with me?”
“Of course.” Ben’s arms went slack. “This is why I hate talking
about Tim. It’s like one big head-trip all over again.”
“I don’t have any secrets,” Jace said gently. “What you see is what
you get. I’m not ashamed of who I am, and if being with you feels as
good as the last couple of days have, then I don’t see why I would ever
leave you.”
Ben smiled in relief. “Would it be creepy to kiss right after talking
about our exes?”
Jace shook his head, coming close. “Consider it revenge. Tim’s loss
is my gain.”
Ben’s features softened as he tilted his head upward. As Jace kissed
him, he made a promise to himself. No more trying to be someone he
wasn’t, like he had for Victor. And no more unfair comparisons or
holding back his emotions like he’d done with Adrien. This time he
would get it right.
* * * * *
“I like him,” Jace said.
Greg tossed luggage into the trunk of his car before turning to face
him. “Oh no!” he deadpanned.
“I’m serious.”
“I know you are. I just don’t understand why you sound so upset.”
“Because I really like him.” Jace tried handing the diaper bag to
Greg, who signaled that it needed to go up front. “I do this every time. I
meet a great guy, things are perfect for days, weeks, even months, and
then— Remember Mark?”
“Mr. Chatterbox?” Greg slammed the trunk shut. “Yeah, I remember.
He and I went to pick up beer, and he ended up talking to everyone in the
store. Every single person.”
“Yeah, he was weird. Anyway, the longer we were together, the
more I would start to panic.”
Greg snorted. “Gosh, you must be the first guy to ever feel that
way.”
Jace shook his head. “I don’t mean a fear of commitment. That
doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”
“Then what?”
“Victor.”
“Oh.” Greg thought for a moment, then nodded in understanding.
“Still freaked out that it could happen again?”
Jace exhaled. “Yeah. It’s not like I think Mark, Ben, or anyone else
is going to kill themselves. You never know, but it took me years to get
over what happened. Not that I am. Not completely. Anyway, if things
between Ben and me continue getting serious and something happens to
him, what then?”
“You survived it once.” Greg leaned against his car. “Listen, I get
what you’re saying. I feel the same way about your sister, and man, don’t
even get me started on the kids. That’s my worst fear. Easily. If
something happened to them…” Greg shook his head. “That’s life. We
can’t keep everyone we love safe, no matter how much we want to.
Simple as that. You can either let it drive you crazy, or you can try to put
it out of your mind.”
Jace sighed. “So you think I’m crazy for worrying?”
“Hell no! Listen, as much as I loved Victor, the guy wasn’t stable.
He had his demons. We just didn’t recognize them in time. Now you
will. If you see something like that in Ben, bail before things become too
serious. Until then, get to know the guy. Give him a chance. You’re
smarter for having gone through it before. This time you’ll see it coming
before it’s too late.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah.”
Jace smiled. “You’re good at this. Maybe you should have been a
relationship counselor.”
“Nothing is more important to me than family,” Greg said. “Now go
tell your sister to get her ass down here or she’s walking back to
Missouri. If she has to leave the kids behind, that’s fine with me. You’ll
take care of them, right?”
Jace shook his head. “You wouldn’t make it an hour without any of
them.”
Greg winked. “Sure I would.”
“Okay. I’ll tell her what you said.”
Greg looked terrified. “Don’t! I was only kidding!”
“Too late!” Jace said, running toward the apartment building,
laughing as Greg chased after him.
* * * * *
Jace wobbled out of the restaurant, wondering if this was how
Michelle felt every day. An Italian buffet! The prospect had sounded so
delectable at the time. Now, after stuffing himself on one of the world’s
heaviest cuisines, Jace was questioning the wisdom of his choice.
“I sort of feel like I need to burp,” Ben said from beside him, “but
am scared if I try, that I might barf instead.”
Jace laughed, then winced as he rubbed his belly. “I think we overdid
it.”
“Just a little,” Ben said. “They should have ambulances parked
outside this place.”
As they neared the car, the idea of sitting down again sounded
dreadful. “We could go for a walk,” he suggested. “Burn off some of
these carbs.”
Ben wanted to respond, but then he covered his mouth and simply
nodded. Yes, they had both definitely overdone it.
They weren’t in the most scenic part of downtown Houston. The
United States—especially Texas—was very much a car culture,
something Houston embraced fully. They walked along crumbling
sidewalks, having to hustle past gas station driveways or talk loudly over
the traffic on the street. Still, being on their feet did seem to help.
“It was good though,” Ben said. “Very tasty.”
“Yes,” Jace said. “A real treat.” He snuck a glance over at Ben to
find his boyfriend doing the same. Were they both trying to be polite?
Only one way to find out. “Actually, it was disgusting.”
“Oh, man!” Ben said with relief. “I didn’t want to say anything, but
it was horrible!”
“Pasta and buffets don’t mix. The noodles were so soggy!”
“And the sauces were either greasy or super salty.”
Jace nodded. “Were your breadsticks cooked? Mine had raw dough
in the middle.”
Ben made a face. “Stop. I can’t think about it. Seriously! Otherwise
the whole buffet is going to come up again.”
They laughed over this as they stumbled down the sidewalk.
“If you thought it was gross,” Jace said, “then why did you eat so
much?”
Ben shrugged. “It was your treat, and I didn’t want your money
going to waste. Besides, we’re supposed to be celebrating the end of your
vacation. I didn’t want to ruin the grand finale by being picky. Why did
you eat so much?”
Jace snickered. “I was trying to keep pace with you.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t want you to be the only one hogging out. I was worried
you’d be embarrassed.”
“I am now!” Ben said, laughing about it. “Let’s make honesty our
sacred policy from now on.”
“Agreed. I can’t stomach the alternative.”
Ben groaned at his joke, eyes on the path ahead of them. “Whatever
he’s eating, I bet it tastes way better than what we ate.”
Jace followed his gaze. At the end of the block, a large dog had his
nose in something messy next to the sidewalk. The owner, who looked
like he spent most of his time at the gym, was tugging on the leash, his
muscles ineffective against the dog’s eager appetite. Jace started to smile
at the scene until the man’s frustration peaked and he kicked the dog in
the side.
Jace’s jaw dropped as a yelp rang out, his stomach clenching tightly.
He was so shocked that he didn’t notice Ben let go of his hand.
Before he could react, Ben was at the end of the block, shouting up
at a man nearly twice his size. Jace raced to catch up to him, catching the
tail end of the man’s rebuttal.
“—and I’ll do what I want! Understand?”
“How would you like it if someone treated you that way?” Ben
shouted back.
“Go ahead and try it, if you think you’re big enough!”
Ben definitely wasn’t. Even Jace felt intimidated. The man was his
equal in height, but had enough muscle to make Greg look scrawny. That
made what Ben did next all the more unlikely. Swinging around, one fist
extended like Superman taking to the air, Ben decked the man. Or might
have if he’d aimed high enough. Ben’s fist thunked the man in the chest.
Jace wondered if the blow could even be felt through those steely pecs.
The man found this assault just as unexpected, which might be why
he didn’t lay Ben flat out on the sidewalk. Instead it was his dog who
attacked, snapping and snarling at Ben. Jace’s body unfroze. Grabbing
Ben around the waist, he picked him up, scurrying backward to get him
out of the dog’s reach. The leash went taut, the dog barking on his hind
legs as it strained to get at Ben.
The man laughed, shaking his head at them. “You’re lucky I don’t let
him off his leash!”
Jace glared, but when it became clear that the man didn’t intend to
attack them, he gave all his attention to Ben. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” Ben said, glowering at the pair as they turned and walked
away.
“Your hand,” Jace said.
Ben was holding his wrist, a red line marring his palm. “It’s just a
scratch,” he said.
“A scratch that’s bleeding,” Jace pointed out.
Ben sucked on the wound, then considered it again. “Just a surface
scratch, really. I’m fine. I must have pulled my hand away before he
could sink his teeth in.”
“The man or the dog?” Jace murmured.
His joke went unheard. Ben was still staring after them. “He can’t
treat his dog that way,” he said. Then he marched in the direction the
man was going.
“Ben, wait!” Jace grabbed his arm. “Let it go!”
Ben turned, locking eyes with him. “Not until I have my say.”
“I’m no good in a fight,” Jace said. “I can’t save you.”
“You won’t have to.” Ben slipped out of Jace’s grip, yelling after the
man, who turned to face him.
Jace stayed on Ben’s heels, thankful when he stopped a safe distance
away.
“You can’t treat your dog like that,” Ben said.
The man’s response was to lean down and place a hand where the
leash was connected to the dog’s collar.
“Actually, I guess you can,” Ben said. “Dogs are like that, aren’t
they? You can abuse them, but they’ll still adore you. And protect you.”
Ben held up his hand, showing the wound. “You kicked your dog, but he
still went after me for trying to help. The stupid thing loves you.
Remember that the next time you feel like hurting it.”
The man glared at Ben, but then he straightened up. As he turned
away, he was looking down at the dog, hopefully in a new light. As for
Ben, he shook his head, still not satisfied. Then he spun around,
frowning. “Let’s go back to the car,” he said.
Jace put an arm around him, guiding him away. “That was
incredible.”
“That was pointless,” Ben said.
“I don’t think so. You got through to him. I really think you did.”
“For the dog’s sake, I hope you’re right. I grew up with one. Wilford
was the best. We never treated him like that. I hate the idea of any dog
being hurt. They’re too stupid to run away from bad owners. Too stupid,
or too good.”
Jace squeezed him. “You did what you could. Honestly, I didn’t
know you had it in you.”
Ben managed a smile. “I’m a lover and a fighter.”
He was kidding, but Jace realized it was true. School had been hell
for Ben—years of feeling alienated and getting picked on—and he still
didn’t regret coming out so young. And now, even after the very creature
Ben was trying to protect had attacked him, he’d still rallied and gone
back to speak his mind. Ben really was a fighter.
One of the hardest things about losing Victor was that he had quit.
Despite all his convictions and ideas, Victor had thrown in the towel.
After the events of the evening, Jace doubted he’d ever have to worry
about Ben doing something like that. Ben would stand his ground, and
even if he got knocked down, Ben would keep on fighting.
* * * * *
“Do you ever fly to Austin?” Ben asked. He was sitting up in bed
cross-legged, the morning light softly illuminating his hair. He looked
hopeful, like a little boy waiting for a birthday present.
Jace sipped at the orange juice Ben had handed him just a moment
ago. Not a bad way to wake up, but now he wondered what inspired this
bribe. “Austin? No. Why?”
Ben took a deep breath. “I’m thinking about changing schools. Well,
not thinking, really. I am. Allison asked me. Now that her father is gone,
she’s more on her own than ever. And frankly, I’m sick of Chicago. I
loved it at first, and I still do in a way, but I think I’d rather visit than live
there. Plus my family is down here, tuition is cheaper, and I’ll no longer
freeze my ass off most of the year.”
“I would miss your ass if that happened,” Jace said. “Why not
Houston? You’d still be able to drive up and see Allison.”
“My feelings about returning here still haven’t changed,” Ben said.
“Well, I guess they have, since you’re here. But I’d still like to see
something new. Austin is supposed to be really cool, and tuition will be
cheaper. Of course, if you never fly out there…”
“It would be strange,” Jace said. “Arranging my schedule to
overnight in Chicago makes sense, but getting a hotel an hour away from
