my apartment?”
Ben shook his head. “It’s farther than that.”
“Not by plane, it isn’t.”
Ben frowned. “So you don’t want to?”
“It’s not that.” He rubbed his eyes, wondering how he could explain.
“I just think the airline will find the hotel expense superfluous.”
“You won’t need a hotel,” Ben said.
That was a fair point. Really, it didn’t matter what Jace’s schedule
was. He used to drive to Warrensburg just to see Victor. In comparison,
finding his way to Austin was nothing. Jace reached out and took Ben’s
hand. “Look, no matter what, I’ll find a way to see you. I can fly for free,
and Austin is only an hour away. You go wherever you feel like you
need to be. We’ll work something out.”
“Really?”
And now the little boy looked like he’d gotten the present he wanted
most. Jace laughed. The description wasn’t fair. Ben might be younger,
but he had crossed over into manhood long ago. “Really. Now, is it going
to be breakfast or are you getting in the shower with me?”
Ben grinned, scurried down the ladder, and headed for the bathroom.
Jace finished his orange juice, listening to the shower hiss into life. This
could be good. He could pop over to Austin when he had time off instead
of trying to squeeze in his relationship on weeknights. Of course that
would mean more time away from Samson, but maybe he could work
something out with his sister when she moved down. Yawning, Jace
flopped onto his back and closed his eyes. A few minutes later, a very
needy voice called out.
“Jaaaaaaaaace!”
College boys. They could be such a handful. In more than one way.
Chapter Twenty-five
The honeymoon lasted four glorious weeks. The first few times Jace
flew to Austin, Ben had been overwhelmed.
“Why did I think switching colleges would be easy?” he moaned.
Jace couldn’t offer much advice in that department, but he was
happy to ease Ben’s woes by taking him out on dates. Jace learned that
Ben hadn’t been treated this way before. Tim had been too closeted, Ben
confided, and money was tight in Chicago, so simple pleasures like
dinners or concert tickets were out of his price range. Jace reveled in
being able to pamper him. Other times he flew Ben to Houston,
especially when Jace wanted them to have more privacy. Not that Allison
was invasive. She and Ben lived together in a duplex they rented, and she
had her own love life, so there was plenty of opportunity for alone time.
But sometimes, Jace simply wanted Ben entirely to himself.
Sadly, that was becoming more and more difficult. The airline was
struggling, which meant restructuring. Some lost their jobs, others took
pay cuts. Jace did neither, but he found himself working longer hours, his
schedule shifting unpredictably as the dust settled. He had to cancel one
trip to Austin, then another when his job kept him away from home for
two weeks. Samson would have packed up and left had Michelle not
been there. Her moving to Houston was a godsend.
Still, she and Greg were in transition too, moving their lives to
Houston piece by piece. When Jace finally made it home, she arrived the
next morning wearing transparent agitation.
“You’re on your own this weekend,” she said, “Greg and I are
driving up to Warrensburg to get the last of our stuff. Mom and Dad gave
us a new stroller for Christmas, and Bernard says he has an old
lawnmower he wants to get rid of.”
“Domestic life sounds so thrilling,” Jace said.
“About as fun as taking care of your cat is for me,” his sister
retorted.
That left him in a pinch. The little old lady downstairs was gone, and
besides, Jace missed being home. From the way Samson sat firmly on his
lap, the cat clearly didn’t want him leaving either. Hopefully Ben would
be willing to fly out. Jace was desperate to see him, not just for the usual
reasons, but because he had cooked up something extra special for spring
break. He couldn’t wait to see Ben’s reaction when he heard the news.
After calling the airline for possible flight times, he dialed Austin. Ben
answered, sounding short of breath.
“Hello?”
“Hey, bucko,” Jace said, trying to sound upbeat.
“You aren’t coming.”
Jace sighed. “I wanted to call you yesterday, but it was the night
from hell. I didn’t get in until three a.m.”
When Ben replied, his voice sounded tense. “So do you have to work
this weekend?”
“No, but my sister is out of town, and someone has to take care of
Samson.”
“Oh, come on! This is the third time you’ve canceled! I haven’t seen
you once this month!”
Jace moved the receiver away from his ear slightly. “The other two
times were because of work. This is the first time because of Samson.”
“He’s a cat! Load up his food bowl, and he’ll be fine overnight.”
“I haven’t been home for over a week,” Jace countered. “He needs to
see me sometime. Anyway, I can get you on an afternoon flight and we
can—”
“Forget it.”
Jace’s stomach dropped. “What?”
“Forget it,” Ben repeated. “You have fun with your cat. I’m going to
do my own thing.”
“Ben, I’m not trying to—”
“I just need my space,” Ben interrupted. “I’ll see you next weekend.”
The line went dead. Jace stared at the phone in disbelief and sighed.
This had happened before. Not with Ben, but with guys before him.
Jace’s schedule sucked. He couldn’t always be there when he wanted to.
Sometimes he envied people who knew what time they would be home
every day. There must be a lot of comfort in having a routine, especially
for their partner, but usually Jace enjoyed the variety. He thought Ben
understood that.
Not willing to give up, he hit redial. The phone picked up and hung
up again in one second flat. Jace’s pulse quickened, worried he’d
screwed up everything already. He didn’t want to lose Ben. Steeling
himself, he called again. When the line clicked, he spoke quickly.
“Just let me—”
“I’ll call you later,” Ben said before hanging up.
Now Jace was getting angry. Maybe he had canceled two previous
trips to Austin, but he hadn’t done so for fun. Jace was working, not
brushing off Ben to go drinking with his buddies. If Ben enjoyed their
dinners and dates so much, he needed to realize where the money came
from. Jace expected someone in college to appreciate that already.
Maybe Ben still believed that graduating meant instantly getting a fat
paycheck, when in reality, Jace still scrounged every penny he could.
Some of the extra hours he’d taken were for the trip…
Jace sighed, the special plans seeming like an idealistic dream now.
Maybe they were, but he wasn’t ready to give up. Flexing his jaw, he
called Ben again. This time when he answered, at least there was a
degree of humility in his voice.
“Hello?”
“Italy,” Jace said.
“What?”
“I’m taking you to Italy, you spoiled shit!”
After a pause, Ben sounded miserable, and rightly so. “You are?”
“Yes. I wanted to tell you in person, but—”
“I was being a dick, I know,” Ben said, sounding sorry. “Are you
serious?”
Jace exhaled, calming down somewhat. “Spring break. You up for
it?”
“If you still want me.” Ben chuckled nervously.
“God knows why, but I do.” And he did, very badly. Jace wanted
Ben in his arms so they could pave over this ugly pothole. “Now get your
ass to the airport and come apologize to me properly.”
Jace gave him the flight times, then called the airline to finalize
arrangements. Afterwards he straightened the apartment, his mind
returning to Ben’s tone on the phone. Was Ben right to be so angry?
Frustrated, maybe, or unhappy that they couldn’t be together, but Jace
hadn’t deserved to be hung up on like that. The trip to Italy shouldn’t
have been the crowbar to get back inside his world, either.
Ideally, in a marriage, people get to know each other before the
wedding. The honeymoon is the celebration, the big prize for making it
that far. In a new relationship, the honeymoon stage is spent with a
stranger. Only after the hormone-powered romance settled down did
someone discover just who the other person was. Sometimes that person
wasn’t worth walking down an aisle with.
Jace didn’t want to believe that was the case now, that Ben thought
only of his own needs. On the drive to the airport to pick him up, he felt
apprehensive rather than excited. As Jace stood in front of the gate and
waited, he became increasingly insulted. Who else would regularly fly to
see someone they barely knew? Not that Jace always felt that way. Until
recently, he thought he knew Ben extremely well. He used to think they
had a connection. Now…
Ben appeared in the stream of passengers pouring out of the gate. He
didn’t smile or wave when he saw Jace. Instead, his shoulders were
slumped and he had trouble making eye contact. Ben was ashamed. The
ice on Jace’s heart started to thaw. Maybe they did understand each
other.
Taking Ben into his arms, Jace hugged him tightly. When he stepped
away, Ben still didn’t look happy.
“Was the flight that bad?” he asked.
“I’m sorry,” Ben blurted. “You didn’t deserve to be treated like
that.”
Jace laughed. He couldn’t help himself. He felt so happy that Ben
wasn’t a stranger after all, or a spoiled brat. “You got emotional,” Jace
said. “Big deal. Let’s not allow it to ruin our weekend.”
Ben seemed somewhat relieved, relaxing enough to smile, but
remained uncharacteristically somber on the way home. He responded
with single-syllable answers to Jace’s small talk and questions. Not until
they were parked in front of Jace’s apartment did he speak.
“This is the furthest I’ve made it.” Ben glanced over at him and
licked his lips. “Since Tim, I mean. I’ve dated a lot of guys, and right
about now is when I start doing things like this. Sometimes I compare
them to Tim, or how strongly I felt about him. Most guys come up
short.”
“Do I?” Jace said, feeling confident about the answer.
“No. Definitely not. I think that’s why I feel like pushing you.”
Jace shifted in his seat. “You want to push me away?”
Ben shook his head. “More like I want to push you to see if you’ll
stay. There was this one guy I was with, and I liked him okay. Things
were going really well, but then I asked him to go camping with me. I
knew he hated camping because of some traumatizing childhood
experience. Nothing too serious, but reason enough to not want to go
camping again. Anyway, I kept insisting he go camping with me and he
kept refusing. We broke up over it. Can you believe that? The thing is, I
hate camping too.”
Jace laughed, and after a moment, Ben did too.
“I’ll go camping with you, Ben,” he said. “I’ll even leave the bug
spray at home, just to prove how serious I am.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Ben said. His smile faded as he grew
serious again. “Tim wasn’t there for me. Things got really bad, and that’s
when he decided to leave. I guess I’m worried that you’ll do the same
and—”
“I’m not Tim,” Jace said. “You don’t need to manufacture a situation
for me to prove that.”
“I know.” Ben swallowed. “That’s why I feel so horrible about
acting this way.”
“Don’t,” Jace said. “Just acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on.
And when I eventually screw up and do something stupid, just remember
how forgiving I was today.”
Ben considered him. “You won’t. You’re too perfect.”
“I’m not,” Jace said. “I promise you that someday I’ll screw up
horribly. It’ll be embarrassing and terrible and will totally overshadow
all the good things I ever did. And then I’ll come slinking over to you
with sad puppy dog eyes and…”
“And I’ll kick you to the curb,” Ben said, grinning evilly. “Or maybe
I’ll keep you. We’ll see.”
Jace shook his head. “I see that someone needs a spanking before
he’ll behave.”
Ben perked up. “You know, that might be worth a try!”
* * * * *
Italy was chosen very carefully. Rome was romantic, but not
overwhelmingly so like Paris. Nor as expensive. The hotel was taken
care of by the points Jace built up during his frequent travels. That was a
nice perk of his job, as was the greatly reduced airfare. All he really
needed to worry about was food and tourism, both of which were
affordable with a little careful planning.
He also figured that, for Ben’s first international trip, Italy was
appropriately exotic. England, Jace knew from experience, was a very
different place, but the shared language made it too easy. He wanted Ben
to experience the culture shock of not being able to speak with the locals.
Plus, it gave Jace an opportunity to show off his language skills.
The trip started rough, he and Ben having gotten into the wrong cab.
The unscrupulous driver and his brother thought they could shake
gullible tourists down for all the money they had, but Ben—in his typical
fashion—fought back. This time, thankfully, he battled using only words.
Regardless of his bravery, this experience left Ben shaken.
The next morning brought new optimism and they began having fun.
Jace was slightly disturbed to find himself behaving like his father, who
would plan out every single hour of a vacation and expect everyone to
stick to his schedule. Luckily, Ben was too overwhelmed by it all to
protest. They visited the Vatican museum, slighting the Pope by not
stopping by to have tea with him. Then they saw the Pantheon, which
Jace insisted must have been cooler when dedicated to bizarre pagan
gods instead of boring old saints. At the Circus Maximus, they struggled
to picture people fighting for their lives in the ancient arena, and in the
ruins of the Forum, they fanned themselves in the heat and wished togas
were still in style.
Every night they returned, exhausted, to the hotel. The first night, the
television remained off. They opened the window to let the warm air
drift in and made love Italian-style. Turns out it was just the same as
American-style, but they convinced themselves it felt different anyway.
The second and third nights the television was turned on and room
