There had to be something he could do, some way to help. On his way to
find out how, he bumped into Barbara.
“You want my advice,” she said, eyes red from crying, “find a hotel
while you still can. Before long, there won’t be a vacancy for miles
around any airport.”
“What about us?” Jace said. “Our jobs?”
“Wait for the call,” she said, shaking her head. “I feel sorry for you
young ones. I have twenty-three years under my belt. After this, I wonder
if any of us will ever be flying again.” Glancing toward the nearest
television screen, she added, “God have mercy on us all.”
Jace took her advice, happy for an excuse to flee the airport, if only
so he could pretend for a few fleeting seconds that the world still made
sense, that all he’d seen was another violent Hollywood blockbuster. But
his heart wouldn’t stop pounding. He couldn’t stop picturing what those
last few minutes must have been like for everyone onboard those
doomed flights, or the confusing nightmare that must have taken place in
the towers.
“Last room,” said the flustered woman at the Holiday Inn check-in
counter. “It’s a double too.”
That was good. Jace would call the airline, assuming he could get
through, and let them know he had a room. Any crew members who
couldn’t find a place to stay could share his room. Lord knows they were
used to being crammed into small spaces, not only at work, but in the
rented apartments and homes used as crash pads during layovers.
Once in his room, he tried the phone. Picturing Ben still standing in
front of the kitchen marker board, he called his apartment, thrilled when
he heard ringing and nearly wordless when the line clicked and Ben’s
voice answered.
“Jace?”
“It’s me,” he said. “I’m okay.” But he wasn’t. None of them were.
“Where are you?”
“Memphis. Our flight was—”
“Where?”
The line was crackling, the quality so bad that Jace wasn’t sure if
Ben had heard him. “Memphis. At a Holiday Inn. Listen, I need you to
call my family. I don’t know if I’ll get through again, but if we both try
—” A click. “Hello?”
Jace growled in frustration. When he tried calling again, all lines
were busy. He tried his family next. Ben knew he was safe. They needed
to know next. He tried for another ten minutes, flipping on the television
and staring as he hung up and dialed, hung up and dialed. He could only
imagine that the same thing was happening all over the country as people
desperately tried to confirm that their loved ones were okay.
By evening, two other flight attendants and a pilot were in Jace’s
room. As midnight came and went, the television remained on, even
when one of them tried to sleep. There were no complaints. The same
information was being repeated over and over, but the television was
their only lifeline to more information, to other developments, and
perhaps to an explanation. They all craved it, a reason for what had
happened, but it was impossible to imagine any satisfactory answer.
There was no logical reason such a thing would occur. Only madness
could bring about such chaos.
Jace was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the screen, when
someone knocked on the door. He glanced at the clock. Two in the
morning. Maybe another crew member who couldn’t find somewhere to
stay. Jace didn’t mind. He’d sleep on the floor if need be. He went to
answer it, his heart leaping to his throat when he saw Ben’s face.
Then they were in each other’s arms, Jace squeezing Ben like he was
the last sane piece of the world remaining. Since their brief phone call,
Jace hadn’t been able to reach him, the answering machine picking up
every time. Jace had reached his family, but even Allison didn’t know
where Ben was.
“I love you,” Ben was murmuring into his chest. “I love you so
much! I’m so glad you’re okay.”
When Ben pulled away, looking at the other occupants of the room
with puzzlement, Jace led him out into the hall so they could have
privacy.
“How did you get here?” Jace asked.
“I drove. The second the line went dead, I ran straight for my car.”
Ben’s cheeks were flushed. “Do you know how many damn Holiday Inns
there are around Memphis? This is the fifth one I’ve been to.”
On any other occasion, Jace would have laughed. Instead he kissed
Ben gently. “I’m glad you’re here. It’s horrible, isn’t it?”
Ben nodded, his eyes filling with tears. “Don’t fly again,” he
pleaded. “Ever! Promise me you won’t. Please!”
Then he was in Jace’s arms once more, his body shuddering as he
cried. Jace couldn’t make that promise. In truth, there was already talk
about the airlines not recovering from this blow, or at the very least,
reduced travel meaning fewer flights and less staff needed. Layoffs were
inevitable. Chances were, Jace wouldn’t have a job at all. But if he did,
he’d already promised himself that he would fly again, that he wouldn’t
let the terrorists win. Now wasn’t the time to discuss such things, so he
held his boyfriend to him, stroking and kissing Ben’s hair as he cried out
all of his fears.
* * * * *
Memorial services. Some for coworkers Jace had never known, one
for a person who had helped train him. More memorial services, these in
memory of everyone affected by the September 11th attacks—those who
lost their lives and those who had lost someone. A month later and the
world was still a changed place, but it was time. Not time to move on,
but time to fight by refusing to give in to fear. Ben drove him to the
airport for Jace’s first flight since the attacks, Ben crying in despair when
it was time to say goodbye, and crying in relief when Jace made it home
safely four days later.
Eventually, life became a routine again: work, love, money, stress,
sex, bills, television. The illusion of normality returned, but that’s all it
was—an illusion.
Chapter Twenty-seven
“Have you seen the guy sitting in 22C?” Nancy raised her eyebrows.
“His knuckles are as white as his hair. Do you know what he asked me?”
The flight attendant call-button dinged, Jace glancing down the aisle.
Seat 22C. He glanced over at Nancy.
“‘Can the plane be landed again?’ That’s what he said.” Nancy
licked her lips. “Maybe you should…”
Jace nodded. Even four months after 9/11, they all remained on edge,
looking for any sign of another attack, thrust into the position of playing
detective when it came to human behavior. After some idiot with a bomb
in his shoe tried to play terrorist in December and nearly succeeded,
suddenly anyone could be a terrorist. So now most flight attendants, Jace
included, looked at their passengers with some degree of suspicion.
Nancy was more paranoid than most, but considering she’d been on the
ground in New York during the attacks, few could blame her.
As Jace walked down the aisle toward 22C, he wondered if Nancy
was right for once. The passenger was young. Eighteen, maybe nineteen
at the most. His hair was bleached platinum blonde, a style that went out
of fashion a few years ago. This guy hadn’t gotten the memo, or perhaps
he knew how good it looked on him. Combined with his fair skin and
pale blue eyes… Well, Jace imagined that if there were such things as
angels, they would look something like this. The effect was somewhat
ruined by the heavy sweat on his brow and the pupils dilated with fear.
Jace felt a good dose of fear himself. Was this person regretting
bringing a bomb onboard, knowing it would cost him his own life? As
soon as Jace was close enough, the young man’s hand shot out, latching
onto Jace’s wrist.
“I think I need to get off the plane,” he said in a hoarse voice.
Jace glanced around at the other passengers. They too were on edge,
so he squatted down and whispered, “Are you sick?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m freaking out.”
“Is something wrong?” asked a gruff male voice from across the
aisle.
“Just a little air sickness,” Jace said pleasantly. Turning back to the
passenger, he said, “What’s your name?”
“Kyle.”
“Okay, Kyle. Why don’t you come with me so we can talk in
private?”
Kyle swallowed hard, like his throat was dry. “Can I hold your
hand?”
This took Jace aback, but he nodded. Kyle’s hand moved down to
take his, the palm slick with sweat. Then Jace stood and led the way
down the aisle. He would have felt foolish if he weren’t so worried about
the source of Kyle’s fear.
The galley was the only semi-private place, so Jace took Kyle there.
Nancy, who had been watching everything from the other aisle, met
them.
“Now,” Jace said gently, fixing the baby blue eyes with his own,
“tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t know,” Kyle said, trembling lightly. “I think I’m having a
panic attack.”
“But why?” Nancy asked, an edge to her voice.
Kyle’s eyes widened. “I don’t know! I don’t want to be on this
plane! I don’t want to be on any plane ever again!”
Jace relaxed slightly. “Have you ever flown before?”
Kyle manically shook his head. “No!”
Jace breathed a sigh of relief. A fear of flying, simple as that. Well,
simple for everyone but Kyle. Most people were nervous fliers to some
degree, even if it only manifested during rough turbulence. Mankind
hadn’t evolved to fly, so this was understandable. Shooting through the
sky at five hundred miles per hour in a metal tube put most folks on
edge. But for others, flying was a serious phobia. Those people didn’t get
on a plane without heavy medication.
“Are you scared of flying?” Jace asked.
“Yes,” Kyle said, his breathing heavy, “but I didn’t think it would be
this bad!”
Jace felt so relieved that he nearly laughed. “You’ll have to tough it
out. We can’t turn the plane around. I wish you were old enough to
drink.”
Kyle gave a brave smile, but his hand tightened on Jace’s. “Will you
stay with me? It helps.”
Jace glanced over at Nancy, who gave a wide-eyed shrug that said
she didn’t want to deal with it. After some deliberation, they cleared a
row in the front of economy by upgrading a few lucky passengers to first
class. Then Jace took a seat next to Kyle, switching sides to give his
soaked and cramping hand a break.
“Why are you heading to Boston?” Jace asked, hoping to distract
him.
“Boston University invited me up,” Kyle said. “I’m going to be an
engineer.”
“Hopefully not in the aviation industry,” Jace teased. “Tell you what,
why don’t you tell me everything you know about engineering.”
After some prompting, Kyle did just that. Focusing on his passion
helped him to relax as the flight continued, enough so that Jace was able
to conduct his safety checks when the time came. When the plane began
descending toward Boston, Kyle panicked again and needed Jace’s hand
and presence. They made it through. The plane touched down and Kyle
stifled a scream. He relaxed considerably when the familiar sensation of
rolling over a hard surface returned.
“You might want to take a bus home,” Jace said as he stood. “Come
on, you’ll be the first one off the plane today.”
“Thank you,” Kyle said when the door opened. “I wouldn’t have
made it without you.”
“All in the line of duty,” Jace said with a smile. “Best of luck with
your future, Engineer Kyle.”
Then he turned and set about doing his job, the angelic face slowly
fading from his mind. Until he left the plane with the other flight
attendants. To his surprise, Kyle was still standing by the gate, clearly
waiting for someone. He smiled when he caught Jace’s eye. He really
was very pretty, especially now that he no longer resembled a frightened
rabbit.
“What hotel are you staying at?” Kyle blurted out.
The other flight attendants giggled, leaving Jace to fend for himself.
“If we happened to be staying at the same hotel,” Kyle continued
more sheepishly, “I thought we could have dinner together.”
“Boston is a big city,” Jace said. “The chances of us staying at the
same place are low.”
Kyle didn’t hide his disappointment. “Oh.”
“But since I already feel responsible for you, I’ll rest easier seeing
that you make it to your hotel. For all we know, you might have a fear of
taxis.”
Kyle brightened. “And then we can have dinner there.”
“It’s a d—” Jace cleared his throat having almost said date. “It’s a
deal.”
* * * * *
Kyle leaned forward, moving aside the glass of wine that Jace had
bought him on the sly. Jace figured the kid had earned it and here, unlike
in the air, helping someone underage get tipsy wouldn’t cost him his job.
“But a lot of flight attendants are gay, aren’t they?” Kyle said.
“Yes,” Jace replied. Conversation over their meal had remained
fairly neutral until the end, when Jace declined the offer of dessert. Then
Kyle had latched onto this subject with desperation. Either he was
covertly asking about Jace’s sexuality, or trying to make a statement
about his own. Perhaps both. “Myself included,” Jace added, just to find
out.
Kyle sat upright. “I’m okay with that,” he said quickly.
“Good.” Jace had the feeling Kyle was eager to say more, so he gave
him an opening. “What about engineers?”
“Yes! I mean, I don’t know, but—” Kyle glanced around the dining
room, which was nearly empty except for them. Then, in a whisper, he
said, “I am.”
“Is it a secret?” Jace whispered back.
Kyle laughed nervously. “No. I guess not. Especially not in a city
like this. I bet no one here cares.”
Jace shrugged. “Who cares if people care anywhere? Try saying that
ten times fast!”
Kyle laughed again, fingers fondling the stem of his wine glass, his
expression warm. “You’re so funny. I really like you.”
“I have someone,” Jace said, looking away. “A boyfriend. His name
is Ben.”
“Oh.”
Kyle was quiet, so Jace looked back at him, surprised that his eyes
were still shining, as if Jace’s confession was charming, rather than a
cold shower. Maybe Kyle was happy for him. Or maybe he didn’t care.
“I should probably get going,” Jace said, placing his napkin on the
