answer to themselves, had to deal with the consequences of their actions.
But challenging Tim allowed Jace to see something crucially important:
doubt. He didn’t think Tim had learned much of anything.
The bell rang; Tim took the chance to hop up and answer it. Jace
couldn’t imagine having the audacity to answer someone else’s door, but
then he also knew it was too soon to be the pizza delivery and that Ben
wouldn’t be thrilled with Tim’s intrusion. Sure enough, when Jace
followed to see for himself, Ben was standing at the door with a shell-
shocked expression.
Jace shrugged his helplessness so Ben would know this wasn’t his
doing. “Look who dropped by,” he said in deadpan tones. “Says he has a
surprise for us.”
“It’s nothing, really,” Tim said, motioning for Ben to enter.
Jace waited in the hall, happy when Ben gave him their customary
kiss in greeting. No doubt about it. Ben wasn’t thrilled to see Tim here,
and he didn’t shy away from showing his affection for Jace.
Shortly after they adjourned to the living room, the bell rang again.
This time it really would be the pizza. Tim went to answer it, giving
them privacy.
“So, that’s the famous Tim?” Jace asked, opening the bag of Thai
food Ben had brought with him.
Ben nodded. “How long has he been here?”
“Half an hour or so,” Jace dug around in the bag before meeting
Ben’s eye. “He’s a little different than I expected. You didn’t tell me that
he looked so— Uh…”
“Abercrombie and Fitch?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, maybe he’s here for a threesome,” Ben said it like a joke, but
maybe he was testing the waters. After all, most guys would probably be
drooling over Tim by now.
“You’re more than enough for me,” Jace replied. “Anyone else in the
bedroom would be an unwelcome distraction.”
Ben smiled. Test passed, presumably; not that Jace hadn’t been
speaking the truth. After all, if Victor hadn’t been able to make Jace a
swinger, no one could. Jace considered how similar the situations were,
how Tim showing up again must be just as confusing for Ben as Victor’s
surprise appearance had been for him. But what he had with Adrien and
what he and Ben shared were completely different. Regardless, he
wanted Ben to know that he understood what he was going through.
“Look, Ben—” Whatever else Jace was going to say was cut short by
Tim’s reappearance in the room, pizza balanced on one palm.
“Ta-da! Dinner is served. Who wants some?”
No one, Jace felt like snapping, but instead he decided to make the
best of the meal. Thai and Italian were never meant to go together, and as
versatile as pizza could be, there were some combinations that simply
clashed. In that regard, the meal suited the situation well.
Eventually, Tim revealed his grand plan. A friend of his was
throwing a birthday party and had all of Splash Town reserved for his
guests. Splash Town… a waterslide park, which meant they would all be
in swimsuits. Jace didn’t need to dig to figure out Tim’s motivation
there. He wanted to flaunt his assets, so to speak.
Ben’s eyes lit up at the idea. He could be such a child. For the first
time, Jace was forced to recognize that Tim knew Ben too. Maybe not as
well, and maybe not the adult version, but they had their history.
Tim excused himself to use the restroom. Jace wouldn’t be surprised
if he was waiting in the hall, listening to the discussion that followed. He
was probably hoping for an argument.
“We don’t have to go,” Ben said.
“But you want to,” Jace replied.
“Well, yeah, it would be fun, but we could always go together some
other time.”
He recalled the way Adrien had reacted so jealously to Victor, how
distasteful that had been. If Jace truly believed in the love he and Ben
shared, why should he fear Tim? Why should he fear anyone? “Do you
plan on staying friends with Tim?” he asked. “He’s going to be in your
life from now on?”
Ben glanced toward the hallway, uncertain. “I guess so.”
“Then it’s a good idea for Tim to see us together as a couple.” Jace
smiled at the idea. Let him see how strong they were together!
“So what do you think of him?” Ben asked, busying himself by
picking up the mess on the table.
“I think he’s both insecure and full of himself, and I don’t think his
intentions are wholly innocent,” Jace said. “I also think that he’s lonely,
and I can see why he’d be the best thing that could happen to an openly
gay teenager feeling the same way.”
Ben’s expression was grateful. “He was really important to me.”
Jace nodded his understanding. “I also know that you and I have fun
no matter where we are, and I look forward to having you between my
legs as we go down the slides together.”
If Tim was in the hallway, Jace hoped he was peeking around the
corner so he could see Ben’s gleeful smile.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Tim was… personable. Sure, he made a dreadful first impression, but
now that they were splashing around in the water together, the Texas sun
burning high in a clear blue sky, Jace was beginning to see that he had
his charms.
Like Greg, Tim was a very physical person. Some guys treated their
bodies like giant toys, moving with careless ease, leaping, catching,
throwing—making even the most skilled feat seem like child’s play. Tim
grinned all the time, back-flipping into pools, doing handstands
underwater, or even falling comically into the water to make them laugh.
And Jace did laugh, even though he never would have imagined Tim
could make him feel any sort of joy, but he was such a guy, the guyest of
the guys, that it was hard not to like him. Of course it helped that he’d
stopped being rude to Jace. They sat together in the front seat as Tim
drove them down. Allison was along for the ride too, acting as Ben’s
moral chaperone, or maybe just there to have fun. She and Ben were
acting up in the back together, while conversation between Jace and Tim
remained civil, if not a little awkward. And interesting at times, because
Tim wasn’t a dumb jock. He had a strong interest in art, for example, and
some surprising insights on human behavior.
This puzzled Jace. Ben had told him, speaking like a lawyer
defending his client, that Tim’s parents were cold and distant. This made
it all the more unlikely that Tim would be such a carefree spirit. Ben also
said that Tim had his demons, but as they took a break from swimming
to eat cheap hotdogs, Tim wolfing down two effortlessly, it was difficult
to see any dark side.
“We need ice cream!” Ben said, rushing off to the restaurant catering
to this party.
Jace watched him go, feeling a surge of pride and love. When he
looked over at Tim, he saw the same emotions there. That was another
thing. Tim obviously loved Ben, or at least cared for him in some way
that was anything but superficial.
Tim felt Jace’s gaze and turned, looking embarrassed. “Geez, we’re
like proud parents watching their kid run off to play.”
Jace chuckled. “Did you feel that way when you were together? Like
you needed to take care of him?”
Tim considered it. “Sort of. I felt like I needed to look out for him,
like he didn’t understand the dangers of the world. Of course, looking
back, I think I was wrong. Mostly. There were definitely times he needed
someone watching out for him. He ever tell you how he picked a fight
with our high school quarterback?”
Jace shook his head. “No, but it doesn’t surprise me.”
“Surprised the hell out of me,” Tim said with a wry grin. “Anyway,
in situations like that, he needed me to look out for him. Usually though,
he took care of me.”
“He can be very nurturing,” Jace said. “Whether you like it or not.”
They laughed together, which felt good, but when Tim spoke again,
there was an edge to his voice. “You’re lucky, you know that?”
Jace nodded. “I do.”
Anything further they had to say was cut short when Ben returned
with three cones, the ice cream already melting down his fingers. “After
this, we’ll have to stay out of the water for thirty minutes,” he said.
“Urban legend.” Jace accepted a cone.
“I’m pretty sure it’s true,” Tim replied between licks.
“What’s supposed to happen, anyway?” Ben asked.
“Remember that part in Alien?” Tim said. “When the spider creature
launches out of that guy’s chest? That’s what happens, except it’s your
food exploding out of your stomach.”
Ben was skeptical. “What’s the scientific explanation behind that?”
“Pressure,” Tim explained, clearly enjoying himself. “An empty
stomach is like a submarine full of air. When the hull of a submarine
ruptures, it implodes.”
“You promised me an outward explosion,” Ben complained.
“Besides,” Jace chimed in, “wouldn’t a full stomach insulate against
outward pressure?”
“Like filling a balloon with ground beef,” Tim said musingly.
“Maybe you’re right. We need to stuff ourselves before going
swimming.”
“Then we would sink,” Ben said. “I bet that’s why you have to wait
half an hour for the food to digest.”
“Regardless,” Jace said, “after a meal like that, maybe we should
take it easy.”
“There’s the lagoon,” Ben suggested.
That’s where they headed next. While “lagoon” conjured images of
turquoise waters surrounded by lush ferns, the reality was a murky pool
with sand at the bottom instead of concrete. An artificial rock formation
ringed in half of it, waterfalls cascading down the surface. The lagoon
didn’t offer the thrills of the waterslides, so they had it all to themselves.
They waded in, desperate to cool off. Ben splashed Tim playfully,
Tim responding by dragging one muscled arm through the water,
creating a wave that drenched Ben. Jace came to his rescue, linking his
hands together and making a wave of his own to attack Tim, but there
was no malevolence here. They were having fun. Playing.
Eventually Jace craved rest, so he returned to shore to sunbathe.
Donning his sunglasses barely helped block out the brightness, so he
closed his eyes. And yet, Jace found them opening again and again to
check on Ben. And his relative position to Tim. At first, Ben was floating
on his back in the water. Tim stood on the rock formation, watching. He
had an incredible body. Jace hated to admit it, but Tim’s physique was
just as handsome as the rest of him. Luckily, growing up around Greg
made Jace somewhat immune to this, but he knew Ben didn’t have that
benefit.
Trust was the key, Jace reminded himself. He believed in the love
Ben felt for him. Jace closed his eyes with this in mind, intending to keep
them shut. Even when Tim said something about a cave behind the
waterfall, followed soon after by an absence of voices, Jace forced
himself to relax, the heat and food conspiring to make him tired. Still, he
wished Allison hadn’t run off with a lifeguard shortly after they had
arrived.
When a shadow came between him and the sun, Jace opened his
eyes, expecting to see her standing there. It wasn’t Allison. Blinking
against the brightness, he could scarcely believe who it was: Victor,
wearing goofy Hawaiian swim trunks and nothing else. He was young
and carefree again, hair punky and shaved on the sides. Victor leaned
over Jace, coming close as if for a kiss, a smirk on his lips. And even
though Jace couldn’t understand how Victor could be in such a
ridiculous setting and outfit, his heart skipped a beat. Even though he
loved Ben dearly, Jace rose halfway to meet Victor’s kiss.
Jace jerked awake with a sharp intake of breath. A shadow had come
between him and the sun, but when he opened his eyes, it was only a
cloud in the sky. No Victor. Of course not. Sitting up and taking off his
sunglasses, Jace found the lagoon empty. His heart was still racing. Just a
dream—the mere thought of seeing Victor again, of kissing him—
brought all those feelings back. Even though he loved Ben.
He knew then how foolish he’d been, because Tim was back, and of
course the feelings Ben had for him hadn’t gone away. Love never leaves
us, no matter how we sometimes might wish it to. Jace stumbled to his
feet, knocking over the lounge chair. He hurried around the water rather
than wading through it, climbing along the rocks to the largest waterfall
—the only one likely to have anything behind it.
Sure enough, he found a cave, and what he saw beyond nearly broke
his heart. They weren’t just kissing. That would have been bad enough,
but their bodies were pressed together, the swimsuits failing to hide their
arousal. Jace stood in the entrace—the water breaking over his shoulders
—and wished he had stayed in his dream.
“About done?” he asked.
Ben turned, eyes registering panic. Then he shoved Tim away, hard
enough that he fell backward into the water. “I’m sorry,” Ben spluttered.
Saddest of all, Jace could see that Ben really was sorry, in the same
way Jace would have regretted kissing Victor had the dream been reality.
The kiss wouldn’t have been the source of regret, but rather the pain it
would have caused Ben. What Jace would have wanted then was
understanding, if not forgiveness.
They needed to talk.
“Maybe you should wait for us outside, Tim,” Jace suggested.
Tim left. Maybe he slunk out or maybe he strutted, Jace didn’t know.
He kept his eyes on Ben, trying to decide what to do. Be understanding?
Or throw it all away over one slip-up that was just as much his fault as it
was Ben’s? Jace had allowed things to get this far, when he probably
should have shut the door in Tim’s face when he first showed up.
“I’m so sorry,” Ben repeated. “It just sort of happened. I don’t know
—”
“It’s all right.” Jace’s throat burned when he said it.
Ben’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“I said it’s all right.” Jace sat on a stone slab next to the entrance, an
unwelcome question surfacing. Was this the first time? Ben and Tim had
met when he was out of town. Could they have—? “I knew something
like this would happen eventually, if it hadn’t already.”
“I didn’t do anything with him before!” Ben said. “Just now, I
